*June*
Grace
"Welcome home!" I said throwing my arms in the air (like I just don't care) and threw confetti. My mom and Robert just walked through the door holding hands and smiling. They smiled and Robert put down the duffel bag that he was holding.
"How was your trip?" I asked, my mom squealed and showed me the wedding band that sat under the giant rock on her finger. "We got married!" She exclaimed excitedly. I couldn't help but let a smile crawl onto my face. She was happy and I liked my mom happy.
In the back of my mind was a nagging voice about how I was unhappy I was at the current moment. Then, my smile slowly started to fade and I was just staring at my mom who was talking. She was talking excitedly, but I couldn't hear a single word that was leaving her mouth, instead I only heard myself thinking.
Hellooo I thought to myself, disappointed that there wasn't some sort of echo.
I told Alex when this whole thing started, that I was scared there wasn't going to be that one night when I'm thinking about him and he's off with another girl. I told them directly about that fear. He promised me that there would be no one else and he promised that I was the only one on his mind.
Look on the bright side, he thought he was sleeping with you that night. That doesn't make the pain anymore tolerable though. That doesn't mend my heart back together. It doesn't ease my mind, or help me sleep better at night. It doesn't matter that he wasn't cognitive. He still cheated.
It's been two months now, not a word spoken to him, not one. Not a wasted breath, I was heartbroken, my heart shattered, but I learned to move on, I think.
Just like that I decided that it would be over. Absolutely done. I won't accept that kind of treatment. He was only gone for a week, a week. That makes me wonder, what if I stayed with him and he was on one of those year long tours. If he couldn't stay faithful for just this week, then what's loyalty mean to him when he's gone for that long? The answer is simple, it means nothing, absolutely nothing.
I got a letter recently. A college acceptance letter. Right after graduation I would be on my way, not bothering to stay for the summer. It would be too painful. Metaphorically speaking of course.
In the kitchen is a bunch of balloons set up and a cake that I made in the middle of the counter. It said I got accepted! Then, I felt like I was being too self centered so at the bottom I added a simple and you got married! I didn't want all of the attention to be on me.
"Gracie?" I shook my head quickly and looked at my mom who was staring at me curiously "Zoned out for a second huh?" She said laughing.
She walked away with Robert following behind her and I prayed silently that she would be happy for me and not cry or anything. If there's one thing that I absolutely hated, it was seeing my mom cry. I can't explain it, I don't fully understand why, but I literally cannot stand the sound or sight of seeing my mom cry, it makes me very uncomfortable.
"OH MY GOODNESS GRACIE!" I heard her squeal in pure excitement. I cringed a little and turned around to see her running at me with her arms wide as she embraced me in a hug.
"You got accepted, oh my gosh!" She said kissing me all over my face. I squeezed my eyes shut and let her continue with her torture.
"I'm." Kiss. "So." Kiss "proud." She said quickly.
"Ok mom that's enough." She nodded and stepped back and still squealed in excitement.
"You go on upstairs and I'll cook a special dinner." She said pushing me up the stairs. Even though I felt it was unnecessary to do that, I trudged up the steps anyway.
The only thing that I could possibly do upstairs was sit at my desk with a blank piece of paper placed in front of me as I tapped the pen anxiously, begging for some kind of thought to come to my head.
I know a note seemed a little insensitive, but it was better than leaving without a word. Certainly better than even speaking to him.
I decided that my letter didn't have to be heart warming or breaking. It just had to come from what I truly had to say. But I was speechless.
So instead of speaking from my heart, I winged it, like any responsible adult would not do.
Dear Alex,
If you're reading this right, I'm probably gone, off to another state to chase my dreams and attend college. I know a letter seems insensitive, but I just simply didn't want to talk to you. Why am I writing this then? You might ask. Honestly, I have no fucking clue.
While your chasing your dreams of touring the world and becoming bigger, better musicians loved ny millions, in four years tops I'll be something of myself too.
I hope the memories burn in your heart--the good ones of course--and I hope you do well, because you deserve it.
Love forever,
Grace Adams
.-.
Graduation was probably the worst. Not only did I feel Alex's eyes on me the whole fucking time, but it was boring. I honestly just wanted to get my diploma and leave, I had a plane to catch tonight and I was going to start my life as early as possible.
I've almost fallen asleep nearly four times, but the reminder that Alex was staring at me kept me wide awake and very uncomfortable.
As if this ceremony wasn't going by any slower they finally called the last name and I haven't been so relieved in my entire life.
"I'd like to thank all of you for joining us today and congratulations graduates of 2012." I sighed in relief and stood up, holding my diploma close to my gown I weaved my way through people.
"Grace!" I turned around at the call of my name and saw Alex following me close behind. After nearly three months of no communication, blocking his number and avoiding him, I wasn't about to start talking to him now, no way.
So I did the only reasonable thing and I turned around and continued walking. I turned around and saw that he had been stopped by his family and friends and people I didn't quite care for and smiled. Thank God.
Without another glance I turned around and said goodbye to this hell hole forever, walking away with a slight smile on my face as I hugged my diploma close to me.
I took my sweet time walking home and didn't really care if anyone thought it looked weird that I was wearing a cap and gown. I admired the outside, it was hot, really hot. I hated summer. There was heat and sweat ew, just gross.
I listened to my heels click on the sidewalk and winced. Remind me why I wore heels again? At least I was almost home.
"Grace!" Goddamn it! I ignored him and continued walking. I knew that he knew I could hear him, it was just one of those things. We were closer than peanut butter and jelly and honestly we just knew each other. But he chose the band and Alex over me, which I totally understand he needs to make a living now that highschool is over.
"Leave me alone Jack." I said and turned down my street and spun my diploma around in my fingers.
"Please Grace! Its been months ok, I missed you." He yelled as he caught up to me and stopped in front of me. I looked at his red gown and cap for a moment trying my hardest to avoid eye contact before finally I was forced to look into his eyes.
"I'm leaving in a week on a tour of the east coast and it's graduation, I'm probably never going to see you again just..talk to me please." He begged. I looked into his pleading eyes and couldn't just say no. Jack Barakat had some sort of gift that even at 18 years old he could pull off the puppy dog face so well.
I played with the side of my gown subconsciously until I felt something and reached into the pocket I forgot was there. I pulled out a paper, not just any paper, but the note. "What's that?" Jack asked. I didn't answer I just handed it too him.
"Give that to Alex please." I said. "Also, have fun on your tour and I hope you make it big someday." I said simply. I didn't say anything else, I didn't even talk to him. I just gave him a note I remembered I had and walked away. Leaving him standing there probably wondering what the fuck just happened.
It didn't affect me though. At least, that was what I was telling myself, I just had to walk away. It'll work out one day. It'll all work out one day.
An: ONE MORE OMG! I should have it up soon and then I'm gonna be taking a little break and writing drafts for my new story. Which is in fact a Jack Barakat if any of you are interested. Just like any other time, I'll post an author's note to tell you all when it's up.
Song of the chapter: This is Gospel by Panic! At The Disco