The second I left the castle I broke into a run. All of the feelings I had suppressed in the courtroom came rushing over me. Fear. Fear that I would not succeed. Fear of the dangerous man I was about to face. Doubt. Doubt in myself and my skills. Excitement. Excitement to be out of the castle and on to a new adventure. Excitement to put all of my training to good use.
As this rush of feelings came over me, I became increasingly aware of my surroundings. Almost without thinking it, I had run to the back of the castle. I stopped in front of the servants entrance and stepped into the heat from dozens of rows of ovens. I instantly felt sweat break out on my forehead, and wondered how the kitchen workers did it every day. Whatever brought food home to their families was good enough for them I supposed. I looked around and quickly spied Kess in the back, carrying a pan overflowing with a dark brown bread dough.
He walked over to the oven and carefully pushed the pan inside, his back stooped and his face helt away from the intense heat. He must have felt my eyes on him because he turned around and locked eyes with me, still standing in the doorway. He motioned for me to wait a moment, and so I sat down on one of the wooden crates by the door. I closed my eyes and breathed in the warm and sweet smell of the baking bread and pastries. I smelled the yeast and the sweet fruits that were boiling into jelly, and the warm haze that was the flour covering everything. The smell was enough to make my stomach grumble, and I realized that the only thing I had eaten that day was an apple that morning.
I opened my eyes as I heard Kess' footsteps approach. I rose to my feet, but even when I was standing, my eyes weren't even level with his shoulders. He took my hand and pulled me out of the kitchens. We moved along the side of the castle until we reached the steps that led down into the storeroom. As soon as we descended down into the dimly lit room, I was relieved by the cool air that was tinged with the smell of old dirt and preserved food.
The room was big, with shelves that led up and down the middle of the room, separating it into hallways. This was a common meeting place for me and Kess, as it was largely avoided by most castle workers. It had a creepy air about it, and servants passed around stories of ghosts that haunt the storeroom.
We walked to the farthest corner of the storeroom, and sat down on some old wooden crates that were no longer being used to hold food. I hurriedly told everything to Kess, my words tumbling out in my enthusiasm. While I was excited to be leaving on my mission, Kess face grew increasingly worried as I explained what I was supposed to do.
"Onyx! This man, this assassin, has been sent to kill our king! He is not safe! You cannot go out on your own. You might be killed," Kess exclaimed when I had finished.
"I wont be killed Kess!" I exclaimed. "I am strong and fast; Cassiopeia would never give me a task unless she was sure I could complete it! I will be fine, I am sure," I tried to make my voice sound strong, but my mouth betrayed me.
Hearing the quiver in my voice, Kess stood up and paced back and forth in the corner of the storeroom. He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hands and looked at me. His face was awash with emotion, his brows furrowed. He came back and sat down next to me and took my hands.
"I know. I know you will be okay. I am just worried for you is all," he murmured.
His large hands closed over my small ones, and his thumb traced a pattern over the back of my palms, the only skin on my hands that wasn't rough with callouses and scrapes.
The room was silent save for the distant sound of castle life, and only then, looking at the strong and beautiful boy before me, did I feel the fear. The fear that I might never return. That I might never see Kess again. I felt this fear and squeezed my fists together until the semicircles of my fingernails were imbedded into the skin of my palms. My eyes squeezed shut and when i opened them after what seemed like forever, I looked into his face and saw more fea etched into it than I had ever seen on anybody. The dim light from the sparse torches cast shadows that played across his cheeks and nose. I unfolded one hand from inside his and put it gently on the side of his face.
"Nyx," he said, seeming surprised. But then he did something unexpected. He reached up with his own hand and placed it over mine. He wrapped his fingers around mine and brought it to his lips. He brushed his lips against my hand and then let it drop to my lap.
"Nyx, please be careful. I don't think I could live if you died," he whispered. His deep brown eyes filled with tears that he rapidly blinked away.
"Kess, there's something more that I should tell you about my mission," I paused, waiting for his response. When he did nothing but raise an eyebrow I continued. "if I succeed I can have any wish I want," I took a shuddering breath, "Kess, I could ask for us to be together, without any punishments."
