This was the worse Christmas ever.
Over half the day had gone by and Zayn still wasn't talking to him. Harry hadn't believed it was possible for a woman to be mad at the one they really liked for so long, but this period of resentment was starting to wear him down. When was it going to end?
They were supposed to get a good night's sleep last night and wake up to a box full of presents from her family and each other. Then they were supposed to spend the evening making appetizers and use the rest of the night to eat what they made while they drank wine and cuddled on the couch in front of a good movie. Those were their plans.
However, despite that both parties slept in the same bed last night, they struggled to sleep through the night and when they woke up, they opened their presents quietly and separately. Instead of making appetizers, they spent the evening in separate rooms. Harry stayed in the living room and Zayn stayed in the bedroom, only coming out to feed the dog and take him out to empty his bladder. A couple times, Harry could faintly hear her crying from the living room, to which both times he'd gotten up to see what was wrong. But that just resulted in screams to "get out!" And "Leave me alone!" So he didn't try that anymore.
He was lounging around on the couch sometime after nightfall and his mind was drifting in different sorts of directions but it was always centered around Zayn. Where did he and Zayn currently stand when it came to their relationship? Just how angry was she? What was on his girl's mind? He spent so much of the day being troubled by thoughts of Zayn that when he heard a phone ring on TV, he jumped up and looked toward the hallway, thinking it was her.
He was hurt when he realized it wasn't but he was glad for it too because it was a reminder to him that he had a promise to keep. So he picked his phone up from the little side table next to him and dialed a number.
"Thank goodness, honey. I thought you wouldn't remember to call." His mother said as soon as she answered the phone.
"Of course I remembered. It's Christmas and I promised I would."
"Well, we've all already sat down and we're about to eat. Let me put you on speakerphone for everyone else."
He heard some rustling and then his mother spoke again. "Okay. Everybody can hear you now."
"Everybody? Who all is there?"
"Robin, Gemma and I."
"Oh, so no surprise guests this year?"
"No. It's just us. I wanted the whole family to be here this year so that it would be four of us around the table. But three will have to do since you decided to run off with Veronica."
Harry rolled his eyes and lay his head against the back of the couch. "Robin, please tell mum to stop trying to make me feel guilty on Christmas. This isn't fair."
"I don't think she'd love me very much after that." He joked and he heard Gemma laughing in the background.
"She used to do this to us all the time when we were young, Harry. You know this. Just ignore her."
"No Harry. Do not ignore me. I want to know how your vacation is going. Is it going well? How's Veronica?"
Harry sighed. "We're fine... I guess."
"Are you sure?"
"Uh... Yeah... I think so."
"How's your Christmas dinner?"
He glanced at a box of crackers that he had been snacking on all day. "I ate light."
"On Christmas?!"
"Mum, calm down."
"Nope. Let me speak to that girlfriend of yours. As a matter of fact, I don't like any of the answers you've given me. They sound too unsure. Put her on the phone for me, please. Women are way better communicators anyway."
He was too busy beginning to panic that he didn't realize what she said was actually a tiny insult to him. "No mum. I can't... do that."
"And why not? Does she not want to talk to me? I've made her angry?"
"No. How'd you even come up with that? I never said that. She's just..." He spoke lower. "She's busy right now."
"Busy on Christmas night?"
"Yeah."
"Well, tell her to sit down and relax. She deserves it and you two deserve each others company. Right now."
"Okay." Then he frowned, knowing how true that was but also how it didn't seem as if that would likely happen. "Maybe I'll wait a minute before I do that."
"Did you ever listen to all those lessons I ever taught you about women when you were younger?"
"Mum." Gemma said at the same time Robin said "Anne."
"What?" She asked.
"I don't think this is the time, sweetheart."
"I was going to be quick though."
"I know but he's on vacation and you know if you and I were on vacation..."
Harry was distracted from the rest of Robin's words when he heard his name being called softly and tenderly.
"Harry."
He looked in the direction of the sound to see a sight he hadn't really seen all day. It was Zayn standing in the living room entrance.
"Z..." He whispered. Because dammit, she was crying again. How were there still tears behind those pretty little eyes of hers?
"Mum."
"...that I was ruining your Christmas, you should have said so. You know I don't like to do things like that."
