Lying in the soft snow with Edward made me think more about myself. Vampires were cold to the touch; I was warm. I did not feel the cold though, but I could still blush. My family could not smell my blood except for if I was cut, but I had tough skin like a vampire. One time Carlisle did an experiment, and finally managed to cut me. The smell of my blood repulsed him, and Edward said it tasted like acid.
The sky we were looking at was dark, cloudless, a perfect starry night. Some stars glowed blue while others were yellow or red. I could see each individual star in small clusters with my heightened sight. I looked at the sky and I envied Rosalie, Esme, Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle and Edward. Although only faintly, they could remember a time when they were not like this, when they were human. Alice could not remember, but she was human at one point. Whereas I have always been like this; not vampire, but not human, no one knows what I am.
“it doesn’t matter what you are Eva, we all love you the way you are” Edward sighed.
“but can you not see how frustrating it is” I breathed turning my head to face him.
“getting annoyed about it isn’t suddenly going to give you an answer” he smiled at me and I nodded.
“any closer to forgetting her face” I asked him.
“no, it’s been six days and it is still as if it was six seconds ago” he moaned closing his eyes.
“did you seriously just do that” his eyes flew open and I gave him a smirk. I had just chucked a load of snow over him, and I made it a split second decision so he had no warning by reading my mind.
“I have had enough moping, play with me” I moaned standing up.
‘this should be interesting’ he smiled and also stood up.
Tanya came into the clearing as he was dusting himself off. She has been making moves on him the whole time we have been here and he was a little uncomfortable with that. He was a gentleman and didn’t want to make her feel bad, but he didn’t like her in that way.
“I’m going for a run” I muttered and he glared at me as I left him alone with her.
“Eva” someone shouted and I stopped in my tracks and turned around to face them.
“Kate” I smiled at her and she walked over to me.
“how much longer our you and Edward staying” she asked as we walked the forest rather than run it.
“Edward is in complete control of all of this, I am merely the tag along” I shrugged.
“why do you do that” she asked and we stopped walking.
“what” I frowned.
“tag along with Edward. Surely your connection to Carlisle is stronger... two centuries stronger” she mused.
“I have to look out for him” I answered cryptically.
“do you love him” she asked.
“not in the way you are thinking” I corrected as I could read her thoughts about unrequited romantic love.
“I will not hide the fact I do not understand your relationship with him, seeing as you can read it from my mind” she smiled at me.
“I do not blame you, it is a complicated one... you just need to know that Edward is not my mate, never has been and never will be. We are just close friends, brother and sister, we love each other, but we are not in love with each other” I explained.
“I suppose I can understand that” she muttered then ran off, leaving me alone. I could clearly see in her thoughts she didn’t understand it, but her and her sisters were very different from Edward, I was very different from Edward. I had a few human guys over the years, he has had no one. He is waiting for the right girl, and I got a little bored one or two nights and went out...
I’m going home, Edward has just decided that we are going back. Tanya must have said something to make him see sense. Either that or he has had enough of her constant flirting. Her mind was a one-trip pony when Edward was around and it was embarrassing to hear for me and mortifying enough for Edward, without me hearing it as well.
“Eva...” Edward began and I turned to face him.
“I know, I saw it” I smiled at him and he nodded.
“but is it the right thing” he asked looking down.
“you brood too much, anyone ever told you that” I smirked at him.
“I think YOU have once or twice” he smiled back making sure I understood that it was me that told him that as he hugged me.
“but you realise they are going to be insufferable and fuss over you like they have been over Jasper” I warned him.
“bring it on” he shrugged and we started to run back to the car so we could go back home.
*
Do they seriously have to fuss this much over him? He isn’t a ticking time bomb that is about to explode any second, and if he was I could take him easily without any of their help. I would see it and hear it before he even knew he was going to act, I was older than him so I could take him, they were unnecessary bodyguards as I was involved. I felt someone looking at me and I turned my attention to that. It was Edward. He was giving me a death stare but I knew it was meant for the rest of our siblings.
‘this is really annoying, I guess this was how Jasper must have felt’ Edward moaned at me.
‘I am getting annoyed at it isn’t even aimed at me’ I agreed.
‘frustrating isn’t it’ Jasper’s voice was clear as he spoke to Edward. I saw him give a small nod and then rolled his eyes.
