After a few bad impressions and awful attempts at singing the old classics, the children came to sing together with you all and you remembered something you'd always planned on showing the band someday.
"Oh my gosh! Theo, baby, do you maybe want to show dad how you can sing your favourite song?" you asked your son, handing Theo a karaoke mic. He felt a bit shy as he looked over everyone, "What song do you want me to play for you?" you asked squatting next to him.
He whispered shyly in your ear and you played She's Kinda Hot on the karaoke. The song was released a few years ago, but you still loved it and Theo somehow got really into it, asking you to play it whenever you were listening to some old-school 5SOS.
Theo was a little bit shy at first, so you encouraged him by singing along with him, when Calum also joined for his verse. You looked over at Luke, who either didn't know how to react or felt completely unimpressed by the whole show. Ashton and Michael joined them both to sing the chorus, and as the guitar riff came along, Theo was jamming out real hard, using the big microphone as a guitar and throwing his head back and forth. He basically sang the whole song with the boys joining in with him and everybody found it hilarious, especially because he still didn't really know all the words and couldn't even pronounce some parts. You simply sat back, glancing over at Luke, who was now completely amazed, his lips slightly open, but still perked up into a smile. He shot you a look of complete shock, when Theo lifted one of his legs up, still holding a microphone as a guitar, mimicking what his dad does on stage.
Everybody started clapping for him, as you laughed, lifting your shoulders into a shrug, "I didn't teach him that," you said, when everyone's, including Luke's, smiley faces looked over at you.
"How did he learn to do that, then?" Ashton quizzed, a cheerful giggle escaping his lips.
Your shoulders lifted again with a laugh, "He'd watched a million videos of Luke," Luke felt like a knife was jabbed into his lungs repeatedly, oxygen unable to reach his system. "And I don't know, one day I was just playing some old 5SOS and I caught him doing that while singing along. I thought it was super cute and wanted to show you that ever since," you finished with a chuckle, as your eyes settled on Luke. Although he seemed happy, there was a slight touch of sadness in his features, as he gnawed on his lip ring, but his eyes never leaving yours.
After his first performance, Theo just couldn't drop the mic down, so you passed the karaoke fun to the kids, as everyone settled back around the table. It took them barely an hour to start mucking around you guys, asking to be held in the comfort of your hands as they drifted in and out of sleep.
"Okay, we better get going, then, 'cause mommy's not gonna carry you home," you said standing up, when Theo asked to sit on your legs by the table, his eyelids too heavy to stay open for any longer.
"I can take him," Luke quickly let out, shooting up from his seat along with you.
"Take him where?" you asked, eyebrows furrowed.
"I mean, I can take him now, if you want. I can hold him. Or I can carry him home for you, too." Luke let out with a soft shrug, his lip ring finding its way to his mouth again.
"Oh, I'm not sure - Theo, would you like your dad to carry you home?" you asked your sleepy son softly, as he shook his head with a little frown. "He probably just wants to be with me, because that's the way he's used to. It's nothing big, I - I'm sorry..." you trailed down looking back up at Luke. You didn't mean to hurt him, but you still noticed how his expression fell at your words, softly nodding before speaking up again, "Obviously, yeah. I'm a stranger to him," Luke nodded once more, as if trying to get that into his own head.
You felt your chest fill up with guilt, when you watched Luke's mood fall. "You can still walk us home, though? It's quite a long way," you offered quietly, not entirely confident if he'd say yes. The way Luke's eyes lit up and his teeth finally let go of that lip ring, made your own lips stretch into a soft smile.
"I'd love that, yeah."
The walk home was awkward and silent at first and you could feel your boy struggling to walk, so you took him up in his arms and he fell asleep almost instantly. Luke watched you both for a minute. "Can I carry him for a bit?" he whispered, after he made sure the boy was fully asleep, fear of rejection taking over his mind.
"Sure," you whispered back with a smile and handed Theo's sleepy little body to him. "He's quite heavy, be warned." You chuckled as you started walking again; it was your turn to watch them now.
"I'm sorry I didn't call." You heard Luke say, but you simply shook your head at that – you didn't need his apologies, you needed him to keep his word.
"It's fine. You don't have to explain, Luke."
"No, but I do," he spoke up a little louder, as if trying to let you know that you shouldn't interrupt whatever he was about to say.
