dear B,
okay honestly who doesn't think in the shower? like, I follow this account on Twitter that's all about things people think of in the shower. one of them said 'right now in California you can really tell how much of an asshole someone is by the color of their lawn.' I laughed for maybe 10 minutes. anyways; who doesn't think in the shower? so honestly just like sit down in the shower and let the running hot water hit your face. and honestly I know this big decision must be actually eating you alive from the inside out. and I want to say that don't let it. don't let something like a decision that could honestly change your future effect you. and yes it could change your future and yes you could be a different person because of this and I honestly have no idea where I'm going with this but do what you think is better for yourself. and I mean honestly better. to the point where you can grow as a person and will make you happy and in the long run just make you happy for a long time. this letter is to tell you that do what will make you happy. you. not for your family or for who you may be in a relationship with at the time. just you. (okay but not like anything stupid though. like I really hope you're reading this for a smart decision. not like should I go skydiving or not because really you'd just be wasting a perfectly good letter that's taken me a while to write.) but like I said before: I do think this decision this killing you. and you didn't think this could hurt as much as it does, but whatever you decide, know that you did it for you.
love,
Hayes