The next week was hard, but life goes on. Always. Somewhere deep inside, I cried, but for now I sucked it up and went on working, alone.
"Terrin?" I turned at the voice of Austin. Austin is a real cutie- movie star cute. Golden brown slicked back hair with gorgeous deep browns.
"Hey." I tucked a piece of hair back, rolling up my sleeves. I didn't look all great, but I'd at least brushed my hair and had a clean face. That was more than someone could ask for.
"Where has Lilac been? You two always work together." My heart seized so sharply it seriously hurt. I clutched at my chest, before heaving in to calm myself.
"She.. Uh.. Lilac died, Austin." I turned away, nearly wheezing with anxiety. To lie, it made it more real. Reality was bad.
"Oh.. I didn't.. How?" He asked softer, and I heard him drop the items he was lugging to the Collectors.
I worked on the barrel I was loading neatly with fresh cleaned clothes for our family. "A.. Raid." I said softly, then wanted to hit myself. She didn't go on raids- he knew that. I heard him get to ready to fight, the tense of his breath, then a sigh.
"I'm sorry." He paused, and I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. He reached towards me, leaned like to hug me, but then grabbed his stuff in what seemed like defeat and he walked away.
I'm sure the charmer, aren't I?
......
You might not have a good prospect of me yet. I'm a dreamer, don't really care what others think. I bottle. Mom bottles, too, so I guess it runs in the blood. I'm smart, too. I'm not bragging, I just am. So it wasn't hard for me to not want to just drop Lilac leaving. My sister wasn't stupid, either. We had a few hours before bed. Angel and her brothers were visiting the Bright Cave and Henry, a dog of a family-friend they'd grown accustomed to. We knew they fed it left overs, but I wondered how they got so much food. Rations are only supposed to be for true family, as in humans. But I spent my time in the library.
Here we had candles, and I had my supply of matches to use to light a few. I lit twelve, surrounding myself in an aura of their light so I could see clearly. An old couch was the only room in this cavern. It was round and huge, a hole in the middle of the spiral ceiling that shed light, but not enough to read. A cardboard box with about ninety fresh candles, and makeshift rocks with books all over the ground to make room. No one was here besides me and the books. Everyone must've been working, or maybe they'd just given up on learning. I hadn't. I snuggled into the corner of the sofa, holding three books. The only books we had on the history of the creatures overtaking our planet. They were journals, but history books. Our history. Yet no one read them, because they were either disgusted or scared. But I did. Over and over, and only now did it register it was fact, not fiction. Not hope. Truth. Truth of humanity.
I opened to the last page of the journal with a large 3 on it, the last entry.
"October Fifteenth, Day One Hundred and Eighty-Two."
'I, Bert Lindfold, am the only one to stay. Today is my last to write. Ink is terribly low. What I have learned is important. I cannot say it directly, just know you are among many. Half this population needs humans to survive.. Yet they are alive. Get it? You may think you are alone, but y'
And that's where I'm pretty sure Bert ran out of ink. It sounds so stupid, but with Lilac's choice, I can't help but wonder if her friend wasn't lying. And there must be humans alive, too. But how? Why? Something, somehow, we're not alone. This only makes my next choice easier.\
....
I meet him at the tunnel raid exit.
"What is it?" He practically yelps. He seems a little scared, but I don't have time to wonder why. I look at him. He has a sort of weasel face to match his personality. Malcolm Gerri, a weird kid with all the hook ups in this little community. Dark brown hair with pale green eyes that searched mine now in desperation, and... Fear. He knows. I know.
"I know it was you who told Li to go."
He cringes. "Look, babe-"
"Tell me how." I said with conviction striking my voice.
He draws back and sighs. "That's gonna take awhile."
"Make it short." I practically hissed.
"What's in it for me?"
"I don't blame you for killing my sister when the mayor asks." I responded quickly, sharp. It comes out just how I planned it. Intimidating. I've never, ever done anything like this before, and yet I'm a natural at the strong way I speak, the way I put my foot down.
