This vent talks about depression, sh and personal stuff
So,for those who don't know, my name is Bella. I am 13 years old, love Conan Gray, Freya Skye and a lot more that I am not going to list.
But another thing that only a few people in my life know is that I struggle with my mental health. I hate my body. It disgusts me at how fat I look. I hate myself. I hate my style. But I (try to) push through. I have been in therapy for a year, and in that year, I have had 3 different therapists. My current one is amazing, and is the first one I really like.
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Friends
So, my old friend group was really toxic. I was in that group for 3-ish years, and it was horrible. They would blackmail me, slap me and push me into fights I wasn't apart of. But, for some stupid reason, I stayed friends with them. Me being the 'bright' person I was, I kept on telling myself "maybe there's something going on that I don't know about, maybe they are dealing with their own problems." So I stayed.
They did NOT help with my mental health, they just made it worse. Saying horrible stuff like, "lose weight," and "no one likes you." That sorta stuff. And the more they said it, the more I believed it. I believed that I had to loose weight, so I stopped eating for a...while. I still believe some of the stuff they said. I still do think that I look fat,and I feel as if that belief won't pass.
Fast forward to October last year, their bullying got bad. Really bad. I started to cut myself, I got quite depressed, and my parents were getting worried about me.
Backstory: Baisically the next person I am introducing is my childhood frien8d, and she was in a different country for roughly a year and had just came back late that October, so I had only just told her about what was happening. End backstory.
My childhood friend -lets call her amy- hated the group. Whenwe got back to school, Amy walked up to the principal while pulling me along and explaind to him what was happening. The group got told off and I am forever greatful to Amy.
🛑WARNING🛑 This next paragraph is quite heavy and includes death and sh.
Unfourtunately, Amy passed away in January 2026. She was in another country ( for a family birthday, her other family didn't live in Australia), and ahe was cliff diving, which she did all the time. She was so brave. But this time, it all went wrong.
And she passed away.
This caused my mental health, after actually starting to get better, to deplete rapidly. I miss her so much, and I'm still struggling. But rather then 'asking for help' or anything, I help others.
I don't really like to talk about Amy's passing, or my mental health to the people I know in my life, but I feel as if on here, you guys have created a safe space for me to share this stuff.
So thank you all for being here and creating this amazing family.
Also sorry, this vent was a LOT of mis-matched stuff