"Mum. I have to go. I love all of you."
"Wait. What?"
"I have to go. I'll see you guys when I'm back."
"You have to go?"
"Yes, Bye."
"Wait. Don't hang up--" was all he heard before he took the phone from his ear and hung up. He turned to his girlfriend and stared at her confused and skeptically.
"You called me right?"
She nodded slightly. "I need to talk you."
"Yeah. Anything, Z. Anything. Come on and sit down... If you want to, I mean... Only if you want to sit."
She unhurriedly began walking over to him and Harry felt an unsettling feeling in his stomach. I'm the reason she can't stop crying. He thought. I caused this.
She came around the couch and sat down on the middle cushion and she was sitting on her knees, facing him with her shoulders hunched. He was on the end cushion and he couldn't believe she even chose to sit this close.
"I really can't... I can't believe it."
He hesitated. "Can't believe what?"
She looked down in her lap. "You... Me... I wondered about it that night at the restaurant but... I really didn't want to believe it. I wanted to ignore it."
"Ignore what?"
She wiped her eyes with her fingers and exhaled quietly as she faced him again. "Tell me the truth and I mean the whole truth. You liked me as more than friends even before I was ever Veronica, didn't you?
He turned away from her, not wanting to look her in the eyes. "I... I uhm. Well I-"
"And is it true that the real reason you don't like Perrie is because she was with me? Not solely because she didn't make me happy."
He didn't answer.
"Harry, look at me and tell me the truth. I want to know." Her voice was stern so he knew she was serious.
"Yeah." He croaked out and she made a noise that sounded like one of frustration. She was starting to cry again.
"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me you liked me?"
"I-- I couldn't. I was too afraid to." He said immediately. "You were with her which meant me, who is a guy, would have been the last thing on your mind in that way and I didn't know how you would feel. I didn't want to lose you as a friend."
"So you would rather suffer instead? Harry, I... I introduced you to girls. And you... You even slept with a couple of them."
"Yeah. I know. But I only did it because of you. I wanted you more than them but I also wanted you to be proud of me too. You were the one who picked them, so I did it. You'll think it's weird if I tell you why so... So I can't..."
She put her hand over her mouth and gasped out a sequence of words he didn't think she would even think to say. "You were thinking of me when you were with them."
He looked at her frantically and that's when she knew she was right. Whenever Harry slept with a girl that Zayn introduced him to, he was thinking of Zayn the whole time he was with her. How could he not know that? How could he not see that Harry was only doing it for him?
"Zayn, I'm... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He pleaded. "And I feel sorry for the girls too but I can't change the truth. I only started having thoughts like that a year before you and Perrie started to date. I hadn't always had those feelings toward you. When we first met, you were just a friend and I liked girls. And don't get me confused, I still like women a lot now. I just... There was something about you that attracted me and for me, you were an exception to women. You have to believe me."
Now Zayn was silently letting more tears fall again and Harry's eyes even watered just by looking at hers. This was exactly why he was keeping his mouth shut about how he felt. He knew it would mess things up between them. He just had to blurt out all those things yesterday, didn't he?
"You must hate me then. I know it." She murmured.
"No." He replied with a shake of his head. "You're my best friend. How could I hate you when I don't have a reason to?"
"Yes you do. There's plenty. I'm so selfish. I never noticed you all the time you liked me because I was obviously only worried about myself. Then I did something so stupid and got myself turned into a female and now I don't even enjoy the same things you and I used to enjoy, like football and stuff, because she tampered with my personality. I know you hate me for that because I hate myself for it."
He reached for her hand very cautiously and when she didn't pull away, he squeezed it. "I don't care about not being able to do all that stuff with you. This is way better than playing some sport because now I have you as my girlfriend. And I like that a whole lot more than hitting you just because you have a football in your hand."
She nervously chewed her lip. "That's... That's actually sweet. But I need to tell you something."
"What?"
"I didn't tell you everything that was in the letter Lady Fairy gave me. I left something out of it."
"Like what?" He asked nervously.
"Well, I know that you were wondering why you were lucky enough to be the only person I've ever known who was able to keep your memory of me. But I think I might know why now. In that letter, she told me that she let you keep your memory because there was something you were keeping from me. I didn't pay too much attention to it then. In fact, I forgot all about it. But last night when I went in the room to think, I realized that this was it. You were hiding your feelings from me and that's what the letter was referring to."
