(A/n): this is angst at first but turns to smut
It was a rainy evening. I sat on my couch and thought about my life.
I have nobody.
Everyone left me.
When i was little my mom and dad died in a car accident.
My granny took me and but she died one year ago.
I'm living alone.
No friends.
No family.
Nothing.
Only this apartment is left.
I had best friend Kim Taehyung... But he left me 'cause he fell in love with another girl.
It has been 2 moths since he talked to me last time.
Last words he said were:
" I'm sorry (y/n), i love you but i love her more, i'll comeback to you someday
I know that."
But i don't believe him.
That day won't ever come.
But i'm happy 'cause i know... He's happy and he is enjoying his life with that girl.
And...
I have a....
Cancer...
And.
I'm going to
DIE.
I didn't tell to Taehyung, because i don't want him to worry about me.
I'm not afraid of my death, I can say... Somethings I'll miss but I hope... The place I go will be better.
[...I fell asleep...or i cried myself asleep...like every night in these past few months...]
2 months later...
It's a new day... Not really.
Same s*** like yesterday and last week and 5 weeks ago...
But today school starts... After 4 months.
We had a "reading" holiday and now we have so many exams...
But damn... After these exams, I'm free.
I promised to myself.
If my thoughts aren't changed...
I can...
Kill myself.
Cause i don't want to die to these pains... I wan't to do it in my own way.
Then I'm free and I can fly and I don't feel any pain...
I have planned this since my diagnose, I got it a half year ago...
But when Taehyung left me, I got a better plan.
But first I have some things to do.
I have this list, some thing's in that are stupid but I haven't ever done those so I want to try them before I go.
I've been a good girl my whole life so now I want to be bad.
TO DO list.
1. Get so drunk that you don't remember anything anymore.
2. Go to Taehyungs girls house and throw somethings to her windows etc...
3. Get to detention.
4. Spend all your money.
5. W E E D.
6. Burn. Your. House.
7. Get a tattoo, saying:
Everyone dies,
Mine just came earlier.
8. End your school with good grades ( this isn't bad, but I wan't to make my parents to be proud of me )
9. S E X, lol I'm still a V I R G I N.
10. Write a letter to Taehyung and give it to him before you go.
Today is the day that I'll start that list
So today i'm going to do 1, 2, 4, 5 & maybe 9 if you know what i mean...
I get to my bus and went to the school...
Same faces, same stories, same shit and
Taehyung...
Damn.
He looks so good...
And I miss him.
I thought that I forgot him but N O.
Three hours went and I got my first exam ready, thank god I read so much...
I went to eat something to cafeteria.
And Taehyung was there, sitting, alone.
Damn I want to go there but NO, I can't, cause then... I'll fall for him...
And he'll broke my heart into a million pieces...again.
So.
I went sit to another table.
I ate but then.
I were looking at my phone.
And someone came there.
It was.
Taehyung.
[ DAMN FUCKING SHIT...I thought in my head.]
" So...(y/n), how are you?
I haven't seen you for ages!" he said while he smiled to me.
" Mmmm... I'm fine or actually i'm doing really good... I'm going to move somewhere else... This place isn't so good to me anymore" I said, but what the actual fuck, why I'm telling that to him...Really... Damn I'm stupid.
" O-ooh really? That's so cool." He said and smiled but I saw how his gaze changed...
He looked kinda sad.
" Yeah... You?" I asked nicely, but my heart was hurting so much cause I knew how he would say something about his little bitch...
"Mmmm... Just okay..." He answered.
" Good, I heard that you're coming to Hoseoks party?" I asked.
" Yeah... Are you?" He said and he were looking so surprised.
" Yeah, of course! This is our last year" I said while I gave a fake smile to him...
[Damn I'm so stupid... What is going on? I'm not myself]
" Sorry I have to go now" he said and left.
He was weird...
He wasn't the Taehyung I knew.
After that I left and went to the hospital.
'Cause I have to meet my doctor.
" Hello, how are you doing?" She asked.
" Pretty good... The medicines are working so I don't have so much pain."
I told her.
" Good " She said while smiling.
" Mmm... I have so some news to you"
" Okay..." I said.
" Your tumor has not spread, so there is a chance that you could survive." She said.
" O-okay..." I said and smiled.
" Let's talk about this next time when you come here... And we can think about your new medication." She said and i left.
I don't know what to do... I want to live, but then... I don't.
Luckily... This was the night, I'll get so wasted that I don't remember anything.
I did my make up and put on my little black dress and black converses.
I went to the Hoseoks house, it was so big, it had like 5 floors and a huge backyard with a swimming pool.
