Look at how far we've come.
Look at this mess we've made.
I'm still praying that the sun,
Tears my body from the shade.
Tell me that we're too far gone.
Tell me that we'll be okay.
- "Mourning Doves" || Mikky Ekko
__
"Hi, Mum."
"How's Anais? She's there now, isn't she?" His mother laughs. "Every time I try and call you're too busy."
Zayn frowns immediately.
"How is she, then? And when'll I get to meet her?"
"Mum...We aren't...I don't..." Zayn lets out a breath. He's sitting upon the edge of his bed, unsure how to answer the question his mother has posed. Not now, at least. "Don't quite know what to say, really."
"Why, my love? What's wrong?"
"Well..."
"Well, what, love?"
And Zayn ends up telling his mother exactly what, starting from Lucky
"Ah, Zayn...How're you, then?"
And honestly, Zayn can't quite formulate how he is. He's telling himself to just move on, because that seems to be the most logical response, right? Except there's this nagging voice in the back of his head that tells him there's no way Anais can't not love him, anymore. There's no way. This is Anais. She couldn't have just forgotten all of the times they've spent together, or all of the good that's come from him and her, them.
So, Zayn ends up telling his mother these things as he sits upon the edge of his bed and runs his free hand through his short-cropped hair.
"Sounds like you need to talk to her."
He laughs. "Mum, Anais's like, so stubborn, like..." He shakes his head. "You don't understand - I've been trying."
"Well, depends on you then, really," his mum replies.
"Me?" He exclaims.
"Do you love her?" His mum asks. "Because if you don't, you shouldn't feel bad about moving on," she pauses. "Right?"
And slowly, but much more assuredly, does Zayn reply.
"Yeah," he says. "You're right."
___
"Hi, Ana."
"Lucky."
He sticks his tongue against his cheek, rolling his eyes as he follows her to their designated table in Nero. "Seriously, Anais?" He asks. "C'mon," he grins, motioning towards the bag in his hand, "I've bought you a scone," he sings, "Are you still mad at me?"
Anais sits in her seat, folding her hands across her chest.
"Yes," she states, as Lucky sits across from her at the table. "As a matter of fact, Lucky, I am."
___
And Zayn finishes in his room with his mom having briefly talked to his little sisters before heading into the kitchen.
"Hey, mate," says Niall, who looks up at his friend from the refrigerator. He's rummaging around the kitchen, trying to find something in the kitchen to eat, because Niall is always in the kitchen.
Always.
And Niall's face falls in realization as Zayn nods with a, "Hey, Ni," because Niall's suddenly just remembered something he absolutely needs to share with Zayn but now, doesn't really want to, anymore.
"Cara's comin' over."
"Is she?" Zayn lifts his brows, and he grins a little as Niall nods.
"Cool," Zayn says, and he adds, saying to Niall what his mate once said to him about Anais, "I'll stay out of your way, then."
"But," Niall continues, "there's more..."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Zayn shrugs, snorting. "What's it, then?"
Niall sighs. "S'about Ana, mate."
"Anais?" Zayn's antennae go up immediately. "What's wrong? She's alright, right? She's okay, yeah?"
"I mean, yeah, she's fine," Niall says, rubbing the back of his neck. "S'just that Cara said -"
"What'd she say?"
"She kinda told me today tha-" And Niall shakes his head, "And I really hate tellin' you this, mate, but I think you should know, y'know?"
"What's wrong, Niall?" Zayn demands in an attempt to mask the worry in his voice. "What's gone on with Ana?"
Niall decides to do this quickly.
He decides to just rip off the bloody BandAid.
"She's gone out, Zayn. I've heard she's gone out with Lucky."
___
"C'mon, Anais. This is ridiculous," Lucky says. "We've been friends forever, haven't we?"
Anais stares at him, lips pursed. "What does that have to do with now?"
Lucky scoffs. "You were the first person I met here, you know that?"
Anais turns away.
"And I," Lucky continues, "don't want to throw away a relationship I have with someone who means so much to me."
He leans towards her, smile across his face, "C'mon, Anais. We're still friends," he asks, "aren't we?"
"Ha!" She exclaims,"Good question."
