Dedicated to @GadgetWolfJJ because of her awesome comment on chapter eighteen! Thank you for waiting so patiently for this chapter, as I know so many of you have!
Chapter Nineteen
I almost wished that I was back at Stanford. Almost.
The return to my old school where I magically disappeared for a year only to return at the three hundred and sixty-five day anniversary of their deceased pupil to raise awareness about teen suicide, only to disappear, then reappear once again. Like a bee who just won't leave you alone, or a piece of gum on the ground that leaves the sole of your shoe sticky, even after its removal.
No, instead I have my school principal to thank. He probably thought that he was doing me a favour by sending me to Zac's school. In all honesty, I don't know which one could be worse.
"Just play it cool," Bridgit says, and I scoff.
"Thanks for your amazing advice," I say.
Bridgit clutches her books close to her chest and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "Look, I don't exactly want to be here either," she says. "Especially if we have the drama of your ex-boyfriend to deal with."
I latch my hand onto Bridgit's arm and raise my eyebrows. "Has Bridgit Baczewski-Smith been abducted by aliens?" I say, frowning. "Or did she just implicitly say that she's had enough of drama?"
I'm lightly shoved in the shoulder and I step forward at the contact. "Shut up." I smile, because I'm still not used to this.
"Meeting Chelsea was probably the best thing that every happened to you," I say, and I mean it.
Bridgit shrugs, but there's a tug of a smile in the corners of her lips. "Probably."
It's lunchtime at Fillmore High School. I've only seen a handful of students that I recognise. But except for Bridgit, I haven't run into anyone else from our senior class. I still haven't seen Zac. He's been in none of my classes today. I've seen pretty much everyone I know from the school (besides the temporary Garfield students), including Zac's soccer team - Sean, Patryk, Ryan, even Justin. And of course Louis and April. April was the first person I locked eyes with when I walked through the front gates. Her eyes were slits.
I refrained from going over to say hello.
"Ready to go to the cafeteria?" I say, and Bridgit nods. So we walk.
"Wait, isn't it back the other way to the cafeteria?" Bridgit says.
I think about it for a moment. "Yeah." We turn around. A group of freshmen (or small sophomores) bump into us and Bridgit has to pull me out of the flock.
The cafeteria of Fillmore High School is bigger than the one at Garfield, despite hosting the same amount of students. Voices echo off the high walls and streams through the open double doors that lead out onto the football field.
"Did you bring a packed lunch with you?" I say, an Bridgit nods. "Good, because I don't fancy sitting on my own while you stand in line."
"Oh my God," Bridgit says, and her arm extends to the far side of the cafeteria, to the rowdiest table of them all. All boys. I know the reason of Bridgit's choice of words before she even says it. "It's Zac."
Of course it's Zac.
I avert my gaze to the floor, because the sight of him after our brief encounter at all Things Sweet is enough to fluster me. I take a second to compose myself before I look at him again. I feel foolish for this nervousness. Seeing him when ATS shut down had been the spur-of-the-moment. I hadn't thought about what I was going to do until I did it. But I'd been preparing myself to run into Zac all day.
He doesn't see me, but I can't imagine that he doesn't know I'm here. At least one of his friends has prepared him for my presence, surely. And it's not like the news of the Garfield fire can be anything of a surprise to Zac, so even if he didn't definitely know that I was attending Fillmore for the time being, he's had to have questioned the possibility of it.
Unless he's completely forgotten about me.
Bridgit and I sit at a table. I turn my back to Zac's table, because I only know that having it in the corner of my eye will tempt me to look his way. And I can't risk us locking eyes.
My heart just might stop beating.
It almost does when a tray clatters onto our table. Bridgit and I look up to see Toby, standing at the head of the table.
"Can I sit here?" he says.
Bridgit bites the inside of her cheek. We exchange glances. "Sure," Bridgit says, and my eyebrows raise.
Toby sits next to me and picks up his burger. He opens his mouth, but instead of taking a bite of his bun, he says, "This sucks."
"Have you seen anyone else we know?" I say.
Toby shakes his head. "Not yet."
Our necks rise up above everybody in search. My eyes fall on the empty bench adjacent to ours. Well, almost empty. He sits on his own; he bites in a sandwich, his head low. I recognise him.
"Hey, Abraham," I say, and his head turns. "Do you want to sit with us?"
He thinks about it for a moment, then he nods and stands up. He collects his lunch things and scoots over to the end of our bench. He sits beside Bridgit, opposite Toby. I remember the story Bridgit told me about him - how she made him help her cheat in a test so that Bridgit didn't go to summer school.
A strange misfit of students, yet somehow through a chain of unexplained events, we've wound up together. It's kind of nice, in the most unconventional way.
The silence lingers, and it's awkward. But I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who senses it. Maybe it's because I know that Zac is sitting directly behind me, and that he can turn his head at any moment and see me. I want him to come over and say hi, I want him to slip his hand into mine and put our faces real close together. But I know he won't, just as I know that I won't walk to his table and do the same.