She chuckled a little. "And this might even be silly of me to think but... I haven't been able to stop crying because I feel like this is what she wanted. Maybe we were supposed to end up together. And maybe it took this kind of experience for me to realize how much you really do mean to me, but I figured it out. You are so important to me and a big part in my life. And I can't believe it took ten years for me to wake up. It must've been awful for you while you were waiting for me to notice you."
He put his free hand to the side of her face and smiled as he wiped her tears. "Pretty much, but it feels totally worth it now. I guess patience really is a virtue." But then his brows furrowed. "Wait. You said that you haven't been able to stop crying because you felt like this is what was supposed to happen. Does that mean that the whole time you've been crying, it wasn't because of me and you're not mad at me? Why did you scream at me today then?"
"No. I'm still really pissed at you, Harry. Because you should never have talked to me like that. You really hurt my feelings."
He dropped his hand away from her face and got ready to apologize until she interrupted him. "But I think that even though you were... unknowingly harsh with your words, you might have been right about me too."
That statement piqued his interest but he didn't say anything.
"Maybe I wasn't as happy as I said I was and maybe I was only saying she was enough to keep from admitting I made a mistake. But then again... maybe I'm really, really, really, really sorry I assumed you don't know anything about me and that I ruined our Christmas by ignoring you. And it could be possible that I may want you to accept my apology because it's the only way I'll feel better about everything that happened between us yesterday. What do you think?"
Harry frowned. "Seriously?"
"What?"
"That's your apology?"
She shrugged. "It's a half apology, but it's sincere. Bear with me. You and I never argue and there is no way I'm flat out admitting I'm wrong after our very first couple argument. So either you accept that this time or not. Do you?"
He let go of her hand and sat back against the couch, giving her a blank look. "I can't remember if I'm talking to Zayn or Veronica right now because Zayn did this too. According to him, he was never wrong."
"Yes or no. Do you or don't you?"
He shrugged. "Maybe."
"So you don't."
"Maybe I do."
"So you do then?"
"I said maybe I do. I'm not flat out accepting your apology after our very first couple argument. So either you accept that or you don't."
She threw her head back and laughed when she figured out what he was doing. "Oh. I get it. Fair enough. We can leave it at that."
"Yeah. That'd be nice. Let's just leave it at that." He turned away from her and faced the TV with a half smile. He forgot that TV show was even on at first but if it was Zayn taking his attention away from it then he did not mind it one bit.
Just as he was about to focus on what was on tv, a hand went to his chin so that it was turning him to face her. Of course, it was Zayn's and she ran her thumb over his bottom lip. "I missed you so much." She whispered softly and she leaned forward to connect her lips with his.
"I missed you too." he said afterward and she giggled cutely.
Still trying to pay attention to the tv, she once again distracted him when she grabbed the sides of his face leaned forward and kissed him like she meant it. It was more than unnexpected but it was like he was on automatic so he couldn't help but kiss back. Despite that he was in an awkward position to begin with, he managed to quickly become be the dominant one, although he was sure it was mainly because she wanted him to be.
Whether it was intentional on her part or not, he'd gotten so lost in her kisses after that short of a while that he was still trying when she pulled away. That left him disappointed for a brief moment but those pairs of lips attached to his body again and she started to leave little love bites all over his neck. Since they'd done this to each other before, Harry was totally fine with that. It wasn't a big deal to do it again. But then out of the blue, she just climbed over and into his lap. And on top of that, she was trying to raise his shirt up.
"Oh shit, Z. What are you doing?"
"I want this off." She mumbled. "Take it off."
"Why?"
"Because I need it off."
"Z."
"Okay fine. I'll go first."
"You'll go first? What do mean you'll go-"
That thought was completely cut off when the next thing he knew, her T-shirt was off and being thrown down on the floor behind her. "Your turn."
His eyes nearly popped of his head. "Oh shit." Was all he could say because all of this was happening right here in his lap. He felt so stupid that he looked lost but, he did comply with her request and lifted his shirt above his head. And even when he'd thrown it down onto the ground, he was so in a trance about seeing her like that, that he didn't remember taking it off.
