You know when you're dreaming and everything feels sort of fuzzy? Like you're not quite sure what's going on, everything feels like it's covered in saran wrap and your mouth feels like cotton?
That's how I feel right now, except I'm awake and I also feel like I'm stepping into the mouth of a very hungry lion.
The hungry lion being Vale Amare Boarding School or more accurately, the students inside.
The building is a giant castle; it might as well have a moat too. It's dated looking, medieval times. There are new people walking across the green grass going to their new rooms with boxes of things and large suitcases.
The air is cold enough to snap me from my dream like state as I step out of the car and onto the crisp world. My arms start to shiver and my legs fill with goose bumps.
"Well, it's certainly big," My mother's voice rings in my ears. She smells like bran muffins and is dressed like a kindergarten teacher.
My parents start deciding what to bring into my new room first and I feel like I've been thrown into a pool of ice water.
They're sweet but here I was, a girl from a tiny little town in New Jersey about to go into a whole new world. A rich kid's world.
I had spent the last couple weeks of summer watching gossip girl to prepare myself and I was sure of it, if anyone was like Blair Waldorf I was going to be eaten alive.
"Anna?" My dad says my name. I ignore him.
I'm not like these kids, I'm not rich, I'm not beautiful, and I don't have anything they have. The amount of money Vale Amare is per year is more than I'm going to make in my whole life. Maybe my smarts have finally kicked me in the ass; I wish I hadn't gotten this scholarship.
"I changed my mind," I blurt out, facing my parents.
My mom with her curly hair and bright clothes and my dad with his tucked in t shirt and cheap khakis. They look at me like I'm crazy.
"I don't want to go here anymore."
"Anna, we drove seven hours," My mom places a hand on her forehead as if I'm stressing her out to no end. "You're going. This is a great opportunity."
"I'm going to throw up," I say, gesturing everywhere with my hands. "Everywhere just everywhere there's going to be puke and I am going to choke in front of all these rich boys and girls and holy, excuse my French, shit!"
"Anna!" My dad scolds me.
"I hope I die," I mumble looking at my very scuffed up black doc martens. "Please, just let me pass out on this ground and die."
"Stop being dramatic," My mom says.
I know I'm being dramatic but I can't stop once I start I don't fucking shut up, I'm like a broken radio. The knobs broken and sound just crackling from the speakers.
"Here is where I will die," I point to the ground. "On this rich person concrete where 200 dollar heels that belong to people named Tiffany Amber The third have walked. I will vomit and then die in this spot."
My parents ignore my rambling like usual and just as I am about to take the extra step and literally lay on the ground, a girl rolls up in a golf cart.
"Hey there!" Her voice is like a really annoying doorbell. Her hair is pulled into a blonde ponytail and her skin is a tanned bronze.
"Yikes," I blurt. She looks like an ugly version of Barbie.
"Sorry, what? I didn't catch that?" She gets out of the golf cart, holding a clip bored. She flashes her smile at me. I'm blind now I think.
"Nothing, just have a cough," I fake cough.
"I'm just here to make sure you get your key to your room and know how to get there," She smiles again. I hope I actually go blind. "I'm Tiffany." She holds her hand out and instead of shaking it, I start laughing like an idiot.
"Sorry, she's a little nervous," My mom says and I can't stop laughing because her name is actually Tiffany. I look down at her shoes. Yep, 200 dollar heels paired with skinny jeans and a white polo shirt.
"Okay, well we all get like that sometimes," Tiffany says. I hiccup, trying to compose myself.
"Where's my room, Tiffany?" I try not to laugh on her name. One person successfully already knows I'm a freak and I haven't even entered the building yet. I'm off to a great start.
"What's your last name?"
"Kyle."
Tiffany looks down her clipboard and then goes to the golf cart to dig around in a basket of keys. My parents are getting everything out and I realize I don't have a lot of stuff.
I wait with them until Tiffany slaps a key into one of my hands. She starts blabbing about which room I'm in and oh now she's handing me a piece of paper with rules on it. She keeps talking but I read it.
All students must be in their rooms by 11 pm
No drugs or alcohol of any sort are allowed anywhere on campus
No girls in the boy's rooms/bathrooms
No boys in the girl's rooms/bathrooms
No sexual activities are allowed on campus
You must pay the required amount or keep a 3.0 gpa or face immediate expulsion
The list kind of goes on for miles so I stop. I doubt half the kids listen to the rules, its snooty rich assholes I bet they light shit on fire and kick trashcans.