"What?"
"You know they'll believe me," I could see him tense, "don't you?"
"Fine." He grimaced, pulling from his pocket a rolled up scroll of paper. "That there is a letter of authenticity for the.. Order." He gulped. I realized with a start what he was saying.
"You... Sold her?"
"No! She had the coin." He insisted. I allowed him this, as he went on. "You need their currency. Any of the traders down here got it, for your own coin. A Hundred Lecoi, their penny. Find that, and you can get there. It's a guy named Randall. He changes humans for this money, because he knows we're pretty much hopeless. It's an easier life." Easier life. Short cut. These things all make it sound pretty bad.
"If I went... To see this, Randall guy. How do I know he wouldn't kill me, or change me on the spot?"
"Being changed is a gift. This guys not a killer, and unless you pay him, you're stuck human." He replied dryly, and I could see by his nodding that he was serious, not trying to trick me. This little fourteen year old guy had smarts.
"Fine. But how come you haven't changed, if humans are so boring?" I asked quickly, not wanting to change my mind, but needing this to seal the deal.
"I love someone here." he replied, his voice less tough, his face softening. I couldn't help it- I grinned.
"Who?" I believed him. Love was easy when you were young if you lived so close to everyone. But I guess not for me, because I'd never really liked anyone. Like a book once told me, these were small town boys, to low for a big town girl. Also known as yours truly, the girl who wanted to be in the fresh air and warm sun.
"Jamie." he replied quietly, looking at his feet. I softened, nodding.
"Love her with all you have, then. Will you help me, then? Get to Randall?" I tried to sound serious and calm, but the excitement showed easily in my voice as I bounced on the heels of my feet. I sounded and felt like a little girl, my heart bursting. He looked at me, not so sure of my tough act anymore. At first he seemed ready to say no- his brow furrowed, anger at me threatening him, then his little boy face softened and he sighed with a nod. Even though he may want something for him, kindness was all we had down here. It was a gift.
"Thanks." I smiled, and ran back to my room with my whole mind on one thing.
I'm coming, Li. Wait up for me awhile.
.....
Malcolm said we'd meet in a week, straight in the night. So now I had to wait. Today was another day, but today I was working on packing supplies for the Raid. Flashlights and duffles filled to the brim with things like water purifiers, heat cookers, lamps, other luxuries reserved just for them. Did I ever consider being a Collector? Probably. But not like Mom would let me, not until she was 100 years old and I was going on something like 40.
Marie-Ann came over, her hands full with the supplies. She had rosy cheeks and deep brown hair, pretty grey eyes.
"Hey there Terrin. Need a hand? I just finished helping Karry, and she wanted me to come over and help out." she said cheerily, smiling. I couldn't help but grin back.
"Yeah. How's Marcie?" Marcie was her little sister. She was always cute, and I loved the little curls she had naturally grown, springy and gorgeous for a little six year old.
"Good. Kinda crazy, lately. She wants to do all the hard lifting, but obviously she can't. I got this.. I think Angela wants to talk to you, though." she said, frowning as she thought about it. "Said it's important." I nodded slowly, confused, as I got to my feet. I strode across dark caverns and past blues and greens that could've made me sick. These caves were just to familiar. I turned into a circular room I knew was Gina's, a large arch that led into a deep oval room with magenta floors and walls.
"Gina?" she was sitting on the couch, looking stressed. Angela, even at 34, was beautiful. Golden ringlets and a strong face. She was a leader down here. When she looked at me deeply with her brown eyes, I knew that something was up.
"Ah, Terrin. We need to talk about Lilac."
I stumbled. "Li? What about.. What?"
"She died?"
"I.. She did." I said, clamping together my jaw.
"So, so, so sad... But you don't seem to sad." She grabbed my chin, tilting my head to her's. I glared into her eyes at the look she gave me, the pitying smile. "What really happened, Terrin?"