Zayn's hands roamed his chest and she kissed him once more just to bring him back to reality. "It's alright to touch me. I don't bite."
"Oh yeah? Then explain these." He said pointing to his neck.
She gave him a big smile and then reached behind her back with two hands. A moment later, the bra that was covering her breast was nowhere in sight and at that point, Harry couldn't contain himself any longer. He just had to touch her.
He knew Zayn would be beautiful when she was partially naked but this... This was like a Christmas present of pure sexiness. And he wanted to finish unwrapping it so he could see all. Badly.
"Is this a tease? Cause I don't want to have to wait until I'm not not hard again. That was so fucked up."
"I know. But I'm too excited to worry about a tease. How about you?"
"I agree."
She slipped down out of his lap, on her knees in between his legs and curled her fingers around the waistband of his gym shorts and underwear. "Let me take these off."
"And then what?"
She showed him her tongue. "I've never done it. But I do know what a man likes, considering who I used to be. You want it?"
He slowly lifted his hips and she pulled them down past his thighs and knees until they rested at his ankles. He didn't even have time to adjust to his first time being completely naked in front of her before she'd palmed his dick and kissed the head.
"Oh shit." He mumbled. And he hated that those two words were all he could say every time something new and shocking transpired. But what other way was there to describe what was happening to him?
He hissed the moment her mouth took him in and it was as if that particular action pushed the play button in his brain. Dirty... He'd never thought so dirty in his life. Especially not of a female, but all he had were dirty thoughts this time. Why'd she look so pretty in between his legs? Why did this make him imagine those beautiful, long eyelashes and rosy cheeks covered his cum? Wasn't it too soon for that? Sure he'd had some of those thoughts when he'd imagined each one of those girls as Zayn. But this actually was Zayn this time. And somehow it felt so unfair to have this done to him. He was sure his first orgasm with her was better served in some other way. And his idea was that it would be much better if he could give her an equal amount of pleasure she was giving him.
"Wait, Z. Stop." He dreaded having to pull her up by her hair because he thought it was too agressive but she didn't seem to mind it at all. He imagined she liked it a little too much and that, combined with her halfway innocent brown eyes staring at him, didn't help to convince him to think otherwise either.
"I think we should stop this and save it for some other time. I want you more than anything and I want you right now."
She nodded and backed away, watching him stand up and pull the clothing from his ankles. Soon he was pulling her up, dragging her down the hallway and into the bedroom. He was about to close the door when suddenly he stopped and looked around he room. "Wait... Where's Teddy?"
"Kitchen." She chuckled.
"Are you sure? Because if he's in the room..."
"He's not. I saw him lying down in front of the refrigerator before we came back. Now come on, baby. I'm ready."
He smirked as he pushed the door closed. Immediately, he turned to her, grabbed her by the the hands and pulled her toward him into a kiss. It was more to calm him than anything though because he was eager to just strip her and fuck her against the bedroom door right then and there. But he couldn't do that to her. Not for her first time.
"Over to the bed and lie down on your back for me, babe."
She backed up and did as she was told. Seconds later, he was pulling down her underwear just like she had done his. To Zayn, being completely naked in front of Harry didn't feel so new anymore. She thought it was because she realized she had appeared naked to him in other areas of her life where there was almost nothing he didn't already know about her. So according to her point of view, physical nudeness was only a different facet of that.
He crawled in between Zayn's legs and he kissed up and down her neck.
"I don't know what I'm doing, so don't go too fast and rush through it Harry." She said.
When he heard that, he moved from her neck to her mouth for more kisses. But she turned her head sideways dodging his lips.
"I'm serious, Hazza. I'm a virgin. Remember?"
Instead of answering her, he kissed her yet again. And as she did before, she turned away from his lips.
"Harry, stop it. I mean it. I don't know what I'm doing."
"I know." He chuckled. "I'm trying to get you to shut up. You don't need to know what you're doing because you have me. I know what I'm doing and that's what matters. I'll try not to hurt you."
"Promise?"
"Do I really need to?"
She shook her head and his lips finally moved to explore other parts of her body. She couldn't even begin to explain how relieved those words of assurance made her. She needed them. And she trusted that even though he didn't verbally make one, he'd keep his promise.