There were so many peoples inside and everyone were drunk already.
I took like 3 shots and I was already drunk, cause this was my first time drinking alcohol.
I found few guys who were smoking some weed...
I went there and asked could I get some?
They said yes.
After I started to smoke I felt how my legs became weaker and my eyes went blurry.
" Damn... This bitch is so drunk that she can't even hear us" One of the guys said.
And he put his hand on my thighs...
" No... Don't touch me!" I yelled.
" Haha, you can't stop me" he said and started to kiss me roughly and he squeezed my breast.
I tried to push him away but I was so weak... I couldn't even get up.
And then everything started to go even more blurry... I couldn't see almost anything and I didn't hear well.
And he started to undress me...
And the other guys joined in.
After they got my dress off me they started to unclip my bras...
And then I didn't have them on me anymore.
But then...
I heard how someone opened the door.
" WHAT THE HELL!? ARE YOU DOING!? " the voice yelled.
The guys got scared and ran away from the room.
" Oh my god! (Y/n) I have to take you to hospital!" The voice was a mans voice.
He carried me to a car and he started to drive.
Luckily he took a planket to me so i wasn't naked.
He ran got a nurse to take care of me.
I got to a hospital bed and there were a lot of peoples around me.
They putted some injections to me and then I fell asleep.
...
I woke up.
I heard some machines and I felt a terrible pain in my head.
I opened my eyes and saw someone sitting beside me on a chair.
" (y/n)-ah! You're awake..." He said and smiled.
" Y-yes..." I couldn't see him well but I recognized that familiar voice, it was Taehyung.
After awhile I started to see again.
" What happened?" I asked, cause I couldn't remember.
" (y/n), WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING STUPID!?" He said with a angry voice.
" W-what?" I asked.
" Damn... I care about you so much! And you do this!" He said.
" What i did?" I asked and I didn't really now.
" You got so drunk and you smoked weed! And some guys tried to rape you!" He said and he looked at me like he really cared of me.
" W-what? Rape me!?" I said and I was shocked.
" Yes, but luckily I got there. But they mmmm... They were already undressed you." He said while he were looking ashamed.
" WHAT THE FUCK!? OH MY GOD!" And then I really panicked... Damn Taehyung saw me when I was
1. FUCKING DRUNK
2. Almost unconscious.
3. Someone was trying to rape me.
4. NAKED.
" I'm sorry..." He said.
" No... Luckily I had you" i said while kinda smiling.
After that a doctor came in.
" Hello (y/n)! How are you feeling?" She said.
" Okay... Little bit tired but okay..." I said.
" You can't be like this anymore if you want to get better of your disease..." she said.
" Yes..."
" Promise me that." She said.
" Okay I promise." I said.
" You can leave after few days... Cause you got a concussion, so we have to check that you're okay, cause you don't have anyone in your home." She said.
"Mmm... I'm, I can take care of her." Taehyung said.
" Okay, that would be good for her" She said and smiled.
" You can leave soon, when you feel like that" she said to me, and left.
" (y/n)... Are you sick?" He asked and looked worried.
" No, everything is fine" I said and i did a fake smile.
" No. I don't believe you, I have known you since 4 years old so I know you're not okay" He said.
" Fine... I can say it" I said.
" Yes?"
" mmm... I-i have..." It was so hard to say it, cause only one who have known about this has been me and my doctor.
" You have what?" He asked.
" Cancer." I said and tears started to fell to my cheeks.
" (y/n) ...oh my... Why you didn't tell me!?" He yelled but he looked so sad.
" Cause I didn't want you to worry because of me" I said quietly.
" Hey... You have to always tell me." He whispered and kissed my lips.
" Why?" I asked.
" (y/n)... I love you." He said.
" Wa-what?" I couldn't believe what I just heard.
" Yeah... "
" I thought you were with that little bitch..." I said quietly.
" No, I didn't do anything with her" He said and kissed me again.
" Really?" I asked.
" Yes."
...We just sat there in a silence for awhile...
" Are you ready to leave?" He asked.
" Y-yes." I answered, it felt like my heart could explode, the feeling that I knew Taehyung loved me too, I think this is the happiest moment in my god damn life.
We left the hospital and went to a car.
He started to drive and I just sat there in a silence.
I didn't know where we were going, I thought he was going to drive me to my house but no.
After awhile I saw this familiar place, I've been here before.
It's Taehyungs house, this big house whit white walls and huge trees, it's been so long since I visited here last time.
" Okay, we're here now." He said while smiling to me.
I got up from the car and started to walking.
He opened the door gently and I went inside.
