Chapter 6
On the drive over the bridge spanning the Fraser River, Seth tried to take stock of his physical state. His shoulder was hurting, but it wasn't unbearable. His ribs ached, but that wasn't going to change anytime soon. He wasn't tired, thanks to his nap. He pointed to the upcoming exit. "You get off here."
"I thought your house was that way," she said, pointing in the opposite direction.
"It is, but we have a stop to make."
"Okay, sure," she said, pulling smoothly into the exit lane. He knew the exact moment she saw the cinema because she stiffened. "No," she said simply.
"Look, I was a good boy. I had my nap, I did nothing physical. All day I've been looking forward to this, please don't take it away from me." Damn but he wasn't playing fair tonight.
She huffed out a sigh and pulled into a parking space, but didn't kill the engine. "I don't like being manipulated."
"Well then you're going to be really mad at me because I already bought the tickets. All I need to do it swipe my credit card and they'll pop out of the machine."
Her look turned wondrous. "You can do that?"
"When was the last time you went to see a movie?" Her face said it all, so he grabbed her right hand with his left. "So let's do this."
He knew the moment she relented because she squeezed his hand. Then she released it so she could turn off the engine. "But you'll take your painkillers." He had pocketed them before they'd left.
"Yes to the anti-inflammatory but no to the narcotics. I don't want to fall asleep in the middle of the movie."
Sensing this was an argument she was going to lose, Jocelyne simply shrugged. "You need to take it with food."
"So we'll get popcorn." A simple solution to a simple problem. Of course it was going to be awkward to carry two drinks and two bags of popcorn, so they would just have to share. When he snaked out his hand to take hers, she didn't stiffen quite as much. Maybe there might come a time when she accepted his gestures of affection naturally.
Affection?
When had this become more than two people helping each other out? When he had kissed those tears from her cheeks last night, he realized. That had been the moment when things had shifted and he wondered if she had felt the same way.
A couple walking before them spotted Seth's arm and held the door for them. Seth gave a hearty thanks and then guided Jocelyne over to the ticket machine. As promised, a bit of work on his part and two tickets popped out. Next he guided her to the concession stand. "What will you have to drink?"
"Bottled water, if that's okay."
"Of course. Do you mind if we share popcorn? Or maybe there's something else that you would like?"
She looked less certain. "I'll have a couple of pieces of yours," she said simply.
"Great," he said. "And there's a deal where you get a bag of M&Ms."
She let out a derisive and unladylike snort.
"Hey, I'm a growing boy."
That brought out a laugh.
It was their turn at the concession and this time he let Jocelyne pay. It rankled, but she hadn't fussed at the shoe store or over the fact he'd paid for the tickets. He'd checked with Owen today about her salary and had been told she was making above-market rates for her work. Owen had been defensive, but Seth had managed to bring the other man around, laying out Jocelyne's position while revealing as few details as possible. There had been a promise that nothing would be said.
The line-up for the movie wasn't too bad yet as they were seeing the late show.
"So what do I need to know about the first two movies?"
"Well, the earth's been attacked by aliens-"
"Aliens? What kind of aliens?"
"The mutant kind," Seth said. "In the last movie the hero was dead, but the aliens had been destroyed."
She furrowed her brow. "If he's dead and the aliens are gone then why have another movie?"
She was being too literal and too logical, he thought. "Because it's science fiction, not science fact. There's a procedure like cryogenics which freezes his body and his girlfriend the scientist is trying to find a way to re-animate him."
She scoffed and he noticed the two guys behind her weren't impressed with her attitude until she turned to her side and they saw her profile. Then, they started drooling. Seth wanted to put a protective arm around her. A gesture telling every man in the place she belonged to him. He couldn't have, of course because he had a drink in one hand and a sling around the other arm.
He leaned towards her.
"Jocelyne?" His voice was barely above a whisper so she had to lean in to hear him. He moved swiftly to press a kiss to her cheek. He had expected her to pull back, but she simply turned to face him.
"Why did you to that?" Her voice was also a whisper.
