Hey so this took a while but I have the summer hols now which is a relief and now i can devote more time to Kayleigh and this parody:D
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"What? Where?" I looked in the mirror that hung in the hall. Oh great. This was embarrassing. I had ice cream all over my face and I'd turned the colour of a tomato. He seemed sweet but tactless and just a little bit naive. I wiped it off with a flannel from the bathroom and walked back into the kitchen. He smiled again and I blushed once more.
"All gone?" I said pointing to my mouth
"Yes, you look almost normal now" he teased glancing down at my pj's. Almost normal?! Because he looked like the kind of guy who had a masters degree in normal. I rolled my eyes and looked at him more closely. Ok, he was beyond normal looks-wise but he didn't seem to be all there.
I still couldn't help but blush a little when I thought of our first meeting. Feeding him proved to be a difficult task too as he was as stubborn and inquisitive as a three-year-old. He seemed to get a thrill from being as incorrigible as he could just to wind me up.
"I'm hungry"
"Ok. What would you like?"
"What do you have?"
"Chips, pizza, fish fingers..."
"Eww. Fish don't have fingers"
"Well these ones do."
"Wow, really?"
"No."
"Oh. You lied to me."
"Big deal."
"I'm still hungry."
"Have this then"
"I can't eat metal!"
"No you eat what's in the metal"
"It's cold. I don't want it."
"Then don't have it."
"But I'm hungry"
"I know. Sit down, shut up and I will make you something."
"But..."
"SIT"
Eventually after three tries and a well-tested smoke alarm I gave up on toast. I guess he found my amazing cooking skills amusing because he smirked every time I opened the grill to yet more charcoal. Eventually I got frustrated and threw an apple at his head. I winced as for once my throw was on target and it whizzed straight towards him looking as though it would hit him squarely in the eyes. He reached out a hand and effortlessly caught it before the apple bruised itself and his face. He inspected the shiny missile and then took a bite.
"I like apples." He said when he had finished his mouthful.
"Yeah, so do I" I breathed grinning sheepishly. "No you don't" my brain thought "put it down you ditz." I continued to ignore the voice of reason as I brought the apple to my lips. "Seriously ew. You're not actually gonna eat that are you?" the fruit moved closer and closer and the screaming in my head became louder and louder, but I was still ignoring it.
A hiss, a growl, a startled cry, I dropped my unbitten apple and he dropped his.
"Eugene Spasper Muffin Oven Duffy Kitty Panface Seal! Leave him alone!" Both cat and boy froze and stared in horror at the absurdity of the offending feline's name. He hastily dropped the grouchy cat he was holding at arms length and watched it retreat through the cat flap still growling. Boy, he was one angry kitty.
"Are you ok?" I asked binning his discarded apple and giving him a new one.
"I am fine. Thank you very much for your hospitality and concern Kayleigh Fluffkin." I looked into his eyes and wiped away splodge of dirt I had just spotted on his face. The image of the gashes on his back flicked back into my mind and I found myself asking in a half whisper:
"Who are you?" I straightened up and sat down opposite him. Or tried to. My ginormy ass missed the chair completely and I landed with a bang on the floor.
Owwwww. I turned bright red as I looked up at him. He still seemed deadly serious.
"Smooth Kayleigh" I thought to myself. "You have a fit guy in the house and all you do is trip over and give yourself a nice big bum bruise. Well done. This definitely will be a night to remember. For all the wrong reasons."
He kept a straight face as he helped me up. He seemed oblivious to the fact I was once again the colour of an albino that had been out in the sun for too long. Once I was seated and had returned to an almost normal colour he answered my question.
"My name is Aelfbrick," he said with a half smile.
"Aelfbrick...?”
"Aelfbrick." He was clearly not getting the hint that I was asking for his last name.
"Aelfbrick Aelfbrick?" I asked looking at him dubiously. I had spent ages practising this look on the mirror and was secretly thrilled to use it.
"No," he laughed " just Aelfbrick."
"What about your last name?"
"I don't have one."
"Oh." I decided to give up on that topic. He clearly didn't want to tell me his last name, or he truly didn't have one. Which was strange, but the fact that Aelfbrick wasn't normal wasn't too hard to suss out. This meant I couldn't look him up on facebook or the phonebook, which meant I couldn't facebook stalk him when he was gone.
What?
Cyber stalking is perfectly acceptable. It's the other kind that isn't. And to be perfectly honest I'm too lazy to do the whole follow-someone-with-a-pair-of binoculars-and-a-notebook thing.
"Thank you Kayleigh Fluffkin" he looked into my eyes.
"For what?" I returned his gaze although I was slightly confused. He reached out for one of my hands and held it in both of his.