" Wow, I didn't remember this was this big..." I said to myself.
He laughed while smirking to me.
" You can sleep here." He said and opened a door to a huge white and light brown bedroom.
" Wow, this is so beautiful..." I said.
" I haven't ever been here" I continued.
" But now you have." He said.
" mmmm... I went to your house while you were sleeping and I packed some stuffs to you."
" O-ok...thank you" i said.
" You can put your stuffs where you want, I'm going to cook something" he smiled and left.
...I put my stuffs to a table and my clothes to closet, and he even did bring my DIARY...Damn if he read that...
I went to the down stairs and he was in a kitchen.
I went to sit on the kitchen chair and I just watched how he cooked the food.
He looked so good...
He had his white over size t-shirt on him and light blue jeans...
" What are you looking at?" He asked.
" Nothing..." I said while smiling to him.
" Okay, food is ready." He said and smirked to me.
" Good, I'm hungry" i said.
The food was delicious.
After I ate, I went to the living room and sat on the couch.
" Would you like to watch a movie?" Taehyung asked.
" Yeah, sure" I answered.
" What kind of? Horror, action...?"
"mmmm... I don't know. You can decide " I said.
" Let's watch a horror movie." He said.
" Naaah... You know I don't like them so much..."
" You said that I can decide" he said and smirked to me.
"Fine... But don't complain when I scream or something" I said and smirked.
" Haha... Okay." He said.
The movie started and it wasn't very scary but I didn't like it, because I get scared really easily, especially about paranormal things... And we watched Paranormal Activity: Tokyo Night...
" No... Don't go there." I yelled when the boy was walking to down stairs and I knew something bad would happen.
" Haha, you're so cute." Taehyung said and he kissed my forehead, and my head was resting against his chest.
After the movie we went to sleep.
I went to my room and Taehyung came there and said good night to me.
" I'll be awake cause I have to check that you're okay..." He said and kissed my lips.
" Good night (y/n)." He said.
About few hours and I couldn't sleep, cause I was scared (this is why I shouldn't watch scary movies)...
Taehyung came to check that I'm okay.
" (y/n) I thought that you were sleeping..." He whispered.
" I can't... I'm scared..."
" really? Because of that movie?" He asked.
" Yeah... I now that's stupid..." I said.
" No, it's not." He said and kissed me.
" Could you stay here? With me..." I asked.
" If you want." He said.
"yes."
He came to the bed, he put his arm around me, it felt nice.
And then I fell asleep.
I woke up.
I felt Taehyungs arm still around me but he were sleeping.
And then...
I felt it.
Omg.
I felt his dick against my ass.
Omg, what I can do now...? I thought in my head.
And then.
He woke up.
" Good morning." He said while smiling and hugging me.
" mmm... Good morning." I said.
" Mmm... I know you can feel it." He whispered with a husky voice.
" y-yes..." I said.
He slowly started to kissing my neck and he made some love marks to my neck.
" Does that feel good?" He whispered.
" Yess..." I moaned.
He took off my shirt... And unclipped my bras.
" Damn... You're so sexy." He whispered.
He massaged my boobs and he sucked my nipples.
I moaned.
He took off my pants.
He touched my womanhood...
" You're so wet already..." He said and took off my panties.
He started to massage my clit with his tongue, and after awhile he inserted 2 of his fingers inside of me...
" Ahhh..." I moaned.
" I love the way you moan..." He said.
After awhile I took off his clothes. Luckily I've watched several kind of movies (also porn ;)) so I knew what I had to do, but of course I was kinda scared and nervous. I started to suck his member and it was B I G.
" Ahhh...(y/n), you're so good...fuck." He moaned.
I sucked him till he came into my mouth... I felt like I could throw up because his overspill...
He pushed me against the bed so hard, and then he inserted his member to me.
" argh... T-taehyung... That hurts..." I said weakly.
" Sorry babe... It's going to feel good soon...." He kissed me.
He inserted the rest of his lenght inside and it felt... How could I described it?
But after while the pain was almost gone and I only felt the pleasure...
He fucked me so hard right now...
" I'm cumming!" I screamed and moaned at the same time.
" Me too!" He moaned.
And we did.
At the same time.
He fell beside me and we breathed heavily.
" That was amazing..." He said.
" Yeah..." I said.
" How many times have you did that cause you're so good?" He asked and smirked.
"Mmmm...Actually.... That were my first time." I said quietly.
" Really?" He said and he looked very surprised.
" Yes..." I said.
" Wow..." He just said and kissed me.
" I'm so lucky to be your first..." He said and kissed me again.
" Haha... And I'm lucky that I did it with you..."
