Niall and I manage to avoid each other for nearly a week. Meanwhile, Liam and I become quite close and we end up having our late night chat sessions almost every other night. I tell him my IIJNM stories and he tries to get me to talk to his cousin, but I refuse every time. Niall and I do see each other, but don't talk. And I'm pretty glad that for whatever reason it is he isn't bothering me anymore.
On the other hand, things have slowed down to a tortoise's pace between Steven and I. In office, other than "morning" and "bye" he hardly shows any interest to take an initiative to talk to me. When I ask him out for break if he's free then only goes out, otherwise he declines me – something I've got accustomed to. When I text him he never ever checks the messages and I've just grown to hate the situation. It wrecks me so bad that I've been finding it hard to concentrate on work.
At this situation, I should just let go and move on. However, I don't know why I can't. When I see him, all these dreams that I've woven with him; flash before my eyes. I try to tell myself that if not him a series of other guys will happen and God must've a better plan for me. But the temptation I have in my heart stimulates me to such a level that I forget every sane thing. I forget my self-esteem, my dignity, and just keep on humiliating myself. Every time I see him, I go talk to him, I feel maybe this time he would show real interest.
I've barely written two stories since morning today, finding my eyes constantly going around in search of Steven. He looks sensual today in a blue full sleeved tee and black jeans and wearing his hair in a lose pony tail, instead of a familiar semi bun. Venkatesh has already scolded me once for being super late today, and asked if I'm having any problems. I know this is wrong, I shouldn't ruin my life – professional and personal, for someone whom I just like, but I haven't yet found a way to make my heart realize that.
By lunch time, I manage to write two stories and thanks to luck, one of them hits the top spot in Google News and Venkatesh cuts me some slack. I eat my lunch alone because Deepak goes out today too. After finishing off my lunch really fast, I take a small break and exit office. I sit on the stairs, leading to the terrace and put my earplugs on and turn on the music. Owing to my baffled and sad heart, I choose Ed Sheeran and listen to his songs.
The weather is extremely pleasant and complementing Sheeran's songs. Strangely, it instigates my senses so much that I find myself smiling. My hairs fall over my face and I tuck them behind my ears. This is such a peaceful moment and I forget everything that has consumed up my mind and heart lately. I close my eyes and lean my head against the wall behind, wanting to freeze the moment.
Suddenly, my phone buzzes and I see Sirin's number flashing. I stop the music and pick up her call at the fourth ring.
"Hi," I smile.
"Hey, what's up with you?" she asks, sounding really worried.
"Nothing, I'm fine. What about you?"
"I've got great news," her tone reflects glee.
"What?" I get excited.
"I gotta job in Delhi. It's a digital marketing company namely Credence and I'll be their social media executive."
I smile from ear to ear. "Wow, that's awesome. When is the joining date?" I ask, happiness erupting from every ounce of my entirety.
"1st August. I'm moving one week after though because I've to look for a place to stay."
"You're gonna stay in PG initially, right?"
"Yeah, but they're paying me 27k and after one month they'll increase it to 33k, so I'll most probably rent a 1bhk apartment."
"Great, now I don't have to look for hotels when I go to Delhi," I say.
"Why don't you come to Delhi? Jobs and opportunities are way better here."
"Sirin, I just joined this job. I can't leave at least before 6 months," I explain.
"Just saying, if you ever consider living with me."
I laugh. "You know I'm always up for that."
She laughs back. "So, did your Johnny Depp come to office today?"
My face immediately falls. I've detailed Sirin these days about how things slowed down between Steven and I.
"Yes," I answer.
"Just don't give him any importance, alright? Remember you tried, you did your best; if he's not interested then you don't have to lose your self-respect to win him. You're no less than anyone and you can always find someone else."
I listen to her minutely and feel something from inside scream in my ears to follow her suggestions. Therefore, I nod my head and all shaken up say, "Yes, yes, I will. You're right, and I didn't talk to him at all since morning today."
"Good, you don't need him. You've lots of good things in your life. I don't want my always-smiling, funny and bubbly best friend to become this lifeless walking thing because of some guy she knows for only two weeks," she encourages me.
"I won't become that thing, I promise you," I straighten up.
"Thank you," she retorts. "I've to go take a bath now. I'll text you in the evening, alright?"
"Alright, and congratulations," I say and hang up.
