Nadine's POV
"Mahal kita. Mahal na mahal..." the words were as clear and deafeaning. But I cannot stand it.
He apologized. Begged for it. I wanted to walk towards him and tell him it's fine...tell him we are fine. But I just can't
I did not change and move on for nothing. I can't let him stand on the way.
As he looked at me, crying, I stood steadily. I have to do this. "Telling me how you feel won't change anything. It will not make things better...it is making it worse." and gave out a blunt stare.
I opened the door for him to leave. "Umuwi ka na. Inaantok na ako."
But he did not listen.
This guy's cranium is as hard as steel. Why is he so stubborn?
He hugged me tightly and pinned me to the wall. I struggled as I tried to catch my breath.
"I swear to God, I'm gonna kick you by the balls if you ever try to do something to me." I half-shouted while struggling to free myself from his embrace.
"It was not my intention to hurt you, baby... I did not even want to walk away..." he whispered as he breathed.
Why does it feel so right? He hugs me and I feel so weak.
Tears were slowly flowing down my cheeks, there was no hiding it. All these years I've been keeping it tough, and right now he is just close to me, my feelings start to show. The pain. The bitterness. The indifference.
And the longing.
It was not long for him to notice how these tears have been trickling down my cheeks. He wiped it carefully, "I can never tell you how sorry I am for everything I've done wrong, Nadine. That I left.. But please..." it was all it took for him to lay his lips gently to mine. "You have no idea how much I have been loving you. Even after all this time being away from you."
"Yes, I have none. And no, you don't have any idea how much you have broken me." I almost felt my voice cracked. Wiping my tears were too hard to do, especially when he is near. I never felt so vulnerable as I do whenever he is there.
"I'm here now, I am not going anywhere... Please give me one last chance." his eyes were full of pleading. "Let me fix the mess I've made.."
"Thanks, but I've already fixed it myself." I said firmly.
James POV
I could never be sorry enough for the reckless thing I've done a year ago. But I swear to God, hurting her feelings was the last thing I wanted to do. Leaving her to let her move on was never easy.
But things have been rough. And time has left her scars. I can see how much she has changed, and how she has left the girl I dearly adored.
Standing right in front of me is a woman, full of anguish. I can feel it. But that anguish was covered in coldness, I can barely get right through it.
Now, she is really hurting me.
I wanted to fix things. Fix us. But clearly, this woman has no intention of letting me in, again.
"Yes, I have none. And no, you don't have any idea how much you have broken me," her statement was full of pain. If she could only feel how much it pains me to see her hurt, to see her crying while she was about to leave just a year ago.
I begged for her to give me a chance...
One last chance to make it right.
"I'm here now, I am not going anywhere... Please give me one last chance." I was pleading. "Let me fix the mess I've made.." then my eyes were almost red. I feel so weak and almost about to cry.
"Thanks, but I've already fixed it myself." she said without blinking.
I have never felt this before. My knees were almost trembling, there was a cold gush of air on the top of my lungs...I am being dumped. I feel broken right before I knew it.
"What happened to you?" I said as tears were about to fall from my eyes. "You have changed a lot."
"I did not changed, James." she let out a sigh before she ended it with a phrase that was almost unbelievable. "All the time you chose to flee away, that's when I grew up."
This is the most painful thing that I can imagine. Her words were gentle, never mean. But like a paper, the cut maybe small...but the pain is nagging.
"I did, too. But I never unloved you," as I tried to console myself from the tears that have fallen from my eyes.
She looked at me and breathed heavily, "Me either...but I already chose not to live with it."