I'd like to tell you a story of a love that spans lifetimes. Of course it is a long story, but I have plenty of time to tell it.
There is a common idea of the Afterlife. I wish I could tell you it's real, but honestly I don't know. All I know is the preparation before life instead of celebration after life. You could call this Beforelife if you like, though it doesn't have a name. This is where souls come together and form their own families while they wait to be born. It is a mostly bland existence, the food is tasteless and the colors are dull, it is a world that has no life. I suppose that makes sense in a way, we have no life, so why would our temporary home have one?
As terrible as it is to live in such a lonely place, we get by. We make friends, build our own families. Sometimes they carry over into our lives, and sometimes they don't. It doesn't matter either way, we lose our memories when we are born. In essence, this Beforelife is pointless. None of us know why we are here first. It is a mystery that I don't believe will ever be solved. But strangely, I don't care about its reason or its blandness. I care about a man I found here.
His name is Logan. At least it is now. I'm sure it will change when he is born again. He has dark brown hair and eyes so dark I can barely see the pupil. They're beautiful. He has a strong jaw and his arms are the only place I've really ever found solace. He is home. And he has seven hundred years before he is sent to Earth to live his life.
I only have three days.
Three days until I find myself in England in the year 1328. And I'll forget everything about this place. I've seen what life is like right now, there are screens that show us the world, major events and personal lives, and it isn't a life I want. Not only for the disease and overall shittiness, but because Logan will still be here. And he'll watch me forget him and he'll watch me die young from some stupid reason like not washing my hands. He may even watch me fall in love.
And I will never remember him.
And the thought of that alone makes it unbearable.
We were alone, spending our last days in together in each other's arms. Our friends and families hadn't brought it up; they knew what was happening, why we needed to be together for the next few days.
On our last night together I was holding his hand tighter than I ever had and was trying desperately hard not to break down into tears.
"We could meet in the afterlife." Logan said hopefully.
"I don't want to take a chance on something that I'm not even sure exists. And what if I still don't remember you? Or what if you find someone else you'd rather be with? What if you forget me?" I wasn't ready for this. I needed Logan.
"You'll probably find someone too."
I frowned and buried my head in his chest. "Never."
"A handsome man like you is bound to find someone."
"If I live that long in this stupid time." I mumbled darkly.
"We don't have any other option, my love. We have to live with this. We had this time together, and I wish it wasn't so, but it's all we have." I knew how bad he was hurting, I knew that on the inside he was just as heartbroken as I was, but he was trying to be strong for the both of us. He was always like that, always trying to be the sane one. I on the other hand was always on the verge of a breakdown.
"I don't want to do this. I want to be with you." I probably sounded like a whiney toddler.
"It's okay, my love. You won't remember this pain. You only have to feel like this a little longer, it's going to be okay." He whispered and kissed the top of my head.
I wondered what it would be like for him, spending his days watching me grow closer to death, having children, who knows what else. He would remember for another thousand years.
"We've been together for so long that I don't even remember when we met. How do two souls grow together like this, like those weird trees that are entwined and soon you can't tell which one is which, how do two souls like that come apart? They shouldn't be able to, we're supposed to be tied together. We're supposed to be in love forever. How do people bear it?"
"We met when Homer was telling the Iliad in Greece. I don't remember the year, it was before the whole Jesus thing came around. He was telling it and I remember you were sitting there, listening quite intently, you didn't even notice when I came up beside you. It took a while to get your attention. I don't even know why I did that, looking at you made me so nervous, I wasn't sure what to say to a cute boy who was as smart and well-read as you seemed to be. You said you had watched every reading he did. I didn't even know who the main characters were, so you got that really excited smile you get when you talk about literature, and you told me all about it. I don't remember how well I paid attention, but that was the moment I fell in love with you. Of course I didn't tell you that for a few years and after a lot of retellings of the Iliad and the Odyssey."
I felt my cheeks flush. "God, that was so long ago. I can't believe you remembered it."
"It was the best day of my life. I had been working myself up to talk to you for so long, and that was the day I finally did it."
I chewed my bottom lip before asking a question I was afraid to hear the answer to. "Do you wish you hadn't? Like, now that I'm leaving and you'll be alone, do you wish you didn't talked to me that day?"
