*Lena*
"Bakit samsung bibilhin mo? Mag iPhone ka nalang! Para same tayo," I demanded.
"But baby I really like the new samsung that came out. Ayaw mo nun? Kahit wala akong wifi I can text padin." He replied.
"No! I don't know how the samsung works. Baka mamaya nyan, may babae ka na pala, hindi ko pa alam. Malay ko ba gumamit ng samsung." Actually, I have somewhat knowledge sa samsung phones, but because I lived my whole life using iPhones, hindi ko na sigurado.
"Heto na naman ba tayo? Ikaw nga lang babae ko eh," he said while smiling.
Tsk. Hindi ko alam, nakakapikon lang. Samsung vs. iPhone, simpleng bagay pero pinagaawayan namin. Bakit ba ako ganito? Bakit ba parang masyado naman yata akong nahulog sakana to the point na gusto ko sakin lang lahat attention nya. Masama ba ito?
"So pagod kana? Okay sige. Break na tayo," Gulat kong sabi.
"W-what?! N-No! What the hell?" He exclaimed.
"Ayaw mo pala eh, get the iPhone then."
"I'm not getting any phones, I'll save money and buy something more useful. Magtyaga nalang ako sa iPod ko." Disappointed nyang sagot. Hindi ako natuwa sa sagot niya, pero nakaramdam ako ng konsensya. Phone lang naman iyon ah? Aish. Ano bang meron ako.
I smiled bitterly as looking back from the past. Yes, kahit simpleng bagay, nagagalit ako kapag hindi ako nasusunod. Ang sama tignan diba? Siya yung lalaki kaya kahit papano, siya ang mas maalaga, mas mature, at nakakaintindi kung sino ang dapat masunod.
Many people said including my best friend na masyado akong nagpapa-under sakanya noon, but they didn't know na si Jonathan ang under sakin noon kase ayaw niya akong mawala, at kase mahal niya pa noon.
"Hoy bakla. Dami mong iniisip di ka na naman nakikinig sa prof," ay yea paano ko nga ba nagawang mag day dream sa loob ng klase? Tch.
"Hoy kuya bakla, nag advance study ako kagabe. Okay?" I said, and he just gave me the look as his answer.
"Sus ewan ko sayo, oh!" Sabay bato sakin ng subway. Wow subway! Kuminang ang mata ko, favourite sandwich ko kasi.
"Sakin to kuya bakla?" Tanong ko. Hindi naman talag bakla tong si Kuya eh. Talagang yun lang tawagan namin. And kuya means, mas nakakatanda. Hindi ko siya ka-ano ano.
"Oo sayo yan, narinig kong tumunog ang tyan mo. Di ka na naman kumain ng lunch no?" Sagot nya.
"Naks! Oo di nga ako kumain eh. Thank you ah! Alagang kuya bakla talaga ako," I said cheerfully.
"Psh, lahat naman ng naalagaan ko, minahal ko din." Oh uh.
"Ano ulit kuya bakla?," kunyareng di ko rinig.
"Sabi ko, sa lahat ng kaibigan ko ikaw ang pinaka matakaw. Ginawa mo pa akong sugar daddy. Kundi lang kita bakla eh, di kita bibigyan ng pagkain araw araw. Gastos kaya!" He exclaimed. Natawa naman ako.
"Oh! Aaraw-arawin mo? Yes! Never akong tatanggi sa pagkain ah!" Sabi ko. Nakaka excite naman!
Third block has been good, bored but I learned something. Kuya bakla and I separated ways, he needs to go to his work while I have to do something else.
I went straight to my fourth block, kaklase ko si Jonathan. Napangiti naman ako.
"Oh san si Jonathan?," Jia asked. My bff foreves. Yes.
"Di ko alam eh," then she gave me the look.
"Okay, now class, open up google classroom, check out the newest assignment I posted in there.. You have all the hour and a half to complete this assignment and I will take no late ones. Understand? You all may start," the prof explained.
