ALL RIGHTS RESERVED COPYRIGHTED 2015
CHAPTER EIGHT
IRENE
Stupid fig pudding—Irene thought to herself as she pushed the dish away from her, not caring that it would be rude behavior to do so. She would rather be in her bedroom right now—blasting Steve Perry or the Rolling Stones on full volume than sitting in the dining room that she and Selene used once every year (when her grandparents came over for Christmas), while plastering a large grin to everyone and listening to Orion's annoying as hell little sister, Eliza, talking about her school week and how she had just dealt with her first break up.
Honey, you don't even know heartbreak yet—Irene grumbled in her mind, before she glanced up from her plate and found that both Selene and Erin were chatting animatedly to each other about anything and everything. Years without the company of her late husband made Selene an expert when it came to avoiding topics that had to do with Rico.
"I'm done," Irene stated before she went to get up from her seat—finding that both Selene and Erin turned their attention towards her again. The unsaturated disappointment was smothering Irene from the gaze that her mom gave her, the deepness of the irritation mixed with the disappointment did nothing more than have Irene roll her eyes at her.
"Oh, but dear, you didn't even eat any of the fig pudding," Erin pointed out, and Irene couldn't help but roll her bluish gray irises at the woman again—knowing that the last thing that she wanted to talk about at the moment was fig pudding and how this horrible stuff was passed down and the award winning speech when it came to Erin wanting to have Irene actually sit down and eat that piece of shit.
"Do not call me dear," Irene hissed at the woman, as she stood behind her dining chair and tightened her fingers against the wooden chair. "And don't mention that pudding again, or I'll tell you my opinion on your stupid fig pudding and I think you'd not like that."
"Irene!"
Irene turned her attention away from the woman sitting calmly in her seat, her eyes showing a muse of hiddenness. Selene sat at the end of the table, and her eyes shot daggers at her daughter as she calmly stood up and almost glared at her daughter as though she had just committed murder in front of her very own eyes.
"Apologize!"
"You want me to apologize? I'm just telling her the truth. Her family fig pudding is a piece of shit!" Irene pointed out, earning an earth defying silence in the dining room. Flickering her eyes towards Erin, she saw that her face was still the same—stone cold towards the comment.
Turning towards Eliza, she saw that the girl was glaring at her with the hottest glare that any child could give. Her hands were by her sides, in tight fists, and Irene could tell that she was fighting the urge from flying across the table and tackling the teenage girl onto the ground and demand that she apologize for being mean to her mom.
For some odd reason, Irene knew not to look at Orion. She merely shoved her dining room chair back against the table—making it shake and quiver from the force of the it smacking against the table—before she headed in the direction of where the dining room doors were. She heard the sound of her mom moving out from where she was standing, to stop her from leaving the room—but Irene was faster than her mom was and reached the doors.
Throwing them open, she turned to look at her mom, who was tightening her lips in a hard line as she stared at her daughter with the uppermost of hatred that Irene had ever seen. It was quite obvious now that she had broken the last branch that was there between her and Selene. The bond that once was there had been snapped and her mom stood in front of her with hate directed towards her daughter, at the fact that she had torn another opportunity of wearing a happy mask to someone.
Grabbing her leather jacket that sat on the coat tree, Irene slipped on the familiar jacket before she brought the sleeve up and took a soft sniff—smelling the scent of her dad she felt a stronger determination to leave the house more but before she opened the front door she turned around and looked at her mom, finding that she was still lingering in the doorway.
"Stop trying to make us look like we're happy, Selene. We're not fooling anyone," Irene whispered before she turned on her heel and opened the front door and walked out before shutting the front door closed behind her.
Heading down the porch steps, Irene let her hands dig into her pockets of her leather jacket, before discovering the packet of cigarettes that she had always managed to get from some seniors that hung out in the courtyard. She pulled out the packet and grabbed one of the cigarettes before lighting it with the blood red lighter that was in the other pocket.
With the light of a warm orange lighting up the cigarette bud, Irene started to engulf the fumes that waffled from the cigarette as she headed down the sidewalk in the opposite direction from the bus stop. She just needed to take a walk, to clear her mind, but apparently it seemed as though she couldn't get complete peace because she heard the sound of her front door slamming open in the background—allowing her to know that someone was going to confront her.
Slowly turning around in a spin, Irene let her eyes fall onto the scene of Orion Sage making his way towards her as though he was about to confront a wild animal without a dart gun. She arched one of her eyebrows up, expecting him to tell her that the proposition that was held between the both of them had been severed when she insulted his family's fig pudding.
