"Boo," he whispers.
Against all better judgment, I scream.
Adam leans back, sitting cross-legged on my bed, waiting too patiently for my screams to ease. "Done?" I take a deep breath, ready to scream again, but hands clamp around my mouth, "Please," Adam deadpans, "That's enough, now." Surely my mother would have heard the first scream; where the hell was she? "You want your mommy, don't you?" I whimper when his face presses closer to mine, dragging all the thoughts from my head and in the moment, I find that I wish - "What's that? You want Matty?" Adam lets go of my mouth, watching curiously.
"MATTY!" I scream, my voice scratching, causing me to gag and cough, his name spills out of my mouth as a shock to me, but I don't fight it. "Matty," I cry weakly. He's all I know. He doesn't want to kill me; he's told me that much hasn't he? He wants me alive - he wants Adam not to kill me, doesn't he? "Matty..."
"Nila, Nila, Nila, for fuck's sake," a familiar voice eases my heart, "I can't even take a sodding shower with you around, huh?"
"Matty?" I turn my head only to be met with darkness on either side of me. I'm no longer in my room and it shouldn't startle me with what's been happening to me for days now, but it still freaks me the hell out. "Where am I?" Adam rolls his eyes when I turn to him. He scoffs and I frown. He's becoming blury to me, now, no longer as crisp as he had been before. I shake, getting to my feet. "Why can't I see you anymore?" I whisper.
"He's weak," Matty explains, jolting my body. I can't see him, but I can make out the frown on Adam's face. Cold hands come down on my shoulder, "Have you been scaring my girl, Hanns?"
"She isn't yours, Matty," He replies quietly, yet he remains in his spot. He shrugs, "And I might have. A good scare or two is good for the heart, yeah? That blood flow."
Matty makes a clicking sound with his tongue against his teeth, "Would that make her yours then? Because quite frankly, I'm not to keen on that. I'm also not keen on you fucking with her. That's kind of my thing." He places a palm against my cheek, forcing my gaze on him. For the first time since I've met him, I can't see him clearly. He isn't letting me. "Nila," He mumbles, dare I say, almost affectionately? "You're shaking, sweetheart." My lips tremble; it makes me uneasy that I can't see his face. I need to, I need some sort of reassurance, I need to see his sharp teeth and black eyes, his spiraling tattoos and pale skin, I need to... Matty shakes his head, "No you don't, princess," he answers my thought, "not right now." He turns to Adam, who's watching the scene unfold. Adam is quiet, calculating. Matty is rash. "You could at least keep the heat on, it's bloody, five degrees in here. The fuck, mate."
"If you're complaining, you can leave. I didn't invite you here, Matty." Adam's voice is too calm. He doesn't seem as evil when he's so far away from me, not killing priests and ruining pop culture songs.
"Nila did." I didn't know if he'd come if I called his name, but it had been the only thing I could think of, the only thing that's emitted from my mouth. His name. That scares me more than anything at the moment, and that's saying a lot.
"She's not yours," Adam repeats.
"She's free reign, isn't she?" I wish they'd stop talking about me as if I'm an object, but before I can respond, Adam guffaws.
"You wish. She's on my list, Matty."
"Yes, well, I have no list."
"What list?" I finally ask, before I can stop myself. I wince at my lack of filter.
"Worry about yourself, sweetheart," Matty mumbles.
"I am!" I cry out. He slaps his hand against my mouth.
"I'll see you at band practice, ta, Adam." Matty turns to me, "Close your eyes. Or keep them open, but don't say I didn't warn you." I quickly shut my eyes, terrified of what I might see if I don't, until Matty tells me to open them. I'm back in my room, nothing different from how I've left it. The book George has given me is sprawled on my bed, faced down, my sheets are just as messy, my door is locked.
"Where was that?"
"Nowhere," Matty replies cryptically. I turn to him with tears heavy in my eyes. He's still blury to me.
"I want to see you." I beg, sniffling. I wipe at my eyes, blinking away the blurriness Matty has lifted. My lips quiver as I take him in. "You're in a towel."
