*A/N:A LOT OF DRAMA SO FAR, HUH?! So I got this really nice comment from this one reader and I wanted to say thank you!(: It makes me smile so much to know people actually enjoy all of this nonsense I write. Haha! :D I hope you're enjoying everything so far and always feel free to send suggestions in PLEASE because I know I'm far from perfect. I, for one, personally enjoy this chapter. Anywho, vote, comment, follow me, you know the drill. Enjoy! ;D ALSO, I wanna recommend a book called "Saving June." It's not on Wattpad, it's a real book. All you music readers would especially enjoy it!*
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It's surprisingly dark and completely quiet outside except for the fact that cars are honking in the street and fans are screaming for R5 out in front of the venue. Besides the light from the street-lamp, the tour buses are the only source of life around. I turn the handle to the bus and thank God that it's open. Wide open. For basically anyone to enter. Anyone meaning me.
Hopefully.
I step on hopefully but cautiously and search Ross' bunk first. Even though Ryland warned me Ross is in the bathroom, I find his curled up in his bed with blankets over him. "Ross," I whisper, touching his shoulder gently.
No response.
"Ross," I repeat, shaking his shoulder.
"What," he spats at me, turning around to face his worst nightmare.
Me.
I look at the hurt in his dark brown eyes. How much pain is there is unruly to me. I know hurt and how it feels to be let down. Everyday on Twitter I wake up to constant hate and insults about my weight. It only started when I began going on tour with them. All of the fans make fun of me. My merch table is usually empty while the other opening acts' are swarming with new and eager fans. When I perform on stage, there's barely any cheers for me but certainly for everyone else. I know what it's like to feel alone.
My head dips down so our noses are touching but lips aren't. "I'm sorry Ross. I don't know what to say but pleading apologies," I sigh.
He shrugs, almost brushing me off. Pushing me away. Just like I did with him.
"Don't wait for me, Ross. I'm hopeless. I'm dumb and I'm just a kid. We're just kids. Just enjoy the music please. Don't let this come between your fans and band," I tell him, turning away to walk towards my bunk.
"Wait," he says. "Come over here again please Molly."
I do as he tells me to. Ross pats the empty side of the bed next to him and I lay down, resting my head on his shoulder.
"I can't believe you like Riker."
"I don't," I reply simply.
Lies. But I do. I think. Actually I know I like Riker. His hair, eyes, smile, personality, voice, singing voice, lips, everything. But I like Ross too for all the same reasons. Except his lips. I'm not sure how they taste or feel.
How about Ryland? He's always sending me positive signals that he likes me, but I don't know. Cheeky, but also seems to not enjoy my company either. Though I believe we're friends as I am with almost every helping hand during the tour.
"Then who do you like, Molly?"
"You."
I think.
But the real answer should be "I don't know."
"Perfect," he says, emerging from the blankets covering his head, kissing my cheek lightly. "Stay with me all night then."
"I need to go get a shower," I say, getting up to get my pajamas and shower stuff from my top bunk just above Rydel's.
"I'll come in," he shouts after me.
"No ya won't," I laugh, shutting the door behind me but also leaving it unlocked, hoping Ross might come and join me.
Though he doesn't, so I have to strip down from my clothes alone.
***
That night as the tour bus drives along on the smooth highways of the east coast, I lay awake thinking that Riker and Ross' bunk is right next to mine. Riker is on top just like me and Ross is on the bottom, across from Rydel. Both of the boys' curtains to their compartments are closed, but I can still hear how Ross does short little breaths when he sleeps and Riker snoring softly. I smile to myself knowing that they can sleep without thinking of all the horror in our relationships.
Who do I really love? Who do I wanna take down by the peaceful river and skip stones with and just talk about life? Could I count sheep with Riker at night? Ross? Ryland? Would Riker be the best to kiss under the moonlight with the salt on his lips and smooth edges of his touch? Ross would be the best to hold me close with when we midnight skate like always, guiding me along and never letting go. Ryland would be obviously the easiest to kiss under the rain due to how obvious it is that we crave each others touch. How much I want his lips and not to mention, body against mine is unbearable. I need all 3 of them.
I hear Riker open his curtain. "Molly," he laughs. "Go to sleep. You're mumbling."
In that moment, I panic. "Did you make out what I was saying?"
"No but I made out with those lips," he grins with his perfect white teeth in the darkness and closes the beige color curtain once again.
When I hear the snoring begin once again, I know that I'm alone and free to mumble about my decisions alone.
***