" I'll go to clean up now..." I said.
" Okay, i'll go to cook us something." He said and smiled to me.
I went to the bathroom and I started to cry...
I don't want to die now...
I found someone who cares about me and I care about him so fucking much...
I went to shower and just cried.
After a hot shower I dressed up and went to downstairs, Taehyung waited me there.
" Come to eat something." He said nicely,
" Okay..." I said, my voice was so quiet cause I cried so much.
I sat down and I took some eggs.
" Babe... What's wrong?" He asked.
" Nothing." I said and gave him a fake smile.
" No, something is wrong..." He said and he came to hug me tightly.
" Tae..."
"Yes?" He said and looked at me with his amazing shiny eyes.
" I don't want to die, first time in my whole life, I'm afraid of dying..." I whispered and tears started to fell off my eyes again.
" Babe, you'll get better..."
" You'll have to, cause you can't leave me." He said and kissed me passionately.
" I can't promise that" and I leaned my against his chest, I heard his heart beat...
" Everything will be alright." He whispered.
And them we just sat there in silence.
I fell asleep against his chest, it felt so good, it felt safe.
I saw a dream about my past, memories of my mom... It was painful to see her again, so tears fell on my cheeks.
I woke up, I wiped my tears.
I realized that I was on bed, Taehyung must have carried me here.
With him I'm safe from the world, but not from myself...
I took a shower and dressed up, just basic leggings and white big t-shirt.
I went down stairs and again ...Tae had made some breakfast, how someone can be like that?
" Good morning beautiful." He whispered and kissed me when I went to the kitchen.
" Good morning" I said and smiled.
" How are you feeling...?" He asked.
" Mmmm... Fine."
" Good, do you want some bacon or eggs?" He said.
" Yes, thanks." I said, but really I wasn't hungry, because of my medication I'm almost never hungry...
We sat there, in silence, again.
I clean up and he just sat and looked at me.
" Tae, are you okay? Cause you have been looking at me now like one hour..." I asked.
" Yeah, I was just thinking what I would do without you..." He said, I barely heard it.
" Hey... I'm not going to leave you, I'll promise that." I said and kissed him.
That was a promise I can't keep, but now I have to at least try.
" Babe, I love you." He started to kiss me roughly.
" I love you too Tae..." I said between the kisses.
He lifted me up to the table, without breaking the kiss.
His hands were at my back and it felt good, my hand went trough his hair, many times.
He pulled off my shirt and unclipped my bras.
He started to massaging my boobs.
First he started to lick my left nipple and suck it while massaging the right one, and then after while he did the same to the other one.
It felt like I was in heaven.
I moaned loudly, I took deep breathes and my heart was already beating fast.
I wanted to pleasure him too so I went down from the table and I took his shirt off. His perfect abs and little bit toned skin... First I kissed his lips passionately, then I slid my tongue to his neck, I kissed his neck softly, then his chest, abs, and then I unbuttoned his jeans.
I saw already how hard he was, but I wanted to tease him so after I took his jeans off, I touched his dick trough his boxers just little bit " massaging" it.
" yaah! (y/n) please, don't tease me..." He said while moaning.
I just smirked to him.
I took off his boxers...
I took his dick to my right hand and I just teased him.
After while he had suffered I took it to my mouth an suck it, I gaged cause it went too deep to my throat but I still kept going.
" ahhh...fuck...I'm cumming babe..."
And I still kept going.
He cummed to my mouth and I swallowed it, all.
" Wow, you're so fucking amazing..." He said and lifted me back to the table.
Now he pushed me so my back touched the table. He took my jeans off and panties, I wanted him so badly.
He massaged my clit with his tongue... I moaned so loudly, then he slid three fingers inside... And then he couldn't handle it anymore... Without warning he pushed his big dick inside me and immediately he started to pump in and out fast and faster...
First I felt pain but soon I only felt the amazing pleasure.
We both moaned, I think our neighbors heard us but we didn't care, I tasted his salty sweat from his lips, and then we both reached our climax.
After that he carried me to bathroom and he did the bath ready...
He carried me to the bathroom and he cleaned me up.
I felt really dizzy after all of this.
" (y/n) are you okay? You look so pale." He asked and held me.
I didn't get chance to answer cause I fainted.
I was so tired.
My body felt so heavy and all these noises from outside felt so loud.
All I wanted to do was sleep. I felt how someone was trying to wake me up but I was too tired to react to it. So I just kept my eyes shut.
....
" (y/n)... Please. Do you hear me? You've been laying at there over 4 months. It would be time to wake up. I love you, so do it for me, please." He said.
What?