"C'mon, babe," he prods, "Don't give me the cold shoulder. Ana, you have to know that I only want what's best for you."
"So you purposefully ruin my relationship, Lucky?" She lifts a brow. "How's that good for me?"
Lucky snorts, rolling his eyes and falling dramatically against his chair. "Are you still hung up on that prick? Seriously?"
"Lucky!" Anais exclaims, laughing because this is ridiculous. "Do you hear yourself? Leave Zayn out of this."
"Leave him out of this? Why? This is all his fault."
"His fault? You've got to be kidding me."
"What do you even see in him, anyway? God," he sniffs disdainfully. "You may not see it now, but I did you a favor."
Anais stares.
"Lucky," she states.
She's really regretting meeting him for this lunch.
"I'm seriously regretting meeting you for lunch, today," she finishes.
"Why?" He retorts. "You've been blowing me off long enough."
She shakes her head. This is some pretty crazy shit.
When she talked to her friends the night before, Anais realized that she had to do this. She had to talk to Lucky, because Cara was right about this really being Lucky's fault. Sure, she wasn't excused from the blame, either, but ultimately, if she was ever going to move forward, she needed to clear up some loose ends with Lucky Blue Smith.
So, why is that so damn difficult?
"I'm like," she shakes her head again, dumbfounded, "I can't even understand how you don't hear the words coming out of your mouth. What gave you the right to ruin my relationship?"
"I didn't - " He runs a hand through his hair, "I just wanted you to know how I felt."
"You couldn't have told me over the phone? Wrote me a note? Or, better yet," she taps her fingers impatiently upon the table, "let me know when I was single? That ever cross your mind?"
Lucky rolls his eyes. "Funny how you were always too busy for me when you were single and too busy for me when you were taken."
"That's no excuse!" Anais sputters. "It's not like I locked myself away, last semester! I was literally so all over you and you felt like you had to lie? To make me jealous?"
"It was the only way to get your attention!"
"Was it?"
"Yes! Anais, you act like I just met you - like I don't know you."
"Well, if you know me so well, you couldn't have seen this? You couldn'tve used that deductive reasoning to think that yeah, maybe I'd be pissed and sad 'cause you fucked up a relationship I was, yeah, really, truly invested in?"
"How invested, Ana?" Lucky exclaims. "I love you," he states, and the air is suddenly forced from Anais' lungs. "Yeah," he nods, "I've said it. I'll say it again. I'm in love with you, Anais. You're my best friend and I've seen you at your best and your worst, and you can say the same about me," he leans towards her. "Can you honestly say that about that -"
She holds up a hand. "His name," she grits, "His name is Zayn."
Lucky rolls his eyes, waving off her comment dismissively. "Yeah. Him," he says. "Can you honestly say the same things about him?"
___
Cara waltzes into the kitchen and groans, getting Niall's attention. He'd been in there searching for something for them to eat for ages, and she wonders why he even attempted to search for something to eat in the first place when she knows good and well that they never have anything to eat in this place. They always eat out.
She stares confusedly at Niall before hiking a thumb over her shoulder.
"Thought I'd heard Zayn's voice."
Niall nods. "Ya did."
"Oh," she scoffs. "He's too cool to say 'hello' to me then, eh?"
Niall chuckles, shaking his head. "He's back in his room," he says. "But," he adds quickly, as Cara grins and turns on her heel to head right on back there, "but, you should know that he's been in one'a those moods he gets in, so..."
Cara rolls her eyes. "Perfect. I'll cheer him right on up, then -"
"Cara," Niall says, halting her, again. "I told him about Anais."
Cara turns slowly, facing Niall. "...And?"
"And? And I told him about Lucky, that's what."
Cara shakes her head. "I don't get it... So, why is he in a 'mood?' Shouldn't he be happy?"
"Happy?" Niall laughs. "You've seen how he's been over her. Why'd he be happy that Lucky's gone out with Ana?"
"Um, hello. 'Cause she's finally choosing, Ni. She's finally doing what Zayn wanted her to do in the first place."
"How's dating Lucky Anais choosing Zayn?"
"Wait, no, that's not..." Cara shakes her head, throwing up her hands.
She stalks back towards the bedrooms. "Fuck."
