Waking up early had become a habit for Lauren. Ever since Camila had come into her life, she was always the first one awake. Like a guard dog, almost. She liked having the first hour or so of quiet to herself.
Today was different, though. And Lauren knew well enough why she woke up with a sinking feeling in her stomach.
Camila knew, too, because while Lauren was waiting for her coffee to warm up, she heard quiet footsteps enter the kitchen behind her. A small blanket was wrapped around her shoulders, and Camila leaned over her shoulder to press a soft kiss to her cheek before padding over to get her own breakfast.
"You're up early," Lauren commented, even though she knew why. Camila was aware of this, too, because the brown eyed girl simply shrugged her shoulders as she poured herself a glass of orange juice.
"Could not sleep," Camila offered Lauren a nervous glance while the green eyed girl retrieved her mug and cradled it between her hands. "I know you were in the studio last night."
Lauren nodded, confirming Camila's suspicions. "Couldn't sleep," she laughed weakly, leaning back against the counter and watching as the steam from her coffee drew patterns in the cold morning air. "Looks like we're in the same boat."
"You okay?" Lauren set her mug aside and held out one of her arms, opening the blanket and offering Camila the space beside her. Her wife simply nodded, yawned, and shuffled across the kitchen to lean against the green eyed girl's side.
"It does not get easier," Camila admitted. Lauren studied her wife, who pushed her tousled hair out of her face and shook her head. "Life... does not get easier. We just get used to it."
"Hey now," Lauren sighed. It'd been a tough few days for them. Camila especially. First Wolf's death and now... well, today.
"We get tougher, Camila," her voice softened, and she gained Camila's attention by using her full name. "That sounds more noble. It doesn't get easier, but we learn how to throw a few punches. Some more than others."
"She is too young," Camila sighed. She understood Lauren's words, she really did. But sometimes it was so much easier for her to sulk in her worries than to take the green eyed girl's advice. "It is not fair. It never is."
"I'd change it if I could, babe," Lauren reached out and gently slid Camila's glass out of her hands so she could lace their fingers together. "And I know you'd do the same in a heartbeat. But we can't. We can wish as hard as we want, but sometimes things don't turn out the way people think they should."
"I remember what it was like," Camila simply nodded instead of acknowledging Lauren's words. "Everyone... everyone was waiting for me to cry. But I did not."
"Crying isn't weakness, you know."
"I know," Camila shook her head. "But... I was thinking a lot. Because I wondered if all those people were crying because they were really sad for them, or... or because they were sad that they lost them. My cousin told me that he was going to miss them, and I remember thinking that he sounded pretty selfish."
"I was mad for a long time, too," the brown eyed girl paused for a few moments and watched as Lauren took a sip from her mug, nodding for her to continue. "At them. But... but I think I was just mad because I was too scared of being sad. Because then it was real. And I did not want it to be real."
"Funerals are never fun," Lauren agreed, running a hand through her hair. "You said it yourself. It's just a bunch of people gathering around and being sad together."
"I hate it," Camila shook her head. Lauren just nodded in agreement, wrapping an arm around Camila's waist and resting her head on her shoulder.
"That's why today's going to be different," Lauren shrugged. "I already asked Presley what she wanted to do to remember them. We decided we're going to plant flowers for by their graves and paint some rocks to place around them. I already got permission from the cemetery and everything."
There had never been an official 'funeral' for Presley's parents. Lauren and Camila had only received word that they'd been buried at a local cemetery, and a private donation had provided their headstones.
The two girls hadn't been sure how to approach the subject with Presley. In the end, they didn't need to, because Presley had been the one to bring it up.
Lauren had thought the smaller girl was asleep in her lap while she was watching television. But when the smaller girl sat up and asked about what was happening to the people in black clothes on the screen, Lauren had no other option but to explain to the smaller girl what a 'funeral' was.
She hadn't exactly understood it at first. But as Lauren explained it to her, Presley had gone quiet. Later that night at the dinner table, she had asked when her parents' funeral was, taking both of the girls by surprise.
Unfortunately, that had happened only one day after Wolf's passing, and Camila excused herself to wash the dishes. Lauren understood, though, and proceeded to sit Presley down and help her come up with a special way that they could celebrate the lives of her parents.
And now here they were, on a chilly Saturday morning in December, standing in their kitchen and discussing the events that were to happen that afternoon.
"It is too cold," Camila shook her head. "Everything will die."
"Have some faith in me, babe," Lauren whispered, leaning over and kissing the corner of her wife's mouth. "Ally's letting us use her greenhouse over the winter, so we can go back and plant them in the summer. Plus, I already went out and bought a few trees that grow in this kind of weather."
"When did you do that?" Camila raised an eyebrow.
"This morning," Lauren laughed and ran a hand through her hair. "You don't have to worry about a thing, okay? I've got this. You just have to tag along and be your beautiful little self."
The brown eyed girl couldn't help but laugh, turning her head away from Lauren to hide how pink her cheeks had grown.
"And after we finish visiting with her parents, we're going to come home and have hot cocoa and marshmallows and watch Toy Story," Lauren added with a soft laugh, reaching out and squeezing Camila's hand. "Presley says that was their favorite movie to watch together."
So a little over an hour later, the trio packed up in their small car and drove to the cemetery. Once they got there, Presley marched ahead of them in her brand new yellow winter coat. Her bright blue boots led them along the wrought iron fence, until Lauren stopped them at the back corner of the cemetery and pointed out two small headstones.