Her eyes closed as he started to gradually move down her body. Everything was so intimate. His tongue went everywhere: over her nipples, down her torso and in between her thighs, almost as if he were trying to eat her up. Girls have it so good she thought. Zayn wondered if Perrie or any of the other girls he was with ever felt like this with him. She could only guess that they were as pleased as Harry was making her right now.
The palm of his hands gripped the back of her knees and he pushed her legs open, making her open her eyes to see what he was doing. She quickly found out when his tongue pressed against her cli t and began to flick against it in a constant rhythm. After a half minute or so, he dipped down further toward her entrance and darted the tip of his tongue in and out of her and over her cli t again, repeating the sequence. "Hazza." She moaned and it felt so good, she repeated that two more times after that.
Earlier when she had pictured everything else with Harry, she never imagined Harry doing something like this to her. How did she leave this out?
"You're getting there babe. But still not wet enough. Hold your legs back for me." He ordered.
Words like that made Zayn excited but she did hold her legs back and watch him carefully. With one hand, he pressed his thumb to her cli t and with the other, he slowly inserted his index and middle finger. There was the stinging feeling of it at first, because she'd never had anything that far up inside her before. Not even a tampon had been there. But here, Harry was the first-- truly the first-- and it was so fucking perfect.
The tips of his fingers pressed against the inside of her pus sy, and they moved with such precision. Zayn knew he'd obviously done this with someone else before her but she didn't care who they were. Because after what she learned tonight, he may very well have been thinking of her when she was Zayn and that made this experience one hundred times better anyway.
"Faster, Harry. Go faster."
He raised his eyebrow. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, baby. Go faster."
So faster he did go and she couldn't do anything but moan out and press the top of her head into one of the pillows.
Harry kissed her legs and sucked at the skin of her tummy. He was too into the moment to smile but he really wanted to. He never expected her to want and enjoy it this much but she was at his merit. And wow, she looked so hot dripping around his fingers and moaning out his name.
"Put it in now, Harry." She gasped out. "Just put your dick in and fuck me."
Immediately, Harry stopped what he was doing completely and stared at her. Did she really just command him to do that?
"Why are you staring at me like you don't understand what I just said? Do it." She pressed.
He seemed to snap out of his second mini trance of the night, then went over to an overnight bag that was sitting in front of one of the nightstands next to the bed. He rummaged through it and she wondered what he was doing.
"What are you looking for?" She finally asked.
"These." he said pulling out a purple box of condoms that hadn't even been opened yet.
She snatched the box from him and tossed it against the bedroom door. "We don't need those."
"What? But we need protection, Z."
"No. I don't want you to wear a condom."
"So you want me to pull out, then?"
"No. I want you to cum inside me."
"I can't, Z." He tried to reason. "You are a female. Remember? You'll get pregnant and we're not ready for kids. You understand that right?"
"Of course I do. That's why I'm taking birth control."
Harry was taken back. "Since when? I thought you weren't on those anymore. Why'd you get back on?"
"If I tell you why and when, then you have to explain to me why you just happen to have a brand new box of condoms with you and when you bought them. Do you really want to do that?"
He stared at her suspiciously then gradually smiled again. "Just spread your legs again and be quiet."
She bit her bottom lip and did as she was told then patiently waited while he hovered over her. After balancing him self on one hand, he took his other hand and guided himself inside her slowly and it was so easy to glide in because she was so wet. The second she hissed loudly and began to cry out, he leaned down to kiss her, so that he could give her something else to do rather than focus on the pain. But Zayn wasn't deceived. She knew exactly what he was doing and she thought it was so sweet of him to do that in an effort to keep his word. So she did kiss back, finding it more than helpful.
He moved his hips in a slow rhythm and she closed her eyes tightly while she adjusted to the feeling. She wondered if he hated going at this pace; if maybe it was too slow and boring for him. But really, Harry was basking in the moment. As much as he was eager to cum inside her now, he also wanted to take it slow and make this last as long as it possibly could. He wanted her first time to be perfect; to be the same way he viewed her.
It took three and a half long minutes for her to finally get used to all of him and when she did, it was like a light switch turned on inside of her and she became so impatient and needy.
"I want to feel you more. Fuck me harder please."
He did not expect her to say that. "You sure? I don't want to hurt you."
