Phil,
I'm sorry.
It's been a year since you last emailed me. I've read everything that you have sent me. I always got the notification when you did so. I never replied back, because we moved out for a reason. We wanted to go our separate ways.
I remember everything, Phil. Trust me, I do. I'm sorry I was such an asshole. When I ignored the first few emails, I had to keep up with it, because I knew what was for the best. You needed to get started with your life without me in it. During the ending of your emails, I realized that just because we were doing our own thing, doesn't mean we had to not talk. I debated on emailing you back ever since then, but I never did. Instead, here I am at the age of 28, finally emailing you back.
10 years ago is when we met. I don't regret it. I'm glad I saw your YouTube videos and constantly tweeted you about stupid things. I didn't have a best friend 'till I was 18, and I'm glad it was you, Phil. You were such a fucking great friend. I don't have a doubt that you're not. I bet you still are.
I know sorry doesn't do shit. After ignoring you for over three years, there's no chance you'd ever forgive me.
Though if you're still curious, I'm doing fine and I'm still in London. I changed my number the day I lost my phone, so I lost every contact - including yours. I decided to go back to school and see if law was still my thing. To no ones surprise, it wasn't. I dropped out again and didn't do anything for awhile. I constantly tried finding jobs until I found one at a game store like the nerd I am. Yes, at 27, I was still a nerd. I worked there for half a year, but quit when I knew it wasn't for me.
When I turned 28, I went back to Japan for two weeks. Everyday, I remember when we went to Japan. It was fucking awesome. When I said I would go back, I meant it. I had a great time, but I felt like something was missing. To my ignorance, it was you. Was I surprised? No. I wasn't. I know it's cliché.
Phil, I am so sorry about everything. You tried to contact me for awhile and all I did was push you away like I did with everyone else. Once I pushed you away, I pushed PJ and Chris away.
Also, tell your mum I'm fine and we moved on a long time ago. It's fine for her to know the truth.
You're 32, Phil. I bet you're living your life great without me. I hope you are.
I don't know if you'll ever read this, but thank you for everything.
The skies were grey before we met, and the sun shined through the clouds when we did - making the world more colourful than how it was before.
Thank you, Phil Lester.
It truly means so much.
From,
Daniel James Howell