MACI POV
"Hey girly!" Jackie said as she sat down next to me Monday morning in school.
"Hey how was your weekend?" I asked, shifting in my seat to face her.
"Good, Greg and I hung out, ya know the usual. Yours?" She asked.
I shrugged my shoulders, "As good as it could be I guess."
She nodded her head slightly, "What are you doing after school?"
"Nothing as of yet." I said.
"Well would you like some company doing nothing? I can pick up a movie or two." She said.
"Yeah, sure."
Jackie and I looked up simultaneously as Skylar walked in. We hadn't spoke since our last phone call, in fact he hadn't even acknowledged me. I guess I couldn't blame him; I was the one that initiated the break up. But I didn't necessarily want him to ice me out. Skylar didn't look at either of us even though we watched his every move until he sat in his seat beside me.
Jackie poked me in the arm mouthing 'Have you guys talked?'
I shook my head 'no'.
Jackie shrugged her shoulders as Ms. Chilson asked for the classes attention. It wasn't that I wanted Skylar out of my life, I just couldn't have him so in my life if he couldn't handle the biggest thing happening to me. I still wanted to be friends. I still wanted to hang out with him and the guys and play music. Maybe I needed to explain myself better. Tell him that the cancer was back. Maybe then he would understand why I broke up with him.
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After Ms. Chilson dismissed us from class I instantly stood, having my things already packed up. I wanted to catch Skylar before he got too far ahead of me. I mumbled something to Jackie about meeting up with her later and scooted out the door of the classroom. I waited a little down the hallway pressed up against a locker to stay out of the way. My heart was beating unusually fast and not because I had rushed myself out of the room. I was nervous, afraid even, that he wouldn't want anything to do with me. I anxiously stared at the door as I watched people from my class filter out. As soon as Skylar popped through the entrance I started making my way toward him. If he saw me coming he acted like he hadn't.
"Hey Skylar." I said, trying to keep my shoulders in line with his as I approached.
His eyes slowly came to meet mine, clouded over with an emotion I had yet to see.
"Can I walk with you?" I asked, falling into step beside him. He shrugged his shoulders. "How are you?"
"Fine." His voice icy.
"Um..." I started, I was hoping for a little more than fine. "I just wanted to let you know that I do still hope we can be friends."
"Why? What's the point?" He snapped. "You made it pretty damn clear the other night on the phone."
I nodded my head as he spoke. More of because I wanted to make sure he knew I was listening.
"It's still spreading." I blurted.
Skylar stopped, everything about him froze. I could practically feel his heart skip a beat. He didn't look at me, he didn't say anything, he just stopped.
"I just found out but I guess I sort of knew for a while. I was having trouble breathing. Well I...I am having trouble breathing." I stammered.
"What does that mean?" He asked, his voice quiet, his eyes looking anywhere but at me.
I shrugged my shoulders, "It means more treatment. It means it's spreading." I watched his adam's apple rise and fall in his throat. "I know things are difficult because of everything." I said trying to keep names and situations out of the conversation for his sake, "But I still want to be friends. If you can."
He stayed still for a minute as we both let everyone flow around us. I stood there watching him, waiting for his answer, or a sign at least. He took a deep breath, finally allowing his eyes to settle on mine.
"I don't know."
I nodded my head, "Okay, I understand."
I stepped back, dropping my head as I started to walk away. I took only a few steps before I felt his hand wrap around my arm, pulling me to a stop. He repositioned himself so he was in front of me once more. I slowly lifted my head; his eyes were wide with fear as he stared back at me.
"I'm uh... I'm scared Maci." His voice was quiet and vulnerable.
Tears swelled into my eyes as I tried to blink them back. I bit my lip trying to steady my voice. "Me too."
"I don't know if I can handle losing someone I care about again." He took a deep breath, shaking his head. "I almost didn't make it the last time."
"This isn't my fault, I don't want this. If I could stop it, I would Skylar." I my voice was quiet, threatening to turn into a sob with every word I spoke.
"I know its not." He folded me into his chest. Neither of us said anything. We were stuck in our own little world as everyone passed around us in the hallways. The traffic dwindled as everyone filtered into their class until we were the only two. "So what now?"
I stepped back out of his arms as I looked up at him. My chest felt tight, my breathing growing shallow. I shrugged my shoulders saying "I just...if you could just stay my friend, I don't want to lose all my friends just because I'm probably dying but..." I shook my head, trying to take a deep breath as a tear escaped. "if you can't it's okay. I'm just going to hurt everyone anyways." I wiped the tear from my cheek, blurting out "I'm late for class."
I spun around, walking away as fast as I could. I suddenly felt like I was losing control.
"Maci wait." Skylar called as he followed me.
"I need to go to class. I'm sorry but I don't want to keep talking about this. Not here. Not now. Just think about it and I guess I'll know what you decide on whether or not you talk to me again." The words fell out of me in a breathless jumble.
I couldn't stop the tears or the tight grip that was ripping through my chest. I pushed away from Skylar again, determined for fresh air. I kept telling myself I was just upset as I tried to run. The burning in my chest intensified as I gasped for air. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, wiping at the tears that were streaming down my face. I hit Levi's number as I clutched my chest. My knees buckled and my lungs were screaming.
"Maci?" Levi's voice shouted through the receiver.
"Help." I croaked out as I gasped for air.
"Are you okay?" Skylar was by my side, his arm around me as I heaved.
I shook my head 'no' as Levi's voiced continued to scream through the speaker. Skylar picked up my phone taking over the conversation with Levi.
"She can't breathe, what do I do?" Skylar said.
"Okay, yeah." He pocketed my phone. "You're okay Maci." I wheezed, allowing him to pull me into him. I clutched at his shirt, closing my eyes tight to try and block out some of the pain. "Levi's gonna be here in a second."
