"What's up? :)"
He includes a smiley face as if the use of emoticons could affect the tone of a text.
He's a good friend. I met him at church one night with Keith, while he was dating another girl I used to sit next to in fourth grade.
She was pretty, but I couldn't help but feel a tad shallow as I viewed him as being too good for her. (Yes, yes, she could have had a wonderful personality, but whatever.)
Green eyes framed by black hair; complimented with an athletic build.. hey, he was hot.
BUT.
We were friends.
Just friends.
We became close friends through the sharing of food, and beanies (which is a good foundation for any friendship). After Keith and I split, he would sit beside me in church and help keep me laughing. I was grateful. And now I sit in tears.
A shitty Math test tore me down. Well, it wasnt the algebraic functions and eqauations of pi that broke me down, but the sheer pressure of my own thoughts that pressed on my tear ducts. I tried to walk as fast as my little legs could carry me, just to escape the calls of concerned friends behind me. I just wanted to be alone. And the message from him couldn't have come at a better time.
'Nothing, just a bad test. Ouch.'
I can't possibly tell him. It's not as simple as one thinks, to just take a breath and completely explain that I get a tight feeling in my stomach each time I feel the pitiful glances of people upon me, that don't know my situation but can tell that I have the defeated walk of a disappointing human being failing at life.
Fuck, I can't tell anyone that.
Not even my friends.
Jay tried to open me up like a clam today, a metaphorical crowbar at hand, prying it into me with every question. It's no use. The judgement that will follow 'Another psychotic break-out from Amelia's mom' is too endearing. And I'd rather stay silent.
A sip of hot tea and another message from him.
'She broke up with me - and you're saying ouch?"
.. And so the banter began.
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