"It wasn't because I didn't want to," you heard him breathe out a little. "It's just- I don't know. I knew you were pregnant when you left and all that, but I just didn't imagine having an actual child," you scoffed slightly rolling your eyes, but he kept talking. "No, I mean it. Like, I knew I had a kid, but I never imagined an actual human being that I made. With you. Like, it's mind-blowing, when you think about it. And I never did, I never thought about this tiny person that might have some of my features, that might have some of yours, this little human who'd call me dad and look up to me and jam out to my music. It's insanely cool, but when I saw you last week, it all kind of dawned on me all at once. And it was just overwhelming. I don't know. I just didn't want to ruin what you two have simply because I wanted to know him," he stopped for a second and you heard him let out a shaky breath, but you were still very sceptical about his words. "I didn't want him to know I'm a failure. I didn't want to disappoint either of you and I just thought it'd better if I wouldn't call. I felt scared, I don't want to be a screw up in his eyes."
You sighed, not believing you were even saying words like this to your cheating ex-husband. "Luke, in his eyes you're a dad he's seen on TV a bunch of times. You're a dad that he sees, but doesn't get to touch. You're the good guy, 'cause in his mind, you can save him from his witch of a mother. I'm the bad guy in his books, I'm the yelling parent, the one that doesn't let him watch TV too long and has to force food down his throat. There's not much of an image for you to screw up. And trust me, I know all about being scared," you paused for a second, not wanting to talk about how you were left completely alone to take care of a baby. "It's what every parent feels. To me, it's a constant state – you can never know what might happen, but you learn to live with it. And just looking at his little face," you whispered looking at your sleepy boy in Luke's arms, "It just makes it all worth it," you breathed out, a small smile playing on your lips.
"Also, don't worry. He's a very social little boy, he'll get used to you in no time and sleep in your arms willingly." You smiled looking up at Luke. Your words made a shiver run down his spine, as he imagined sticking around the two of you long enough to actually become a father figure to his son.
______________________________________
Luke called the next day, cautiously asking if he could come over to hang out with Theo.
"Well, do you have any plans for tonight?" you asked, brushing your hair in front of the mirror and making your way to your wardrobe.
"No. Tonight's great," Luke beamed through the other end of the phone, his mind already travelling to the alcohol section in the shop, trying to think of your favourite drink he could bring with him.
"Okay, but how would you feel about being alone with him for a couple of hours?" you asked biting down on your lips. Luke heard your wardrobe door close shut, as you stayed silent, waiting for his answer. But his lips didn't seem too keen on moving. "I've got to run out for a couple of hours and if you want to hang out with Theo you can just stay here with him for a bit? I shouldn't be out for too long," you added in a hopeful rush of words.
This hit Luke right in the stomach. "Uh, yeah, sure." He simply let out before you shouted a gleeful 'great!' and went on discussing the best time for Luke to show up.
You opened a door in a quick manner, running straight off to the bedroom to change. "Sorry, make yourself at home! I need to put clothes on, Michael's coming in 10 minutes!" you yelled through the door, even though Luke could see your dark silhouette through the little gap you left open.
Theo came to greet him by the door before Luke could even comprehend which Michael you were meeting with. Only when you walked out of the room absent-mindedly looking through your bag in attempts of finding your keys, did Luke forget to pay any sort of attention to his son blabbering in front of him, his eyes scanning your whole body and taking in every little detail of you. And only then he realised he heard you mention Michael earlier.
"So, you're going on a date?" he asked carefully. "I didn't know you date." Luke added in, his lipring getting back in between his teeth.
"Uh, yeah. I mean, this is not actually a date," your words sounding more of a question than a statement, your arms spreading the sides with a soft shoulder shrug, a slight smirk on your lips. "Michael just called this morning and asked if we could meet up for dinner," again, Luke wasn't sure if you were stating facts or asking him for confirmation. "So I don't really know. I don't count this as a date, because I mean he's your bandmate and it'd be weird, right?" you said, now definitely a question, but Luke didn't feel his mouth move or his voice flow through air.
Luke froze in his spot, not even blinking, simply staring at you, his mind running in a rapid pace – you and Michael, Michael and you, you, Michael, Michael, you. Nothing made sense in his head and the image of you blushing at his whispers last night made Luke's stomach turn. "He's got a girlfriend." Luke felt himself blurt out and your head shot up.
"I know, I thought it was weird, too. You don't think he's trying to cheat, do you?" you stepped closer genuinely concerned and, unfortunately for Luke, he knew why.
"I don't know. He's Michael, you can never know with him," Luke heard himself say with a shrug of his shoulders. He did actually know Michael wouldn't cheat and he knew Michael didn't officially have a girlfriend, but at that moment Luke's heart was dictating his actions and his heart didn't want you to leave with Michael.
The few hours that it took you to come back home were like hell to Luke. Even though he and Theo played a lot of different games and talked about a lot of different things, he still kept glancing at the clock every ten minutes.
"So, does your mum have a... boyfriend?" Luke struggled saying the word, not only because it sounded too immature for your situation, but also because he didn't want to think of you and someone else.
