[Unedited]
[Chapter One]
"Look, that weido with the mask is back to school again."
"Why is she even wearing that?"
"Is something wrong with her face? Maybe she did plastic surgery and it went terribly wrong?"
"Could it be that she's so hideous that even she is embarrassed by herself? I heard that her dad was an alcoholic and he took his life one day when he got drunk."
I have to admit that they got the last one right. It has been five years since it happened but to me, it felt like yesterday when I was still living in that hellhole.
Using my hair as a curtain to block my face, I walk past the unfamiliar faces, trying my best to avoid their gazes. I don't know any of these people yet it seems like they already know my entire life with the amount of things they are saying about me. It's not unusual for me to hear people discussing about my mask or my life, in fact, I hear them more often than I would like. Trying my best to ignore all the whispers, I walk quickly to my locker. Doing my very best to ignore the attention and get back to my usual morning routine although that seem like the most difficult thing to do right now. I take my books out before slamming my locker shut, walking briskly to Calculus, hoping to get some break from all the attention.
It is only the start of the school term and the first thing that welcomed me back is the hushed whispers and scrutinizing stares from the entire school population. Not really a great way to start off the new school year...
To say that things have gotten better this year will be a huge lie because honestly, it really just got worse. I can still remember my first day of starting school like it happened yesterday. Being a newbie is one thing, but being a newbie with a hideous mask is another thing as the rumours about you never die down.
There are two emotions that I hate the most in this world, one being curiosity and the other being pity. Being curious means that people want to get to know you. Is that a bad thing? To me that is literally the worst thing, because getting to know me means that I'd have to divulge into what happened that day and that night. The memories still haunt me every single day and to have people know my secret means that they have more reasons to pin-point at me, to spread more rumours about me. Why stop their whispers when I know that half of what they say are true anyways?
Pity. The look on Principle Hart's face was pity when he first saw me walk through the front door of his office a year ago with my foster parents. Why do I despise pity? It's simply because to feel pity for another person means that you look down on that person. At least that's what I infer. Pitying someone means that they lack something that you have. To feel pity would also mean that people are trying their best to understand you, and to me that is a burden. Why bother to let people understand me when they already have so much presumptions about me?
The only two people in this world that are allowed to have those emotions are my foster parents. They have given me a new life since the day they adopted me five years ago. Without them, I probably wouldn't have lasted until today, I might have ended up like him, with a knife sticking out of my chest.
The shrill sound of the school bell brought me out of my thoughts as new found resolve surge through me, giving me renewed energy to get through the day. I rush to my Calculus class hurriedly, avoiding the crowd as students run towards their own classes. Just as I enter the class, someone stuck out their foot suddenly, with my slow reaction time, I fell flat on my face, books sprawled out everywhere. The class erupt in shrieks of laughter as my face burn with embarrassment.
I hurriedly pick up my fallen books and limp towards my usual seat by the window at the corner, knowing exactly who is responsible for my fall. The laugher did not stop even when I sat down and I bury my face in my hands, willing myself not to cry. The energy that I had a moment just dissipated into the thin air as I think of all the things that he did to me. I don't know what I ever did to him to make him pull silly pranks on me. He never lets me have a single day of peace, and being the lucky person I am, I share all his classes.
Before he can say any nasty remark towards me, Mr Lewis came in. The class fall into silence immediately, with only the occasion snickers. Calculus is boring as always and I let Mr lewis's voice wash over me in the background as my thoughts wander off.
You know, in every school and every class there are the popular and rich kids that everyone worship and want to befriend with. That is Alexander and his gang. Alexander being the son of the principle means that no one can touch him. Literally. Not like anyone dare or need to, with his good looks alone, he has girls falling to his feet and his fantastic relationship with all the jocks in the school make all the guys love him as well. Then there is Vincent, the other popular kid that all guys want to be and all girls want to be with. I actually don't know much about him considering the fact that I didn't associate with him much. From what I heard, he is the kinder and funnier one while Alexander is the nasty one, at least that's what I envision him to be.
Vincent never join in the teasing, he never comments about anything related to me, it almost seem like he isn't the least interested in me. However, I know that's not the case. If the constant stares I get are any indication, I dare say that he is more interested than anyone else in this shitty school.
There are really only a few types of people in my school, the first one being the bully, second being the gossipers, third being the bullied and Vincent belongs to the last category, the onlookers. Obviously I am categorised under the bullied whether I like it or not. To be honest, I don't really care as long as they don't force me to take off my mask.
