Two years later...
"Hey Frankie." Gerard smiled softly, clutching the fresh bouquet of marigolds to his chest as he approached Frank's grave.
Gerard was mostly alone in the small cemetery besides an older man a few rows away, but he didn't seem to pay Gerard any mind, so Gerard settled himself by Frank's tombstone, pressing his back against the sun warmed marble before placing the flowers down next to him.
"I'm sorry I have been away for so long, but I'm back now, and I brought your favorite flowers as an apology - see, they are even yellow," Gerard chuckled weakly, letting his eyes slip shut as he breathed in deeply, absorbing the peaceful aura that always surrounded this place.
It was as if he could physically feel Frank here with him, and even though Gerard had now convinced himself that Frank was watching over him in one way or another, his presence was always strongest at his grave, turning this place of sadness into a peaceful escape.
"I'm doing a lot better since my last visit...I'm sorry you had to see me that way, I was just so scared, but Mikey was right, as always, and being sent away really helped, I'm four months clean now," Gerard smiled proudly, twisting his bare arms toward the marble slab, showing off his fading scars to Frank.
After Gerard had moved in with Mikey and Pete, he had tried his best to refrain from self-harming, but that had been easier said than done, and he quickly found himself reverting back into his old habits, but even though he made sure to mutilating his thighs instead of his arms, Mikey still caught on, and after the third instance, Mikey insisted that Gerard needed professional help, ignoring Gerard's protests entirely.
Gerard didn't want to be sent away, because he had no idea how being locked in a place filled with complete strangers would make him want to stop self-harming, and Gerard had been getting better; he wasn't cutting to die, just to feel, but Mikey didn't listen to his arguments, and with his parents help, he had Gerard committed to an institution.
Gerard resisted of course, even going so far as to run away, taking the train back to Jersey, even though that would be the first place Mikey would look for him, but Gerard hadn't exactly been thinking rationally at the time, and it had only taken Mikey a few hours to find Gerard at Frank's grave, curled up on the ground as he sobbed softly.
Gerard couldn't fight his little brother forever though, not that Mikey was going to take no for an answer, and after numerous bitter arguments, Gerard gave in, allowing Mikey to lead him into the sterile looking building that was going to be his home for an undetermined amount of time.
Gerard had been miserable at first, refusing to talk to the numerous therapists he was forced to see, lashing out at every opportunity, he even managed to hurt himself numerous times. Gerard was just so angry, but most of all, he felt abandoned. Gerard had been separated from everyone he cared about and left to rot, but maybe he deserved this, maybe this was all his life was going to be now that Frank had been taking away from him.
Gerard wasn't really surprised that Mikey had locked him up in here, Gerard knew that Mikey would grow frustrated with him sooner or later, but it still hurt, and even the weekly visits from his family did nothing to alleviate the sense of betrayal that burned bright and hot in his chest.
But eventually, Gerard started to realize that he really did need help, and after numerous dreams involving Frank, in which he begged Gerard to keep fighting, promising that Mikey still loved him, he just couldn't stand to watch him hurt himself, Gerard began to participate in the daily session that he had so despised, only Frank's desperate pleas ringing in his ears allowing him to stomach the doctors fake smiles and promises of understanding.
At first, it was only to get out of this dreaded place that much sooner, and also to please Frank, but over time, his therapist's words began to sink in, and Gerard found other ways to deal with his internal pain besides the harmful habits he had picked up in his youth, channeling everything into the activities he once enjoyed, like writing and drawing, and actually seeking other's company when the urge to hurt became too strong.
Gerard opened up about everything, and despite his hatred of talking to strangers, he discovered that spilling the story of Frank brought him some relief, alleviating the painful pressure on his heart with every word that passed his lips. Gerard found himself explaining why he felt this way, why he needed to hurt, only leaving out the way he still saw Frank on rare occasions, not wanting to be labeled any more mentally unstable than he already was.
Eight months later, Gerard was officially released, and much to Gerard's surprise, he actually felt better, ready to face the world, and even though he still felt the urge to self-harm every now and then, resisting it was much easier than it had been before, and he instantly turned to Mikey whenever his mind began to turn toward such thoughts.
"I wanted to come visit you as soon as I got out, but Mikey was worried that it might set my progress back, and then - well, I got into art school Frank, the one I always wanted to go to. I started in September, and it's been keeping me really busy, but that's not a good excuse, and I am going to come see you more often now that I have my feet back under me again."
Gerard shifted into a more comfortable position against the now cooling stone, the setting sun failing to provide it with as much warmth as before, but it always felt slightly heated to Gerard, and he liked to imagine he was leaning up against Frank instead of a piece of marble, he could even imagine his small arms wrapped around his waist if he tried.