"Do you think he's seeing anybody?" I blurt.
"Who? Bridgit says. "Zac?"
I nod.
"I have no idea."
I sigh, and nibble my sandwich. "Who's Zac?" Toby says, and Bridgit flicks her wrist. "Is he that guy you went out with ages ago?"
"Yeah."
Toby's eyes widen. "Does he go here? Where is?" Toby's eyes scan the cafeteria and I put my head in my hands.
"It doesn't matter," I say.
"Remember why you broke up with him," Bridgit reminds me, but I can't help but waver. It's been so long since I've kissed him, that I honestly don't know what I'd do if the possibility of going any further of him was put into notion. Would it matter to me anymore? Am I ready for what I had been scared of all along?
"Here he comes," Bridgit mumbles, and I freeze.
I don't dare move my head. I hear his group before I see them. They're as rowdy as they were at their table, except the tempo has accelerated, or maybe that's just the beat of my heart. Zac walks among his friends as they sashay passed our table. I see the back of his head, but not his face. I inhale a sharp breath.
He looks over his shoulder and our eyes lock. My heart jumps to my throat. I hold the stare for a second too long because he's the one to break away.
My shoulders slump and I watch him out the corner of my eye as he exits the cafeteria. I don't know why, but I had expected something bigger. I thought that he'd come crashing back into my life - walking into each other in the corridor and spilling our books, getting paired up in class, climbing out of the passenger side of Bridgit's car only to meet him getting out of the driver's seat of his own car in the next space. I had been expecting a situation that forced us to speak to one another, but I realise how much of a long shot that was.
"Earth to Haley?" Abraham says, he squirts some of his orange juice in my face.
Bridgit guffaws.
* *
I drop my bag to the ground and kick my bedroom door shut. I flop onto the bed, whip out of my phone and call Esmee.
I run a hand down my face and stare up at the ceiling. I count the rings until she picks up.
Three.
She's never more than three.
"Hey--"
"Oh my god," I say. "Today has probably been the worst day of my life. No joke."
"You sound well," Esmee says, nonchalant. "Tell me what happened."
"I don't even know where to begin," I say, and I let out a ragged breath. "Honestly, whoever set our school on fire needs to get their ass whooped -- don't laugh I'm being absolutely serious. Words cannot describe how I'm feeling right now."
"Did you see Zac?" Esmee guesses.
"Yes," I moan, and I let out a little whimper. "Of course I saw him. But we didn't talk. It was across the cafeteria. It was an oh-you're-somebody-that-I-used-to-know look and I swear to god, I died a little inside."
"Calm down, Haley," Esmee says. "I'm sure it wasn't that bad."
"It was," I confirm. I sigh. "How was Stanford?"
"I tell you," Esmee says. "I picked the short straw with who I'm with."
"I have Zac," I say. "Zac. What could possibly be worse than that?"
Actually, on second thoughts.
"I was lumbered with Jake," Esmee says.
"No," I say.
"Yes!"
I shake my head. "No way."
"Yes, honestly!" Esmee says, and she spits out a laugh. "And he's in all of my classes."
There's a moments pause. "How's everyone at Stanford?" I say quietly. "And not Garfield transfer students."
"The same, I guess?" Esmee says. "I don't think anyone recognised me. Oh wait, someone did. My friend Rosie from when I did ballet when I was younger. But that's it. "
"Okay, that's good," I say. I blow a tendril out of my face and lean on my elbow. "I can't believe this is happening."
"Neither can I."
"I thought these last few month's at Garfield were meant to be about the four of us being together," I say. "And now, not even that looks likely."
"Just take these next few weeks as your last chance to study before finals. Because it's true. We'll have finals as soon as get back at Garfield. But just see it as a time to study without any distractions," Esmee says. "We can party later."
"You're right," I say. "You're so right."
"Of course I am, honey," Esmee says, and she giggles. "We'll be graduating soon, then knows what's going to happen?"
She says it like it's a good thing. Maybe it is.
"Well, with that new ethos," I say, sliding off the side of the bed. "I've got a stack of work to do."
"Me too," Esmee grumbles. "I'll text you tomorrow?"
"Sounds good." We say our goodbyes and I sit at my desk. Textbooks surround me.
I eye my set of keys as they poke out of the top of my bag. I pick up the collection - they rattle at the movement - and I single out the key to All Things Sweet that Kat gave me so many months ago.
I take a deep breath. Maybe I've just got to take that leap of faith.
It has been SO LONG since I updated! I can't believe how much time has passed.
Honestly, so much has happened but I it's only now that I feel like I'm able to return to this story.
Thank you so much for sticking with this story! I promise the next chapter won't take so long!!
Question: can you guess what's foreshadowed at the end of this chapter??