"Why would I ever dream of giving up the best day I could have ever hoped for and the most amazing and love filled years of anyone's life? I will never regret that, even if I have to watch you marry some woman and have fifteen babies."
"Fifteen? That's quite a lot." I said jokingly.
"Well, I know how you are about kids." I didn't want to put him through that. I didn't want to make him watch me fall in love like that. I hoped that my life would pass by quickly for him and he would be able to forget me.
Or perhaps there was another way around this.
"I know you don't want to hear this, babe, but we need to go to sleep. It's late." He said quietly.
This time I didn't fight. I made it seem like I was tired too and too sad to put up much of a fight, and when I heard his light snoring I rolled away from him slowly. He shifted at the sudden loss of contact and I worried if he would wake up, but after a couple of moments he just rolled over and went back to snoring.
And I snuck out of our little room, walked past the large screens depicting life on Earth, some pointed to large wars going on, other to peaceful families sleeping while a loved one here watched wistfully. This would be Logan tomorrow. Watching the screens late in the night, keeping an eye on my life. Hell, he'd probably store the remote somewhere where nobody would find it again, just to make sure a screen would always be on me.
And I wasn't going to let it go to waste.
I was going to make a show.
Logan was going to hold onto that remote, watch me grow up, live my life, and he was going to take away the chance for someone else to do the same.
So I would give them something to watch.
And most importantly, I'd give Logan something to believe in.
There is order in the Beforelife. Our ruler is the only one spared from this pain of being born. He has resided here since the beginning, and he will continue to rule until our end. Though he refuses to tell the story of our beginning or inform us of when we'll end. And it doesn't help to count how many people are left to see when that may be, because every day new lives pop into existence here.
But I've said this before, I don't care.
I walked up to what could be considered a palace, though no guards stood outside it's stark white walls and the windows were only holes with no glass. This place was warm and a gentle breeze always came through, so who needed windows?
With no guards it was easy to walk in through the door, and this man never slept, so he was easy to find.
He was sitting on his throne, that was the only word I had for it, despite its plainness. It was at the top of a couple white stairs and the back had a slight curve to it, but there was nothing more than that, no jewels or fancy designs, just a regular chair.
He was flipping through the channels of his own personal screen when I walked in.
"I know why you're here and I can't do anything." He sounded bored, he'd probably done this speech a lot, it wasn't exactly easy to spend a few thousand years with people and not fall in love at least once. But like I said, I had a plan, and I was going to give him something to flip his screen to as well.
"I'm not asking much. Just my memories. Give me my memories. You don't have to do anything else, I can do the rest."
"And what is it you think you can do? You've seen everything, you know there's no way to live forever, despite what all those morons think. Vampires and fairies and all of that, garbage. Immortality is impossible. It is better for you to forget instead of living your life with this idiotic hopelessness."
"Then give me my memories. If there is nothing I can do then you have no reason to take them?"
"Against the rules. Go home, spend your last night with your lover, you'll feel better tomorrow."
"Let's play a game, then. Winner keeps my memories." I suggested.
"What game could you possibly think I'll play? Plus I don't need a game to keep your memories, I already have them, they're mine."
"Everyone roots for an underdog. You may already have them, but you want to see what I'd do with them, don't you? I have nothing else to offer."
He finally looked away from the screen and a wicked smile crossed his face. "You have your lover?"
"What?" My heart stopped for a second.
"Your lover. You win, you keep your memories, I win, and I keep your lover here. Forever. No life. No escape. He stays. And either he spends his days remembering you, or he falls in love again and the same happens, and then again. An eternity like this. Torture. Do you want to play with his life? Or are you less confident now?" He turned away, as if he already knew the answer.
I lifted my chin. "Let's play."
His eyes widened and he looked back to be slowly, then looked me up and down, as if sizing me up. He had probably made the offer before, but I doubted anyone had taken him up on it.
"Go away." He said.
"You've made the deal, you gave me a choice. In doing so you agreed. If I followed your terms, we would have a game, and now I am following your deal. So, let's play."
"I don't want to anymore."