And she reaches his room and Cara raps on the door. "Zayn," she calls. "Zayn Ma-a-alik."
Niall gives up on his search in the kitchen and follows her into the hall, leaning against the wall, folding his arms and watching.
"Zayn?" Cara calls. She can hear him inside but he's not answering. "Zayn?" She rolls her eyes. "Jesus," she mutters, throwing open the door, now. "Ignoring people is not the way to go, mate."
He looks up from the furious doodle he's just begun in one of his larger sketchbooks. "What is it, Cara?"
"Well, how's that for a 'hello,' eh?"
"Cara," he rises from the floor and grabs his book. "What is it?"
"Heard your cute little blonde friend's misquoted me," she replies, examining her nails from the doorway.
No one can see the slow blush crept up Niall's neck.
Cara stares at Zayn blankly. "Anais has not gone on a date with Lucky Blue Smith."
He shrugs. "Whatever," because Zayn is over Anais.
He'd made up his mind in the moment following Niall's dropped bomb about Anais and Lucky that if she can move on after the three weeks - only three weeks - that they've been apart, then it's about time he does, too.
Because who does that?
That was literally the biggest slap in the face ever. It was a giant shit all over his feelings. He told her he still loved her and here she is running off with someone else?
Absolutely not.
He deserved better.
He deserves better, and he knows he deserves better and he hates that he's even caught up in this girl. He hates that he's so hurt, because hearing that shit about Ana going to see Lucky really, very seriously fucked up his whole day. It made him want to grab his coat and head over to wherever she and Lucky were so he could see that shit for himself because he just did not believe it. He didn't believe that Anais would do that to him. He didn't want to believe that Anais would do that to him.
That news made his stomach turn and it made his head hurt and his stomach is still turning and his stomach still hurts.
He hates that he's so fucking hurt and so fucking sad and so fucking angry because this was not what he wanted at all. What he wanted was for things to go back to normal and the way they should be with him and Anais and if she didn't want that...if Anais truly did not want him, anymore, then that really just...
And it doesn't help that tonight is Jesse and Zach's show...He'd been invited to the biggest venue the boys will have played this whole year and they were excited. They were really excited and really expecting him to come, when Zayn really did not feel like going anywhere at all.
"Zayn," Cara says, "she doesn't like Lucky, okay?"
"Yeah," he snaps. "You've said that before, Cara."
"Zayn, c'mon. Do you really think she'd do something like that-"
"I don't know, Cara," he retorts.
"Then, what the fuck're you mad at? Anais can't go see Lucky without you throwing a fit?"
"It's not about that!" He exclaims. "Look, whatever. She can do whatever the fuck she wants."
"Exactly," Cara glares. "She can. Honestly, she can go see and do whatever the hell she wants because she's an adult and you need to respect that. Yes, Ana has a lot of friends. Yes, some of them are much more amazing than others," and she bats her lashes, "obviously..."
Zayn rolls his eyes so hard he nearly gives himself a headache on top of his current headache.
"But," she continues, "when, honestly Zayn, when has Anais ever chosen him over you before, hmm?" She steps towards him. "She's turned him down a billion times for you. Each time he's insulted you, each time he's spoken negatively about you, she's never let that slide without standing up for you...
"So, that night you asked her to choose, that night at Soo's, I was so fucking confused because Anais has very clearly chosen. She's never ever never been confused about who she wants to be with, and I'm so fucking pissed right now because how the fuck can't you see that?"
Zayn inhales sharply, dark eyes flashing. "Then, Cara," he begins, "why's she out with him, now?"
Cara throws up her hands. "That's it: I'm going home. There's nothing to eat, anyway, and I can't handle both you and Anais being stupid."
Zayn shoots her a vicious glare. "What the fuck's that sup-"
"Yeah, I said it," she continues. "If you don't believe me, ask Anais about it. Ask her why she's gone to see Lucky today, and get back to me," and she grabs for her coat and ruffles Niall's hair and throws up a peace sign towards Zayn as she passes them in the hall and heads for the door.
She pauses. "And y'know what," she calls, staring at Zayn, green eyes boring into those brown ones grown darker in the dim lights of the hall. "I want you to tell me what she says. Tell me tonight, so I can say again like I'm gonna say it now, mate: I told you so."
