We get to the park and everyone jumps from the car like they'd rather be here than anywhere else. Savannah starts doing cartwheels. Eileen and Blake are holding hands.
"Can we break out the drinks or what?" Lance rolls his eyes, once we all gather in a semi circle of cold breath and flowery perfume.
It's just light enough from the streetlights on the sidewalk and the moon so we can see. The park is about a football field of grass. I see swings and a jungle gym on the other side.
Layla sits on her knees and opens up the bag, Eileen goes straight for the whipped cream vodka. She opens it taking a long sip.
"Calm down, E," Blake grabs it from her and takes a drink while she scrowls at him, slightly playfully.
Layla has everything from flavoured vodka to whiskey. Nothing but hard stuff though, no beer or mike's hard lemonade.
Blake then passes the drink to me. I kind of want to get really drunk but at the same time I'm horrified at getting caught on the way back into Vale Amare.
Nick glances over me.
I take two long chugs of it, burning my throat but sweet in my mouth.
"Nice one, new girl," Blake pats my shoulder.
"Thanks pal," I cough. Jesus, that was a bad idea.
Nick reaches into Layla's bag and grabs the whiskey. We stand for a bit, passing drinks around. laughter making an appearance as one bottle is handed to another, cigarettes being lit and Savannah chewing on gummy bears, the package crinkles every so often. It smells like menthol and food dye and rose soap.
Blake sits on the ground next to Layla and they start rolling joints. It's cold and I pull down on the sleeves to Eileen's sweater.
"We need music," Savannah states, pulling her iphone out. She clicks around on it.
The whiskey ends up In my hands and I think what a horrible idea it would be to just take a chug of this. I'm good at doing horrible ideas. I almost choke on it and then pass it to Lance. Who hands the cigarette to me so I start smoking. Nick side eyes me.
I've never heard the song Savannah plays, it's a good addition to the already scuffles of heels on grass and gummy bear package crinkling sounds.
Layla lights a joint and it makes the rounds. Pretty soon I feel like a clock, the hands laughs and the song that thrums from Savannah's phone and we just pass and pass and pass.
Nick is between Elieen and Lance and i'm between Lance and Blake. I keep looking over at him sometimes he smiles other's he looks away like maybe I make him nervous.
I feel a sort of tingly sense of warm and comfort, head buzzing.
"I feel kind of weird," I state.
I've been drunk before and also high, just not at the same time.
"Oh, shit!" Lance says. "You're cross faded as fuck, this is hilarious."
"Lance," Savannah says, the almost empty bottle of vodka in her hands swaying. "Shut up, you're always talking, go put a dick in your mouth or you know something."
Layla laughs so loud I think someone might hear us but then I remember the rest of the world is sleeping and right now it's just us.
I feel like the inside of a fireplace but there's cold on my cheeks. My hands are tingly, my brain feels like static and I think the inside of my mouth tastes like lemons.
"Why don't you?" Lance shoots back.
"Fight, fight, fight," Eileen is standing next to Nick, balancing on his shoulder so she can jump up and down.
"Don't do anything stupid," Blake says. He sounds less fuzzy than everyone else and I think he's staying mostly sober so he can drive back. His voice sounds like tea though.
"Heh, you're so British," I blurt.
"Let's throw down, white boy!" Savannah says to Lance before taking a swig of the bottle she's holding. Eileen is still chanting fight.
"Thanks, so much, Anna," Blake says, he's standing now, there's grass on his sleeves.
"You're so welcome," I reply. For some reason I keep glancing at Nick.
"Hold my shit, Lay," Savannah takes her jacket off and hands the bottle to Layla who fumbles with both things; she's got a joint in her mouth.
"Fuck off, Sav," Layla says, dumping Savannah's jacket on the ground.
"Let's go, Savannah, I'm ready," Lance is smiling and I edge just a bit closer to Blake. He's very tall and smells nice. Like papayas.
"Cold?" Blake says to me. I nod. He puts his arm around me. How nice. His sweater is really warm and he's reminds me of climbing under covers and hiding.
"You're like a buncha blankets," I tell him. Blake's arm is around my shoulders and my hands around him. I wonder if Nick has noticed.
"Thanks," Blake rubs my arm with his hand. Did Nick notice that at least? I'm not sure what I'm doing, maybe trying to make him jealous.
Lance and Savannah are facing each other in the park, she's got a new song playing on her phone, the sound leaves her back pocket.
"I can't hit a girl, guys," Lance says after a moment.
Eileen pouts. I'm hugging Blake. I can't see Nick from my angle but I hope he sees.
"Fucking baby," Savannah shouts at him. "I'd hit you if you were a girl."
"But you won't hit me since I'm a guy? That's so sexist."
"You can't be sexist towards men," I shout out.
"Whatever," Lance waves everyone off. He's drunk. "You guys know shit."
"Choke, Lance," Layla scowls.
I laugh into Blake's chest. Okay, Nick must have seen that at least.