"If you're ready to go to your room right now I can help you get there!" She blinds us with her pearly whites.
In my head I'm saying I'd rather die than spend another minute with your perkiness but a yes comes out.
"I guess this is where we separate," My dad clasps my shoulder.
"Wait, what? You're leaving? That's child abuse! You can't just leave me here you don't even know where I'll be sleeping at night!" I'm freaking out, my skin feels itchy.
"Oh, honey," My mom touches my cheek. I think she's going yo say something nice. She's proud of me. She loves me. "Don't be so dramatic." Of course.
She kisses my cheek and gives me a hug. I limply hug her back. Dad is next and I hold him until I feel like my bones are going to dissolve.
"Alright, we have a long drive back, Anna," My dad kisses my forehead. They leave me in the cold with Tiffany. I hate them for it.
The next 10 minutes, Tiffany and I put my suitcases on the golf cart and make our way to my new room that I'll be sharing with a total stranger.
Tiffany rambles about how I'll love the on campus food, expensive coffee, homemade meals made by the best chefs and how the bathrooms are always clean and smell like lavender.
The whole place is literally a castle, I feel like I should be wearing a ball gown and rushing home when the clock strikes midnight.
We get to another part of the citadel looking building and Tiffany helps me find my room. The halls are quiet except for a few people moving into their rooms. You could have showed up days ago to move in but I guess I like being late to things.
Tiffany opens the door for me and I almost gasp at the size of the room. It's much bigger than my own room. There's two queen sized beds, two closets, two dressers and a window. Both the beds are made and complete with a golden coloured comforter. I feel like I'm in a hotel.
The room is clean and doesn't look very lived in besides a few things on one of the dressers. There's a pair of heels by what I assume is the bathroom door which is closed.
"Looks like your roomie is in the bathroom!" Thanks dumb bitch it's not like I hadn't figured that out.
"Uh, thanks for bringing my stuff in here with me," I want Tiffany to go away. She's irritating. I'd punch her if it wouldn't get me in trouble.
"No problem! If you ever need anything you can find me in Hall B which is in another section in this building and you-" Tiffany keeps going on but I really doubt I'm ever going to seek her out again.
"Thanks again, Tiff!" I give her a smile. I doubt she knows I'm being sarcastic.
After Tiffany leaves I spend my time unpacking my clothes. I feel like they're too drab, too cheap for the room. I want to burn them.
I have three pairs of shoes; my doc martens, my white jelly sandals with a heel and white converse.
My "roomie" is still in the bathroom and I look over everything Tiffany shoved at me. The rules, my class schedule and the schedule of meals and activities.
Tonight for dinner we are having sushi and rice. I've never had sushi.
The weekend is empty and then classes start Monday. I will probably have lain on the ground, thrown up and then hopefully died by then.
The bathroom door clicks open and I feel like I need to sit up or something. Be impressive.
I'm wearing a black t-shirt, jeans and a black hoodie. Maybe I should have put on a Vera Wang dress to introduce myself to these people.
She reminds me of a doll.
Her brown hair is cut just below her chin; she's wearing tight jeans and a lacy camisole. She's about as short as me and her skin a light tan that's natural rather than sprayed like Tiffany's.
"Oh, hi!" She bounces towards me. "I'm Eileen, Eileen Lockhart!"
"Anna," We shake hands. She's very dainty and doll like.
"Nice to meet you!" She plops gently down on my bed like we're old friends. There's something comforting about it.
"So, plans for tonight?" She blinks her round eyes at me.
"If I'm being honest I was just going to hide under this comfy ass blanket," I pat the bed.
"Do you want to come to a party?" I'm wondering if she has an ulterior motive. I didn't spend 2 weeks watching six seasons of girls fighting for nothing.
"Why?"
"Hmm," She stands up and stretches her arms. "You're new you need friends."
"I disagree," I say.
"You're the scholarship girl aren't you?"
"What's that mean?" A worry settles in my stomach.
"It's not that bad we just haven't had a scholarship kid in a while. You're going to be a legend miss Anna," She flounces over to her bed and reaches under the pillow. She pulls out a tin and opens it. It's full of hard candy. Eileen pops one into her mouth.
"I'm the only person here on scholarship?"
Eileen nods, sucking on the candy with her round cheeks.
"That's not good," I say.