"Let me guess," Irene spoke suddenly, getting his pale emerald eyes to flicker in her direction when she started to speak, "you came to tell me that I'm a bitch and that I deserve to commit suicide? Or that you hate me because I insulted your family's fig pudding? Or that you won't try and convince me otherwise when it comes to committing suicide? Go ahead, tell me which one you pick and then you can go back and consult your mommy."
Irene tapped the finger against her cigarette, letting a piece of the bud to fall onto the ground before she smothered it with her shoe. She tapped her other hand against her hipbone, as she awaited the verdict that she was a horrible human being. It wasn't like she hadn't heard that before.
"No," Orion softly spoke, his voice still holding the shyness that was him—but less of it. He let his eyes dance across the trees that were in the front yards of the houses around them before he let his eyes fall on her for a bundle of moments. "I'd never tell someone to go and kill themselves. I'm not that kind of person, and I think you know that, Irene."
Irene nodded her head for two reasons. One, acknowledging that she was listening to him and the other being that even though she didn't know him on a personal level that she had observed him for practically since he had moved to this town in grade school and that if it was one thing that Orion Sage was—it was a nice guy. Sure, he didn't know really what he wanted to do and he (she never ever wanted him to know this) was a damn good photographer.
"So you're going to actually stick through this and try to keep me from killing myself?" Irene couldn't help but ask, and for the first time in a long time she felt her heart race in the thought of someone abandoning her when they realized that she was more screwed up than they thought that she was. Her dad, Rico, didn't want to leave her—but his time had come.
"Yeah...but only on one condition," Orion decided after a few moments. Irene couldn't help but give him a bewildered gaze and a knot in her stomach at the thought of him actually trying to make her actually be nice for once.
"I think I know what that condition is..." Irene mumbled as Orion couldn't help but chuckle from where he stood, and she felt her lips fall into a small smile again. She immediately thought back to him telling her that she was kind of pretty when she smiled a little. She hadn't been called pretty in a very, very long time. It was kind of nice to be called pretty again.
"Come on then," Orion commented and she sighed before she headed over to where he was. He crinkled his nose back, and she knew that he couldn't stand the smell of cigarettes. She threw the cigarette down and let the sole of her shoe rub it into the ground and let it out.
Irene paused in the front doorway when she walked up to it, finding that her mom was consoling Erin, while her daughter, Eliza, was hugging her side and telling her how big of a meanie that Irene had been. Honestly, Irene would rather be called a meanie by a child than be called a bitch by some of her classmates. It was kind of refreshing to be called a grade school name than a normal cuss word that her classmates used.
"Ah, um," Orion's voice broke the consoling and both Selene and Erin turned their heads in the direction of him and Irene standing in the doorway. "Irene has something that she wants to tell you." He turned his head in the direction of Irene and nodded his head, and Irene couldn't help but roll her eyes at him and feel as though she was a child who was about to do show and tell for her classmates.
"Erin, I wanted to apologize for how rude I was earlier. I shouldn't have insulted your family recipe. It was out of line for me to do so. I hope that you can take my apology and allow me to still be friends with Orion," Irene commented—the whole entire time she had a monotone voice and although it was obvious that she didn't mean the apology it was still something and it was the most that Erin would get out of one from the black haired girl.
"Thank you," Erin finally spoke and she got up from her spot in the dining chair that she was still occupying. She smoothed down the winkles in her clothes before she headed in the direction of where Irene was. Automatically Irene took a step backwards as though she was a porcupine that was feeling threatened.
Erin paused where she was, with her hands half way out to hug the girl but from the shake from her son across the room that let her know that it wasn't what she should do—since Irene hated people touching her, Erin let her hands fall onto her sides again and cleared her throat.
"It's not my choice whether or not when it comes to Orion terminating his friendship with you or not. I must admit that I don't know what he sees in you but since you do have the capability to actually apologize, and it was obviously from my son it shows that he has the ability to have you bring out the good in you and for that I'll let him continue his friendship with you. He might actually make you nicer," Erin commented and Irene felt the urge to twitch her eyes at the fact that Erin had just insulted her without completely insulting her in a way.
Irene clicked her tongue and held it in the side of her mouth before she allowed herself to take a deep breath and loosen up a little bit when it came to the rest of the evening, and when everyone was heading out of the front door Irene paused in the entrance of the house as she saw that Orion was the last one leaving—behind his mom and Eliza.