I am brought out of my thoughts when Mr Lewis announced for a class quiz next Tuesday, and groans can be heard throughout the class. I inwardly smile at the annoyed expressions on everyone's faces as the bell signal for the end of the class. I pack my things and walked out of calculus, looking forward to the next class. Art is one of the things that I am good at, or more like it is the only thing that I am good at. The only thing that would keep be sane while living with him was Art. I would spend hours in my room drawing and sketching, drawing out my fears, anger, resentments and sadness. It was the only way for me to express myself and to vent. The only time I couldn't pick up my pencil was the time when I broke my fingers after getting pushed down the stairs.
As I walk into the art room, the familiar scent of paper and paint calmed my jittery nerves. This is the only time where I get to have some peace and to have some alone time. Before I can walk to my usual seat, the art teacher Ms Banes stopped me. Ms Banes is a kind lady, maybe in her late fourties, although she does look much younger than her age, maybe it's because she always has a smile on her face and the ever present smile lines around her mouth. She is the only teacher in the entire school that actually treats me decently.
"Yes Ms Banes?" I ask meekly.
"It's nothing serious Faye, I was just wondering if you'd like to attend the exhibition held by the Royal College of Art? They are coming here next weekend and are holding an exhibition with artworks from local school. You can submit one of yours as well you know?" She says kindly.
To say that I am excited is an understatement, I am over the moon honestly. RCA is literally every aspiring artist's dream school, being mine as well. "I'd like that." I say with a small voice even though I am literally bursting inside with excitement and hope.
"That's great!" She claps her hands excitedly as she gushes over how it is a once in a lifetime opportunity. "You might even get a scholarship to go to their school if your work is chosen, so do your best!" She says brightly as she places both of her hands on my shoulders firmly.
I smile weakly at her, not sharing her excitement at the thought of a scholarship. Sure, it will be great if I manage to get one, but that is if I can get it. The word being "if". The competition to enroll into RCA is so great that it will be impossible to get noticed, especially for someone like me. They definitely wouldn't want to take in a freak into the school, I don't even think that I can be selected for the interview. Despite that, I can't help the small flicker of hope growing in my heart as I think about the possibility of being offered a scholarship. It will mean that I can finally escape from this place once and for all, and be surrounded by the things I love. The thought of that brought a genuine smile on my face and Ms Bane saw it, beaming at me widely before giving me an encouraging wink.
Art class passed faster than I would like and the next thing I know, I am in the locker room, getting ready for the class I dread the most.
As usual, the gym is filled with the constant chatters and the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I don't have to worry about being in anyone's team for any games. You see, there is an odd number of students in the class and I am always the last one standing whenever teams are being picked. To make the game fair, as Coach Raymond puts it, I don't have to join any of the teams so that none of the team will have an "advantage". That's a really nice way to put it considering the fact that me being in the team will probably be a disadvantage.
I guess Lady Luck decided to help another poor soul today because there are actually even numbers today and I am forced to be in one of the teams. Being the ever lucky person I am, I ended up being in Vincent's team, with Alexander leading the other. I guess Lady Luck really didn't want to spare me today because the game that we are about to play is my most dreaded game ever, and that is dodgeball.
"Get ready to be trashed ugly." Alexander sneers at me as the rest of his teammates snicker, all having similar evil grins on their faces. I gulp loudly as the whoosh of balls flying past me brought me out of my trance. The next thing I know, my hands are clutching my nose as I feel a gush of fluid slide down, with the sight of the gym ceiling greeting me. My head spins as I can vaguely hear the loud shrieks of laughter in the background. I blink rapidly, trying to clear my vision willing the spinning to stop.
No one came to help me up. Only when I push myself up to a sitting position Coach Raymond noticed me. I look around to see almost everyone laughing at me, some even rolling on the ground, clutching their stomach like as if me getting hit in the face is the funniest thing alive. The only person that catches my attention is Vincent, standing in the middle of the gym, with hands in his pocket, gazing at me, looking almost sorry? The emotion is gone right after our eyes meet and for a moment, I thought that I imagined it.
I am brought out of my thoughts when Coach Raymond suddenly crouch before me, I vaguely heard him asking if I was alright and I faintly nodded at him.
"Vincent, bring her to the infirmary." Coach Raymond instructed as my eyes widen in horror. The only indication that shows Vincent heard Coach Raymond is the slight dip of his head, the movement so slight that no one can notice unless you're staring at him, and that is exactly what I am doing. Staring at him in disbelief and horror. I am pulled to my feet as Coach Raymond helped me get my footing, before allowing me to follow Vincent out of the gym.
"The rest of you get back to the game!" Coach Raymond screams and the sound of footsteps can be heard as everyone get back into the game.
Silence. The only sound that can be heard is my footsteps as Vincent and I walk down the empty hallway towards the infirmary. It really makes me wonder how he can walk so silently, while here I am, making so much noise with my steps that I can literally wake up the dead.