"Oh Nyx," He drew in a sharp breath. "No more sneaking around, no more fear of being caught. Nyx, we could even be married if we wished!" And then his solemn face fell away. It was replaced by one of pure joy. His eyes lit up and his perfect lips broke into a smile.
Kess pulled me to my feet and looped his arms behind my back. These strong arms could be around me forever. I thought, and the insane and wonderful thought brought tear to my eyes. I forgot for a moment the peril I was in. I forgot for a moment the fear of before. I forgot for a moment how illegal this was. Right now the only things in the world were Kess' arms around me and his perfect smile above me.
And then the smile faded. I could see it in his eyes that he had remembered. He had remembered all that I had forgotten, and seeing it in his eyes made me remember too.
Tears welled up in my eyes, and the world became blurry. But I couldn't cry. I was a bearer of the silver eyes, the eyes of the strong and the quick and the unfeeling. So I blinked away the tears and broke away from Kess' embrace. I walked back over to the crates and stood, facing the wall, my fingernails once again digging into my palms.
I wanted to go to Kess. To throw myself into his arms and to kiss him. I wanted to tell him how much I wanted to be with him despite the rules. I wanted to reassure him that I would be okay and I wanted him to reassure me of the same. But I did none of these things. Instead I turned around and began to walk towards the door.
"I suppose I should go now," I said, more to myself than to Kess.
But before I could take another step towards the door, Kess picked me up and carried me over to the crates. He set my feet down on the lowest one, very carefully. Despite this platform I was now standing one, Kess still stood quite a few inches taller than me.
He stood very close and then pulled me even closer. My head was buried in his shirt and I could smell all of the wonderful smells of the kitchen in the simple white fabric. He didn't say anything, for there were no more words to be said. We just stood there, arms around each other. Holding each other as if for the last time. And when we finally broke apart, it wasn't by our own choosing. It was by the dimming light from the setting sun. The light that told me that I only had a few more moments before I was to set off on the journey I may never return from.
Kess and I were still mere inches apart, his hands still resting at my waist. Our eyes met and I knew that he was begging me to stay. To forget the mission. And in that moment I wanted to. More than anything else, I wanted to. I opened my mouth to say that I would stay, but something stopped me. I knew that I could never betray my kingdom like this. I could never leave behind a mission to save my kingdom, even if it meant leaving behind the boy I loved.
But Kess didn't know any of this. He didn't see the pain his perfect eyes were causing me. He didn't see the thirst in which I drank up every detail of his face because I never wanted to forget it. What he saw was the loving silver eyes of a girl who wanted to stay with him forever, and would go to any costs to make sure that she could.
I started to pull away, but Kess' arms pulled me towards him, and for once, I let him win. I stared up at his face and he stared down at mine. And then he bent down and kissed me. I felt my eyes close, and my body melt against his. It wasn't long and it wasn't much. But it was perfect. Perfect for a goodbye kiss.
And then all of a sudden I tasted salt. I knew without even opening my eyes that Kess was crying. I pulled back and forced myself to look at him even though I knew it would break my heart. I could tell he was pretending that the tears weren't there, and I let him think that. He leaned in for another kiss.
I reached up my fingers to his mouth and pushed him away gently.
"We cannot. Not yet. But soon. I promise."
With those words, I jumped down from the crate, my feet making the slightest of noises as they hit the packed dirt floor beneath me.
"I love you," whispered Kess to the air. Three words that were not for me to hear, but words that I heard nonetheless.
With the kiss still on my mind, I walked out into the cooling sunset air. I felt guilty for our love. I had betrayed the kingdom, and I felt as if everyone who looked at me could read my mind, any second I would be dragged away. But nobody came to take me, so I turned on my heel and ran to the castle gates.
Authors Note :
If I have made any mistakes please let me know because I did not proofread this chapter. oops. You can thank Addie for the delay in updating because I was trying to blackmail her, but she took too long so I am updating