"Why don't you walk Orion out, Irene?" Selene probed her daughter, as she pushed some of her fallen pieces of hair behind her ear, before giving Irene a reassuring smile. It seemed as though she had seemed a little more pleased when it came to Irene apologizing to Irene but Irene knew that the damage was done between her and her mom. They were distant with each other, being in the same room together caused conflicts every time.
"Sure," Irene smoothly replied, knowing that as soon as all of the Sages left the house she could go upstairs and not have to be in the presence of her mom again—even though that sounded harsh it was the uppermost truth when it came down to it.
Irene followed Orion out of the front door and shut the door closed behind her until it was just a sliver. She turned towards Orion and gave him a small smile, one that she oddly felt okay with giving, as she gazed up at him. He shifted his feet nervously and she could tell that he was going to ask her something but she beat it to him.
Reaching one of her arms up, Irene gave him a friendly punch on the arm with her fist in a light tap after she said, "you're not that bad, Orion. I'll give you that. Maybe these six months won't be so bad after all..."
As Irene let her hand fall back to her side again she paused where she was when she saw him flicker his eyes up from the ground and peered down at her—his eyes casting a beautiful portrait of green as he gazed down at her so softly, so carefully. She silently cursed herself as she felt her heart skip a beat in her chest again.
"Ah, what's wrong?" Irene asked, wondering what was making the boy so nervous. She had already known that he was naturally shy around girls and women—and although that was quite adorable—even though she'd never admit that aloud, she knew that he was slowly adjusting himself to the presence of her. Well at least she hoped he was.
"Well...um...I was wondering if you'd like to come and visit my church tomorrow." Orion shifted his feet again as he let his eyes wander towards the porch swing down at the end of the porch that was behind Irene. He let his eyes fall on her again, finding that she was struggling with herself—she was having an internal battle in her mind.
"Ah, um," Irene stuttered, not knowing what to say. The very last time that she had gone to church was when her dad was alive. After he passed away, Irene was welcomed with her mom giving more attention towards her job than her faith. Of course, they were still Christians, but Irene knew that Selene had drifted away from the church after Rico had died.
"Not right now, Orion," Irene finally decided—before she let her eyes meet his. She saw a shade of disappointment slither across his pale emerald irises and sighing, she looked down at her hands. Her fingers twirled within each other and she felt her nervousness that she had only gotten in rare, odd moments light itself inside of her. Her mind cluttered and became clouded, and she bit her lip as she looked over at her front door again.
"And before you think it's because I don't want to be seen around with you, it's not that," Irene added as her eyes caught the sight of Selene looking through the sliver of the front door. She knew that Selene was listening in on them and she knew that if she mentioned the word 'church' that she knew that she would straighten her back up and she would almost give a pleading look at her daughter to tell him no, that she couldn't go visit his church. "Maybe next Sunday...ask me then."
"Oh, okay. Well I'll see you on Monday...right?" Irene flickered her eyes away from Selene when she heard this question and turning to Orion, she nodded her head—seeing that relief washed through him at him finding out that he had gotten her to live at least another day. She herself wouldn't ever commit suicide on Sunday, after all, it would be the ultimate betrayal to God in the end—to die on His day, and His day alone.
"Yeah. I'll see on Monday," Irene responded before they parted ways and she entered the house again. She shut the front door closed behind her and locked it before turning towards Selene, discovering that she was heading into the kitchen where she had put away her antidepressant pills and her Tylenol for the nights that she was stressed.
Tugging her eyes away from her mom, Irene slowly crept up the stairs with a sense of numbness to the air around her. She flickered her eyes in the direction of where the bathroom door as she headed in the direction of where her bedroom was. Automatically she was bombarded with the memories of her dad and the happy times that he'd play the drums during service when they went to church and how she'd dance in the pews with her little hands up in the air and her head moving back and forth to the beat of the drums throughout the room.
Taking one glance towards the staircase, Irene found that Selene was still in the kitchen and feeling her hands start shaking Irene knew that she was about to do something that would make Orion upset with her. "I'm sorry, Orion, but I have to," she whispered to herself in the air, knowing that Orion would try to tell her that she didn't have to do this.
Taking a shaky breath of air, Irene slowly went into the bathroom and turned on the light—knowing that she didn't need to look at herself in the mirror. Her eyes fell on the razor that sat inside the bathtub and nibbling on the side of her lip, Irene turned and shut the bathroom door closed behind her. For all her mom knew, Irene was just going to the bathroom.
