May 29, 2019
This section goes over the importance of good syntax. Syntax is focused on specifically, rather than a broad summary of basic English grammar. As a Base section, it has little to no examples drawn from canon Warriors.
You hear it so often in other guides, how important it is to have good grammar. Not only that, but professional authors, other fanfiction writers, and bloggers stress the importance of good grammar. Now you are hearing it from an ameteur who self-edits all their own content. It is important. That is why syntax comes first in this guide. Now here is the thing: syntax is not the kind of grammar you think it is. It is grammar, yes, but I am not going to tell you to ease off the exclamation points or remember to put quotations at the beginning and end of dialogue. I am going to tell you about laying out your sentences. Lets define syntax for those of you who do not know:
Sin·taxˈ
noun: syntax
the arrangement of words and phrases to create well-formed sentences in a language.
"the syntax of English"
Syntax is literally sentence structure. The words you chose. Where and why you added a comma or a run-on sentence. What words to use to target a specific audience. The effect it has on both the character and the reader. It is the part people are reading the most of: paragraphs of description, dialogue snippets, or even songs should you have them. Sometimes people reading books pause and go "wait, what the hell...?" What they just read does not quite resonate properly in their mind. Their understanding of English syntax is sitting dormant in the back of their mind. It is like hearing a non-native English speaker speak English. Only, in that situation, they have the benefit of the doubt. But that is what it can be in a worst-case scenario. In fanfiction, it usually is the result of not taking the time to edit or rushing to get something done. Like in this example from a fanfiction on DeviantArt (no need to shame the author; link is in the comments):
Ratpaw stood in the sick bay, her head tilted in confusion as her mentor's lithe body disappeared into the crevice. She'd seen him do this a few times, but a slight feeling of unease always stopped her from asking about it or even more so following him. As she sat there, her nerves began to cause her body to shiver, she lay down and subconsciously began to gnaw at her paws- a habit she was known for in times of stress. Ratpaw didn't deal well with pressure and always tried to avoid it; she had wanted to become a warrior like her siblings and den mates. But when it came to practice battles or assessments of hunting, she always panicked and reverted to her mind numbing habit of chewing at her claws and paws leaving permanent scars. Painful reminders of her failure.
Plot? Not our target, tonight. We are just looking at the author's syntax with this example. As I stated earlier syntax is still part of grammar, but not spelling or punctuation. "The tree stood its ground as the cat leaped throughout." is still just as grammatically valid as "The cat climbed up the tree." Yet one is more clear and concise; ignoring things like purple prose or personification, one gets the point across better because of our choice of words and their arrangement.
Ratpaw stood in the sick bay, her head tilted in confusion as her mentor's lithe body disappeared into the crevice.
The first sentence should set off some signals in your head. If not, read it aloud. We can immediately spot the words that throw off the flow of this sentence: "sick bay", "lithe". Sick bay makes us think of Star Trek (I hope) and lithe, while easy to guess in context, still disrupts the flow of the sentence by not being obvious and not rolling off the tongue based on the words that precede it. There is also a third problem: we do not know where Ratpaw is standing because of the author's word choice. Is Ratpaw inside or in front of the sick bay? While the sentence is grammatically correct, the author's word choice is poor. We can use different words to make it read closer to canon Warriors and flow better without making us pause.
Ratpaw stood in [front of] the [medicine den], her head tilted in confusion as her mentor's [slender] body disappeared [through] the crevice.
With a few word swaps, the sentence becomes much easier to read through. While none of them were challenging or difficult to understand, the author's word choice kept the sentence from flowing as it should. This is especially important to remember on sentences that are for description or exposition. That text should be as clean and easy to read (and therefore remember) as possible.
Next sentence:
She'd seen him do this a few times, but a slight feeling of unease always stopped her from asking about it or even more so following him.
That sentence does have a one grammar error, but it is a vaguely specific one. Regardless, the author's bloat of words has slowed us down this time, rather than just specific words. Using too many words to describe something is not actually an error from a technical standpoint, but it is messing with our ability to clearly and quickly absorb (and therefore remember) the information.
The author says "but a slight feeling of unease" to describe her anxiousness. That is an unnecessary amount of words. The phrase runs into itself trying to get that anxiousness across to the reader, hampering their ability to absorb (and therefore remember) the information. Next, lets go to "or even more so following him". Not only are some words able to be completely omitted without affecting the sentence, but we need to rearrange the sentence to make the statement as is work properly, and even then it's grammatical stretch. We can take away and condense words to make this statement flow just as well as the one we changed before it, and faster even.
She [had] seen him do this a few times [before], but [nerves] always stopped her from asking about it, [let alone following him].