"School is great Frank, I really love it, everyone is so nice and welcoming, especially this one guy - Bert, he is in a lot of my classes, and he's become a really good friend." Gerard worried his lower lip in-between his teeth before continuing, his stomach twisting uncomfortably with nerves, not that Frank would ever be mad at him for this, but Gerard still felt slightly guilty for what he was about to tell him.
"He - he likes me Frank, a lot apparently. We have been hanging out quite a bit lately, but the other day, we were painting outside, just messing around with a giant canvas and stuff, and...he kissed me," Gerard sighed out, conflicting feelings running through his body as he remembered the kiss, because as nice as it had felt to have another pair of lips pressed against his, it had also seemed so wrong, as if Gerard was betraying Frank's memory, even though he hadn't been the one to initiate contact.
"I freaked out on him, I literally broke down sobbing right there...it was so fucking embarrassing. I expected him to just take off, because honestly, why would anyone want to deal with a mess like me, but he didn't Frank. He stayed there, he held me until I calmed down - fuck, he wouldn't stop apologizing, and I actually ending up telling him all about you. I had mentioned you to him before, but I never told him you were dead...it still hurts a lot to say," Gerard sniffled softly, a few tears pouring down his face as he toyed with the stem of one of the marigolds, trying to calm himself down so he could continue.
"Bert was really understanding, he - he was so fucking sweet about it Frank. He explained that he didn't mean to force himself on me, and that he would never do anything like that again unless I wanted it. He promised that he would always care about me, but he wouldn't push me into anything, he said it was really special how I still loved you, and he swore he would always be my friend, no matter what."
Gerard had honestly been shocked at Bert's reaction, because he had no reason to put up with Gerard's unstable emotions, but his compassionate nature and kind words had shown Gerard just how much of an amazing person Bert was, and he almost wished he could return his affection, but it was just too soon, and Gerard knew he would simply be trying to replace Frank with Bert, which was something neither of them wanted or deserved.
"I know you wanted me to fall in love again Frank, but I can't - not yet anyway, but yeah...I just wanted you to know that."
Gerard stayed silent for a few more minutes, knowing that he had to wrap this up soon, the sun was setting rapidly, and Pete and Mikey were waiting for him in the car, they knew he needed this alone time with Frank, but they hadn't been willing to let him drive himself just yet.
"Oh - I forgot to tell you that I'm starting a new comic, it is about a lonely boy who lost someone very close to him, but he doesn't know that he is being watched by that person's ghost - sounds familiar huh?" Gerard chuckled softly to himself, running his hands over the grass absentmindedly.
"I really believe you are here with me Frank, even though most people think I'm crazy for it. Mikey keeps trying to tell me that I was just hallucinating because of the pills the first time, and everything else has just been wishful thinking, but I know you are real, and I hope you can see me now. I'm finally getting better Frank, and I'm happy, as happy as I can be without you. I still miss you like hell, but I don't think that will ever change. My heart will always ache until I see you again, but I can wait, I'll wait forever for you."
Gerard shifted forward onto his knees, pressing his lips against the engraving of Frank's name quickly before standing up, his fingers trailing over the marble edge reluctantly as he backed away, brushing the grass from his jeans as he headed in the direction of the parking lot.
When Gerard reached the gates of the graveyard, he gazed toward Frank's final resting place one last time, the white tombstone only barely visible against the brilliant orange sky, and Gerard swore he could see a small figure perched atop the marker, and even though it was much too far for him to make out properly, he knew without a doubt that those lips he had kissed a thousand times before were mouthing a silent "I love you."
So this is the end, this fic is officially over, and it feels so fucking good to have finally produced a decent version of this story.
I usually don't ask this, but if you guys happened to like this fic, can you share it, or recommend it? I am actually pretty proud of how this turned out, and I hope it gets a few more views in the future.
So now starts the editing process, because I am sure there is a bunch of mistakes I missed in this the first time through, and if any of you noticed some spelling errors or whatever, please feel free to point them out to me, I promise I won't get mad, and it really helps a lot.
I want to thank everyone who has read this fic, especially the people who took the time to comment and vote. Those little things mean the world to me, and I love seeing people enjoying my works.
I want to give a special thank you to 2Human4Nature, because they have stuck with this story since day one, and all of their support and comments really meant the world to me.
So this is goodbye for this story, but the good news is that now that this is finished, I will hopefully have more time to work on my other stories. I'm going to try and come off my mini hiatus soon, so if you liked this book, maybe check out my other works?
Okay, I swear I am shutting up now. Thank you all again, and I hope to see you around on my other fics.
((((satisfied vibes))))
<3 starr