He said nothing and only walk silently ahead of me as I follow behind him. At times like this, I really wish that I am one of those people who know what to say to break the awkward silence.
Maybe I should thank him for bringing me here? Should I say that I know my way to the infirmary? Will that be rude of me to tell him that I can get there by myself and ask him to go back? Does-
I am brought out of my thoughts when he suddenly stop in his tracks, making me crash into his back. I watch in horror as a red stain form on the back of his shirt and my hands flew to my nose immediately.
"I'm sor... Sor.. Sorry." I mumble timidly as I take a few steps back, suddenly afraid that he will scream at me for getting my blood on the back of his shirt.
His back is still facing me, but I heard him loud and clear when he asked me in that deep voice of his "Are you... Alright?" This is the first time that I hear him speak to me and I can't help the small flutter in my chest as his voice wash over me. I didn't miss the hesitancy, but I choose to ignore it, doing my best to not stutter out an answer.
"... Yes, I am sorry for bumping into you. There is blood stains on your shirt and I'm so sorry, please don't yell at me. I'll wash them for you. No wait, maybe you don't like me touching your things so I'll-" I was cut off when he suddenly turned around, and that was when I saw his face properly for the first time. His ocean blue eyes showed anger and the ever-present smile on his face is replaced by a frown.
I cower back in fear, feeling the fear grip me tightly. Maybe I said something to anger him. I thought to myself as I watch him close his eyes and sigh in agitation. I take a step backwards, preparing myself for the worse, when he speak up again.
"I wasn't... I wasn't asking about that. Your nose. Is it okay?" He said again with barely restrained anger.
"I.." I really didn't know how to reply him and a lump form in my throat as I try to swallow my nervousness away. Not trusting my voice, I gave him a weak nod. The look he gives me tells me that he didn't believe me but he didn't comment further. He then turned around and continue walking, acting like that exchange didn't happen at all, leaving me standing there dumbfounded.
That was the first time someone other than my foster parents asked me if I was alright. I don't know what his motives were but it felt nice for a minute knowing that he bothered to ask. Even if might be a polite gesture, it's still surreal. Since the day I started wearing my mask, I have never experienced any civility much less politeness or friendliness. Everyone just treated me like a freak and I was okay with it. I am still okay with it because I know that everyone has a motive when they approach me. Whether I like it or not, their motives are always to find out what is hiding behind this hideous mask that I wear.
No one has pure intentions, I'm very sure that Vincent has his motives too and I don't think that it is going to do me any good to talk to him again. He will probably be just like everyone else, wanting to know what I am hiding so that he can gloat to everyone that he is the only one who knows.
The dark thoughts surround me as I slowly trudge behind him, suddenly, the noise that my shoes are making seem so much softer than the roaring of thoughts invading my very being.
The walk to the infirmary feels so much longer than it actually is, maybe because of the suffocating silence surrounding us. I can't help but release the breath that I didn't even know I was holding when we reach the infirmary. The nurse isn't around when we enter, and I panic when Vincent suddenly take a hold of my arm, pulling me forward. Thinking that he is about to hit me, I close my eyes in fear, waiting for the blow to land.
"What are you waiting for? Come inside, we need to wash the blood stains on your face." Vincent says impatiently. My eyes fly open as I stare at him in confusion.
Wasn't he about to hit me?
I am beyond confused by his gesture, but when I notice the flicker of annoyance in his eyes I force my feet to move forward, not caring about the warmth that is slowly spreading through me from where he is holding.
He brings me to the sink and helps me with getting the blood off from my nose and before I know it, his face is inches from mine. I draw in a sharp breath as I stilled, finally noticing how close we are. Nervousness engulf me like the waves in the raging sea. I notice how he is staring at me with the same intensity as he always had and the first thing that comes to my mind is, is this where I say my goodbye?
A/N:
Whewwww I'm finally done with the first chapter! That took longer than I thought HAHA So how is it heh :p Let me know how it is in the comments below! I'd love to know how y'all think of the first chapter! Also, as it's been a really long time since I last wrote, I didn't even realise how much time it takes to actually type out one chapter. But I did it! I managed to pull through whew. I swear it was really tiring and I spent so much time on it, so I really hope that you guys enjoyed the first chapter!:-) Plus, I think that it's really interesting to write about all of Faye's random thoughts as she is a naturally thoughtful person, who looooves to overthink, I'm pretty sure you guys can tell HAHA Anyways, that's it for the first chapter and I really can't wait for the next:-) I hope that you guys are as excited as I am HAHA
Until next time my friends!:-)
Much love,
Yi En