"I was showering when you called." He points out, walking towards me. He bends down to pick something off the floor and I furrow my eyebrows, having not noticed it there before. I take a step back, apprehensive of him. He catches on to my confusion, explaining, "This is from my flat. Ever been in two places at once? They tend to merge until you can't recall which belongs to which." He drops his towel and I gasp, looking away. He snorts, tugging on the joggers he had picked up before walking to me.
I back up until my bed hits the back of my knees. "That wasn't you at the church, was it?" I whisper. I already know the answer, but I need his confirmation.
He scrunches up his nose; "I would never set foot in a church, Nila, that's disgusting." He places his hands against my shoulder, firmly pressing down until I'm seated on my bed. He kneels down in front of me, and my heart pounds into my chest. I'm nervous, but in a different way than I'm used to. I usually fear my life around Matty, but not tonight. "What happened?" he asks quietly but it's a command more than anything.
My fingers itch to touch him, his pale torso coils with deep black ink and swear they move along his skin as if they have a mind of their own. "Don't you know?" I ask, eyeing the tattoos as they flicker on his skin. He's holding them back from me, yet they still show as if they're fighting his control. I watch as they coil up his neck, uncurling like snakes then wrapping around his arms. It makes my stomach drop.
I glance at Matty's deep black eyes. They look normal for the most part. "I'd rather hear from your mouth. Everything. I trust you'll tell me the truth." He stares at me and I feel my self sinking backwards, propping my elbows on to the mattress to keep me inclined. He doesn't miss a beat, following my movements until he's hovered on top of me, resting his arms on either side of my head.
He's holding back; does he not want to invade my mind? Or is that he can't? Does he truly trust me? I have nothing to hide; so I recount this morning, from the Library with Kelsey, to my confession with Adam at the church. My elbows shake, supporting my weight, but before I can fall back, Matty lets his arms slide behind me, keeping me elevated. "George gave you a book?" he questions, quietly, confused. I nod and cant my head to where it's laid on my bed.
He lets go of me, letting me drop on my back against the mattress. I turn my head, following him as he picks up the book. He flips through the pages before tossing it to the floor. "Tough luck, kitten, it's blank."
"I...what?" That doesn't make sense.
Matty shrugs, "I'm sure there's a method to his madness. Perhaps its some Tom Riddle type shit. Try writing in it one day."
"I don't understand..." I crawl back, shuffling on the bed until I'm sat up straight with my legs crossed. I glance over to a vacant spot, a spot where I remember Adam sitting just moments ago, mirroring me as I am now. I breathe shakily, glancing away. It's as if he's still there, but I know he isn't. I wrap an arm around my stomach, before facing Matty. He's rummaging through my dresser, but I stay still, letting him explore, knowing that I can't stop him.
"George is... I don't know. Weird."
"Says the demon."
His head flicks up, looking at me through the mirror. I have to look away, for he looks truly sinister. Espeluznante. His eyes dilate and he bares his sharp teeth at me when he grins. Veins crackle around his face, dark and black, like poison. "You think I'm a demon?"
"I...I don't know."
He doesn't respond to that. He instead picks up a can of hair spray and presses the top, spraying it on to his hair. It has glitter in it. For every part of him that's scary, there's an ounce that's purely ridiculous. "George," he continues, "Is my best mate."
"Oh." That makes me weary of the book Matty claims is blank.
"But he's my opposite. You know, for every dark, there's light. We balance each other. Mostly."
"Are you...are you darkness?"
He shrugs, "Its all very gray area, love." He turns to face me, striding to sit beside me. "But it should speak volumes that I'm not trying to kill you. Adam is."
"You're trying to scare me," I point out.
"It's fun," he insists, wrapping an arm around my shoulder, tugging me against his chest as if we're the best of friends.
"You killed Seven."
"He's still alive. Although your friendship...looks like you're leading it to the rocks, babe."
I bite my lips and look up to him, "Matty?" I whisper.
"Yes?" he replies quietly, looking down at me. He looks almost human.
"What were you and Adam talking about...the list, I mean."