__
Lucky falls back against his chair, tongue in cheek.
"Ana, I don't..." He shrugs, "I don't believe..." He shakes his head. "He's not good for you, Ana. Did you forget that he just fuckin' left you?"
Anais sucks in a quick breath, because about that, Lucky's right.
"Huh?" He prods. "Have you suddenly forgotten that he broke up with you at your best friend's birthday party? That's suddenly slipped your mind, hasn't it?" He says, lifting his hands. "Forgot that part, 'cause you're 'in love,' right?"
"Lucky," Anais begins, "did you forget that he broke up with me because you kissed me? Did you forget that he'd put up with you constantly being a dick? Have you suddenly forgotten that shit?"
Lucky snorts. "So? What'd he expect? It's not like I wanted him around you, anyway. We all know of his reputation and still you defend him - "
"He's not his reputation," Anais says, and then she shakes her head, rubbing her temples. "Y'know what, I don't have to explain this to you. It doesn't matter what his reputation is, because he means a lot to me, and that's all that matters. How I feel about Zayn is all that matters."
"Anais, I didn't want you to get hurt," Lucky says, folding his arms. "And now look at where we are. I hate to say 'I told you so,' but..."
Anais takes a breath.
She's really getting nowhere with this.
She is not here to argue with Lucky. She is not here to talk in circles.
What Anais is here, in Nero, with him to do is to help her move forward, and dammit she's not leaving without feeling better about this.
About them.
"Look," she sighs, "I really need you to listen to me right now, okay?"
Lucky motions with his head towards her. "Go on."
"You're not going to want to hear this, but the thing is, is that I still care about him. I'm sitting here with you because I have to, because despite everything, yes, I do still care about you, but do you know where I want to be? I wanna be with him in his room wearing his clothes. Like, Lucky," Anais takes a breath, falling back to lean against her seat.
She laughs, "I want to be with him. And that's the difference, isn't it?" She asks. "It's the difference between you and him, huh? Wow," Anais sighs, "Zayn put up with so much, didn't he? He put up constantly with so much of your shit 'cause that's what you do when you love someone, right? You do whatever it takes for them to be happy, and here I am sitting here with someone I thought had my best interests in mind but, that's wrong too, isn't it?" She shakes her head, laughing louder. "You never really cared about my happiness, did you?"
"Ana, that's not true-"
"But, it is," she continues. "It is, Lucky. What this conversation, what this experience has told me is that you really didn't, 'cause if you actually gave a shit about me and how I was feeling you'd have seen that I was happy - that he makes me so happy. And here I've been trying to defend you, 'cause that's what you do for friends, right? That's what you do for the people who care about you, but Zayn was the only one who really cared about me, wasn't he? He was the only one who really actually gave more than a few shits about my feelings, huh?"
"Really, Ana?" Lucky scoffs. "After all of this - after all he did to you, you're still gonna choose him?"
"Lucky, just don't with that shit again, okay? What happened at Soo's is seriously your fault - "
"Again with that, Ana?"
"Yes, again, and you know it, too, so don't try and deny it. God," and Anais rubs her forehead. "I hate myself, 'cause I'm about to quote Cara, but I'd have been mad too, if I were him. I'd have probably left me too, if I were him."
"Anais, really?" Lucky lifts a brow. "You know you don't mean that."
"But, I do," Anais replies, "And I need you to hear me right now, because I really mean this," and she rises from the table, "If you're going to be my friend, you've got to accept my relationship with Zayn. If not," she shugs, "then I don't even want," she motions with her hands between them, "then, I just don't want whatever this is, anymore."
She grabs her coat and her purse. "And believe me," she says, "I'm being very, very honest."
And like that, Anais leaves her scone untouched as she hurries from Nero.
__
DON'T MOVE ON, ZAYN, DONTTTTTTT.
OKAY LOVE HIM OR HATE HIM CAN WE PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO APPRECIATE THIS PICTURE OF LUCKY???/
Guys just look at his eyebrows they look better than mine right now honestly.
This next chapter picks up where this one ends.
50k reads has me very excited THANK YOU SO MUCH I'M SCREAMING.
*I also really love this next chapter so hooray hehe*