"I'll give you the watered down version, I guess," Louis said softly, glancing down at his hands which were resting on top of the table. "I had a girlfriend when I tried out for the X-Factor but that was only because I was still in the closet, even to myself. I kind of suspected I liked guys but I was so desperate for it to not be true that I started dating Hannah."
Harry nodded at that. He understood how it felt to be scared that you were different. When Harry had figured out he liked boys as well as girls... He'd been so worried that it was just another thing that would make him a target for mockery. But at sixteen, he'd come to terms with his sexuality. He guessed sixteen year old Louis hadn't. Or, however old Louis had been when he tried out for the X-Factor.
"She was great, but..." Louis shrugged and sighed. "I got put into a group with you and the other boys and suddenly it wasn't enough anymore. After we finished the X-Factor and things got huge, I kind of realized I cared for you more than I'd cared for any of my girlfriends. I broke up with Hannah and a couple of weeks later we started dating."
"But we didn't go public?" Harry guessed. He'd been told earlier that he and Louis had only come out a few years ago. If they'd started dating just after the X-Factor, that meant they'd spent a few years in the closet.
"No," Louis said, shaking his head. "We were young and stupid, and we thought we'd be able to so we told our management that we were dating. They told us in no uncertain terms were we allowed to tell anyone other than family and the boys, and that we had to act straight. We didn't want to, but they told us how being gay would affect the sales and not only our careers but the other boys' too, so we agreed.
"Things were fine for a while but we were too affectionate on camera. Fans started guessing we were dating and the rumours started cropping up. We stupidly thought if the fans already knew, we'd get to come out. Instead, management freaked and introduced me to a girl and told me that she would act as my girlfriend to stop the rumours."
"They forced you to have a beard?" Harry asked, frowning. He'd finished his lunch and pushed the bowl aside and he and Louis were just staring at each other from across the table as Louis told his story. Their story.
"Yeah," Louis sighed. "Eleanor was really good about it at first, but after two years of that shit we were starting to get sick of each other. And management really cracked down on us as well. We weren't allowed to sit next to each other, do interviews together. Basically they wanted the fans to think that we were so disgusted over the gay rumours that we weren't friends anymore."
"Suddenly I'm thankful I don't remember any of this," Harry joked, and it earned him a half smile.
"We'd lived together since the X-Factor and they couldn't force you to move out, but they forced you to act like you had. They bought a house that was supposed to be yours but when people found it and realized you weren't living there, you were forced to say you were remodelling the place and were staying at friend's places. Never mine, of course, because we were supposed to hate each other."
"That's such bullshit," Harry frowned. He couldn't believe anyone would go to so much trouble just to cover up that two boys were in love. It was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard.
"They completely fucked you over, as well," Louis said, running a hand through his hair and messing up the quiff he'd put it into. "Made you be seen with a bunch of aspiring models, staying the night at their hotels, the works. Made you seem like a total lothario to the general public. We both hated it."
Harry breathed out slowly. "But we came out eventually?"
Louis nodded and gave him a small smile. "Our contract ended and we talked it over with the boys. We didn't want to stop making music but we didn't want to be so in the closet either. We changed managements, made sure the people there were fine with us. We still couldn't come out but we were allowed to be seen together again. The rumours started flying again but no one seemed to care at that point.
"After a year or two people were finally starting to lose interest in us. Management figured we had maybe another year before we'd have to stop making music, but they told us if we came out people would gain interest again. So we came out and we got another few good years of making music before we finally decided we'd had enough."
"When did we get married?" Harry asked softly.
"We'd always planned on it, even from when we'd just gotten together," Louis said with a small, self conscious laugh. "We were practically already engaged. We only got properly engaged a year before we came out, and we got married a year after we came out."
Harry nodded slowly and Louis stood up, taking Harry's bowl and rinsing it off before putting it in the dishwasher. "Did we lose fans?" Harry asked after a moment.
"Of course we lost fans," Louis answered, turning to give him a smile. A genuine one this time. "But we gained some, too. And there were so many that stayed and supported us. It was so much better than our first management made it out to be."
Harry smiled back at him. Maybe he didn't know this person, maybe he didn't know anyone around him. But he was glad, at least, that things had worked out. Glad that this man who looked at him the way Harry had always wanted to be looked at was for the most part happy.
He hoped he could keep him that way.
_-_-