"It's too late, you've already agreed. But, as it was my idea, I get to pick the game. If you are so confident in your ability to keep my memories, then this won't be a problem. So, let's play a game."
His eyes narrowed into slits and he grunted in agreement then shut off his screen. "Very well, what kind of game."
I shrugged. "A game of riddles. Is this fair?"
"Boy, I have seen more riddles than you will ever know, but fine, the first to get one wrong loses."
"Fair enough." I was trying to act calm and collected, I didn't want him to see the sudden doubt that had entered my mind. "You go first."
"If it's information you seek, come and see me. If it's pairs of letters you need, I have consecutively three. Who am I?" He asked, pretending to act interested in something on the back of his hand, but I could see his eyes flick to me often while I thought.
"A bookkeeper." I said once I had made sure this was the answer I wanted to go with.
He huffed but nodded. "Now you."
"We hurt without moving. We poison without touching. We bear the truth and the lies. We are not to be judged by our size. What are we?"
He rolled his eyes and said the answer almost immediately. "Words."
"Correct."
"I don't need you to tell me that." He snapped before taking a breath and then moving onto his own riddle. "I'm teary-eyed but never cry. Silver-tongued, but never lie. Double-winged, but never fly. Air-cooled, but never dry. What am I?" He looked confident at this one, and I had to admit it wasn't as easy as his first one.
I repeated the riddle in my head and broke it down into its individual pieces. And then I smiled. Of course. "Mercury." The element is shiny, silver, and is wet. The god Mercury supposedly has two wings but only uses them to run. It fit, I just hoped it was the answer he wanted.
He grimaced but gave me a curt nod, which meant indeed I had gotten it right. But I didn't have much more time to play this game, I wanted it over with as soon as I could. So I thought for a while before saying my next one. I had a feeling this one, it would be a concept he was unfamiliar with, and that's what I was riding on. I needed something that would never cross his mind. "What is he that builds stronger than either the mason, the shipwright, or the carpenter?"
He frowned and crossed his arms and stared at the ceiling and got up and paced and this went on for forty five minutes. I tried not to think of Logan waking up in a few hours to see me gone. I had hoped to be back before he even realized I had left, but if he didn't give up soon...I didn't want to think about what it would be like to leave without saying goodbye.
It was another half hour before he released a yell of anger. After he settled down, he turned to me and spat, "Tell me the answer you trickster!"
And I smiled triumphantly. I won, I had won. I had beaten him. I had won my memories. I had won my chance. "A gravedigger, for his houses will last forever." I answered calmly.
It was death. This man had never thought of death, not once in his life. He never had any reason to fear or welcome it, to think about it in any way because it wasn't an option for him. He was powerful and happy and he was immortal. And soon, I would be too. All thanks to this moment.
"You've won your memories." His words like venom, "But I am still the ruler here. I hope you've said all you wanted, because you leave now, take your memories with you!"
I started to scream my protests, but he snapped and my vision went black.
I had left the Beforelife.
Now it was my job to put these memories to good use.
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Author's Note
Hi guys! I used to write a lot of lesbian stories, but then I realized I'm not a lesbian? (For those who don't know me, I'm a queer transman, so basically the opposite of a lesbian)
Anyways, I thought writing about some guys in love would be better for me, but even so, this is technically the first time I've written about guys in love, so I'm hoping I do a good job. Um, what else? My name is Nik, I'm a published author (there's a link to my book on my profile and you can also get it on Amazon and Barnes and Noble), I have tons of stories on here, only a couple are finished though and only one or two that I'm currently working on. I'm also in the process of writing a game! (It's a Choose Your Own Adventure type thing, but it has a long way to go, I'll tell you more about it later)
But back to the stuff you really care about, I hope you like this book, I think that it could be a lot of fun to write. This is going to be about our main character (unnamed in this chapter because his name is technically going to change when he's born anyways but his name is going to be Matthew) trying to become immortal (and let's not play games of course he does because what shitty story would this be if he died in his mid thirties because everyone in that time in Europe had really awful hygiene practices, so obviously he's going to figure it out because this is a book and what else do you expect? I'm not going to play games with you when you already know the answer). And then it's going to be about what he does after he becomes immortal. It's going to be fun, I hope you like it.
-Nikolai