I take a very deep breath and rise to my feet, totally refreshed and pumped up to get back to work. I walk ahead and knock on the door when a man from the IT Company that sits near the door come and open the door. I jog back to my workstation and concentrate completely on work.
By the time, the clock strikes 6.00 Pm I write two more stories. Deepak and Venkatesh have already left at around 5 and 5.30 Pm, respectively. I use the washroom after arranging all my stuff in my bag, and while coming out of the washroom watch Steven, engrossed in his laptop. I decide to not give a damn and not say "bye" as well. Grabbing my bag and mobile, I jog out of the office and hit the street.
It drizzles when I get down at the bus stop near my place. I speed up my walking pace to a great deal and reach home just as my mobile informs that it's 7.45 Pm.
After going home, I take a quick shower and get changed, so that I'm sitting before the television sharp at 8.00 Pm. I quickly shift to Romedy Now as Friends starts to play. I tread into the kitchen and get myself a can of diet coke before jogging back to the couch.
I'm totally into having a great time, laughing and enjoying Friends when my mobile buzzes and I get a text message on WhatsApp. I pick up my mobile from the couch and unlock the screen to find a message from Piyush, my ex-boyfriend.
Piyush was my second boyfriend but my first love. After he broke up with me back when we just graduated high school, I went into a depressed state of mind. Those few months I spent getting over our two-year old relationship, was traumatic in one word. After that, I bucked up real hard and told myself to not let one guy ruin the rest of my life. I went to college, discovered various sides of me that I didn't know existed and excelled in academic levels as well. Several guys came in my life after Piyush and I had chances to have another boyfriend by now, but somehow my heart has always craved for Piyush. I guess you never forget your first love.
Nonetheless, only last year after six years of separation I decided to contact him. We had a brutal break up with Piyush dumping me because I was too immature and impractical at 17. And then moving on to start a relationship with the girl who used to be my best friend in school. But in the course of six years, I forgot everything – the wounds healed and I wanted closure and not be angry on him anymore. Therefore, I messaged him last year on Facebook, in November and we started talking. Coincidentally, even he lives in Bangalore now and has a girlfriend of four years, whom he plans to marry in another four years time.
We are friends now and honestly, I neither feel anger nor love towards him anymore. We talk like best friends because we were always very good friends and we can share anything with each other. I like this situation and I'm glad that I contacted him last year and reconciled our differences.
I open the text message that reads "Hey, how are you? Long time no word."
"Just doing fine. Work is very hectic, and exhausting. What about you?" I reply.
"Just fine too. What are you doing now?"
"Watching Friends, you?"
"Just returned home from office."
We spend the next two hours talking like there is no tomorrow. We talk about school life, teachers, reminisce on a lot of situations that occurred when we were together, and what not. The conversation takes a different direction soon and Piyush and I find ourselves discussing our feelings for each other.
"I hated those two years of school because you hated me so much," he says.
"I never hated you, I always loved you," I reply.
"I meant that I hated them after we broke up because I couldn't accept that YOU hated me so much."
"You were wrong, I was always very angry on you, but never hated you. I always loved you," I emphasize.
"As we're talking about past, I think you should know something," he suddenly says.
I furrow my brows. "Alright," I send.
"I guess I never really explained why I broke up with you. There was a huge scene in my home. My mother stopped eating and my father stopped talking to me, urging me to break up with you. I tried to fight a lot, but I was young so I yielded at the end. I never ever wanted to break up with you and if my parents didn't pressure me then maybe we would've been together even now. And also, you should know that there was nothing between me and Priyanka. After our break up, we became really good friends and I used to go to her place a lot. It was her mother who grew fond of me and pushed me to meet her daughter. When I understood I avoided them, so that was just it. Nothing else happened. I thought you deserve to know," he explains.
I cover my mouth with both of my hands and read and reread the message. My eyes are already watery and I can't believe he said these things to me after six years. All this time, I lived in the false belief that he stopped loving me because I was too immature and stupid for him and I hated him for that. But knowing that he always loved me makes me feel sick to my stomach. I can't believe his parents took away the best relationship I ever had from me. And somehow I detest that he has a girlfriend now.
"Hmm....too much to take in one day," I manage to reply just this much.
"Yeah, so let's just fuck it," he tries to escape.