Her question was a valid one, but he didn't think trying to explain Neanderthal behaviour was only going to get him so far. So he came up with the next best excuse. "As a way to thank you for doing this for me."
Her eyes softened and her lips curved. "Just so long as you take your pills when we get into the theatre."
"Yes, Doc."
"Seth?"
At the call of his name, Jocelyne stepped back and to the side. Following the voice, he looked down to see a beautiful woman in a wheelchair. With an apologetic shrug, he handed Jocelyne his drink cup and immediately, he bent at the waist, giving her a big but awkward hug. "Shannon, it's so good to see you." When he stood, she kept hold of his hand.
"You remember Sergei, of course." The man was about the same height as Seth, but had blond hair and green eyes. Oh, he remembered Sergei. He had been suspicious of the man and his intentions with regard to Shannon. Now they the couple had been together almost four months and Shannon looked stunning. Stunning like she had in high school when she'd been a model. Seth couldn't remember seeing her so happy since the accident and that had been more than ten years ago.
Seth moved his right arm. "I would shake your hand..."
The Russian held up his hand. "No need. It's nice to see you again, Constable Jacobs."
So Sergei hadn't forgotten their first meeting either.
Shannon let go of his hand and held it out. "Don't mind our manners. I'm Shannon. Shannon Zaslavsky."
Seth had heard she'd gotten married.
He turned to Jocelyne. "This is Jocelyne...." He was about to give her last name but Shannon was already beaming at Jocelyne.
"I would shake your hand," Shannon began. But Jocelyne's arms were full, so she offered up a smile and a shrug.
"It's very nice to meet you, Shannon."
"And this is my husband Sergei."
Now Jocelyne grinned. "I had the opportunity to see you dance in Montréal in January. I understand you've now retired. It's a great loss for the ballet community."
"You're most generous in your praise, Jocelyne, but I'm afraid my knee could no longer tolerate the dancing. Shannon and I opened a studio last week in fact and next week we get our first group of summer students."
"Well, they'll be lucky to be taught be the best."
He inclined his head and Seth watched as Jocelyne focused on Shannon. The two women's eyes met and Shannon smiled. "Two months. We're not telling anyone yet, but Seth's like family."
"Two months what?"
Jocelyne turned and gave him a smile. "Shannon is two months pregnant."
Shannon grinned. "Oh, and I just heard from Jae and West. They're having a baby girl."
"Jae's doing well?"
Shannon beamed. "She hates being seven months pregnant in the middle of summer in Merritt, but she's making do. She's happy, Seth. I miss her and was disappointed when they decided to stay up in there, but I understand why. The community just love West up there and now they love Jae as well."
Seth couldn't help but feel happy for the women.
"And I heard Casey and Zach are married."
"Casey's starting med school in the fall," Shannon confirmed. "Marcus and Cadence are having a long-overdue wedding party." Marcus was Casey and Shannon's older brother as well as Seth's physiotherapist.
"Wow, that's awesome." Marcus being gay didn't bother him and if Cadence made the guy happy then it was no skin off of his nose. "Give your brother my best. That's, what, four weddings in six months? That means that all the little Brannigans and the Abrey kid are all hitched." He paused and swallowed down a lump in his throat.
Shannon reached out to snag his hand. "She would have wanted this, Seth, and she would have been happy."
Their movie was called and the line started to move. "Are you seeing this show?"
Sergei grinned. "Not on your life. We just saw the latest Gwyneth Paltrow romantic comedy." He and Shannon both waved and Seth inclined his head as he was now being pushed in the opposite direction.
They were able to get decent seats in the middle of the theatre and after a bit of jostling they were able to settle. Much to Seth's annoyance, Jocelyne had insisted that she sit to his right, with his shoulder between them. So that he wouldn't get jostled, she had claimed. Maybe, Seth thought grudgingly, but it also meant he wasn't going to be able to put the moves on the pretty doctor and sharing popcorn was all but impossible. Jocelyne had simply shrugged and taken the bag of M&Ms.
Jocelyne leaned over. "Who is she?"
Seth's brow furrowed. "She who?"
