On our first day in North Carolina we went to the park that we used to love. We each sat in a squeaky swing and jumped off at a height that could have easily broken our ankles if we landed on a certain angle. The rest of that day we took a nap.
On the second day B and I drove for a few minutes to see her grandparents. I got the uncomfortable boyfriend questions even though I'm not her boyfriend. But I guess I'm close enough and I deserve the questions. We then drove further to my grandpas house. B got the girlfriend questions from my grandpa who thinks he is too funny for us. She deserved the questions.
Now we are on the third day and we are sitting out on the porch eating lunch in the shade when B spots Dylan's fixing flowers in his old yard, where his mom clearly still lives. B just stares at his mom, Lisa, digging holes to plant many flowers that she has by her side.
I know B sees her even though she isn't saying anything. I think she's just a little frozen in her spot considering she hasn't seen his mom in almost 5 years. It's just a shock, I get that. But she won't take her eyes off her.
I try to get her attention, "B?" No response. I say it again: "B?"
She blinks a few times and turns her head to me. She licks her pink lips, "yeah?"
"You okay?" I ask. What am I saying? Of course she's not okay. Her best friend killed himself and she thinks his mom blames her. I've seen B brakes down a couple times, none anytime recently, but every time I've seen it happen, but one, it was because of Dylan. The look in her eyes right now looks like she might brake down.
It's like eating at night after a day of starvation or putting on dry clothes after you had to run home in the rain without an umbrella. It's the feeling you get once you've been in withdrawals. But now it's like B gets a sort of connection with Dylan again. Now that she has it, I don't think she knows what to do.
"I-" she purses her lips then sighs. "I just- I just don't know." I lock my eyes on her face, her knuckles crack.
"B-"
"You know when you brake up with someone," she says in such a soft voice, "and you've only been broken up for a little while and you see them smiling and laughing, and you brake on the inside?"
"Yeah," I say even though I've never had that feeling about someone. Of course I have been really into a few girls before but I've always been the one to end it.
"That's what seeing Lisa feels like." B looks back at the woman planting flowers like she struck gold and is speechless because of all the imaginable things she could do with the money.
"Do you want to go inside?" I suggest. Honestly I don't know what would be best for her at this point: to go inside and not look at Lisa anymore or to stay out here and let her get this out of her system, if that's even possible anyway.
She shakes her said, then speaks, "no." Then she stands and I know she's going to go talk to her. She's going to walk over there thinking that talking to Lisa will be no big deal, but once she comes within 10 feet, she'll be speechless.
"B-" I get up after her once she's halfway down the driveway.
"Hayes, stay here."
"Mhm, let me think about that-no."
I know she rolls her eyes, I just can't see it. We cross the street and she makes sure to stay in front of me, her steps become smaller and he pace is slower.
Right before the start of Dylan's- well- Lisa's driveway, she stops.
"B," I whisper hoping to god Lisa cannot here me. "It's just a driveway, no big deal."
"You know what Hayes." She whips around on her heal bringing herself very close to me. "It is a big deal," she yells in an undertone. "Because I don't know the last time I was in this driveway or the last time I spoke to his mom was and his mom probably thought, or thinks, I'm a bitch because I didn't say a damn thing to her afterwards."
She barley finishes her words before we both heard: "Bradie?" B's eyes broaden.
She takes a second and a few depth breaths before spinning around. In an instant Lisa's eyes fill with tears, I didn't see one fall until her eyes pinched shut as she engulfed B in a hug.
B lets go first, the immediate hug was probably a little much for her. "Wow," Dylan's mom sniffs. She cradles B's face in her hands, "my, you have grown into a beautiful woman."
I'm only seeing the back of Bradies head right now, but I can here her give out a gasp of air like she laughed with tears. "It's great to see you," I hear B say.
Lisa lets go of her face, "and same to you."
I gave the two of them there space after about 30 more seconds of listening to the two of them. So now I'm sitting on my porch finishing my lunch while watching B and Dylan's mom walk into her house.
I sat there for 10 minutes before deciding it was time to go inside. I picked up the plates and cups from the table to bring them inside.
Five minutes pass, then another, and another before I heard the front door open then close. "I think I just found closure," she crosses her legs when she sits down next to me. And she doesn't say her words in some sad, morbid way. She has this relief and calmness, maybe almost happiness, in her voice that makes me happy for her.