I'm not sure what he'd say or if it'd be true, but he's my only hope as it is. "Well, sometimes, one of...us...we get a list of names and we collect them. Ross and Adam are usually the only ones with lists in my...uh...band. You remember how I said we need a balance? Well Ross is Adam's."
"Why don't you have a list?"
He shrugs against me, "I'm neutral."
"I don't understand."
"It's a lot to explain," he mumbles. I frown but don't press, bringing my knees up to my chest.
"Matty, can you make it disappear?"
He stiffens beside me. "Make what disappear?"
"Everything that's happened today. I don't want to remember it. I can't go to sleep, I'd only think about..." I trail off, willing myself not to think about the pastor's dead body.
"You want today to be a void in your memory?" he confirms. "You realize I have to erase it from at least the rest of the state. It's all over the news, honey. Your name's everywhere."
"I don't want to remember it," I whisper, defiantly, knowing how selfish I'm being. It's the only thing I can see clearly in my mind next to Matty and Adam and memories of my friends and family before my sight began to deteriorate. The pastor's dead body is the only thing out of place. Even with Seven's severed body, I can easily ignore that memory, because he's still alive after all.
Matty sighs, "See this is how the whole Mandela Effect starts." He pulls me away from him before turning me to face him. He leans down but I turn my head, his lips catching my cheek before he gets a chance for my lips.
He pulls away, narrow eyed. I gnaw at my bottom lip, "Does this mean you have to kiss everyone in the tri-state area?"
He rolls his eyes, "No," He admits, "I just like kissing you." He brings his palms to my cheeks, compelling my to face him, and his lips press down on mine forcefully. I try to fight at first but when I bring my hands to grasp his shoulders, I can't help the sigh I let out as I melt into his kiss. I lean against him for support as his tongue swipes between my lips. I gasp, allowing him to evade my mouth. My eyes flutter closed and every bit of my breath is slowly dragged from my body. Matty leans me back, pressing me to the bed, setting my head against the pillow. He pulls away when I gasp, only to feather light kisses along my jaw, down my throat, and across my shoulders. His lips are cold but they leave warm imprints everywhere they touch.
I let my hands drag down his chest, feeling the contours of his muscles, tracing and following the coiling tattoos as Matty latches onto my neck, sucking on the skin until blood pools out.
I cry out, gasping and shoving at his shoulders, the sting in my neck shocking me to my senses. I try to tell him to get off, but his mouth covers mine again, the taste of my own blood on his mouth making me dizzy. His body presses against mine and it feels every bit as right as it does wrong. I try to breathe but my lungs feel constricted. I open my eyes only to find that I'm seeing double. My screams are muffled into his mouth until I can't make a sound anymore.
My breathing slows along with my heart rate. Matty is no longer above me, and I no longer try to fight the urge of being pulled under.
-
When I wake up, I'm confused to see a black book on my desk. Probably another gift from Matty, next to his Hendrix Vinyl that shows up in my panty drawers when I open them. I yawn and roll my eyes, searching for my glasses. It's still a bit hazy, but I see clearly enough when I walk up to the book. I flip through the pages to find that it's blank. The front cover reads, "Haunt" in thick bold letters, inscribed in silver. It reminds me of a bible.
An unorthodox bible with blank pages. Did Matty want me to write a diary? What a perv. I drop the book on the desk and I rub at my lips as I trudge to the bathroom; they feel dry and a bit swollen. I grimace a little when I reach the bathroom; my hair is an absolute mess. I don't remember changing into this nightgown, I don't even recall owning any, to be honest. I tug at the soft material and shrug, before snapping the straps on my bra. Why didn't I take it off?
I sigh not bothering to over think it before grabbing my toothbrush and rinsing it. When I'm done with the bathroom and I'm all clean ready for school, I nearly scream when I walk down the step and bump into Tía Charla. "Lo siento," I say, grasping at my chest, checking to see if my heart is still there. I wonder how long she's been here. I wonder if she ever even left since Sunday.