"She has Dan," Theo shrugged handing Luke a toy. "He's very nice, he gave me a film about pirates," he beamed excitedly looking at his father, as if trying to see if Luke wanted to watch that movie.
He didn't. All he wanted to do was interrogate Theo about this Dan person – who he is, how long you knew each other, how attached Theo is to him, how attached you are to him. He wanted to know every single detail. A sigh left his lips, when he realised Theo probably didn't have that information.
"So, does he come over a lot?" Luke still quizzed the boy, who was now lost in the story about a film.
"Mm, sometimes," the boy nodded, "He makes me pancakes in the mornings." His face lit up again and Luke only felt his stomach drop at the words, but had to gather himself up quickly, when the sound of the door being unlocked reached their ears, making Theo shoot up to his feet and run to greet you.
Luke came out of Theo's room to see your excited (and a bit drunk) self, listening to your son's happy babbling. A huge smile decorated your face and your eyes twinkled in the dim lights and Luke felt his stomach drop for the hundredth time that night. He wished he was the reason for your smile and he wished your eyes twinkled like that whenever you looked at him. Luke felt his teeth dig into his lip, as he lifted his cloudy gaze at you, "So, you had a fun night?" he wondered, genuinely wishing that you didn't.
"Yeah, it was great," diverting your attention from your son, you looked up at Luke. "I'm so sorry it took so long, though. Did you have any other plans for tonight?"
Luke shook his head pursing his lips together, fingers running through his messy hair. "That's good then, 'cause I brought this," you said, pulling out a bottle of wine out of your bag.
Luke could feel his whole body relax in that moment, "You brought wine?" he questioned with a light chuckle.
"Yeah, I actually brought it to you as a thank you for looking after Theo tonight," you said stretching the bottle out for him to take.
Luke's smile dropped off of his face immediately, "Y/N, come on. He's my son, that's what I'm supposed to do. I won't take this. No way." He said sternly, his head shaking no at you. Luke felt his chest tighten at the idea of you feeling like you had to pay him to look after his own son, but you didn't seem to notice the sudden sad aura surrounding Luke, as you waltzed into the living room pulling out two wine glasses.
"I knew you'd say that, so we're gonna drink it together," you said swiftly turning around to look at him with a grin stretched on your lips.
After you'd put Theo to bed and changed into a more comfy attire of yoga pants and a loose T-shirt, you came back to sit by Luke on the sofa. The dim light from the TV illuminating the room, Luke's eyes travelling up and down your silhouette, as you poured wine for the both of you.
"So, who's Dan?" Luke finally managed to gather up enough courage to ask after two glasses of wine, his face not giving away any emotion except a friendly vibe from a smile portrayed on his lips.
You didn't think your cheeks could go any redder than they did from wine, but you could feel your whole face fire up. "Dan's -" you started, your eyes looking down, "He's a friend." You said with a cocked eyebrow and a smile still visible on your pursed lips.
"A friend?" Luke asked, doubt sensible in his voice, as his own eyebrows shot up.
"I don't-" you could barely hold in a laugh at your own awkwardness about the situation, "I don't know. We're kind of dating, I guess. I mean, I'd like to believe we're more than that, but you know how it is with you, guys. You say one thing and do another." You chuckled, "Theo loves him, though."
"So I heard," Luke commented with a nod. "Apparently, Dan bought him a pirate film." He added in with a chuckle, no longer wanting to hear anything more about your and Dan's situation. When suddenly a thought came into his mind, "How come you went on a date with Michael tonight, then?"
"I didn't," you simply said, "That wasn't a date." You shrugged, finishing the last of your wine before standing up. "Well, I think I'll sleep well tonight," you chuckled at yourself, as Luke stood up too.
"Yeah, I should probably go home," Luke felt like he had to say it, even though he really didn't want to leave. He wished he could lay in the same bed as you, waking up to the smell of breakfast in the kitchen and loud toy clattering in Theo's room.
"No way, you're sleeping here," you said, pulling Luke out of his thoughts and for a moment he just stared at you, not entirely sure if it wasn't just his fantasy.
"I won't let you drive, it's too dangerous," you shook your head at Luke's empty stare. "You can sleep on the sofa, I have a spare duvet and a pillow and everything." You gestured at the sofa, walking to your bedroom to pick up the items, Luke following right behind.
He loved your little flat, and how you decorated it, but your bedroom was something else. Being in there with you, in the dim light it felt so intimate, so personal that he almost let his hands wrap around you and push you against the wall; his lips trailing down the side of your neck as soft moans erupted from your lips. But he restrained himself, knowing too well you would just push him away and forbid him from ever seeing you again.
And that was not his aim. His aim was to have you and he knew he'd have to go through hell to get that.