I did not think in months. But I knew they had passed. My hair was once again at a proper length and color. My mind no longer thought of Hell. I was starting to forget names, even- the only time they'd come back to me was when I made an effort to think of them.
It wouldn't be much longer now.
Dohn had been out in a war party for a while now. I had yet to find a hobby to fill the time with and, in between my farm chores, I mostly cleaned floors and dusted library shelves.
I was being eased frustrating slow back into military. I kept myself in shape by exercising daily, almost in excess. Sometimes Cassiel would join me on a run, and sometimes she'd lend me a blade and observe my technique. Raphael had healed my wounds the day I returned to Heaven, but it had been late coming and not a perfect fix- I still had the occasional jolt of pain and a constant soreness in my muscles.
And then there was the matter of my wing. No one knew about it, yet. But I kept on feeling like something terrible would happen if they did.
It was always a sort of temperate middle ground in Heaven, and this day was no different. I was practicing with a blade- in silence, of course- when Cassiel spoke up.
"You're rusty." She said. "Really. But you're up."
"Up." I said, not questioning but accepting. My name had finally been called for combat. "It's been long enough. I will die if I prove rusty enough."
"I'd really rather that you- or anyone else- didn't die."
"If I die," I said, walking over to hand back her blade, "It'll be because I was unfit for combat. So a deserved death then."
"Don't actually die out there, Nichael." Cassiel sighed, though I honestly didn't understand what was making her worry so much about me.
"I will try to make it heroic." I said. I was grinning.
I was placed in a squad- Tiphael, Manzul, Mnyeph and Galus- and sent on my way almost immediately. War was about moving and killing. Not waiting around.
There was no real leadership in the group. Naturally, I fell to the position of 'roughly the weakest' as indeed, I had been out of active duty for so long. But otherwise we made decisions by luck and short conversion.
There wasn't much to be said. The only thing that was given to us was which Earth we were heading to- in this case, the past. I realized, only now, that there had to be another portal that allowed for this between-times travel as we certainly weren't using the one in the basement of the orphanage. I had never really distinguished between the past and the present- cycles, while known, were a silly concept for angels to discuss.
How many portals were there? How did they even come to be? They were such odd things- rifts, really.
This portal wasn't even a hole in the ground like the others. It was just a gap. Deep in the woods, along a small stream and a trail that had long been well worn, there were two large boulders. Nothing else there, really. A couple misplaced bricks at most.
But then we marched between them, and the world changed in a way that was both incredibly obvious and oddly subtle. The transition was the slow part. Everything else was a sudden shock- the late autumn of Heaven turned to the summer of the Earth.
In theory, we knew where Hell was and the demons knew where Heaven was. But in practice, we'd normally just run off into the woods to have our fun. There were trailheads and cabins and old stone foundations to make into battlegrounds, and it had long been too traditional to throw away now.
So we walked. There were many known sites to scout, and that always composed the first part of the journey. But then we were free to hunt as we pleased.
It was four days before we saw any sign of demons. But they may have been humans- after all, all we found were dead embers.
"It's in the middle of the woods." Mnyeph said. "Too far for a human."
"It's a forest. It's not like humans are just unable to walk through them." Galus pledged. "We should be alert, but not stay for long. We still have to find our way back." We only had rations for seven or eight days.
"Let's go that way then." Tiphael said, pointing off in an unremarkable direction.
"Why?" I asked.
"Fuck knows." He said. Well, roughly. It's hard to find the equivalent words sometimes. "Just gotta walk about until we find something to kill."
We found those things to kill on our sixth day, on our way back. They really found us, actually, as we had settled into a half-grassy clearing for the night. Then there was a gunshot, and Galus screamed.
It was dark, and I wasn't really paying enough attention to tell if he was dead. Manzul had been the night watch, and he was the only one really in a position to know anything- the rest of us were resting with our rings on, sure, but we were still half asleep as we stumbled to our feet.
"Get down!" Someone shouted, and I about collapsed back onto the blanket we had been laying on. A few more gun shots rang. I didn't draw my blade in fear of it's glow giving me away, but I doubt it would have made much of a difference. I listened to the sounds about me- everyone was, and in between sudden jerks of noise, the forest was very quiet.
There were at least two of them, but that didn't mean anything. Obviously there were going to be more than two. We were all laying on the ground, breathing heavily. It's not like we couldn't just leap up and kill them all- there was no doubt that that would be easy. But the barebones of angelic strategy had long been simple: minimize damages. Don't get killed.
Another gunshot, and Mnyeph let out a sort of muffled grunt. It was a wonder the demons weren't raining bullets on us yet. I suppose they were worried about drawing us into an all-out assault. They were going to test our patience first.
Manzul jumped up without signal, and the rest of us followed. He ran without aim in the surrounding woods, and I soon heard the sounds of death.
The skirmish moved quick after that. Blades were drawn with the faintest of stardust glows, and demon screams echoed falsely from all around. I ran off to find someone to kill, found them, and killed them.
As I searched for another target, I found myself crashing right into them in the darkness- at first I couldn't even tell if they were an angel or a demon. I drew my blade close to their face to confirm I didn't know them, but before I could stab, they ran off.
I gave chase. The pitch of night gave me only a fleeting gaze of my target's feet. I was never very fast, truthfully, but it seemed they weren't either. Whenever they disappeared from sight, they would reappear a moment again.
Finally, they came to a stop. I drew my weapon and tackled them to the ground, using their body to cushion my fall.
The first sign of trouble began when the demon let me do this. There was not a struggle. So much so that I started listening to the words spewing from their mouth and-
"Oh! It'd be an honor to die by your hand, Nichael."
I screamed on reflex and repelled myself away from the demon. They continued to lay on the ground.
"I'd prefer to live though, but please, do kill me. I've taken the life of two other angels. I deserve to turn to death."
I sat up and slowly moved myself away from the demon. My heart was unsteady and my hands were shaking. I had lost control of my blade out of fear, and when I tried to redraw it again, I found myself unable to concentrate.
"Nichael? That is you, right? Holy leader of the damned?"
I bit on my upper lip and clamped my teeth shut. I tried to stand up, but my arms were shaking uncontrollably. My whole body was stuttering.
"No."
"You're not- I thought I recognized your face. I-I'm. I'm okay then." They got up suddenly and drew their firearm. "I don't want to kill angels, but I have to. You know. To survive until I finally die at my Nichael's hands."
I was on the ground, watching the ground. I saw their boots, but my neck was too sore to look up. There was an echo in the distance. Then, in a flash of dull white light, another angel lunged out of the woods and impaled the demon.
There was a sort of static fuzz as the demon died. The angel walked in front of me, and put his hand on my shoulder.
"Nichael? It's over."
I was still on the ground.
Shaking, and looking down.
And then, moments later, we walked back, and I specify 'we' because it took both Tiphael and Manzul to get me moving. Galus was dead. After being shot in the head, a demon had bashed in his skull, just to be safe. We left the body for Raphael to collect.
I was ill, which was weird, as angels didn't get ill- couldn't get ill. So it didn't make sense that I was ill but I was feeling ill so there wasn't anything else I could be. I could feel my blood though, in my legs that stung and in my heavy head. The others were talking as they walked but I couldn't talk or hear them.
It was a two day journey, presumably, but I wasn't actually paying attention I was just. Numbly ill. I didn't really know. I didn't know anything and I couldn't explain it. We weren't supposed to be out for eight days, but it was okay because Galus was dead and we could split his food.
I was watching lips and I think someone asked 'Are you okay?' but I couldn't be sure since I didn't hear anything.
I just wasn't really sure.
I was just tumbling.