She reached down and grabbed the back of her knees, pulling her legs back further like she had done before. "Yeah do it."
When Harry saw that she had done that for him, specifically so that he could have even better access to her, he too became impatient and couldn't help himself anymore either. So he began thrusting into her much harder than before. The sound of skin slapping together soon took over the room and so did the moans that came every time he plunged into her.
Things were moving so fast, they couldn't even breathe right. All that came out were heavy gasps and they couldn't even kiss properly anymore. Harry just buried his face in her neck while he encouraged her with dirty phrases that didn't bother her like before. And whenever she wasn't talking to him directly, she was groaning out his name.
There was just something about this. Something about the two of them intertwined together and pressed against one another and it was so divine. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was exactly. But he did understand that it was a dream come true. A wonderful, perfect, crazy dream come true.
Of course they both knew that things like this didn't last forever. Eventually, one of them was going to reach a climax and be the first one to give in and he was very well pleased that it was Zayn and not him.
"Harry I... I think I'm cumming." She told him as she pressed the tips of her nails into his back. "Yes, I am."
"Oh yeah? So do you like cumming on my dick?"
The orgasm tore trough her so fiercely, she has to gasp for air before replying. "Yeah. Feels so good. Now cum inside me."
"Almost there."
Harry slowed down to a grinding rhythm so that she could get through her first orgasm with him a little bit easier. And even though he came a minute or two later than Zayn, it was well worth it because they were mixing together to make one big sticky mess and he never welcomed something so messy in his life. When Zayn told him it felt good to feel it inside her, his night was surely made and he was glad he didn't need a condom after all.
He eventually came to a complete stop, pulled out, then collapsed right on top of her. He kissed her cheek and jawline, anything he could reach without moving and she pushed her hands through his hair while she calmed herself down.
"Worst and best Christmas ever." He grumbled. "So many reasons for both."
"Mhm. And since we're on this subject, nobody has to know we had an argument, okay?"
"What argument?"
"Perfect."
He chuckled before meeting his face with hers so that they could share a more meaningful, less lust filled kiss. Then he turned his attention to her neck so that he could leave her at least one hickie since he didn't get to make one in the beginning.
"So which one of us is turning out the lights?" She asked.
"Neither."
"Who's going to feed the dog then?"
"Nobody. We're not even feeding ourselves."
"Harry, he's going to starve."
"He won't starve. He'll live. And if it makes you feel any better, I'll feed him when we get up first thing tomorrow, okay?"
"Promise?"
"Yes, babe. But you're ruining such a great night worrying about everything else. Come on. Get under the covers with me and cuddle. It's the first time I get to sleep naked with you and I'm going to enjoy it while I have it."
She groaned as they began to maneuver themselves beneath the comforter. "We didn't think this through, baby. We just had sex on top of the covers we have to sleep under. That's disgusting."
He pressed his face to her collarbone and smiled against it. "It's not disgusting. It's welcoming cause you're sharing it with me. Guess it's a good thing this place has a washing machine and dryer though. Tomorrow night we can sleep under fresh clean covers. You'll like that, won't you?"
"Yeah that'll be nice but you're going to be the one washing and drying everything."
"Fine. Just as long as you make the bed." He threw an arm around her protectively, then went back to creating hickies again. Zayn smiled calmly at the feeling of his tongue tasting her once again.
The greatest romantic thing she'd ever done, including when she was Zayn, just happened tonight. She willingly gave her virginity to her best friend. It was the most precious thing a girl could ever own, the most precious thing that she in a way, got to have twice in her lifetime. And now, instead of giving it away to some temporary sex partner like before, Harry Styles had the privilege of possessing it. She couldn't think of any other way to have it. She didn't want to think of any other way to have it. She just wanted to lie down and enjoy this right now, before the night was over, before vacation was over, before all of this was over.
Of course, no matter how good things were for any one person, not a single thing in this world ever lasted forever. That was something everyone knew and there was no getting around it. But with Harry, it was somehow easier to pretend it could. It was easier to assume it would always be Zayn and Harry because why not think that way? But while she laid there with him, secretly imagining herself lying in his arms like this for all eternity, she was secretly wondering if Harry was imagining himself holding her like this forever too. If it was just as easy for him as is it was for her. She certainly hoped so.