Jenna likes seeing Loki happy. It has been a few months since he was shot in the square and he seems to have recovered from the experience boh physically and mentally. He is quietly courting Sif and her father gently teases them both when they take supper together. Through Loki's eyes, his ladies have saved him from himself and he is greatly indebted to them. He tells Jenna this and she curls up to him with a huge smile and a hug. He tells Sif this and she kisses his cheek and then tosses him a quarterstaff.
Loki and Jenna read together again. She brings him books every other day and he brings her books on the days between. It has snowed a few times and they ward off the evening chill, as Loki often leaves his windows open, by piling pillows and blankets on the floor in front of a roaring fire, reading snuggled together in the early evening darkness.
Loki likes this life. It is not too complicated. There is time for books, for Sif, for family suppers and long walks in the frosted gardens. Even though it is cold, he still spars in the late evenings after reading to Jenna. The feeling of the winter air on his skin is exhilarating and he does not mind that he can see his breath- he is comfortable in the cold, a trait, he believes, comes from Jotunheim. He has started to let her aim for his legs and is incredibly proud of the fact that he can usually tell her in advance if he will be able to handle it or not. There have only been a handful of times in the past month when he has had to stop the fight. And sometimes, she stays the night, cuddling with him under his blankets until the early morning hours when she slips out to return home to her soaker tub and her morning tea with Fandral.
Loki takes breakfast a variety of ways- sometimes alone, often with Jenna and Thor, sometimes in their chambers, sometimes in one of the small dining halls. This morning, Sif has met them in the dining hall for her second cup of tea. She and Jenna plan to go riding and to talk about the expectations for ladies of the court. Jenna has asked her father to be introduced as Asgard's princess before too long and she has much to learn. Loki is happy to see that she is undeterred by everything that has happened since their introduction to the advisors. She may be more resolute.
When only Thor and Loki remain, Odin enters and approaches the table, "Good morning."
Thor, his mouth full of eggs, nods in greeting; Loki forces a smile, "Good morning to you as well."
"May I join you?"
"Yes, so long as you are here with good intentions only."
Odin hesitates, then sits, "I do not know what you consider good intentions, but I do not wish to argue."
"Those are intentions good enough," Loki answers.
"It has been a long time since we have spoken, Father. Are you well?"
"I am, thank you. It has been over a month since I have spoken to either of you."
Neither brother knows what to say in response. Thor wants to tell him that this is what happens when you reject your son's wife and daughter. Loki wants to say that it is Odin's own fault and he should have expected no less, with his behaviour. But neither wants to start an argument.
"I brought it on myself."
This stuns them both.
"Father, I have never heard you admit to such a thing before."
"The solitude has given me time to think and to watch you from afar. It took me far too long to ask myself who I would have chosen if my own father had rejected Frigga and and our son in the same way that I did Jenna. I realized I would have cut him out of my life and stood with my wife and son. And that is exactly what you did."
"Then perhaps you have also reconsidered?"
"I do not understand your love for Jane. I have come to the conclusion that I do not need to understand it, but to accept that you did. And to accept that the child she bore you is my grandchild."
"You owe Jenna an apology, Father. And she will not easily forgive. This healing will take time and you will have to be far more patient with her than you have ever been."
"I am an old man, Thor. There is not much time left. But I cannot go to ashes with regrets."
Loki is listening, watching, and pretending he is not at the table. He is relieved that Odin has come to this conclusion about Jenna. It is a weight lifted from her small shoulders.
Odin continues, "Where is Asgard's princess on this fine morning?"
"Out riding with Sif. They are speaking of the matters of the court."
"Ah. I will watch for their return." He rises, "Good day to you both." And he leaves.
Thor calls for a refill of his tea and smiles to Loki, "That went better than expected."
"Yes, it did."
"You seem bothered, Brother. What has unsettled you?"
"If he wishes to go to ash with no regrets, yet he does not seek to speak to me about...well, us, before doing so, does that mean he does not regret any of how he has handled my...situation?"
"This will weigh on your heart until you know."
"Yes."
"Do you wish for me to ask him?"
"No, Thor. No. That would make things worse. At least if I do not know, I can pretend that he did not have the words to express what he wanted to say." He takes the last sip of his tea and stands, "We will speak later. I have to dust the bookshelves."
"Do not do anything reckless, Loki."
"I will not, Thor. Only dusting books."
"I do not wish to have to peel you from the floor again."
"I do not think any of the dust will be that powerful." He retreats to his room, pours a glass of something very strong, and sips it slowly while dusting his shelves, straightening the books that remain on them, and replacing the pile of Pratchett books that he and Jenna have once again been working through. It does not take long enough, so he goes to his desk and lays out his fine pencils and a fresh sheet of vellum. There are things he has seen that no one else in Asgard has. The alcohol has loosened memories and he sits down to illustrate what exists between the realms.
Hours later, Thor stops by to check on him. Loki allows him to enter and he finds his brother hunched over the desk inking miniscule details on a drawing.
"What are you doing, Brother?"
"Hush a moment. I must get the gleam in this creature's eye as it should be." Thor dutifully obliges, "There. Now, what is it you asked?"