"Shannon said 'she' would be happy. Who is 'she'?"
Now Seth contemplated. "'She' is Lucy Finnegan. Lucy was Shannon's best friend. She died in the accident which left Shannon a paraplegic." He let out a short breath. "And, unknown to everyone, Lucy was my girlfriend."
Jocelyne looked at him. "It must have been hard to lose her. Why didn't anyone know about the two of you?"
Seth shrugged. "Her older brother Zach - who is now married to Shannon's twin sister - was very protective. I was away at university studying criminology and she was still in high school. She was seventeen and I was nineteen. Even back then, I knew I wanted to be a cop and Lucy was okay with that. Anyway, the accident was just one of those horrible things that happened and I figured why say anything after she was dead?"
"You loved her." Quiet, sure.
"I think I believed I loved her, but we were so young. Now, with years of experience behind me, I can see we were too young."
"Yet you still grieve her."
Now he twisted so he could meet her eyes. There was compassion and understanding. "It's the not knowing. Would we have stayed together or would we have gone our separate ways? When I first joined the force, I was sent to some of the more remote postings because I was single and able to move around. What if I'd had a family to care for?" He let out a breath. "So have I idealized my time with her? Probably. Do I regret her death? Absolutely. But it's been ten years. It's easier now that everyone is finally moving on. I know it was a lot to take in, but there were four girls in that car. Lucy died, Casey is starting medical school in the fall while Shannon and Jae are both pregnant. I didn't even know Shannon could get pregnant."
"Unless there is internal damage during the accident, there is no reason why a paraplegic can't conceive, carry a child, give birth, and then raise a child."
"You've said those words before, haven't you?"
Jocelyne sighed. "She was a twenty-one year old who was biking home from McGill when a car turned left in front of her. She never even had a chance to swerve. The accident left her a quadriplegic and she was really worried about having children. I didn't tell her anything that wasn't true - for her or for your friend, so don't worry. I'm sure she has a good doctor..."
"Marco," Seth supplied. "Marco has been the family's doctor since before the crash. So, yeah, she's got a really good doctor."
He was about to say more when the house lights dimmed. The first commercial began, he felt her stiffen. She leaned towards him and he inclined his head.
"Is it always this loud?"
He chuckled, "nope, this is just a preview." He looked into her eyes and they were wide. "Is this going to give you a migraine?"
"Of course not," she said, just a little too quickly. "Loud noises aren't a trigger for my migraines."
But he would bet they would trigger a tension headache. "We'll leave," he said, even as he was trying to figure out how to get up. There would be a row of disgruntled patrons, but he estimated they could make it out before the end of commercials.
He felt a hand grasp his thigh and he turned. Her eyes were still wide and her face still pale, but her jaw was set. "We're staying," she said simply.
He held her gaze for several beats to make sure this was what she really wanted and the angle of her chin told him she was certain. In that moment, he really wanted to kiss her. So much so that he was willing to risk re-injuring his shoulder if only to press his lips to hers. Would they be as soft as they looked? Would they part in surprise? Would he be able to delve in to discover if she tasted as sweet in real life as she did in his dreams?
Since he could do none of those things, he winked. Her lips curled into a small smile. Seth resettled, but he noticed her hand was still clamped on his thigh.
Two hours later, it was still there.
They waited until the theatre was mostly clear before standing. They left as the ushers came in to clean and as they headed to the car, Seth looked over at her.
"So, Doc, what did you think?"
"How did they do all that actions stuff? I mean those things weren't real, right?"
He chuckled. "Nope, they aren't real. It's called special effects and computer animation. I can explain all the technical jargon-"
She held up her hand and smiled. "No, it's really not necessary. As long as we weren't invaded by aliens when I wasn't paying attention, then everything's okay."
When they got to the truck she was about to open the door when Seth spun her so she her back was flat against the door. His good hand came up to grab the hair at the back of her neck and he dragged her to him. He cursed his other arm, but it was no deterrent as he slanted his mouth over hers. She did let out a yelp of surprise and he took full advantage. He plundered her mouth, sliding his tongue in and out. He was demanding and pleading at the same time. Her hands came up to grasp his forearms and if she had given him any indication that she wanted him to stop then he would have. Instead, she pulled him closer. Or at least it felt like it. He pressed himself against her, feeling all her curves fitting him perfectly.
