"...open up my eyes and, tell me who I am..."
My mind wandered into the oblivion. I didn't know what to think. Should I be upset that my parents died a few days ago? Or should I be happy that I might actually have the life I've been waiting for?
Amelia had been in a car accident earlier. Lucas told me that she was fine when I woke up. It had been 5 hours since we left my grandparents' place. At least I didn't feel the way I felt when I had those suicidal thoughts. After going to Dr Aran and doing everything she told me to do, I was back to my normal self. Well, as close as you can get.
"...How deep is your love.."
Don't judge I have this crazy obsession over this song. It helps clear my mind.
I turned to Lucas. "How deep is your love?"
"Ocean deep." He replied smiling.
***
We arrived at my Uncle Malcolm's house around 7:45. It was a very uneventful car ride. Everyone was silent while Lucas and I watched Superfruit (I have this weekly obsession with Mitch Grassi. Go check their channel out. I recommend it).
Grace and Brandon were planning to help prepare the funeral for our parents but I knew they would shed the most tears. I sound like those people that have no soul. But honestly who can blame me? We wouldn't be going home until most preparations were complete. So, yeah, we were staying at Aunt Hannah's for a while.
After dinner we sat down with lots of paper and pencils. The funeral would take place in the new year on the 6th of January. Brandon and I were going to say our little speech then we settled to ask some of my friends to say something. So basically, these are the people that are definitely saying something:
Me
Brandon
Our Grandfather
Aunt Hannah
Lucas
Uncle Malcolm
Some people we would ask are:
Amelia
Sarah
Our cousin Justin
Grace was helping Aunt Hannah pick things to put inside the chapel. Brandon was picking out photos of both our parents. My job? I was told to write my speech and if they needed help they'd ask me. I like it when my family cares about me. Not only that, but I finally decided what the topic of my English assessment would be. It would be about my trip to Australia when I was 9 years old.
But enough stalling, here was what I wrote for my speech (The first paragraph):
Parents are what make life fun, besides friends. They help guide you through your journey on this earth. Mum, Dad, I hope you can forgive me for not realising this sooner. You were there when I took my first steps, heard my first word and met my first friend who continues to support me through this mixed up life of mine. I would like to thank you Amelia, on behalf of my parents. Sometimes I wish I could turn back time to where I screwed up. But I know that right now you are probably telling me to shut up and stop pointing out my flaws. I have shared some amazing memories with my parents, but if I listed all of them, we would still be here in 2050. So i'm going to share my personal favourites.
I couldn't keep going. Tears flowed freely down my face as I read and reread what I had just written. I hadn't realised just how much my parents meant to me until I wrote that. Wow, I thought, that really makes me feel like shit. I needed a break so I went to ask Aunt Hannah if she needed any help. Before I even got out the door, Brandon wanted me to help him go through photos that Uncle Malcolm had in some of his photo albums.
"Remember," I told Brandon, "We are going to Aunt Hannah's tomorrow. You don't need to pick out a lot of photos now. I'll help you find 15, then tomorrow we'll choose another 15 then at home, we find the last 15. Aunt Hannah can choose some if she needs more."
***
The next day came and went. Another long car trip but this time it was a lot of funeral planning and crying. Well, except for me. I zoned out about halfway between Uncle Malcolm's and Aunt Hannah's place. But I have a good excuse. Pentatonix came up on the shuffle I had on my phone, then Calvin Harris, Ed Sheeran and Delta Goodrem. That's not at all a good excuse but work with me on this one.
"HEATHER!" Giselle yelled as she burst outside in her pyjamas and launched herself onto me.
"Jesus," I said getting up, "You'd think it was Kasey running through that door."
She laughed. Her and Grace ran away and escaped everyone.
***
"Are you sure Heather? It's not safe to go alone."
"I'll be fine Aunt Hannah. I'm only going to the shops. It's not like I have anxiety."
"At least go with Lucas."
"He's still sleeping and I'm ready to go."
"Please Heather. I know i'm the world's best aunty but at least do this for me."
"Fine."
I walked over to Lucas.
"Lucas."
"I think I've found a cheerleader."
I sighed and leaned until I was right next to his left ear. "LUCAS REYWORTH!"
He shot forward. "I'M UP MAH!"
Confused, he looked around, then at me. I had fallen onto the floor, laughing so hard I thought I was going to throw up and wet my pants. I didn't.
"That wasn't very nice, now was it Ms Jaruda?"
"Shut up. I don't want to be thinking about school or Mr Baylein. Now can you please come with me to the shops?"
Lucas yawned. "What time we leaving?"
"Ten minutes so get off your lazy ass."
He mumbled something along the lines of "The things I do for love."
***
"Do we need this?" I asked Lucas, pointing to the chocolate biscuits he found in the bakery aisle.
He scratched the back of his head. "It's a basic human right."
I rolled my eyes. "Of course it is. Water and shelter we don't need."
Lucas sighed. "If it makes you feel better I'll go put them back."
I walked down the aisle looking for Coco Pops for Grace. Brandon had asked for Smiths chips but Aunt Hannah had said to get corn flakes. While I was checking the price of the Coco Pops, Lucas slammed his hands on my shoulders and yelled "BOO!"
I held in my scream, but I couldn't hide my jump. Lucas started laughing so hard he began choking on his own spit.
"Serves you right," I muttered.
"Well you're no fun now, are you Heathie Rose?"
We left the grocery shop 10 minutes later, carrying 4 shopping bags filled with bottles of orange juice, coke, coco pops, corn flakes, bread, eggs, fruit, vegetables, meat and a bar of chocolate (which Lucas had included). Lucas was driving back to Aunt Hannah's. He put in his iTunes CD (he burned his favourite songs onto a CD) and turned up the volume.
***
Grace sat in my lap, happily eating Coco Pops. Giselle had fallen asleep on my shoulder and the boys were outside playing soccer. Aunt Hannah and Uncle Chris had been notifying the family about when and where the funeral would be on facebook. I had joined Amelia, Sarah and Megan in the event. Lucas had said not to invite Emma because she doesn't deserve to go. Right now, Grace and I were taking a break from the funeral preparations. Giselle and Grace both wanted to watch The Simpsons. Lucas and I had wanted to watch South Park but it wasn't appropriate.
"Heather," Grace whispered, tears glistening in her eyes, "I miss mummy and daddy."
I stroked her hair. "So do I Gracie."
***
I woke up to the sound of birds chirping and Lucas tapping me impatiently on the head.
"Wake up Heather."
"Shut up and let me get my beauty sleep."
He pushed me off the inflatable mattress and I hit my head on the couch arm.
"What do you want?" I asked, rubbing my head.
"I'm bored."
I gave him a look. "Really? You bothered me to tell me that? What time is it?"
His phone screen lit up and the time displayed was 9:37. I looked around. Surprisingly no one was awake. Then Isaac ran in, screaming at the top of lungs. Brandon followed, a terrified look on his face.
"What in the name of Jesus?" Lucas asked.
Isaac had hid behind me.
"There's a big moth in my room," he said.
You might think for a boy his age, Isaac wouldn't be scared. He's had bad experiences with moths when he was Giselle's age.
Lucas went to kill the moth. By the time he got back out, Aunt Hannah and Uncle Chris were in the kitchen making breakfast.
"Since most of the funeral planning has been done," Aunt Hannah said, "Tomorrow we will be taking you guys back to Faribault."
***
Lucas and I laid down on the grass, watching the stars twinkle in the sky.
"Do you believe that your family members are looking down on you?" Lucas asked.
I looked at him. "Yeah why?"
He smirked. "So they can see me do this."
He pressed his lips against mine.