(Andrea's POV)
Booking that appointment somehow lifted an invisible weight off from my shoulders and I immediately returned home just like I promised Max. He must be worried sick but in my defense, I left the house because if the both of us would stay, we would be just spewing things at each other and throwing words with our sharp tongues and would eventually hurt the both of us in the process.
Talking to Dr. Bellevue, my ob-gyn, gave me an insight on what I should do and when I can have the appointment, which was as soon as possible, so we can sit down and talk about the issue at hand.
Entering the house, I felt a quiet chill that crept up to my bones and I involuntary shivered. I removed my shoes and started to walk inside.
"Max?" I carefully said, announcing my arrival. My husband sat sorrowfully in our bar lounge, an amber liquid circling the glass. Whiskey? Brandy? I have no idea.
"You're back." He immediately stood up and with his speed mixed with alcohol didn't really made a good combination. Max started to fumble and clumsily walked towards me and encircled me with his loving arms.
"I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you so much." Max said with a dull slur in his voice but I didn't mind. It was no one's fault, really but he feels so much of guilt so I hugged him back, making him feel that we'll work this out.
"It's not your fault. It's in the past, Max, let's put it where it really belongs, the past. Let's focus on what we have now and our future, okay?"
Max hesitatingly detaches himself from our embrace and looked at me.
"Are we okay?" He asked with an intense look in his eyes, enough to bore holes in my head.
Are we okay?
I asked myself if we were and there's no reason or us not to be okay and I nodded as a response.
"Max, I'm sorry if you thought that we're not okay. I just really had to think about everything and had to go to a place where I can have a peace of mind. If I gave you any thoughts that we are not okay, that wasn't my intention, I'm sorry." I apologised and yet it fell on ignorant ears, refusing to acknowledge my apologies.
"It was my fault by upsetting you and that wasn't my intention."
"And now I've upset you because you upset me."
He grins and I copied him.
We were okay.
"Max?" I called out to him while we were cuddled under the sheets, watching In Time.
"Hmm?" He answers, sleepiness draped the tone of his voice while he was between sleep and consciousness. I laughed and his chest vibrated alongside him laughing, too.
"I called Dr. Bellevue this afternoon." I started off and I can feel his drowsiness leave his body. He straightened up but still cradled my head in his chest.
"Dr. Bellevue? Your ob-gyn?"
"Yes."
"Why?" Max asked, treading carefully in our conversation.
"I called for an appointment. You know, just quick check-ups and procedures." I explained and since I have to elaborate more before he can ask questions, I added, "and I'd like you to accompany me."
He inhaled heavily as if trying to compose what he should say and trying to use his brain-to-mouth filter. Max clears his throat and hugged me tighter.
"What's going to happen? Do I have to do anything while I'm there?" Max quizzed but I shook my head.
"No, you just have to listen. I made an appointment since it's obvious that between the two of us," I stopped and as hard as it is for me to say it, I had to. "We both know I'm the one at fault for failing to conceive so I'm going to take a fertility test."
Time and silence was suspended in the air as I wait for his response.
"I told you, there's no rush in this. We'll let it-"
"I know, but I would feel better if we would know why and how can we, er, conceive naturally. I know that there are alternatives but as much as possible I want it to be natural."
"I understand. Okay, when is this?"
"Mrs. Bravucci?" The nurse in white with blue scrubs called my name and I walked towards Dr. Bellevue's clinic hand-in-hand with Max.
"I still have no idea what's going to happen and I'm a nervous wreck here." Max whispered and I just tightened my hand around his to reassure him of the things we're going to conquer even if I wasn't so sure myself how high the mountain we have to climb.
As soon as we settled down in Dr. Bellevue's office, the white walls encasing different issues after issues of other patients was suddenly suffocating. Was it me offending God that I wanted to fast forward what I wanted instead of Him doing His plans for me and Max in our marriage? I was shaking like a leaf and tried to calm myself down and Dr. Bellevue smiled at me comfortingly.
"Good afternoon, how may I help the lovely young couple in front of me?" She starts and I gulped, knowing that I had to answer since Max doesn't even know a sliver of a thing.
"We would like to consult about our chances of conceiving a baby." I stammered and I can feel Max tense up beside me. I know that we both wanted this but maybe he didn't think that I would want this sooner. The younger I am, the closer my bond would be with our child.
With our baby.
"I see. Are you trying?" Dr. Bellevue asked sweetly and had a grandmother appeal to her voice.
To be honest, it feels all too surreal so me being emotional and something seems to be clogged up my throat, I simply nodded.
"Okay, I would explain the procedure. First, I would get blood samples from the both of you and you can go back here tomorrow for the results and I'll discuss everything that would follow after, yeah?"