"Thank you," he said again ignoring my question. I looked at his sincere face and out of the window at one of the cats that was trying her best to waddle across the top of a fence. Mesmerised by the sight of one my obese cats wobbling along; silence fell and eventually so did Jenny Penny Poo.
"I have come to a conclusion," I said finally watching her skulk off in a huff.
"And that is Miss Fluffkin?"
"That you are very odd and you need a shower"
He tilted his head in confusion and continued to stare in a child like fashion.
"Do you live under a rock or something?" I blurted out without thinking. "Smooth Kayleigh," I thought to myself. "Well done. That's how to win a guy over: insult him, works every time." Recently my conscience, if you could call it that, had developed a mean sarcastic streak but still continued to be annoyingly right. "You've sooo pulled. Punch him in the face next and you'll be well in there."
"I don't get out much?" He seemed embarrassed but luckily not offended which was the last thing I wanted to do.
"C'mon I have some clothes upstairs you can borrow and you can shower too." I grabbed one of his hands that still lay on the table and got up giving him a tug.
"Shower?" He looked at me mistrustfully.
"Yup you can wash all that blood and dirt you've got all over you" I looked down at his dark trousers. (*Note: in America they say 'pants' which sounds even dirtier to someone British ;)*) They were stained with blood and crusted with what looked like thick mud. Either that or he had shat himself.
I tried my best to shake that thought off and focus on the subject at hand because a) I hoped he was old enough to control his bowels b) I don't want to know, even if it is and c) I had used the last of the nappies on Mr. Tubbs who has the runs and keeps leaving brown streaks around the house.
"What happened to you?" I half whispered picking a subject and forcing myself to concentrate on it instead of cat trail although they did make him easier to find.
"I was in a ba-" He started but corrected himself, as if he had changed his mind. " I was in a fight?”
I gasped although I shouldn't have been so surprised. I shouldn't have expected him to be doing anything more dramatic like duelling with werewolves.
"With knives?"
"Yes, very big knives."
"Weren't you scared?" I asked, my eyes widening with concern although it occurred to me later that asking such a pathetic question was doing nothing to convince him I wasn't just a feeble little girl who couldn't even cook toast without the smoke alarm yelling at her. I went upstairs taking Aelfbrick with me as he answered my useless excuse of a question.
"At the time, no. When you didn't come to the door? Very. When you smacked your face on the window? Less so." He said the words rather blankly with out a hint of humour but I checked his face to make sure it reflected his tone.
I reached the landing and kicked Floorbean out of the way before I fell over him. He got his name for that trait but I wasn't in the mood to trip over and embarrass myself for the umpteenth time since Aelfbrick's arrival.
I realised later I hadn't expected him to be so truthful about being scared. Most people my age were too wrapped up in their egos to show weakness.
"Umm what's a shower?" he asked quietly as I stepped softly around him and into my parent's bedroom.
"You really don't know?" I glanced up from my dad's chest of drawers. I could see the solemnity in his face and could tell this was going a bit too far to be a practical joke.
"Well..." I started. I was going to have to be imaginative, but to the point. I remembered my work experience at primary school and how I realised that us as kids are so clueless. Aelfbrick seemed so worldly and confident but had no idea about the little things. "Umm... It's kinda like..." I was stalling for time here. I had no idea. So I took the first idea that came along and ran with it. "A waterfall, it's kinda like a mini waterfall that you wash yourself under." I sighed with relief when his facial expression hinted he understood.
"Oh." he said thoughtfully "Won't it be cold?" He looked more reluctant.
"Oh no," reassured him "It's warm water."
"Ok I'll have one of those,” he said more confidently.
I handed him the clothes I had found and led him to the bathroom. I turned on the shower and explained roughly how it worked. I gave him shampoo and shower gel and told him to read the instructions on the back of the bottles.
"You can read can't you?" I asked hoping I hadn't assumed too much of him.
"Yes, thank you very much" he said in mock offence. He had now overcame his apprehension about the shower and proceeded to splash me with water from the shower.
"Ugh! You dick!" I half laughed, pretending to be angry. I splashed him back with cold water from the tap.
"What' a dick?" he stopped and looked at me although I noticed he was still poised to give me another soaking.
"Slang for a male reproductive organ." I explained reddening. He still looked confused. "It's an insult." added. He nodded and rolled his eyes. He splashed me again and looked at me mischievously.
His words sounded equally as childish as his actions, I half expected him to be sticking his tongue out afterwards as if the gesture would add yet more insult.
What followed next was not supposed to happen. It was unplanned but completely predictable. We had a water fight.
Eventually I surrendered and retreated out of the bathroom leaving the mysterious boy to have a shower. I dripped back to my bedroom and prayed my parents wouldn't come home early.
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hope you liked it and sorry it took so long
:)rollka x