With this sentence, the amount of words used to get a point across has been decreased, making the it easier to read. If you are describing something universal or easy to grasp, like general anxiety, use words like "anxious" or "nervous" rather than trying to describe them and add words (unless there is a specific stylistic or plot point to it). During the editing process, you will be surprised just how many words you can cut from sentences here and there and still get your point across.
Little choices of words here and there can have a big impact on readability, as I have shown you. Lets see if you can reorganize, replace, and reword these sentences to make a better descriptive paragraph. Do it in the comments section if you have to. Just try it before reading on.
...
Here is what I came up with:
Ratpaw stood in front of the medicine den, her head tilted in confusion as her mentor's slender body disappeared through the crevice. She had seen him do this a few times before, but nerves always stopped her from asking about it, let alone following him in. As she sat, she began to tremble, subconsciously gnawing at her paws - a habit she was known for in times of stress. Ratpaw did not deal well with pressure and always tried to avoid it, though she longed to become a warrior like her siblings and den-mates. But when it came to hunting or practice battles, she always panicked and reverted to her damaging practice, leaving painful scratches. Scratches she felt were reminders of her failures.
Is this paragraph now perfect? No. There are still some issues with the importance of information and how it is presented, but I tried to change as little about it as I could to prove a point on syntax. Properly used, it can easily improve the clarity of a paragraph and allow the reader to easily process (and therefore remember) your information better. I have been focusing on ways to improve syntax so far, but what about when the syntax is correct or does not need improving? Next, we will see syntax in action. Simply changing the words or the order of them can change the context and tone of information. Lets see what that looks like.
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SYNTAX IN ACTION
Now we have seen how picking and rearranging some words can make a sentence flow much better than before. How is this portrayed in canon Warriors? Truth is, syntax is everywhere writing is. From fanfictions to career resumes, all writing can be improved with good syntax. Even so, we will look at an example from canon, specifically The New Prophecy - Moonrise. The example was taken straight from the Warriors wiki:
"Neither of them is right. And neither is wrong. Prophecies are strange things. Their words are never clear. Everything depends on how cats interpret the prophecy. And whether the prophecy is fulfilled depends on what they decide to do about it. It is up to us to choose the code we live by. Isn't that true for your cats as well?" - Talon of Swooping Eagle
There are definitely no grammar errors here. The syntax is on point, if a little bland. But that is okay. I did not pick this statement because there is something wrong with it. I picked it because the syntax is directly influencing our perception of Talon and his personality. The way he speaks, what words he chooses, all of it influences how he comes across as a character. But if we change some words here and there, maybe the order of information, we can even make him come across as a different character.
Here is one way to present Talon:
"Prophecies... strange things, aren't they, Stormfur. They're not right, but they're not wrong either. The message is never quite clear. So it all has to depend on how they're interpreted. And whether one is fulfilled or not depends on what others do about it. For us, it's a choice... what about you and your cats? Do you choose your own way?"
Written this way, and Talon sounds like he came straight out of an anime. Casual, dealing with a subject other cats might find heavy and passing it off as if it was general information. He uses shorter sentences, like he has discussed this enough times to be second nature to him. Or that the topic simply does not interest him anymore. He is not quite as serious as the original Talon, but he still makes the exact same point.
Another way to present Talon:
"Prophecies? Neither is right or wrong. So where does that leave the ones the prophecy is given to? Confused. Seeking interpretation from some wiser cat. But even then, it never happens the way StarClan tells it, or the way others interpret it. That is why we follow our own instincts. We do not let some muddled statement from the stars tell us how to live the rest of our lives. And what of your cats, Stormfur. Are the lives of your cats consumed by these 'words of wisdom' from our ancestors?"
This Talon comes across as someone who no longer believes in StarClan, not just someone who never believed; that plot point alone could add depth to his character. His tone is a tad harsher. He speaks longer but gets to his points quickly. In a way, it is almost like he is ranting. He does not like StarClan in this rewrite. But he is still making the exact same point as the other rewrite and the canon: that Talon believes cats are in charge of their own destiny, StarClan or not. We could reword that a few different ways and give off a different Talon of Swooping Eagle each time. But you get the idea. We can change his character or emotions simply by changing sentence structure, and the main idea can remain intact.
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IN CONCLUSION...
We can speed up the tempo by making our sentences shorter. We can alter the tone by choosing different words to say. We can incite a long pause in action by using long sentences to describe scenery. All by adjusting the syntax and altering our word choice. It's not a matter of using the wrong words, it's just how we use certain words, and how they match up to affect how we interpret what we're reading and how we process it...
...That above sentence is terrible, yes? But now you recognized it as such and, hopefully, know how to correct it. Good luck with all your tone adjusting and word swapping.
- Tyto