I WAKE UP LATE IN THE HOSPITAL, a thick wrap over my wrist. Shit. Like I said, I can’t even get suicide right. I groan as I try to sit up. Then I realize someone’s arm is sprawled across me.
“Emma,” Ali says as she sits up, “You okay, sweetie?”
I sigh out a bit of relief as I look around, notice Jack and Blake sitting in the chairs near the door, their eyes closed.
“Yeah...” I say, “What… what happened?”
“Well, I was hoping you could tell me.”
“No, I mean how did I end up here?”
She’s silent as the door opens, Anna and Ethan walking in.
“Dork,” Ethan says as he sits in front of me, glares at me, “Why the—”
“Ethan,” Anna cuts in, “if anyone’s going to cuss her out, it will be me.”
“No one’s going to cuss her out at all,” Ali claims as she stands up, walks toward the window. She looks out for a moment, looking as if she’s waiting for something… someone. Then I notice Aiden isn’t here, and I wonder where he could possibly be.
“Where’s Aiden?” I ask. Both Ali and Anna frown, Ethan’s expression hardening.
“Aiden…” Ali hesitates, “I don’t think he’s coming today.”
Rage intensifies, another stab in the back.
“Of course.”
“Emma,” Ali continues, “Aiden found you in the bathroom, and… well, he’s the reason you’re here. The last time I saw him was when…” she hesitates as she keeps staring out. Then she looks up at me as she walks toward the bed, sits in front of me.
“When what?”
“You were dead for about five minutes before he left.”
My expression doesn’t change. Honestly, I’m not surprised.
“So, you really don’t think he’s coming at all?”
“I didn’t say at all… I just said not today.”
“Ah…” I stare at everyone, can feel the tension cutting me. I try to ease it. “Ethan, I am not a dork.”
“Yeah, you are, and you know it. And if you pull this shit again, you’ll be a dead dork. Got it?”
Tension never left.
Ashlee runs through the door, a smile on her face.
“I know where he is,” she says before looking at me. Once she notices I’m awake, her smile fades.
“Who?” I ask.
“No one important. Ali, do you still want me to get him?”
“Go ahead.”
Ashlee nods, walks out of the room again. I sigh as I lean my head back, stare at the ceiling.
“How long am I staying here?” I ask as I close my eyes. The room is silent, so I open them again, Ali still sitting at the foot of the bed.
“Your therapist has to decide that. She’s coming here tomorrow morning.”
I grunt, roll my eyes. Great. First thing in the morning, I get to deal with Satan. First thing in the morning, I get to hear the word institutionalized in every other sentence. Ali rubs my leg, her eyes reassuring me that everything will be fine.
I wish I could believe that.
<><><>
I’d dozed off again an hour after I woke up, my body weak from blood loss. Once I open my eyes again, the room is empty, everyone probably gone home. I sit up, stare at the wall, wondering what time it is. Then the door opens, Jack walking through the threshold, staring at me.
“Hey,” he says as he sits in front of me, “you alright?”
“Yeah,” I say, “where is everyone?”
“Ali’s out in the lobby. Everyone else went home.”
I nod, look away from him. He sighs, an awkward silence approaching. After a while, he breaks it.
“Emma, why did you do this exactly?”
I look up at him again, his eyes pained. God, I hate it when people look at me like this. I close my eyes.
“I don’t know. I guess I just felt stupid.”
“Why?”
“Because… I finally trust someone, and they just… they betray me.”
“Emma, you trusted in all of us, didn’t you?”
I nod, my right hand twitching, left hand numb. He continues.
“Then why didn’t you think of us?”
“I don’t know… I just wish I hadn’t trusted Aiden to actually help me.”
“Emma…” he trails off, his eyes searching for the right words, “I don’t think he meant what he said. He thinks this is his fault, and I guess… I guess he just doesn’t want to face what he thinks is true.”
“I already understood that, but it doesn’t make sense for him to treat me like it’s my fault because it’s not. If telling him what happened to me makes him want to avoid me, then I guess… he’s just an asshole.”
I grunt, watch as Ali walks through the door, holding three sodas in her hands.
“How nice of you not to help me,” she says to Jack as she hands us each a bottle. I smirk.
“Well, I told you I wanted to be here when she woke up.”
“Whatever.”
I lean back as I open the soda, start gulping it down.
“You know,” Jack says to me, “you can still trust all of us. We’re all here for you… We also think what happened to you is our fault, but we’d never give up on you. No matter how bad it gets, we’ll still be here.”
He stands up, kisses my forehead, and walks out into the hallway. I stare at Ali as she lies beside me.
“He’s right,” she says, “None of us are leaving… and somehow, I know Aiden won’t either.”
I nod as if I agree, as if Aiden will come back.
And if he does, I’ll make sure to stay out of his way.