I opened my google account, my personal one and not the school's one. And saw Jonathan and I's picture, when he was still into me. Nag sign out agad ako kasi ang bigat sa pakiramdam makita.
I signed in my school's one and started to do the assignment. San kaya si Jonathan? He never comes late.
After fifteen minutes of typing, searching thorough the assignment, Jonathan came with McDonalds in his hands. I looked at him and gave him a smile.
"Late kana ah," sabi ko.
"Oo nga, I bought Mcdo pa kasi. Hindi kapa kumakain diba?" Wow, para sakin ang Mcdo? Totoo?
Pero napatingin siya sa table ko and saw my subway sandwich. Napakunot naman ang noo nya..
"May pagkain kana pala. Sino may bigay? Layo ng subway from school para lakadin ah. Di ka naman din nagd-drive." He asked. Shitts. Now I'm feeling the guilt.
"Galing kay Kuya bakla. Gusto mo?"
"Di na. Akin nalang to McDo, bumili lang pala ako ng pagkain para sa wala." Na disappoint ko na naman siya. Nakakalungkot isipin.
"Oh di ko naman alam na ibibili mo pala ako," I said plainly
"Alam ko. Pero meron pa naman ako pakialam sayo." And he started browsing his computer.
-
Days, weeks had passed nothing changed. We're still the same. Cold, exhausted.
"Lena, sinong ride mo papunta sa rehearsal?" Tanong ni Sia. Magde debut kasi siya, kasama ako sa cotillion pati nadin si Jonathan as my partner. Pero kahit isang rehearsal namin hindi nag punta o nagseryoso si Jonathan kaya medyo bothered ako sa magiging result nun.
"Wala nga e," Sagot ko.
"Si Jonathan?" Worried na tanong nya ulit. Ikaw ba naman ang debutant tapos alam momg hindi pa marunong ng sayaw yung mga may special number, malamang magaalala ka. "Ay! Oo nga pala kinausap nya ako, magb back out daw siya kasi hindi sya pinayagan magpa off sa trabaho nya," dagdag nya.
Nag back out na pala siya, hindi ko pa alam.
"Sino na magiging partner ko?" Worried na tanong ko.
"Si Stephen! I'll talk to Stephen! Part naman siya originally ng cotillion ko, partner dapat siya ni Bianca kaso noong una nag back out na siya kasi kakapasok nya lang sa trabaho, eh nagkataon naman na sa debut ko at ngayong final rehearsal naten wala syang work kaya..sakto! Payag ka ha? Di naman siguro magseselos si Jonathan." Masaya niyang sabi. Okay lang naman sakin e especially I know the guy, kahit papano barkada namin si Stephen. At impossible din naman na magselos si Jonathan, wala ngang pake eh.
"4:30 ng hapon start ng practice ha? Dun sa church ulit tayo mag practice, di daw kasi open yung venue ng mismong debut ko eh," dagdag ni Sia.
"Okay te, I'll go find a ride" She nodded then she left to eat lunch.
I saw Jonathan waving at me by my locker, telling me that I can go ahead by myself sa tambayan during lunch. I nodded and walked alone in the crowded hallway. I sighed. Ang dami daming tao pero wala man lang kumakausap sakin, walang nakakapansin. Sabagay, okay na din.
"Hurry, Lena!"
"Oh my gash!" Sa gulat ko.
"Hahaha you're cute," pagtawa pa ni Matt. Old crush ko yan! Tall dark and handsome kumbaga.
I smiled at him while still walking behind me holding his foods. As we entered pur tambayan, all eyes are on us.
"Sabay kayo?" Tanong nila.
"Yes/No" Sabay naming sagot.
"No/Yes" sabay na naman kami! Tinignan ko ang barkada na mukha namang naguguluhan.
"Yes we arrived here together and no we didn't planned it." Sabi lang ni Matt. Tinignan ko siya while eating his lunch and he mouthed 'I got you' then winked at me.