"Oh yeah?" I say.
"Yeah," she says.
"Well," I kiss her lips, "what do you want to do tonight?"
Of course I want to ask her about her closure and Dylan's mom but I don't think I should. I don't want to egg on the topic of her friend dying even though it was 5 years ago. I want to know about what her and his mom talked about, but I won't ask.
"Mhm," she turns away from facing me to just sitting next to me. "Do you think any of our old friends are in town?"
"Yours might be. I know like two of mine are. You haven't met either of them," I explain.
She's not looking at me, just the tv with her head on my shoulder. "Why haven't I met them?"
"Maybe because you skipped town when we were 14."
She laughs a little, even though it wasn't really a joke. "Right."
"Well actually I think one of them, Jacob, is having a party tonight." I reach for my phone on yeh coffee table in front of me to look through my messages. I found his name and tapped it. "Yeah, at his house like 15 minutes away. It starts at 7, wanna go?"
She sighs, "I don't know. I haven't been you a party in forever."
"We were at that rave a few months ago, remember?" I laugh thinking of how wasted she got. I had to basically sneak her back to her room because being drunk on campus was against the rules, and her drinking all together was illegal. She would not stop laughing and playing with my face the whole way home. When I tried to get her into bed: she refused. But the second she laid down, she was out like a light.
"All I remember from that was a headache."
I laugh, she's probably right. "Well let's go to this one."
B hops up from the couch, taking my hand with her. We run up the stairs, her leading me. As soon as she takes one step into my room she lets go of my hand and jumps onto my bed. "What are you doing?" I ask.
"Well I gotta nap first."
I smile, the littlest things she does makes me fall for her even more and makes me realize why she captured me in the first place.
I lye down in the bed next to her, putting my right arm underneath my pillow. I stare at her bright green eyes, she becomes bashful and buries her head into my chest.
We wake up several hours later, her back against me as if we were spooning, but we were. I look at B, then at the clock. 6:49. I take a minute, then poke her arm to attempt to wake her. She doesn't wake up, so I poke repeatedly then get a grown out of her.
"What," she answers annoyed.
"We gotta get ready," I tell her, she groans. I pull her onto her back from her shoulder. Then, as a wing it attempt to wake her, I place my lips to hers. It takes a second, but she kisses me back.
She rolled from her back to her stomach until my heard a thud. "B?"
"Ugh."
***
It took about five minutes for her to get off the floor, then another five to dig through her suitcase to find an outfit to wear, then another five to find one she was willing to wear.
So here we are at 7:36 parking down the street from Jacobs house. We walked for a few minutes and I debated the entire time if I should grab her hand. I decided against it.
When we walked into his house all we could see was a sea of people. The lights were off but strobe lights and lamps lit the place as much as needed. I saw many bottles of beer and red cups in the air and more on any surface you could see. People were up against walls, grinding on each other and sucking face like there was no tomorrow. Typical college party.
It took us about two minutes to get through everybody and into the kitchen. Only then did I grab her hand so she wouldn't get sucked into the vortex that was sweaty, drunk, half naked teenagers.
The counters were lined with any crick you could think of, and the only beer brand on the counter was Miller Light. I pulled two Millers away from a pack of six and held one up to B, she nodded to her head.
I handed it to her once I made my way past a few more people, most of them in the same situation as I was in. She told me thank you, and I only nodded.
The two of us stood there for a while, bobbing our heads to a song neither of us has ever heard of but trying to fit in with everyone else here. I knew mostly everyone. Most were from high school, some I'm assuming we're years younger or older. No one payed attention to who walked into the door, so if someone was bored on a Saturday then here is a party.
As minutes passed and my drink was halfway gone, B suggested we go into the main circle of those sweaty teenagers. I would have said yes if Jacob didn't come up to the two of us right before I had the change to answer.
"Hey bro," he says. I don't say anything, I just do some handshake that I don't even have to think about at this point in my life that ends in some sort of hug any guy would do. "And who's this?" he asks gesturing towards B.
Whenever I introduce her to someone I have to really think about my words so I introduce her as Bradie in alternate to B. "This is my girlfriend, Bradie."
We spent the rest of that night doing what they don't show in movies.