"Why do you say that?" Eileen jumps back onto my bed with the tin of candy, offering me one. I don't take it.
"Because everyone here is like mega rich including you and I only own two pairs of jeans," I feel like crying. The lions are actually going to eat me alive. I am a piece of steak.
"No, that's not bad, you can wear my jeans!" She pouts at me. "It's really nice here I promise."
She's still holding the candy out so I take one. It tastes like a cherry and slightly like...Oh my god.
"These aren't normal cherry candies are they?" I ask her.
She winks at me and puts another one into her mouth. I hadn't even been to a class yet and I was already breaking one of the rules. No drugs.
The little round red candies were made with a special ingredient. Weed. Cannabis. Marijuana. Whatever you want to call it, it was in the candy.
"You could have warned me," I say.
"Oh, right," She puts the lid back on the tiny tin. "Now you know! You are coming to that party with me?"
"I knew it," I sigh, thinking out loud.
"Knew what?"
"All you rich kids don't listen to these rules. They are kind of ridiculous though."
"Nobody listens to the rules, Anna," Eileen sits on her legs tapping her knees with her fingers. "There are a few people that do but they're boring."
I think on this for a moment. It looks like to fit in you have to be a rule breaker but how much of one? How many kids would snitch on me if they knew I was breaking a rule? It was different for me if one of the rich kids got caught they would go home to their convertible and 20 credit cards. If I got expelled I would be sent back to small town hell forced to endure 2 more years of public school full of classes that made me bored.
I like Eileen she's very trusting and warm. I thought everyone would be cold like the air outside.
"Alright, Eileen," I say, sitting up straighter. "I'll go to this party with you."
"If?" She raises one eyebrow catching on to my other intentions. She's smirking slightly.
"I can wear your clothes whenever I want. We look to be about the same size and I'm not wearing Wal-Mart jeans around kids who spend 300 dollars on sunglasses," I say.
"Never in my life have I-" She pauses in defending herself. "Actually, that's bullshit I brought sunglasses that were 400 dollars once. Damn."
"Also don't tell anyone my jeans are from Wal-Mart."
"What's Wal-Mart?" Eileen scrunches her nose.
"You're kidding?" My mouth falls open and I have to keep the candy from falling out.
"Yes, I'm kidding, Anna, Jesus, we're not stupid," She waves her hand.
"Expensive hairspray kills brain cells," I joke.
"Ha!" She literally says ha. "You're funny."
"Thanks, so, we got a deal?" I hold my hand out.
"You're my rule breaking buddy and you get to wear my clothes? Sounds like a win-win for you," She purses her plump lips.
"I didn't say I'd break all the rules with you," I squint at her.
"Right, Scholarship kid," She says. "Can't be sent back to corn land."
"Who said anything about corn?" I'm offended but I think she's high. I'm also high I think which is probably relevant. Or irrelevant. I'm not sure.
"You smell like corn," Eileen states, followed by a slurping sound.
"I was in the car for like a lot of hours," I stand up. I'm kind of dizzy but not a bad dizzy. Like a warm dizzy.
Eileen stands up and she holds her hand out. I forget what for. I look at her blankly.
"You get to wear my clothes and break rules with me and I take you to parties, I swear to god and the universe that if we get caught I promise to take the blame," She holds up her other hand in a kind of salute. I think boy scouts.
"Okay, Deal," We shake hands.
"Dinner is one hour," Eileen jumps onto her bed and starts bouncing on the balls of her feet, going up and down. "You should be fine by then, take a shower so you don't smell like corn and oh my god you can wear my new skirt and then we can eat sushi with Nick."
"Who's Nick?" For some reason when she says the name my heart starts racing. Nick.
"Oh!" She keeps bouncing up and down. I'm getting bad kind of dizzy watching her. "My good friend, Nick Robinson, he's funny like you and smells warm."
"I want to meet him," I blurt. I want to know Nick and smell his warm smell and hear him be funny. I feel weird suddenly wanting to know more details but I shake it off. I'm under the influence of cannabis I can't be trusted right now.
"You will! Go SHOWER!" Eileen screeches and then lands on her knees. She puffs out her cheeks, breathless. "Go use my peach shampoo so you don't smell like corn."
"Good idea," I agree.
I robotically make my way to our bathroom. The counter is a mess of makeup and hair ties and lotions. Everything is clean white though and the shower is nice like one of those ones that would be in an expensive hotel.