"No, when we started talking about this I should get the chance to say something as well," I reply and start typing again. "I never really stopped loving you, and when you tried to apologize to me after nine months I was just extremely angry on you. I thought if I abuse you and drive you away then I'll feel good, but instead it only worsened the situation. I guess I never really thought we could break up and even more I could get over you," and send.
My face drenches in warm tears and I don't think I've enough guts to bear this pang now. I rise to my feet, open the door and run to the common corridor. I stand there and cry my heart out.
I think of all the fantastic memories I had with Piyush in those two years, and the realization that his parents ruined it just because they weren't sure we would last as we were 16 year olds, crushes me even more. Lots of teenagers fall in love and work it out and even get married. I know Piyush and I wanted that as well, we discussed about it thousands of times. It's true that I don't love him now, of course I don't, but the fact that I was deprived of the love of my life deeply hurts me.
My phone buzzes again and I know it's a message from Piyush. I find guts to read it. "I just want you to know that you've changed a lot now and all for good and I always tell that to our school friends even now. So, I guess a failed relationship helped us both."
I put my lips in between my teeth and nod my head. "Yeah, I guess," I send.
I so want to ask him if he was single would he patch up with me because I'm all changed and matured now. But I know that would only complicate our situation and maybe snatch the chance of us speaking to each other anymore; therefore when he doesn't reply anymore I don't push any further.
The winds are really cold and ripping the skin today as I embrace my arms around myself. I know I should go back to my apartment now and prepare dinner for myself, but I'm so emotionally wrecked that I hardly have any appetite to cook or eat.
I sniff and settle my hair when I hear some footsteps closing on me. I turn to my left and notice Niall coming out of their apartment. I gasp and turn my eyes away, internally cringing for making him see me like this. I hate people seeing the fragile and soft side of me, even my family.
I know this is a golden opportunity for him to humiliate me, therefore even before he can say anything, I decide to tell him to not bother me.
As I see him stand beside me, eyes directly on my face, I say, "I'm really upset and down right now. I don't need your tantrums, so if you're here to insult me more then feel free to leave. I wanna stay alone for awhile."
Shockingly, he doesn't say anything and instead turns on his heels to enter his apartment. It stuns me so much that I look behind to check for myself if he really listened to me or not. When I see him entering his apartment I look in front of me again.
"Why do you give so much importance to other people in your life, Nadia?" he asks in a very soft tone.
I keep quiet for a few seconds, not knowing what to say because he's right.
"I don't know," I reply.
"You allow everyone to hurt you because you're vulnerable when you absolutely don't deserve it," he comes near me and stands beside me again.
I turn to my left and lock my eyes with him. He wears a black tee and blue jeans, hair a tad messy and moving in the wind. I look in his eyes and they are so different – caring and composed.
"I guess I'm too weak to be strong actually," I look down.
"You're not. You put up this image of being strong and happy when from inside you feel weak. But have you ever even attempted to really feel and be strong? I know you can because you're," he crosses his arms before his chest now.
I don't know why he's telling these good things about me, but they're definitely making me feel better.
"I don't know, I don't know anything," I break my gaze from him and look before again.
"You try to run after happiness and forget the actual things that make you happy," he says.
"Like what?" I bite my lower lip.
"Like your family, friends, independence," he smiles.
I smile as well. It's strange that although we only fought since we met Niall knows the right things about me.
"Why are you saying these to me?" I knit my brows. "Don't you hate me or something?"
"I don't hate you, Noddy. But I don't particularly like you too," he clarifies and I look away. He continues, "All I'm saying is that you should respect and be grateful for all the good things in your life and not give so much significance to other people. Nobody's worth your precious time."
"You mean the theory I apply in your case?" I point my index finger at him.
"Smart? I like it," he smirks and I laugh. It's strange that I'm laughing at Niall's company.
"Anyway, I should go. I've to prepare dinner for myself," I say and turn around.
"If you want we can go get some pizza," Niall calls from behind and I nearly freeze.
Niall is asking me to get pizza with him? I mean, I was already struggling with him providing me solace and now this? What did the world do to him today?
"Are you serious?" I widen my eyes, turning around again.
"Now hurry up before I change my mind," he smiles.
It's such a nice picture to see Niall smiling and talking nicely to me. I like this Niall better.
"And what if I turn you down? Because I've every reason to," I cross my arms before my chest.
"Don't tell me you don't like pizza?" he keeps a hand on his chest, dramatically.