‘how long do they do this Eva’ Edward asked.
‘till they find something new to fuss about’ I shrugged.
‘go overdose on chocolate for me, please’ he begged.
‘don’t you even think about it Eva’ Alice snapped seeing a glimpse of me eating about ten bars of chocolate in five seconds.
‘that plan worked genius’ I snipped as we sat down at our usual table.
‘please Eva, help a guy out’ he begged again.
“Emmett” I heard Rose snap and broke out of my conversation with Edward to see he had just thrown a ball of ice at her. I bit down on my bottom lip and tried not to laugh as she glared at him.
“very human” Alice snipped.
“why don’t you just go punch a wall” Rose hissed. It was only then that I noticed that the ice had rebounded off Rosalie into a brick wall and it had cracked it.
“it would look more impressive if you did it baby” Emmett smiled at her.
“grim” Edward and I muttered together and gagged as he basically shouted his thoughts. Most people with a bit of compassion would at least apologise for mentally scaring two seventeen year old siblings. Emmett; he laughs as both Edward and I try to erase the thoughts and images he had given us.
I still cannot hear that girls thoughts and it is frustrating. I know nothing about myself except this is who I am and she takes even that away from me. I can still see her future, that was clear from when Edward was daydreaming about attacking her, but her thoughts remained a mystery to myself, and it seems Edward.
“you think Esme will be mad if I skip biology” I asked absentmindedly just wanting to get away from her before I kill her out of frustration. It would only take me a second to snap her neck and no one would notice except for the other vampires around the table. Not that I was going to kill her because I hate taking human life, it is why I was such a mess when Carlisle found me with some man I had drank from, taking all his blood. All this animal blood stuff was easier to me than any of them, even Carlisle.
“you are not skipping, you need to be there to...” Alice began.
“shut up, Edward is fine, look at him... ok he isn’t breathing but he isn’t attacking her either and I don’t see him doing it in the near future. So tell me, do you see something I do not, or are you just being over protective like normal” I snapped and everyone looked at me differently. I never snap at people like that, normally it is a playful snap. This was full on rage and I noticed Jasper toning it down a little which I nodded at him for as a thank you which he shrugged at. I looked at Edward who was half way between a smile that I had defended him, finally saying something about how annoying it was, and a grimace that I said near future rather than ever.
“Eva what’s wrong” Jasper asked now that he had put me in a total mellow mood.
“she has taken part of who I am. I have hardly any idea in the first place and now she has taken one of the only things I have ever been certain of” I ranted in a high-pitched voice. If any human came past in that time they would not have understood me as I spoke too fast for even vampire ears to fully understand.
“don’t let it get to you Eva, I’m not” Edward smiled at me and I nodded.
“it’s just...” I began.
“you are Evangelise Rivers, born 1693, what else do you need to know” Edward countered reading my thoughts before I could say them.
“a date would be nice” I shrugged.
“January 24th” he muttered.
“that is just the date Carlisle found me, I have no idea who I am and Alice is the only one that can even begin to understand how frustrating that is” I moaned.
“you just have to let it go Eva” Alice told me with a smile.
“I’m out” I stood up and started to walk away.
“Eva stop” Emmett caught my arm and turned me around to face him as we reached outside.
“why does it bother you so much” he asked letting go of my arm, but holding my hand as we walked randomly around the campus.
“is Rivers even my real surname, who was my mother, my father... Why didn’t my father want me, I know my mother died in childbirth, but why did he not want me. Was it because I was the freak that turned out to look seventeenish by the time I was seven, that I was born out of wedlock, trash to the society I lived in because I was a result of a sordid extramarital fling. I can remember things days after my birth Emmett. Them commenting that I looked months old even though I was days old, saying something about the strange nature of my birth and the death of my mother...” I ranted in a whisper.
“inside of you is a heart that beats even if it is a strange one. It is a heartbeat that we all love to hear every time you are close enough for us to hear it, because it means you are close to us. What does it matter about your suckish family that abandoned you. We love you Eva, we care about you, we are your family and we are never going to abandon you” he breathed dropping my hand and wrapping an arm around my waist in a sideways hug.
“why are you the one chasing me anyway” I asked after we walked in silence for a little while. My head was resting on his soft, muscular side. That was another thing, to me they all felt soft and warm, to others they felt hard and cold. I mean I could feel that they were slightly colder and a little harder than if they were human, but what I felt was nothing like what a human felt. They said I felt hotter to them than a human, which just made things more confusing.
