He pulls me over his lap, bringing me closer to him. I kiss him with as much force as possible as my fingers linger into his hair. I tug at his roots gently and he moans into our kiss. I smile proudly at my accomplishment. I wasn't thinking much about the consequence that would come from this. I simply didn't care. I wanted to wash all the pain away.
Who gives a fuck anymore? Why be careful? Why think? We were all going to die anyway.
I move my hands down to his shirt, unbuttoning every button there was. I slide my hands into his plaid button down shirt and slowly slide it off his arms, not breaking our kiss.
I wanted this. I needed it.
Judge me all you want.
This world was full of fucked up things. I was one of them.
I was all over the place. Jack, Sam, and now Nate.
Sometimes I felt like I was asking for a heart break. My decisions lately haven't been right or smart. I wasn't thinking. I couldn't think. I just did. What if this was karma for doing the things I did with Jack? I wasn't innocent either.
I was just like Sam. But worst. Reality had hit me. Hard.
I felt nothing with Nate but emptiness. He was a great kisser but left me no emotions. It just felt like I was kissing a stranger.
I continue to remove his shirt off his body. He tosses it to the side and lifts my shirt above my head. My hair falls to my shoulders and he adjusts making him crowd above me.
I look into his eyes for a second. They were beautiful. He was beautiful. But he didn't mean anything to me.
Sex with the right person was suppose to be meaningful. Something you enjoyed because not the fact it gave you pleasure but the fact that your connected with the person you love.
I wasn't trying to bash Nate. I bet he was a good guy and would be a great boyfriend but he wasn't at my interest.
I slowly remove my pants and shoes as he does the same. He takes a look at me. His lips form in an o-shape and I giggle at his stupidity.
"Are you sure you want to do this."
"I'm sure", was my last words before my virginty got taken away.
(a/n: u guys didn't or already did know that I'm a huge Shawn Mendes fan like if i saw him the first thing i would do is just undress him & fuck him. goal in life. he's my babe. LOL. also, this is her perspective on sex not mine. if ya like vote and share with the fam and add to the library.)
- bri