"Seth?"
He pulled back, taking a moment to realize just where he was. He turned to face a grinning Rory.
"I thought that was you. Sorry to bother you," she said, although she didn't look the least bit repentant, "but I wanted to see how you're doing and to ask about Frank."
Just when he needed Jocelyne to stand in front of him, she was trying to duck behind him. He only hoped Rory couldn't see too clearly in the dark because otherwise they might both be embarrassed.
"Oh, hey there." Now Rory was approaching them. "You're that lady who helped us. You remember me, right? I was one of the paramedics."
Now Jocelyne stepped forward, although she still had a death grip on his hand.
"It's nice to see you again," Jocelyne said, her breath still a little ragged. Still, she pulled herself to her full height and held out her hand. "It's nice to see you again, Rory."
The smaller woman took the proffered hand and pumped it several times. "You were amazing, you know. I still can't believe you talked me through a thoracentesis. When I told everyone at work, including my supervisor, they were all blown away. I know you said you weren't a doctor, but what's your training?"
Seth knew he had to intervene. "So Frank is out of intensive care. We're going to see him tomorrow."
Rory blinked twice and gave Jocelyne the once-over before she smiled again. "That's great. Give him my best."
"I will." She was about to turn away. "Rory?"
She turned back. "Yeah?"
"Thanks for saving him."
The compact young woman simply shrugged. "Your girlfriend did that, I was just along for the ride. Later." With that, she was gone.
In her wake, she left two stunned people. Before Seth could say anything, Jocelyne opened his door and then rounded the hood, going to the driver's side. Whatever had just happened, it was clearly over.
She was sitting and waiting impatiently as Seth manoeuvred into the truck. She reached across him to close his door and then reached for his seatbelt. Her movements were jerky and uncoordinated, so unlike the cool, calm collected woman he was accustomed to. He found it disconcerting. When she secured the belt she started to pull away, but he reached for her with his good hand. His hand grasped her nape again, but this time she stiffened.
"I'll thank you to take your hands off of me." Ice cold. Frigid. Determined.
"Look, Rory had really bad timing."
"Let go of me, Seth." Her words were ominous and left him with a shiver running down his spine. He would never put a hand on a woman if it wasn't welcomed, so he let her go. She immediately rocked back, plastering herself against the driver's door, as far away from him as she could get without actually leaving the vehicle. "I would say that Rory's timing was impeccable." The frigid tone was back.
Seth felt his temper rising. "There were two of us, Jocelyne. You could have asked me to stop."
Even in the dim light of a distant streetlamp, he could see her eyes flash. "Your tongue was down my throat. I was hardly in a position to refuse."
He shook his head. "I'm not buying what you're selling. You were right there with me."
Now she looked scared. "I wasn't, Seth, I really wasn't."
Had he misread her? Oh, God, had he...? "I'm sorry," he said simply. "I thought it was mutual. I thought you liked me flirting with you."
She took a deep breath. "Flirting is beyond my experience, Seth. What you did...it scared me. You scared me."
Her words were the truth and it ate away at him. "I promise I won't touch you again. I apologize for misreading the signals. I would never touch a woman who didn't welcome it." He waited for his words to sink in. "Are you okay to drive?"
She nodded, sliding back into the driver's seat properly and securing her seatbelt. Her hands were steady when she put the key in the ignition, so Seth let it slide.
How could he have been so stupid? Well, having her hand on his thigh during the entire film had been more than a little distraction. All he had been able to think about was what if he nudged it just a little bit higher? What would it feel like to have her hand on him, even with denim separating them? Because her hands had been all over him before, but only in a clinical way. He wanted to know how it would be to have Jocelyne the woman's hands on him, not Jocelyne the doctor.
Still, he felt like he was going to be sick.