“we all got up to do it, just I reacted slightly quicker than everyone else” he shrugged.
“I guess I am skipping biology then” I chuckled looking at the time; biology was half over.
“guess we should just hang out until Spanish then” he offered and I nodded as we carried on walking.
“you all need to stop worrying about Edward, he hasn’t killed her in that lesson so far” I muttered.
“I think Jasper is glad of the distraction from him” he joked and I nodded against his arm knowing for a fact he does.
“why are you being so sympathetic and nice to me” I asked as we reached a bench and sat on it.
“because you’re having a rough time, an identity crisis which sucks... how about we plot some tricks to play on Rose” he smirked.
Ok, so apparently we are now going to smear all her mirrors with butter or any form of grease so that she cannot look at herself. Then I am to offer her my mirror, which I am to glue a picture of Justin Bieber onto as she hates him. Emmett wanted to use his graffiti skills to draw a picture of him on her car, but I didn’t want to ruin such a beautiful thing.
“take one shoe from every pair she has except her least favourite pair” Emmett offered.
“I have some of the same shoes as her but my feet are a size smaller...” I began.
“shoe swap” he guessed and I nodded.
“we need to get to Spanish” I jumped up off the bench and Emmett hugged me.
“nice to see you smiling again” he breathed into my hair then let me go.
“come on” I rolled my eyes and dragged him off to Spanish.
“Eva” Alice called to me and I left Emmett’s side and walked over to her.
“he was close, did you not see it” she muttered.
“no, I saw that he wasn’t going to” I frowned.
“we never see different things” she joined my frowning.
“well maybe I hope that he will succeed more than you, maybe I have more faith that he will not fail” I offered without any anger.
“maybe” she nodded agreeing with me as she could tell I didn’t mean it nastily.
“I have to get to Spanish” I sighed and walked away from her back over to Emmett, who was now joined by Edward.
“that close” he frowned at me reading my thoughts.
“Alice says yes and I say no” I shrugged as we walked in.
“you two never disagree, you always have the same...” Emmett frowned.
“thanks for the constructive input there” I muttered as I took my seat next to Edward.
‘why do you have all this faith in me and they have none’ Edward mused as we worked.
‘merh I don’t know, maybe the heartbeat has something to do with it’ I joked and he smiled slightly as I had gotten over my little identity crisis rant.
‘cheer up, I won’t let you kill her’ I put my hand on his and he nodded slightly.
‘but that is not the only thing bothering you anymore’ I muttered and he took his hand away realising I had just seen all his thoughts.
‘I don’t understand it Eva’ he moaned and put his head in his hands.
‘would it be so bad just to get it over with and just do it’ Emmett offered and I turned around and glared at him, shaking my head at him and his stupid idea.
“Emmett” I hissed glaring at him again. He was imagining when he came across a sweet smelling blood. He didn’t last a second, he didn’t fight it, he went straight in for the kill. I felt the burning in my throat as he imagined what the blood tasted like. Edward was out of the room, pulling me with him before anyone could say anything.
Once we were both outside, we could both breathe again. We had both just suffered because of Emmett and his memory. Then my suffering increased as Edward thought about Bella’s blood. Then he felt my thirst making his became worse and it was turning into a vicious, unbreakable circle of the two of us making each other worse.
“sorry guys” Emmett muttered walking out of the classroom.
“we know” I answered for Edward as well as he was finding it harder than I was.
“I didn’t...” Emmett began.
“we just want to be alone, tell the teacher we got sick or something” I told him and he nodded. Edward needed to be away from people right now and I needed to stay by him to make sure he was ok.
We were hiding out in his car again, listening to a random CD, heavy rock music as we were both trying to drown the voices out. I couldn’t help but wonder why Mike Newton’s interest in Bella had got Edward so worked up, almost as if he was...
“I am not jealous” he snapped at me, obviously hearing my thoughts.
“so if Mike kissed...” I began and his knuckles whitened as his hold on the steering wheel increased.
“if that isn’t jealousy...” I began to chime and then I was receiving a death glare from him so I stopped.
“don’t even think about it” I glared at him as he went to open his car door.
“merh” he shrugged and did it anyway.
“death wish idiot” I snapped and he closed the car door.