Hello there! It's been a while, I know, and I apologise, but life is pretty hectic right now, and these chapters take much longer than those for my other stories. Anyway, chapter 8 is finally here - I hope you enjoy it! I know it's not perfect, and I'm not entirely happy with it, but the more I look at it, the less the words work, so I have decided to post it anyway for now. If necessary, I will change/edit bits later.
Unedited - Will be edited later (may contain spelling/grammatical mistakes)
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Enjoy - let me know what you think! X
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Kira POV
When I awaken, I realise instantly where I am.
And I realise that none of it was simply a terrible nightmare, like I kept hoping. It all happened. All of those awful, surreal events - the window, the hellish dogs, the cold steel of the gun at my head, whilst I lay on the cold stone - they all happened. I may have survived on my own in the world for the past year, but not anymore. I messed up, and now I must pay for my mistakes. They have caught me, and I can't see a way out this place, not now. There's no going back. It's all over. No more fighting, no more running, no more hiding.
I have lost.
*
Lukas POV
Her arrival has changed everything.
First, the almost friendly conversation with Ryder - that would never have happened before today. Then the revelation of my feelings, of which I have never been more surprised. I swore an oath to myself, when I joined the team, never to grow attached to anyone ever again. Maybe the person I once was would have been prepared to fall in love, in fact I'm almost certain that I would have relished being in love, but I never found that 'one'. And what is the point in wasting time, in wasting precious emotions, on the wrong person? That person - I was always so sure that she was waiting out there for me, somewhere - never showed up, I never discovered her, until...now? But it's too late now, I have changed. I am not that person that I was. I can't allow myself to fall in love, not now. I have done bad things, so many bad things, and a lasting relationship, I believe, has to be formed with honesty, has to be based on trust, otherwise it will slowly destroy itself, hurting either or both parties involved. The last thing I can do nowadays is tell the truth. My life, my entire life, is a lie. I can't risk hurting her.
And then there's the tiny factor of her being the enemy. Yeah, I suppose that does complicate matters further...
On top of all of this, all of these changes, I received a message just a moment ago. A summoning, in fact. I didn't think I could take any more surprises today, but it turns out I was wrong. Because this message surprised me more than I thought anything ever could.
It carried the seal of Adrian, which immediately made me suspicious. I couldn't help but wonder why they have to dramatise every small detail - is it necessary to have a seal!? We aren't living in Victorian times! And why send a letter? Is it that difficult to talk to me in person?
I hurriedly broke the seal, and scanned the note - which didn't take long, at only a few words in length. It read, in an elegant script, 'My office. Now. A'. That's it. No explanation. No excuses. Just the expectation that I would obey.
No one ignores Adrian's demands, no matter how strange or confusing they are. And so that is how I find myself treading the unfamiliar path that leads to Adrian's office. The whole scenario feels so surreal, unreal - I feel as though I have been living a dream; this day feels like an illusion. But I know that, if this is a dream, I will have to wake up, at some point, and I'm not so sure that I want to do that. Not if it means that she is a figment of my imagination. Despite my situation, my irrepressible feelings, my irrational longing for her... Despite all of this, all of the heartache I am feeling for the girl I met only this morning, I want her to be real. I need her to be here now. I guess the pain doesn't matter as long as I can be around her... I yearn for the impossible. Why do I have to complicate everything?
And that's what it is: impossible. Come on, Lukas, remember that. It will never happen. Focus!
I can't help but wonder what all this is for, why Adrian is calling me to him, for the first time in, what? Six months? I have lost track of time, being cooped up here, but I do know that it's been a long time since I was allowed down this corridor. Have I done something, something wrong? Have I made another mistake? It doesn't escape my notice that sending a letter, the very formality, is simply a way to distance me from everyone. They may need to talk to me, but they make it very clear that they don't have to include me. They clearly don't trust me, even now, even after all this time. The thought hurts. I have tried so hard to prove myself. I have sacrificed everything, even my own mother, and for what? I can't find an answer for that question just yet.
I hurry through the corridors, twisting and turning, corner after corner, down into the dank basement, along to the corridor that is home to the boss' office. I pause - I can remember the last time I was called here, and it didn't end well. As a result of that meeting, I was exiled within the group. It was then, all that time ago, that I became an outcast. It was a mistake. All one huge mistake. Lost in the painful memories, I feel myself begin to shake, and I struggle against it, fighting to regain complete and total control. I can't afford to lose it now. I have a job to do, whatever that may be - Adrian has called me here for a reason.
I proceed towards the gothic arch of the office door, now tainted with personal omen, casting black shadows that flicker across my vision. I inhale deeply, trying to clear my head, to rearrange the jumbled mess that is my mind into something that even slightly resembles comprehensive thought. I take that final step, the one that puts me within touching distance of the door. Whatever happens, happens. I can't change that. What follows is inevitable.