Heading over to the side of the tub, Irene reached forward and grabbed the razor—her mind running over the different scenes of her holding that razor throughout the years. The very last time she had done so, she had woken up in the hospital. She had sworn that she'd never touch this vile thing and instead had grown out her fingernails and scratched her arms.
Now though, Irene knew that she had had enough with that. Nothing did the trick quite like the razor had done. She gradually sat down on the toilet after she put the seat down and rolled the sleeve of her shirt up. The little scars that were scattered throughout her arms didn't detour her away from the spaces that were between them.
And with one last look at the razor, Irene closed her eyes and began to let the metallic sharpness of the razor bite into her skin. With tears cascading down her cheekbones, Irene swallowed sharply and allowed the razor to slice her skin at least five times before she found that the flashbacks of being truly happy with her dad and the scattering of her heart whenever she saw Orion do something that was adorable—Irene pulled the blooded razor away from her arm and looked down at the mess that she had done on her own hand.
Cleaning up the mess, Irene left the bathroom and entered her bedroom. She peeled off her clothes and slipped on a pair of pajamas before pulling back the covers of her bed and slipped in. The cold sheets greeted her and she enveloped herself within their hold before she allowed her eyes to close and slowly submerge herself into the darkness of sleep.
The house was quiet when Irene woke the next morning. The warm light that filtered from the window that was behind her bed was the reason why she woke, and stretching her arms out—Irene flinched when she knew that her arm was still tender. She let her other hand reach out and pull the sleeve of her shirt up before she lightly let her fingers trace the new scars. The dried lines of blood felt like they were another stab into her heart. She was her own self destruction, which was quite obvious.
Getting out of bed, Irene searched through her closet before she found her gray turtle neck sweater dress. Pulling it off of its hanger, Irene sat it on her unmade bed before finding one of her favorite pair of leggings. They were black and white horizontal striped leggings. She then paired her dress and her leggings with her black combat boots. She smiled at one of her favorite ensembles and changing into it, she smoothed down her dress before she made her bed and headed out of her bedroom and in the direction of where the stairs were.
Going downstairs, Irene went into the kitchen and took some vitamins (she wanted her body to feel a little bit better after self-harming it, in some odd sense of way), before she ate a granola bar. Once finished she brushed her teeth and brushed out her hair before pulling what little hair she had grown out into a small ponytail and jogged downstairs. She grabbed her denim jacket before slipping it on and opening the front door with her purse on her shoulder.
She knew what she was going to do. Even though she knew that Selene would probably have a heart attack but what she didn't know wouldn't kill her. After all, Irene had done plenty of stuff her mom still didn't know about. Including the smoking, which was a nasty habit that she must have gotten from watching her dad when she was younger.
Heading down the sidewalk after locking the front door behind her, Irene hurriedly made her way in the direction of where the bus stop was. When she arrived, she found that there were a few other people waiting and she barely paid them attention—knowing that they were looking at her, trying to remember who she was and some of them opened their mouths to talk to her when they realized that this was Detective Franklin's daughter but the sharp glare that they were given from the said daughter they closed their mouths as fast as they opened.
Searching through her purse, Irene pulled out her IPod before turning it on and slipping her earphones in. She got on the bus when the playlist popped up and paying the toll she made her way towards one of the seats near the front and plopped down before playing a random song. She soon found herself submerged by Joan Jett.
She almost slipped away from the world until she saw that they had come up to her stop. She signaled for the bus driver to stop, and when he did she got off of the bed and went over to where the park was. Sitting down at a picnic table that was near the sidewalk—and was underneath a large oak tree, Irene turned her attention towards the large white church across the street.
She sat there, staring at the same church that she had remembered going to years ago, and observed the people that were leaving the church ten minutes later. Some women wore large hats and nice dresses, along with their pantyhose and gloves—but those were the older women. Their husbands wore their best Sunday suits but she wasn't paying attention to them. Her eyes were caught on the sight of a familiar coppery headed boy leaving the church with his mom and little sister trailing behind him. The laughter that radiated throughout the boy brought another warmth through Irene.
Luckily, the boy didn't see her sitting across the street in the park. He was soon engulfed by his friends and sighing to herself, Irene turned away from the boy and got up from her seat on the picnic table. She headed further into the park and away from the boy that made her feel more alive than she had in years, and that said something.
She felt as though she was Icarus and that she was trying to reach the sun, the sun that she hadn't felt or seen in a long time. The sun that brought her happiness. And at that moment Orion was the sun to her, because he made her question herself and feel emotions again. And that was a very, very dangerous thing because the last time she had felt emotions she had woken up in the hospital.