Jocelyne had never been so grateful to arrive anywhere in her life as she felt when she pulled into Seth's driveway. The ride had been oppressively and painfully silent. Each time she had tried to speak, the words wouldn't come. The one time she had glanced at Seth, his eyes had been closed, his head leaning back against the headrest.
She shut down the engine and turned towards him. He wasn't looking at her, but he was fumbling with the locking mechanism on the seatbelt. When he couldn't do it, he let out a sigh of frustration, so Jocelyne released it with one quick movement.
"I-"
"Don't," he said sharply. "Just don't. Are you going to open my door or am I?"
She scrambled out of the truck and rounded the hood before he did anything so mule-headed as trying to do it himself. When he was out of the truck, he held out his hand for the keys. "If you'll bring in the parcels, then I'll let the dogs out. They need a good run, so don't wait up."
Without even looking at her, he headed up to the house. Opening the trunk, Jocelyne realized it would take her at least two trips and she felt shame creep into her bones. She had treated him abominably after he had bought her all these nice things. The gifts didn't give him licence to take liberties, of course, but still, she could have rejected his advances with more finesse than she had used.
So she made the two trips into the house then half a dozen more up and down the ladder before everything was secured. Then she took her pyjamas into the bathroom and tried to follow her nightly routine as best as she could. Wash face. Comb hair. Brush teeth. All the time, she studiously avoided looking in the mirror because she knew she wouldn't be able to do it. Clipping up her hair, she made her way into the main room and felt her breath catch.
Seth was sitting at the kitchen table, staring off into space and looking tortured. A stiffening in his spine was the only indication that he'd heard her. "I was wrong to cut you off when you tried to speak. Whatever condemnation you want to make, I'll listen to it."
Jocelyne closed her eyes, praying for strength.
"You're beyond my experience, Seth."
That caught his attention and he turned towards her. His expression shifted from bleak to curious. Still, he waited for her to continue.
"I don't have a lot of...there haven't been very many..." Please, she pleaded with herself, please don't cry. She never cried, yet she had last night and she was about to again.
Still, he said nothing.
"It's me who should be apologizing to you. If I led you on-"
His leaping to his feet was so sudden she stopped abruptly. He winced from the sudden movement and she did in sympathy.
"Don't ever make excuses for the misbehaviour of a man."
Was that what she had been doing? Wasn't that what she had always done?
She pressed her trembling fingers to her lips.
"Who was he Jocelyne? A boyfriend? A husband? Is that who you're running from? Did he hurt you? Did he beat you? Did he rape you?"
"Stop!" The scream came spontaneously, but it was so primal it stopped him in his tracks.
Now the tears came unbidden, unheeded and unchecked.
"Mon Dieu," she whispered. "Non, Dieu."
Seth held up his hands in front of him in the universal 'I'm not going to hurt you' gesture. "Do you want me to stay or do you need me to go?"
What the hell did she need? She swiped at her tears with the back of her hand and tried to sniff up the snot. She was falling apart and she wasn't even sure she cared anymore. It was too much and she moved blindly to the couch, barely missing landing on the floor as she all but collapsed. She wrapped her arms around her waist, doubled over, and buried her face in between her knees. She just kept repeating the prayer in her head. Je vous salue, Marie, pleine de grace...Sainte Marie, Mère de Dieu, priez pour nous...
She was praying to a God she no longer believed in.
Seth was too stunned to move. He was afraid to, lest she start again. Her tears had been stemmed, probably by exhaustion or by sheer force of will on her part. Now, there were just little shivers. It was cold in here, he thought distractedly. Or maybe it was just his belayed reaction to that scream. He'd heard that scream more than once in his career. It usually happened after he told someone their loved one had died. That was the part of the job he hated the most. Some people went into complete denial, some became catatonic, and some let out screams of pain he felt in the well of his soul.
Still, he couldn't just stand here. So he went to the kitchen to get a bottle of water and then he went to the bathroom to get a box of tissues. He placed them, along with a blanket, on the coffee table in front of Jocelyne, careful to keep a decorous and safe distance from her.
Then he went to the kitchen to take his narcotic painkillers because the pain was so bad he knew he wouldn't sleep otherwise.