I raise a fist, and knock sharply.
*
Kira POV
I can't get him out of my head.
I know, I know, it's wrong. So very wrong. But what's right about any of this? My whole situation is a mess, and on top of that, I have to complicate everything with...whatever it is that I'm feeling for him.
I don't know what to think. I feel...betrayed? Yes, and hurt. Cheated. And, as wrong as it is, as much as I hate to admit it, I can't help but feel a hint of excitement. I mean, I've been having dreams - or were they actually visions? - about this guy for nearly a year, of course I'm confused emotionally. I depended on him, he helped me out of the darkness of my parents' death. He was always there, even when no one else was. How can I be expected to forget him, forget what he means to me, as though he never existed? Because he does. He exists. It feels almost surreal to me - I was so convinced that he was a figment of my imagination. But no, he's very much a real, living, breathing human being. A human being who just so happens to be my sworn enemy.
I may not be able to forget him, not just like that, but I also can't ignore that he is one of them. An assassin. He could kill me at any moment he chooses. I am at his mercy. With a concentrated effort, the most I can do is try to keep him off my mind for sustained lengths of time, for as long as is possible anyway. How hard can it be!? I have to try, at least. I must. If I don't, I will be allowing this to escalate; I will be letting my feelings for him intensify, whatever they may be, the confused muddle that they are right now. I cannot give myself the freedom to do that. I will not let my mixed-up emotions dominate me. In the end, it will be me that is hurt. And what good will that do?
No, I must hold it together. I must stay strong, for my own sake. I won't let myself be hurt because of my own stupid, irrational feelings. I have lost everything now. Everything except my self-respect - only that remains, clinging on with a single thread, tattered and broken and bruised but not quite lost. But it won't take much for that thread to break. I won't sacrifice all I have left for him, whoever he is. Even if he was once my angel - I shudder at the thought. Oh, how I trusted him! How naïve I was, longing to see him each night, believing that he brought my salvation. It was all lies. He was a lie. I must destroy every memory I hold of him, from before, from my dreams. From when I was deceived into thinking him to be kind and honest and caring. I know the truth know. And the truth can be harsh, cruel even, but at least I know.
I cannot speak to him. If I do, I fear my resolve will be broken - my promise to avoid contact of any kind with him. I can't allow myself to even meet his eyes - just to see him would surely end with disastrous consequences. I must avoid him at all costs. It can't be that difficult, surely! This place seems big enough. I am locked in a single room - circular, with no windows, and only a single door. I don't believe it can be used regularly. The air tastes stale, musty even. This must be a good sign. He has probably, even now, forgotten of my existence. What's the chance of me ever seeing him again? Maybe they will kill me before that chance arrives. Maybe.
It's for the best, I know it is. Nothing could ever happen. We are of two sides, differing sides; we are always meant to fight against each other, not alongside, as I secretly long for. We can never be together, not realistically. I know in my mind that this is the right decision. But my heart twists into sorrowful knots, oh! how it cries out... The pain inside cuts far deeper than the physical pain I feel. They say time heals heartache, but I don't think anything could heal this, only him. And that is out of the question. The thought of him, and his betrayal, hurts. But the thought of losing him...well, that is a different kind of pain, a gut-wrenching pain, that consumes every thought, every breath, every cell of my body. But, despite all of this, I have to push him from my mind. I have to let go, and move on.
It's for the best, I repeat, over and over, trying to convince myself.
Now is my chance to stand strong and fight back.
Okay, I will admit it. They caught me unawares, and I ended up here. Once confined I was, humiliatingly, taken aback again by his unlikely attendance. But I won't be caught out for a third time. I will be ready for anything they could ever throw at me - I will anticipate their every move.
Let's think then. What could they possibly want from me? I thought they just wanted to be able to say they had wiped out our race, but it seems I was mistaken. Why go to all the trouble of keeping me here, restrained and subdued, effectively just to kill me? It doesn't make sense. They must want something more from me.
I'm assuming that, since I'm not yet dead, what they really want from me is information. Otherwise surely they would have just killed me outright, to get it over with. But do they really think I will be willing to comply, after all they have done, both to me and to my people? I won't obey, I can promise that. No matter what they do. What can they threaten me with? Torture? Pain? I have already faced those, in abundance. They could try bargaining, I suppose? But they have already taken everything of any value from me. So, truthfully, what chance do they stand? Facing the facts, I realise that I may have the beginnings of an advantage. I can feel a tiny spark of hope, rising from the pit of my stomach.
I'm the last of my kind. I'm the last chance they have of retrieving any information they want, whatever the hell it is. And I can use that to my advantage.
If they really want the information, they won't kill me. Not yet.
They may have me trapped here, completely at their mercy...
But they can never make me talk.