He's everywhere. His face is plastered on posters in shops and the newspaper does feature stories on him monthly. I'll see a tall boy with chocolate brown hair in the streets and I'll yell out to him, only for the person to turn around and look at me weirdly. It's never him.
He's been haunting me for a year now. Everywhere I look I see him. Every song I hear reminds me of him. I keep replaying the day he told me he was going to leave in my head. The day he told me he hated me because I broke up with him to be with Michael. The day he told me he would kill himself.
I keep thinking of when I knocked on his door to try and apologise to him only to find Mali in tears as she explained that Calum was missing. How he left a note saying he had to leave, for his own good. And I keep thinking of the letter he left, that Mali passed onto me. How it was still sealed in its plain, crisp white envelope hidden at the bottom of my sock draw.
Every day I feel the guilt. I know that I caused the problems. I know that I'm the reason he left. I was selfish and young and foolish. I was messing with his feelings and I didn't think of the consequences. I'm the reason Calum probably won't come back. I'm the reason he's probably dead.
Abigail flops down on the couch next to me as I'm sitting deep in thought and switches the TV on to the news. I give her a look and she just shrugs.
"It's been a year since 17 year old Sydney school boy Calum Hood was reported missing. Family and friends have been put out pleas asking him to come home. Calum, if you're out there, everyone is looking for you....." The newsreader announced.
"Turn it off" I mutter
"Why?" Abi ask , reaching for the remote.
"I've given up on him. Let's face it...Cal's gone and he's never coming back....."