"You're an asshole," I shake my head and roll my eyes. "Wait here, I'll get my jacket," I say and turn around, walking towards my apartment.
I straight away go to my room and get my jacket from the wardrobe. I turn the television and grab my purse and keys before exiting the apartment and locking it shut behind me. When I jog back to the common corridor I see Niall waiting for me. He wears a black jacket.
"Did you inform Liam?" I ask as we walk down the stairs.
"He isn't home yet, but we both have a separate pair of keys. He can get in anyway," he retorts.
We reach the main gate of the building and eventually hit the street. It's quite dark outside and I spot a few street dogs roaming around here and there. Proper residential areas of Bangalore are very conventional – going to bed early and rising early. However, people live their lives on their own terms and no one really bothers anyone, something I adore quite much.
Niall and I walk till the bus stop without uttering a single word. As for me I'm still recovering from the shock of what Piyush told me and Niall asking me out for pizza, and in case of Niall I guess he himself is in shock after asking me out.
When I spot Dominoz Pizza at a far distant and see many people inside the corner in nice attire I look down upon myself.
"Shit, I should've changed. I look hilarious," I nag.
"What? You look okay," Niall laughs.
"Yeah, you can say that. You're in jeans and not watermelon pajamas like me," I cringe.
Niall laughs out loud. "It suits you, Noddy. Chill, people won't even bother to look."
"Will you stop calling me Noddy?" I point my index finger at him.
"No, I won't. This is the only thing about you that interests me."
"My name is Nadia. If you're so self obsessed to find your own creation fascinating then you're insane."
"And it's because of your name that my creation became possible," he winks and I widen my eyes. This is the first time he's winked at me.
"I don't like being called Noddy. What if I call you? Ahhmm...." I look down, scratching the back of my head, trying to search a nickname for Niall.
"You can't find, my name is cool," he proudly says.
"What's your surname?" I ask.
"Horan," he answers. "Clicks anything?"
"Huh," I clap my hands. "Horn....what if I call you horn?" I smile and then realize I just made up the world's most boring joke.
"Please take that back, Noddy," Niall shakes his head, moving his face.
"I know," I fake sobbing.
We both laugh as we reach Dominoz Pizza. We enter the place and I notice there aren't actually many people. Niall holds the door wide open for me and I smile at the ground.
"Thanks," I look at him.
He doesn't say anything, but just smiles.
We walk in and occupy a two-seat table. I look around and see the colorful environment and remember my IIJNM days.
"Shall I order or do you wanna come at the counter with me?" Niall asks, rising to his feet. He fetches the wallet from the back pocket of his jeans.
"Something tells me that our pizza choices are most likely to match, so I'll leave it on you," I smile widely.
"Trying to impress me?" he bends down before me.
"Ohh, please, not even in your wildest dreams," I shrug. Niall has really gone out of his mind.
He laughs and straightens up before turning on his heels to walk to the counter. I watch him slowly make his way to the counter and talk to a lady barista. Both of them smile and if I'm right the woman blushes as well. I roll my eyes and shift my eyes away. I remember how Liam said once that Niall has his own way of dealing with things – people. I wonder how a short meeting can make the woman smile so much while I think if it was a mistake coming out with Niall.
I check from my mobile that it's 10.45 Pm. A little exhaustion hits me and I stretch my arms. The weather adds to my tiredness. Soon, I see Niall strolling towards me, hands inside his pockets. I meet my eyes with him and he smiles from his cheeks, eyes dazzling brightly.
"Your orders will be served soon, madam," he imitates the general way waiters and waitresses talk and I laugh, throwing my head back.
"What did you order?" I ask after I settle myself.
"Chicken barbecue pizza with extra cheeseeeee," he shows me his teeth.
"Extra cheeseeeee will make us fatttttt, smarty pants. I avoid that," I laugh mildly.
"One night won't break your stupid diet," he shrugs off. I nod and take a deep breath. "So, what exactly happened to you back then? Why were you crying hysterically, looking like shit?"
I furrow my brows and shoot him an irritated glare. Just when I'm having fun with him he has to bring his annoying nature back on the table.
"None of your business," I roll my eyes.
"Oh, c'mon, Noddy. I can keep a secret," he insists.
"It's not a secret. I'm not a teenager anymore."
"So, you share your personal problems with everyone?"