"She died." I practically spat, snapping my head away. I turned and fled the tunnel, feeling hot tears in my eyes. They wouldn't know. That was so.. Such a shame. No. They would leave her alone. If they ever found out about what Randall was doing, if they stopped this... No.
"We're not done yet!" she shouted, but I was gone, past all the rivets and into the left section, which would take an adult forever and with my quick movements I was lost in the maze. I remained there for a long time, to think, to breath, and then returned to my cavern.
.....
Every other day, we had classes with Mom. The Mayor said it wasn't necessary, but Mom thought better. I still had three days until my 'big meet', not that I had told anyone. The classes were held with Aiden, a little ten year old, Sarah, my somewhat friend though a bit to perky, Lilah, an eight year-old, and my little siblings. Jeremy poked at his brother Alec, and Angel hugged against my side. My head hurt thinking about leaving them, but I didn't worry about it.
"Terrin. Pay attention." Mom instructed. While Lilah was being taught by Sarah and Aiden math, Mom was teaching me while the littles colored. I nodded. "Okay. So if one-hundred and ten feet is the area of the room, square, what does each wall measure?"
"I have no idea." I admitted. I felt beat around today. Like each day down here I got more nervous, or maybe more excited. But today I felt the weight of everything, like it was crushing me. How destructible humans are, how weak. And how little Mom had told me about what the world out there was really like.
"Terrin, come on." Mom said. I stood up to leave.
"I'm going to stop- I just, I won't get it Mom. What is it even for?"
"The world has math everywhere!" Mom exclaimed, angrily, like I had offended her.
"Just in case you didn't notice, this world underground is pretty small, and I have never seen math around here." I snapped back. I left then, turning down the passageway. I heard her behind me, and she grabbed my arm.
"What is the matter with you? You've been quitting reading and even your learning, now." She looked concerned. I shook her off, scowling.
"Mom, you wrap yourself up. You bottle. I do, too, but I'm so tired of it! The truth Mom, you want me to tell you what's wrong?"
"Of course I do."
"I'm tired of playing house in this crazy place. Sixteen years and not any sun has anyone down here seen. We've lost for good, Mom."
"No, not true. We will all get out, together, one day-"
"Shut up!" I shouted, my face close to her own. And then she smacked me. I felt the stinging against the skin as it would turn red, and my anger flared red and bubbled in my veins. I stepped back, shocked, and glared at her as I ran away.
"Terrin!" I continued to run until I found myself in the Bright Cave. This place is an omen, a place for comfort, but for now no one was here. These caves were formed years ago, before the apocalypse of sorts. The army was paranoid, and they made it. Good thing, or we'd all be dead. I crumpled into the water, diving under clothes and all. I stayed under, my hair brushed back by a soft current until I had to breathe. I rose, stepping out cold but feeling alert.
How this life was easy for me for so long, I had no idea. When anyone asks me why I don't just live, because this is life, I always recite what I told Terrin. What is true. Rapunzel and I might as well be the same person. No matter how long I live here, even if it is my home, a place I've come to see as my own, I long for something else.
I long for the life where every day I might see something new. I might see a stranger and not understand anything about their life.
I might take a bath for granted and I might eat warm food every night and not worry about the lives of people going to get food for us and not sleep on a rock and live in a house like in those magazines.
"A life where people don't worry about becoming extinct." I whispered to myself. "People aren't paranoid about death, they're paranoid about their outfits or what other people think. It's not fun, but it's better. It's human."
I was practically talking to myself.
Suddenly I was brought into a memory that struck me. I was probably five or six, who knows.
Mommy sets the dinner table with my new favorites, raisins. She got me a new pack of crayons from the raiders.
"Mommy?"
"Yes baby?"
"Why don't I have a daddy like in the books we read?"
She didn't reply. "Mommy?"
"Not now, Terrin."
"What's the sun?"
She turned to me with a look I didn't understand but I knew it meant trouble. "It's bright and beautiful. You'll see it soon, when we get out, honey."
"Okay, Mommy."
Ten years later.