When he came back this this time, she was still bent at the waist. He sat in the chair opposite and prepared to settle in for a long night, because there was no way he was leaving her alone in the state she was in. She might not want him, but she was going to have him. He would offer support and he would offer comfort, but he wouldn't walk away.
He must have fallen asleep because he was jolted awake when he heard his name. His eyes blinked open and he tried to clear his mind.
Jocelyne.
He looked over at the couch where she was staring at him through glassy eyes. The water, tissues and blanket were, as of yet, untouched.
"Can I make you some tea?"
She nodded.
"Can I put the blanket over your shoulders?"
She nodded.
So, despite the pain, Seth rose. He shook out the blanket, grateful when she reached for it and then pulled it around her shoulders.
Instead of boiling the kettle, Seth stuck the mug in the microwave, watching the seconds tick down. He had the tea at the ready and stirred it instead of taking the time to let it steep. Finally, he put in as much honey as he thought she could stand.
When he came back to the main room, Jocelyne was sitting in the corner of the couch with her knees drawn up under her chin and the blanket wrapped around her entire body. Still, she was shivering.
Seth handed her the mug which she took, not meeting his eyes.
He went back to the chair and resettled. A quick glance at the mantle clock told him that about an hour had elapsed. Still, it had been enough and he was invigorated rather than punchy, which he was sometimes after an aborted nap.
"I don't know what happened." Her voice was barely a whisper and Seth had to strain to hear her.
"Tell me what to do," he asked. "Tell me what to say."
Now, she looked at him. "I don't lose it. I don't ever lose it."
He gave her a nod of acknowledgement, choosing silence over speech.
She looked away for so long Seth began to wonder if he was losing her. Then she turned back. "I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry," he said, carefully modulating his voice to keep a calm and reassuring tone. "But something I said triggered you. Can you tell me what it was?"
He was taking a hell of a risk, dragging her back to that horrible place, but he needed to know. He couldn't help if he didn't know everything.
She sighed deeply. "I'm not running from him."
So there was a 'him'. Seth had wondered.
"It...it's too complicated to explain."
"Try."
Her gaze snapped to him at his sharp tone. Well at least he had her attention. Because he knew the next part. Or at least he thought he did.
She sighed again. "A man like you will never understand a woman like me."
"Come again?" He didn't try to hide his bafflement.
"I'm not sophisticated, I'm not worldly."
"Are you a virgin?"
Her laugh was bitter and it made his skin crawl.
"No, I'm not a virgin."
"Was it rape?"
She looked away. Far away. "No," she said quietly, "it wasn't rape."
"Are you sure? Jocelyne, lack of consent is the definition of rape. It's one person taking that which is not freely given."
Now she looked back, but he could tell she didn't see him. "I didn't say no, so it wasn't rape." Then she seemed to find something within herself. "It only happened like that the once. It never happened like that again."
Was that a good thing or a bad thing? He wasn't sure. Once was often enough to cause permanent scars and wounds which never healed properly. Unsure of the next step, he leaned forward in the chair, mindful of his shoulder. "Tell me what I can do."
She frowned, as if this were a new thought. "I'm just saying that you're beyond my experience. You made me feel...strange. Uncomfortable. I didn't know how to make you stop."
The popcorn was about to make itself known again as his gut twisted.
"But you didn't hurt me," she added, almost as an afterthought.
Well at least that was something.
"I think I need to go to bed." Yet she made no move to do that. Then she looked up at him. "I need to help you get your shirt off."
Not a chance in hell.
"No, you don't. I put it on and I can take it off." He paused. "Do you think you can make it up the ladder? Or do you want the bedroom? It has a lock," he said, when she gave him an odd look.
"I'll go up the ladder." She began to move and Seth knew that her cramped muscles were screaming in agony, but she was pushing through the pain. He wanted to go to her. He wanted to offer her support. He wanted to wrap her up forever and protect her from all the bad things in the world.
Since he could do none of those things, he simply watched her until she went up the ladder and had crawled into bed.
Only then did he let out the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.
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