"I didn't say that," I get exhausted, dealing with his banters. "I meant that I'm not sharing it with you."
I catch him, glaring at me for a little longer than normal before breaking his gaze from me.
We stay mute for awhile before Niall breaks the silence. "You like this Steven guy from your office?"
"Yeah," I nod.
"Is he sexy?" he entwines is fingers together and rests his chin on them.
"He is," I blush, thinking about him.
"Does he like you back?"
I shrug. "I don't know; I hope he does. I really, really hope," I close my eyes briefly and thump both of my hands on my chest.
"Why? What's so special in him?" he knits his eyebrows and makes a thinking face.
"He is smart, intellectual, has these theories that sweeps me off. He's so calm and composed even under tough situations and he loves travelling and he's so random and spontaneous. I love random and spontaneous like just going out without a plan and a destination and discovering yourself, making decisions and breaking it and then remaking it, falling in love easily and a lot, doing crazy things and regretting it later," I breathe out. I feel such a rush of emotions.
Niall watches me intently. The blue pigment of his eyes shines at me and tiny grin spreads across his lips.
"Are we still talking about your office guy?" he asks.
I realize I shifted from my point. "Maybe," I look down, smiling.
At this moment, the waiter comes over and gives us the large pizza along with two cokes. I see one of them is a diet coke and I smile on my own. We start eating and exchange glances every once in awhile, knowing the cheese is melting great in our mouths.
"You like it, don't you?" Niall winks at me for the second time in the day.
"I do, strange, but I do," I nod, smiling.
"Score for me," he shows me thumbs up.
We finish off our pizzas, talking about foods and only foods. I tell him my favorites and he tells me mine, I tell him about my regional cuisines and he tells me his.
We don't keep tab on the time until a waiter comes around and alerts us. I glimpse on my mobile and see that it's 11.30 Pm.
Niall and I exit the place with him holding the door wide open for me again. The weather got really cold from evening and I pocket my hands. My hands move rapidly in the breeze, but I don't stop them.
"You're so passionate, you shouldn't give importance to other people, Nadia," Niall says, hands sticking deep in his pockets.
I look at him and he soon locks his eyes with me. I see a very different Niall and I can't believe I'm seeing this side of him. He's understanding and considerate, I didn't know if this side even existed.
"I don't give, I just want to be happy," I reply.
"You don't need anyone to be happy," he smiles, looking down at me. "You're strong enough to be on your own and still be happy."
I bite my lower lip. I'm speechless and chuffed to bits. "And I don't deserve to be loved?"
"Of course, you do, but by the right person. Nadia, whatever shit you told me about being random and spontaneous is what you want, not Steven or any other guy."
"He might want them as well, you never know," I defend my choice as we enter our apartment lane.
Niall opens the main gate of our building. The entire surrounding around us is pitch dark and bears pin-drop silence. I bet I can hear people breathing too.
We enter the building and Niall locks the gate. We use stealthy and soft steps to walk up the stairs and reach the second floor. On reaching, Niall's apartment I stand and open my mouth to say him "goodnight," but he walks ahead. Therefore, I follow him.
"Where are you going?" I ask, knitting my brows.
"I'm not gonna see you walk alone to your apartment," he says.
I'm definitely going to faint now. Who is this new guy in my building?
I smile and walk with him regardless. We don't talk for those few seconds he walks me to my door. I fish the keys from my purse and that's when I realize that I've to pay Niall for the pizza and cokes.
"I've to pay for the pizza and coke. How much was it?" I ask, digging deep in my purse.
"Ohh please, I'm not taking your money. Not even in your wildest dreams," he shrugs.
"Well this is worse than your wildest dreams. Tell me how much was my half?" I insist.
"It was my treat. I don't expect returns after I help someone," he winks for the third time.
"Really? You think you helped me?" I cross my arms before my chest.
"See, I don't even talk about them. I'm a better person than you, so you're welcome," he bows his head before me.
I laugh, shaking my head. "Thank you, I had fun," I honestly say.
"Ohh, please, don't be too mushy. I'm sleepy, goodnight," he turns on his heels and starts walking.
I look at his trace and smile on my own. When he disappears from my vision, I close the door shut behind me and walk to my room. I lie in my bed and think of the day. It has been such a tiring day – physically and a lot emotionally, and as much as I hate to admit the late-night pizza idea really worked. I feel better – really better.