Those past few weeks went by like a breeze. He still made me suck his dick, and I accepted what I've done but I was depressed. Everytime I would cry or even think of crying because of something he said or did, I would have got a razor and make slashes on my leg. It hurt at first but after a while I was used to the pain. The thing I couldnt get at the time was everytime I tried to reach our to my mother she made everything about her. It was never about me It was always about her. So I had kept everything bottled up and I couldnt even talk to anybody about it. The only person I could have talked to, is the one person I couldn't talked to. Malachi didn't care and I didnt even want to say anything to let him know that I had feelings for him. The bottom line was that I was all alone in this situation. It came to the point where all these thought started running through my mind.
If he doesn't like darkskin girls why is he messing with me. Why cant he just admit that hes using me......and it goes on and on.
It was never suppose to get to that point, I was never suppose to end up liking him.
Summer was approaching and that year I didnt have as summer job so I was stuck in the house. I didn't really see much of him. Sometimes he went out with his friends and when he was here he just have to get on the phone and talk about his day with this girl very loudly so I could hear. Sometimes I thought that he knew I liked him and He was just doing this on purpose. I know what you guys are thinking, I was probably the side chick or you think im was a sad case, but he didnt have a girlfriend he just had girls he talked to and I know, I know what I was doing was totally wrong and I knew I deserved better, I knew that but for some reason and I dont know what it was, I just didnt want to stop. I just didnt. I knew I could have just focus on the person that didnt treat me like shit and actually liked me (Jovoughn) but I didnt want to end it with Malachi. Thats what I hated about me, when I like a person it was hard to stop liking them even though I know they didnt like me. All through July I couldnt even bare to be in my own house, The thoughts in my head was driving me insane. It was like I was having a battle in my own mind. And to top everything off, Malachi wasnt making it any better.