Yes, he's tall, dark and handsome but on the other hand, a total player. Kaya na turn off ako.
After a few minutes, Jonathan arrived with blank expression holding our lunch. He just gave me the food then he left. Anong meron?
Pagbalik nya kasama niya si Stephen. Bagong partner ko sa debut.
"You owe me Than, you really owe me big time," Sabi ni Stephen na natatawang medyo seryoso.
"Kaya mo yan! Ikaw pa tol," sagot naman ni Than habang sumusubo ng kanin.
"Just lend me clothes man, I don't have any white polo" Stephen
"Of course, come to our house later." And Stephen nodded and looked at me straight in eyes. I'm confused but I shrugged. None of my business anyway.
-
Andito na ako sa venue ng debut kasama mga kaibigan ko. Si Stephen andito na din. Picture dito, picture doon. Mabait naman si Stephen, andito nga yung dati nyang ka mutual understanding eh. Oh diba? Awkward.
"And now, the entrance of Grand Cotillion! Let's give them a round of applause," the host.
Nagsimula na silang maglakad isa isa. Nakakainis nga eh, ako at si Stephen ang huli. First time ko tong magc-cotillion kaya sobrang nervous ako. Ikaw ba naman ang magsayaw ng slow dance sa harap ng madaming tao.
Kinuha ni Stephen ang kamay ko at ikinapit sakanya. Nung tinignan ko siya, naka ngiti lang sya.
Nagsimula ang music at nagsimula nadin kaming magsayaw. I thought I'll finish the cotillion with ease but..
"Holy shit, Sia! Good thing I caught you there," Stephen blasted out.
"Sorry, omg. I can't." I mumbled.
"Only eight minutes more," He said with a worried look.
Bakit? Naputol lang naman ang heels ko at muntik na akong madapa. Hindi naman kami pwedeng tumigil sa pagsayaw kasi masisira ang cotillion.
"Are you aight?" He asked.
I nodded.
"Good,"
-
"Oo nga te, nahalata ko yun nung nag sylvan tayo. I asked you about Jonathan but you just gave me your 'don't ask anything' look," I slowly smiled.
"At oo ah, kung boyfriend material talaga yun pupunta sya nung debut ni Sia para makasama ka, hindi yung pababayaan ka lang nya, gabi ka na kaya nakauwi," Bianca added.
"Remember, kapag gusto, madaming paraan. Pero kapag ayaw, madaming dahilan." She left me unstable and caught me off guard.
Bakit ganito ang conversation namin? Kasi hiwalay na kami ni Jonathan last Tuesday.
Tuesday, yun yung araw na pumunta lahat ng barkadang lalaki sa bahay nila Jonathan. At yung iba naman dito sa bahay namin. Noong araw na yun, okay pa kami. Well, you know, okay na parang wala na. Nang matapos ang sayahan nila sa bahay nila Jonathan, hinatid na sila ni Jonathan sa bahay nila. Ang sakin man lang kase, mag text man lang si Jonathan kung nakauwi na ba sya o hindi pa kaso as usual, hindi nya ginawa kasi wala lang naman ako sakanya.
Natatawa nga ako ngayong nagf-flashbacks lahat sakin. Sa text ako nakipaghiwalay kasi if personal, my knees might give up on me and I don't want him to see that he's still my weakness.
To: Than
Are you home? Nag text ka man lang sana sakin. Worried ako.
From: Than
Tsk. Pwede ba?
To: Than
Than, let's end us.
From: Than
What?
To: Than
Let's break up. For good. I can't say this personally, I can't say it to you through FaceTime either because I'm that weak. But I'm tired babe, I'm really exhausted trying to have your feelings back for me. I guess, it's time to let us both continue our lives in different paths. I know you want this a long time ago already and I'm sorry if I took too long. Thank you for staying though, and thank you for making me feel loved, and I'm sorry for damaging your whole. Salamat sa tyaga mo ha?
From: Than
Salamat din sa lahat. Pasensya kung hindi ko na kinaya.