"Nila," She gasps, "tu cuello..." I frown and touch my neck, not feeling anything. I don't recall seeing any rashes or the likes in the mirror this morning, but I still rub awkwardly and make up an excuse, telling her that its been itching me. I rush down the steps, stopping any further comments from her.
I call out to Mamá, telling her I'm leaving for school as I grab my bag and I shut the door behind me. I screech when I see Matty leaned against the rail of my steps, looking too casual in a pair of dark jeans, and an equally dark shirt. "Dios," I cry, clutching my heart, "coño!"
Matty shakes his head, clicking his tongue against his teeth, "Should you really be saying those words together, I'm sure that's blasphemy."
I blush, "You startled me. Wait - am I talking to myself or can people see you?"
He snorts and takes hold of my bag, then trots down the steps, "I'm very visible." I frown at how effortlessly we're talking, how easy this all seems, how nonchalant this is. Have I gotten use to him? Have I come to terms with him being the death of me?
"Is that glitter in your hair?"
"I was at a strip club."
"Oh," I say a bit deflated. I didn't know glitter was a thing at strip clubs. "Did you leave me a diary?" I follow him down the steps, it's easier to talk to him in the daylight, I find. "Were you in my room last night? Did you change my clothes? Did you do something to me? Why can't I remember anything? Is something on my neck?"
"Uh...no, yes, yes, uh, sort of; you asked for it, and um, hickies." he checks off, squinting at how bright it is. He pulls a pair of dark shades from his jeans and places them on his face.
"I asked for it?" I say confused, my heart pumping out of my chest. It must have been real bad if I asked Matty to erase my memory. "Wait, hickies?"
He grins, "I couldn't resist. You taste delectable, darling. Although, I made sure you couldn't see them."
"My aunt pointed it out," I admit softly, letting my hands rub at my neck. He hums thoughtfully. I furrow my eyebrows, "What do you want? Are you going to watch me get run over or something?"
"Damn, have I become that predictable," he asks dryly. I shrug. He mimics my actions. "Maybe I just want to keep an eye on you, Nila. Perhaps I'm not the only one trying to kill you."
"You are trying to kill me," I gasp, pointing at him.
He grabs hold of my finger and pulls it down, "Like fuck you're dying on my watch. It was a figure of speech, Nila. Christ, just stop asking questions for a minute, just - just shut up, shit." My mouth clamp shuts.
I've seen a lot of scaring thing because of Matty, but I'm more terrified at his tone of voice more than anything in the world right now. I nod my head and don't even attempt to say sorry to him. Instead we both walk quietly down the block, his hold on my finger still tight and ice cold. I hesitantly tug him towards Kelsey's door, knocking on it. She opens after a minute, apologizing profusely, "Sorry, I think I slept in, I had a really weird dream and - oh." She pauses as she tugs on a pair of sneakers. She blinks at me before gazing at Matty, "hi...?"
"Good morning, love," he lays on the charm thickly and I nearly kill my best friend for falling for it. She blushes and runs a hand through her untamed curls. Kelsey grabs her bag and follows us to the subway, half confused and half in awe
"Did I miss something?" Kelsey wonders out loud. "No offence or anything, I'm kind of excited, but didn't you tell me Matty Healy was trying to kill you?" She glances at Matty and says, "Again, no offence." She glances down at our hands and repeats, "Did I miss something?"
"I'm just walking my new best friend to school, making sure none of my evil bandmates try to abduct her or anything," Matty confesses, swinging our hands lightly and grinning at Kelsey.
"What?" I ask the same time Kelsey nods, his words going through her head as he uses his black demon magic or whatever on her.
"That's cute," she coos, giggling. "Aww!"
I glare at Matty but he only smiles, showing me his perfectly white teeth.
____________________________________________________________
Matty though, I like writing him all brooding and scary but i like when he does ridiculous mundane things like spray glitter hairspray on himself...uh, i mean go to strip clubs and get glitter in his hair....
Sorry for any mistakes! Thank you for voting and commenting and reading and sharing and adding to your libraries and reading lists! Sorry if this book is still all over the place lol yikes. :) X