I undress and as soon as I'm under the warm water with my already warm body thinking about a warm guy named Nick my worries about everything run down the drain with the smell of peaches.
***
Eileen and I have a good back and forth thing. We're both small people although she's more graceful than me. I trip over air.
We're both open books, any questions we ask each other is answered back with a response. I get to know her better in an hour than I know my own mother.
There's a lounge room on every floor complete with couches, bored games, a television and mini fridges full of snacks. So, we get water and wonder back to our room.
I don't get many people staring at me but it's only a matter of time before everyone knows I'm the scholarship kid. The scholarship kid wearing her roommate's wardrobe but hopefully they won't notice that.
Eileen basically dresses me up for dinner and then the party that we'll go to afterwards.
I'm wearing a black t-shirt but it's like the softest one I have ever worn in my life; a velvet black skirt and a mess of necklaces and my doc martins. Eileen has smaller feet than me so sadly I can't wear her shoes unless I cut my toes off.
I blow dry my hair and Eileen puts whatever expensive product in it so it's shiny and fluffed up. My hair flows past my shoulders and it bounces every time I move.
Eileen puts on a pair of pink kitten heels and pink lipstick match before we head to the dining hall.
Everyone headed to the same place at once becomes clads of girls who smell like the inside of a candle store and guys wearing khakis and just people in general looking like they stepped out of the pages of vogue.
The dining hall smells like rice and perfume, round smooth tables made of wood and the sound of heels and chatter bouncing from the high ceiling.
I feel out of place even wearing Eileen's clothes. I get nervous around the groups of strangers and I know pretty soon I'll start running my mouth and somebody will have to punch me to shut me up.
We wait in line and Eileen pokes my arm.
"You look like you're about to throw up," She points out.
"No, I'm just still coming down I guess," I lie.
"I'm sure no one else will notice."
"Maybe," I chew on my cheek as we move down the line.
It's like a long and fancy buffet line. There aren't blue plastic trays like at my old school but glass plates and glass cups with pitchers of lemonade and cold water at the end of the line.
Eileen and I sit down at an empty table and she starts looking around the room, taking a bite of a sushi roll.
I prod at mine with the chopsticks.
"Where is that asshole?" Eileen mumbles.
"Nick?" I give up on the chopsticks and pick up a fork.
"Nah, Lance," Eileen says. I'm slightly disappointed. "He's got a good stash of some stuff. It's probably from Layla but I don't want to get it directly from her. Maybe I won't even see him until tonight."
I have no idea what she's rambling about so I eat. It's pretty good and after we're done my stomach wishes it had less food it in because it's starts tumbling.
Eileen and I go to the other side of the estate, where the boy's rooms are.
"Uh, what are we doing?" I ask her, it's starting to get cold, and I wish I had a jacket.
"Don't worry we aren't going inside," She waves her hand.
Eileen and I go to the back, I feel like we're about to break into a castle. There are large windows that glitter softly in the setting sun. Eileen does some sort of secret knock on one.
A couple seconds pass. A boy slides the window open. He's got brown hair that sticks up, a grin like the Cheshire cat.
"Hey, there, little E," He smirks at her and she lightly rolls her eyes, holding her palm out.
"Key, please."
"I have to check my list," He clicks his tongue.
"Oh, Shut up, Miles, you know I'm on the goddamn list," She puts her other hand on her small hip.
"You're so cute when you're feisty," He says just before disappearing but keeping the window open.
"Who's this?" I ask her. "What are we doing?"
"Miles Calaway, world class jerk but the only one who's able to make copies of keys to get into certain areas," Eileen tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "He's also the headmaster's son."
"He's what?" I ask but Miles comes back a crooked smirk on his face and a key dangling from his hand.
Eileen reaches up to grab it but he pulls it back.
"Payment," He arches an eyebrow. Eileen sighs lightly, looks around and then lifts her shirt up, flashing him.
He smirks down at her and then hands her the key. She pulls her shirt down and snatches it from him.
"Creep," She huffs, stomping away with me in hand.
"Nice doing business with you, doll!" He shouts at us. She flips him off.
"What the hell was that?" I ask once we're out of earshot.
"Don't worry about it."
"You keep saying that and I'm not quite sure I can."
"Pretty soon you and I will be surrounded by copious amounts of alcohol, I wouldn't worry about anything right now," Eileen says.
"How many rules are we breaking tonight?" My stomach turns.
"As many as we want."