dear b,
why is air a lot like sex? because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
what is the mexican version of one direction? Juan direction.
what is the difference between tiger woods and Santa Claus? Santa stopped after 3 hos.
what did yeah buffalo say to his son when he left for college? bison.
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?" In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00." Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?" "That's obvious," the saleslady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."
what did jay z call his wife before they got married? feyonce.
okay so 10 year old little Timmy walked himself home from school one day and he walks through the door to see his mom and dad banging over the couch. Timmy was very upset and went to his room and the parents were like damn. and so the next day the dad walked through the door and sees Timmy like railing the grandma over the couch. and Timmy says "yeah not so funny when it's your mom is it."
who doesn't love a good joke every little while? I know I do, so I hope these at least made you smile. I know they made me smile, and if they didn't make you, then laugh at my very stupid sense of humor.
(also: sorry half of these jokes are dirty and just plain stupid)
love,
Hayes