*** brief mention of abuse in the form of asking about his background
Dr. Love: Good evening. How are you doing?
I'd been sitting on my couch in my underwear eating vast quantities of everything I could get my hands on. He probably didn't need to know that.
Chris: I'm fine Sir. How are you?
Dr. Love: Well. I hope that my leaving the other day didn't cause you any distress.
Chris: No, it was fine. I'm used to you being weird.
Dr. Love: Chris. Manners.
Chris: Sorry. I have a question. May I ask?
Dr. Love: Continue
Chris: Why can't I touch you? Sir.
Dr. Love: I allow you to touch me quite often. After all, you are in fact touching me whenever I touch you.
Chris: Fine, but you touching me is NOT the same as me touching you. In the club you freaked out.
Dr. Love: May I ask you a question in response?
Way to change the subject Greg. Why had I thought I would get an answer?
Chris: Of course.
Dr. Love: Never mind. It's a limit. Simple as that.
Chris: That's not an answer
Dr. Love: Yes it is. I told you when we began that you weren't allowed to touch me but as soon as I left you unrestrained you did so. You did not ask permission.
Chris: But WHY is it a limit?
Dr. Love: I don't have to explain my limits to you just as you do not have to explain yours to me. Have I asked you to convince me of the validity of any of your limits? I accepted them fully. I have never even mentioned a single one of your hard limits and I always ask permission before exploring your soft ones.
Dr. Love: I will grant you that I should have asked about the tie. I apologize. I was angry and it was unacceptable for me to let my emotions get away from me. I did however truly believe that it fell within your explanations page and was green but we had not talked about it. I won't do it again until we've had a chance to clarify that rule.
Chris: No it was fine. It was green. Barely but yeah. Clarification would be good on that one, thank you because I think I'd like to change it if I can.
Chris: I didn't think of touching you that way. As a limit. I'm sorry.
My fingers hovered over the screen. I wanted to know why. I got that I shouldn't ask but WHY couldn't I? I mean who has that limit? He was the one who told me he knew that I needed reasons but he wouldn't give me one.
Chris: Did someone hurt you? I mean like beat you or something? Not sexually now I mean abuse you? As a kid?
I regretted hitting send as soon as I had.
Dr. Love: No. Not at all. My parents are wonderful people and I had a very happy childhood. Can we change the subject now? This isn't pleasant birthday talk.
Chris: It's your BIRTHDAY?
Dr. Love: It is.
Chris: Why didn't you tell me?
Dr. Love: I thought I just did. Does it matter?
Chris: Well yeah I would have gotten you something.
Dr. Love: I don't want anything from you Chris. You are a gift.
Chris: Oh, you're with Eli. Of course. Um, I should let you go and get ready or whatever. Happy birthday Sir.
Dr. Love: I'm not with Eli. Nor will I be later.
Chris: So what are you doing for your birthday?
Dr. Love: I'm watching the news and texting you.
Chris: What is it with you and the news?
Dr. Love: I like to know what's going on in the world. Besides, no reruns.
Oh no, this was not okay. A surprise was in order. Nobody should spend their birthday alone watching the news. Seriously?
Chris: I have to run, sorry. Can I text you later?
Dr. Love: Of course Pet. Take care.
*** *** ***
An hour later I was at his door. I hadn't gotten him a real present because that would take time and I thought it might be overstepping. I had a small cake though from the little bakery near my house and a bottle of wine. It seemed like a good compromise. Even if he didn't want me to spend the time with him I thought I could just drop it off and he could celebrate however he wanted to.
"Chris. You're here."
I understood his surprise, it felt very odd to ring his doorbell and to greet him while wearing clothes. "Surprise. I brought you a little celebration." I handed him the bottle of wine and he accepted it, but he still looked a bit off. No, check that, he looked awful. "Are you okay?"
He was wearing gym clothes and hadn't shaved. His hair was not the perfect coif it usually was; he must have gotten out of the shower and just left it to dry as is. "I'm fine."
"Having a hard time getting older? How old are you, anyway?" I asked. "Sir?"
"I'm 31."
"I didn't think you were that old. You look younger."
"Thank you? Is that a cake?"
I looked down. "Yes, yes it is. Chocolate. I just wanted..." and suddenly I felt ridiculous. He was my dom not my friend and we weren't even, what were we right now? "I didn't... I'm sorry if..." I thrust it towards him and he took it. "I should go. I'm so sorry."
"Chris?"
"Yes Sir?"
"Would you like to come in?"