"Nick went to the swings," Eileen says, getting on the ground. She lies on her back. "Goodbye, Nick, so far away. Wow, these stars are fucking great though."
"You see this shit?" Savannah looks up.
I don't follow their gazes, instead I'm looking around for Nick. I wanna go to the swing set.
"I'm going to check on Nick," I tell Blake. He nods and lets me go off without any sort of protest.
As I go up to the swing set, I can see Nick's silhouette on the swing. He's sitting, swaying slightly.
"Hi," I jump out from behind him. He grabs my waist and yanks me down to sit in his lap. I lose balance for a moment and I think we might fall but he balances us out.
"Hi," He says back.
"Hi," I say again, because I really don't know what else to say, I feel like I really am a bomb about to go off.
"Wow, you're really drunk," He teases, smiling.
"I am, maybe not as drunk as you may want to think."
"I think you just confused yourself with that sentence," He says.
"No," I lie. "Shut up."
"Make me."
"Okay," I take my hand and put it over his mouth, really gently. I lean into him and we sway slightly. My lips are on my hand and my hand on his lips. "Shut up and listen."
He does and we sit for a moment listening. Sav's laugh echoes across the park, a car in the distance, the stars moving in the sky, the chains creaking on the swing, the very quiet breeze that's bringing chilly air on us.
I move my hand, trace my fingers on his lips, he's so soft. I'm looking at them and when I make eye contact with him he's staring at me.
I'm a bomb, the clock ticking down and when he kisses me I detonate.
Nick's mouth is soft, warm and he tastes like apples.
My hands touch his cold cheeks but warmth spread through my fingertips down to my toes and everything is just burning, radiating heat and light.
My mouth opens on his and its like syrupy spit and warm tongues. His hands are at my waist pulling me as close as possible while he keeps us from swaying too much with his feet on the ground.
I think I forget how to breathe because I have to pull back so I can, take in a mouthful of air and breath it out.
"You okay?" He asks me, our foreheads pressed together.
"Yeah, just," I pause. "Really dizzy."
"Sorry," He chuckles and I feel it in my chest.
"It's okay, you're totally okay," I wanna shut myself up so I kiss him again. I pull back again. I remember how the stars are supposed to look amazing. "Come on."
I stand up and grab his hand. He seems slightly reluctant. I pull him to the over to the grass and lay down. He lays next to me. I'm still dizzy but then I look up, and it's like suddenly everything gets clear and in focus.
"Woah," Nick says.
"I know."
There's billions and billions of them. Bright and beautiful.
"You ever think about how small we really are?" Nick asks. I'm not sure I know what he means.
"I don't know."
"There's the universe and the galaxy and space and there's just so much shit," I look over at him. He's looking up. "And we're just these tiny people on this tiny planet and we all care about is pieces of green paper and shiny objects and just nothing that really matters. We're just so fucking small and care about the stupidest things. I'm like that too, you know. Only caring about shit that doesn't matter and it's stupid as fuck because one day aren't we all just going to be dead, buried underneath these same damn stars?"
"Do you want to care about something that matters?"
"Yes and it's you," He looks over at me. My heart is trying to break out of me from beating so fast. "You make me feel like I could care about something that's important."
"We've had like three conversations, Nick," I don't know why I say that. I think logic is getting the better of me and trying to tell me that Nick and I don't belong in the same time and space and yet here we are, beneath the stars that we're going to be dead under one day.
"Why do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Think that you aren't good enough," He says.
"I don't think that," I lie. I'm getting dizzy again.
"I know I'm an asshole," Nick says. "I also know you think you don't belong here but you do. I'm trying to be less of an asshole, Anna, maybe you should try thinking you're at the right place at the right time. Did you ever consider that?"
"Why do you care so much?" I look away from him, up at the sky. A shooting star streaks past. I forget to make a wish.
"Because you're something that matters."
A silence follows mostly because I don't know how to respond. He's smug sometimes, oozing out the fact that he's better than everyone else yet he doesn't even think that. He just wants to be someone important, care about something that's important. I do too, I think as humans we all want that. Even people like Lance.
My eyelids are getting heavy.
Nick stands up and he pulls me up by the hand. We make our back to the group who have seemed to settle down some. Eileen and Blake are slow dancing, Layla is smoking a cigarette with Lance and Savanah is resting her head on Lance's knee so she can look at the sky.
Savannah's says she's sleepy.
We pack up and get in the car, heaviness falling over the drunken laughter and warm bodies. I'm in the backseat with Nick and I lay down, my head in his lap, his hands in my hair. I fall asleep.
***
Nick shakes me awake.
My head pounds.
We get out the car, make sure we have everything and lock it. Blake gives the key back to Savannah.
Vale Amare is still asleep, it's about 4 am, the sky still dark. Nick hugs me goodbye. We separate and make it back inside with no problems.
Once in our room, I collapse onto my bed, my limbs heavy and I swear I can still taste Nicholas on my lips.