Max visibly relaxes and I do the same.
The small pinch of the syringe pressing through my skin wasn't even enough to wake me up from the small manic episodes I've been having internally lately.
What if I'm the one who's infertile? What if I can't give Max a baby? What if I can't establish my own family?
What if I'm not enough?
The syringe withdraws.
~
(Max's POV)
I've been worried about Andrea lately. She seems so out of sorts and always staring into thin air.
I never wanted to put pressure on her when I told her my untold past with Cass by telling her that I was fertile and well, that's about it. I've always wanted to build my own family but if she can't, I have no problems about it. There are alternatives but I don't think if I bring this topic up, Andrea is not in the right mind to think about it.
"Andrea? Baby, we have to go to Dr. Bellevue. Wake up or we'll be late and we'll have to reschedule." I wake her up soothingly, trying not to startle her and she smiles.
My ray of sunshine who slightly turned dull because of me.
I will make things right again.
"I'm so sorry for everything." I remorsefully say and she gives me a look that meant she didn't understand what I just said.
"I never meant to pressure you about this whole baby issue. We can always-"
"Let's go to the doctor and find out, okay? Please. I don't want to do this but I just want to stop being a disappointment to you."
A disappointment?
To me, nevertheless?
"Who are you kidding?" I asked her and laughed humorlessly and looked at her. "You are the most amazing, selfless, tenacious, brave and I could say a whole lot of more but 'disappointment' is not on the list." I told her and she starts to tear up.
"Please don't think that way. I never want you to think of yourself so low, okay? I love you. Talk to me." I begged her, hoping to pull her out of whatever dark misery she's been plunged into.
"I'm so sorry if I've been out of everything, I just don't know what I'd do if I won't be able to be good enough to give you a family." Andrea sobs and I shook my head and hugged her.
"You are perfect for me in every single way. You deserve the world and all the stars and I'd do anything so that you won't feel like this ever again. Please baby, don't let this bother you." I said and we both took a quick shower so we can get to the clinic immediately.
"How are you both?" Dr. Bellevue greets in a professional manner and I can't help but to fidget about everything.
"You have to calm down, love." I chuckled lightly and she smiles back. I can feel the tension from Dr. Bellevue though so she needs to spit it out before I go out of my mind.
"So based on the results, the both of you are fertile." Andrea sags in relief and almost cries but the good doctor wasn't done with her piece yet.
"Although, even if Maximillian's fertileness is above 50%, I worry that the both of you will have a hard time conceiving because Andrea only has 17% of a possibility to conceive. It's a small number but we can work it out." Dr. Bellevue offers with a smile but Andrea soon was plunged back into her own abyss which I have to get her out of later.
"I would give the both of you fertility pills to aid but I would recommend to only take it once a week. I would write the prescription later. Andrea, honey, are you okay?" Dr. Bellevue asks and Andrea meekly nods.
Dr. Bellevue notices this so she excuses herself for awhile to get some pads for prescription because she's running low but I can tell she wants me to talk to my wife.
"Andrea, please tell me what you're feeling. Talk to me, love. Talk to me." I plead with her and she starts to show some emotions and suddenly bursts to tears.
"What's wrong with me? Why can't I make you happy?" She laments.
"Nothing is wrong about you, love. You make me the happiest husband in the planet and it's unbelievable that you can't see it. It's understable that you're this upset but we will get through this."
"What if it won't work out?"
"If Plan A fails, there are still 25 letters to go. In fact, there are tons of letters that would follow, except that's not the English alphabet anymore and I doubt that you'll give a flying fúck about that." I said which made her giggle and I smiled.
"There we go! See, it wasn't so bad." I teased and then she giggles some more.
"I'm being such an emotional lady right now, Jesus Christ." She said which acted like an apology but it's not like I minded.
"Probably hormonal imbalance." Dr. Bellevue popped out of nowhere which made the both of us jump out of our skins which made her laugh.
"Sorry about that. But the cause of your rollercoaster emotions is that you're probably experiencing some hormonal imbalance right now. Based on your blood test, you've been taking pills before and you just stopped."
"Well, um, I was already with Max that's why I didn't drink it anymore." Andrea blushes and I grinned. So much for being innocent!
"How many years have you been drinking pills?"
"Er, five years now?"
"And you just stopped. That's the reason why. Don't worry though, your normal emotions will be back in no time, just give it a few more days. Here's the prescriptions." Dr. Bellevue hands it to me and I shook her hand.
"Thank you, Dr. Bellevue. We'll see you soon."
~
A/N: hi guys!!! it's nice meeting all of you again here heheheh please don't stop supporting this work of mine hehe
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