"What you are doing."
"Drawing."
"I see. But what?"
Loki gestures to the illustrations spread across the room, "The Void is on the table. Thanos' Chitauri are on the floor. The couch holds the creatures that Thanos had torture and break me. And then there are the illustrations on the floor over there, all those things I saw and did while trying to keep the Stones from his hands."
Thor carefully steps between the different sets of pages. There are captions on some of the images, descriptions of the places, or names of the things in them. And none of them except the Chitauri are familiar.
"You said you wanted to return to these places to explore them."
"Yes, I did. And in some way, I still do. But I know that returning from these places is unlikely. Exploring them means I see what I can until something there succeeds in killing me. But that was before I met Jenna."
"And she has changed your plans."
"Very much so. I have a child to help guide. A child who would miss me dearly and whose heart would break if one day I did not return. So I do not think I can set out as I once thought I would. Besides, you have duties for me- you asked two years ago that I help straighten the mess left behind by Thanos' quest for the Stones. I have not done so yet. That task alone will keep me busy for quite from some time and it is something I can teach Asgard's princess."
Thor brings a chair from the dining table and sits beside him, "This is a great task, to teach her the duties of the throne. Are you ready for it? Can you help us avoid the mistakes of Odin's rule and teach us what you have learned from sitting in his place?"
"I will try."
"Will you take a seat as one of my advisors? I find myself with four openings that I have not yet filled."
Loki stops his current sketch, the pencil hovering over the page, "That requires I be a member of the court."
"Yes, it does."
"How would you present me? I have not been there for decades. The last the court knew, I disappeared."
"I would introduce you as having returned from your scholarly explorations ready to help me lead. There would be little else said, if you wish it that way."
"My secrets are mine alone."
"Yes, and I maintain that I will not share your story if you do not wish it. You know I will keep you safe."
"And what of Odin? What will he do when I am presented to the court? What will he do when he hears there is one of Jotunheim sitting beside you as an advisor? Will he reveal me?"
"I do not know. But I hope that a command from his king not to will put an end to any thoughts of it."
Loki laughs, "Oh, Thor, that will go over gloriously well, I am sure. He will love to hear his son ordering him about under the title of king."
"He may not like it, but I will also remind him what it means to rebel against an order of the king- and what he has done during his own rule to those who have defied him."
"You mean such as banishment to Midgard? I seem to recall a brother of mine who faced that."
"Well, I did meet my wife thanks to it, so it was not all bad."
"Can you imagine Odin in Midgard? He would fare terribly. No one there would listen to the ravings of an old man. They would lock him up- your friends, the ones with that flying contraption and the Hulk."
"You seem to forget the life span of a Midgardian."
Loki sighs, "They are all dead?"
"Yes, from one thing or another."
"I am sorry. I should have thought before speaking."
"You are remarkably coherent given what it is you are drinking."
"I have only been sipping it and this is my only glass."
"Well that much is clear. Do not worry, you have not offended. They lived good lives and did many things to help their people. They rest in honour."
"Thank you. I fear these little mistakes will undermine teaching Jenna the ways of the court."
"Why are you so hard on yourself? No single person in this palace has manners as perfect as you believe you ought. You act as though you should be lashed for every minor offense against decorum. What or who taught you this? Certainly not our mother."
"Three guesses, Thor, and the first two do not count."
"How did you learn this from Father? I did not pick up such harshness in his lessons that I must apologize for every little mistake."
"Do you remember what our suppers were like? The ones where Odin listed all the things I did wrong in the day, told me what I ought to have done, and then, when I made the same mistake twice, asked me why I never learned, as he had already given this lesson? Do you recall the uncomfortable silence and Mother attempting to revive some kind of light conversation? You must have some memory of this, as it happened at least twice a week, if not more."
"Yes, I do."
"Did you ever stop to think about how that felt?"
"No. I admit I always tried to ignore it, to focus on my meal, and to wait until I could tell my tales from the day. Those nights were ones Mother urged me to speak most lively to try to restore the mood. I was more than happy to be colourful in my retellings."
"Hence why it did not strike you as it did me. And why our suppers together now are so important. They help me undo so much damage."
Thor puts his arm around Loki's shoulder, "We shall continue them as long as you wish. And Sif is welcome to join us. There has always been an open invitation for friends and partners at my family's table. Jane and I used to prepare an extra setting or two, just in case, as we rarely sat down to supper without at least one unexpected guest."
"Thank you, Brother. You are most kind."
"Speaking of supper, it will be time for it before too long, and I have business to attend. Be kind to yourself in the meantime, and I will see you in a few hours in my chambers. We need time to ourselves after this morning."
"And what if he arrives?"
"Then he is very clearly in my space and I control the tone, not him. Do not worry, Loki. You will not have another supper like his."
Thor leaves and Loki sets down his pencils. There is still much more he wishes to sketch. But his mind is cluttered and that does not make for good drawing, so he gathers his pages, organizes them, and carefully tucks his pencils in their case. He decides on wandering the gardens, and later he will invite Sif to supper.