"That's them?" the smaller girl stopped in her tracks, digging her shoes into the cracked soil and turning around to look up at Lauren.
"That's them," Lauren confirmed with a soft nod. She noticed Presley's hesitation and knelt down beside her. "What's on your mind, lovebug?"
"It's different," Presley glanced between the graves and Lauren, and then up to Camila who had caught up with them.
"What do you m-?"
"It is okay," Camila cut Lauren off, giving her an apologetic look before kneeling down beside Presley and placing a hand on the smaller girl's shoulder. "It is supposed to feel like that."
"Like what?" Lauren whispered, a bit confused by Camila's words. The brown eyed girl turned to her wife and pursed her lips in thought.
"Like seeing them is supposed to make it feel better," Camila spoke up after a few moments of silence. "You... you expect it to feel the same as before. But it does not. It is different."
"It is not bad, though," Camila turned back to Presley and squeezed her hand. "Sometimes different is okay."
"Oh," Presley nodded, tilting her head to the side. "Can I touch them?"
"The gravestones? Yeah," Lauren laughed softly and nudged the smaller girl forwards. "Go ahead, babes. We're right behind you."
Lauren and Camila watched as the Presley glanced up at them once more, before quietly walking towards the two graves. They followed behind her, but Camila grabbed Lauren's hand to stop her, wanting to give the smaller girl her space.
They watched as Presley came to a stop in front of the graves, studied them, and then proceeded to sit down in front of them. The smaller girl pulled grass out of the ground with her fists, reaching up and sprinkling it overtop the graves. Camila couldn't help but laugh softly at the smaller girl's makeshift decoration.
"You good?" Lauren asked, pausing to make sure Camila was okay. And surprisingly, she was. The smaller girl simply nodded and took her hand, pulling her forward to join Presley by the graves.
The next hour or so was composed of Presley telling them stories, listing all her favorite memories with the two people who inhabited the graves. She sure could talk someone's ear off, but Camila and Lauren both listened intently. Because it mattered to her, it mattered to them.
"Lo, look," Camila whispered, nudging her wife's side and pointing upwards. Confused, Lauren raised her eyebrows and looked up in confusion.
"I don't see anyth-," Lauren clamped her mouth shut when she felt something brush against her nose. Blinking a few times, she let her eyes adjust, only to realize it had started to snow softly.
"Oh," Lauren giggled. Presley paused, looking at the girls in confusion and then looking up at the sky.
"What're you looking at?" she asked quietly, tilting her head to the side and crawling over to the green eyed girl. Lauren just laughed, glancing at Camila before reaching out and taking Presley's tiny hand. Turning it over, she watched as a snowflake fluttered down and landed on the girl's palm, staying for a moment before quickly melting against her warm skin. Presley's eyes widened.
"It's snowing!" the smaller girl squealed, jumping up to her feet in excitement. "That means it's Christmas!"
Lauren and Camila immediately exchanged concerned glances.
"It's not Christmas yet, goof," Lauren laughed and shook her head. "Twenty five more days."
"Twenty five?" Presley's shoulders dropped and her bottom lip pouted. "But that's so many!"
"Not if you have just as much fun inbetween," Lauren shrugged. Presley thought about this for a moment.
"Does that mean we can still have hot cocoa? Even though it's not Christmas yet?" she looked up hopefully, clasping her hands together and glancing back and forth from Lauren to Camila. "Please?"
"Will you settle for hot cocoa with marshmallows?" Lauren teased, scooping down to pick Presley up and place her on her shoulders. The smaller girl squealed gleefully, pulling Lauren's beanie off of her head and giggling as she placed it on her own.
"Lots and lot'sa marshmallows," she nodded excitedly, holding onto Lauren as the green eyed girl began walking back the fence, leading them back towards the car. Camila laughed, jogging up behind them and switching the beanie on Presley's head for the one on hers.
Two hours and a lot of hot cocoa later, Camila sat on the couch, watching as Buzz Lightyear swooped in to save the day. Meanwhile, Presley was asleep in her lap, and Lauren was asleep with her head on her wife's shoulder.
Camila had nearly dozed off as well, until she felt the tiny girl stirring in her arms.
"Mama?"
Camila paused, her attention being turned away from the movie and down to the girl in her arms. Instantly figuring that Presley was dreaming, Camila shifted her position on the couch and turned down the TV slightly.
"Mama?" Presley's small voice was clearer now. And when Camila looked down, she realized the smaller girl's eyes were fixed on her, gazing up at the girl expectantly.
She had been addressing her.
"Me?" Camila was shocked, and she quickly blinked a few times to let her eyes adjust.
"Yes, you," Presley giggled. The smaller girl sat up, yawning and rubbing her eyes with her tiny hands. "I'm hungry."
"I-I... well... dinner," Camila stumbled over her words, quickly shaking off her initial shock and excitement and giving the girl a small smile. "Let's go make dinner, little flower," she said softly, standing up and taking Presley into her own arms.
She could've sworn she saw Lauren's lips curve into a smile as she carried the smaller girl into the kitchen.
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a/n: fluff fluff fluff don't hate me for yesterday's chapter fluff fluff fluff
- lena (lenajfc on twitter, txrches on tumblr)