I nodded my head. I could hear people running down the hallway, their voices strained. I didn't pay attention to what they said or what Skylar said. I was too focused on my lack of air. Pure panic was coursing through me. One of the worst feelings in the world is wanting to breathe so badly but not being able to. It's terrifying and painful all at the same time. And all you can think about is if that's it. If you're lungs are just going to decide they've had enough. Sometimes I wouldn't blame them if they did.
"Maci. Maci. I'm here." Levi scooped me up in his arms. "You're fine. The ambulance should be here any second."
I curled into him, my chest heaving with every strangled breath. He shoved through the doors; a slew of faculty surrounding him just as an ambulance came ripping through the parking lot. Everything that went on around me was a blur. People talking and yelling, asking me questions and Levi answering them. I reached for his hand as they pulled me into the back of the ambulance, becoming momentarily separated. His hand found mine a short few seconds later. I squeezed it with all I had.
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JARED POV
I took my seat in my second hour, my mind racing. I had gone to Maci's first hour so I could walk her to her second hour but when I reached the hallway I saw her with Skylar. I knew I had no right to be mad or jealous but it sort of drove me nuts. She had broken up with him, which I was hoping meant he was just going to be out of the picture. Not that I was that insecure that I couldn't handle the girl I liked having guy friends but it was Skylar. Flaky, over emotional, Skylar. Maybe that was mean too but we both had the same damn scars basically and yet he was a walking basket case. It was probably for the better that he completely shut me out of his life. I was dying to see Maci, she hadn't really paid me any attention since the previous Monday. It wasn't that I needed her attention but I sure did want it. There was something about her. Even though she brought up a lot of painful memories she was just...Maci, amazing, perfect. I knew in my head my thoughts sounded borderline obsessive but I couldn't really stop them.
I fumbled for my phone in my pocket as it started to vibrate. My heart picked up in the anticipation that it was Maci. I righted my phone in my hand, my eyebrows creasing as I read the name that flashed across the screen. I didn't really know what to do and honestly I had kind of forgotten his number was in my phone. I ducked out of class real quick and into the hallway before the teacher could stop me. The halls were empty, I glanced up from my phone feeling like I wasn't alone in the hallway and there he stood, a few doors down. I held my phone up in question.
"You called?" I asked when he didn't answer.
I took a few steps toward him before I really looked at him. He looked pale; his eyes were teetering on spewing tears or holding absolutely nothing. Actually he looked like he had seen a ghost.
"What's wrong?" I asked again, closing the distance between us.
He opened his mouth but no words came out. He raised his hands putting it over his eyes as he shook his head.
"Skylar, talk to me. What's going on?" I demanded as a pit in my stomach began to form.
"Maci.." He mumbled, his hand still blocking his eyes.
"Maci what?" I yelled a little louder than intended. "Is she okay?" My voice was strained as I tried to keep myself together. There was no way she wasn't okay. I had just saw her. Skylar didn't answer he just kept mumbling to himself incoherently. "Damn it Skylar, talk to me!" I grabbed his shoulders, giving him a shake.
"She...she couldn't. Her eyes, the noises. She couldn't breathe." His voice came out strangled and unrecognizable as he stammered his way through his explanation. "All I can see Matt."
"Where is she?" I asked, keeping all of my focus on Maci.
"The look he gave me, the blood, oh my god..." Skylar muttered.
I was very aware that he was on the verge of whatever he went through when Matt died. A nervous breakdown, PTSD, I wasn't really sure.
"Skylar, where is she? Is Levi with her?" He nodded his head just as Jackie burst out into the hallway.
"What happened?" She shouted, her eyes wide with panic.
"He said she couldn't breathe, do you know where she is?" I asked, grabbing Skylar by the wrist.
"They're on their way to the hospital. Levi texted Greg." She answered following me as I headed for the doors.
I didn't even care if they wouldn't let me in the hospital, I'd sit in the parking lot. I just had to know she was okay. We met Greg in the parking lot, all of us piling into my car.
"Is he okay?" Greg asked once we were on the way.
Skylar had his head down, his palms pressed into his temples and his eyes squeezed shut. I shook my head no.
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LEVI POV
"Son why don't you go out in the waiting room and let everyone know." My dad suggested.
I nodded my head, giving Maci's hand a squeeze before standing from the side of the hospital bed and leaving. I wasn't sure who all followed us to the hospital. I hadn't left Maci's side unless forced to and then I stood outside in the hallway. Close enough that when I could come back in it was mere seconds but far enough away that the hospital staff wouldn't yell at me. I walked down the corridor, pushing open the doors to the waiting room. I was instantly greeted by Emma who threw her arms around me. I pulled her into me, closing my eyes as I rested my head on hers.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
I nodded my head as I pulled away, "Yeah."
"How's Maci?" She laced her fingers with mine as I glanced around the room.
Greg and Jackie were standing, their attention on me as they waited an answer. Jared was sitting by Skylar but fully attentive to my every move and Skylar, he was there physically, emotionally you could tell he was a thousand miles away.
"She's alright." I said as I ran my hand through my hair pulling at the ends. I didn't want to try and explain. The doctor was concerned with how quickly her symptoms were intensifying. The last I heard they were talking about doing an intrathecal injection to her spinal cord to inject the chemo directly into her spinal fluid. Because of course, it had to spread there too.
"Can we see her?" Jared asked, standing from where he sat.
"I don't know she's pretty tired." I said, "I'll let you know though."
I watched Skylar for a second. His eyes were glazed over, his body eerily still. I glanced at Jared, he didn't shrug his shoulders like to dismiss it, instead he cocked his head just slightly to the side almost like a twitch.
"You guys don't have to stay here. I'll let her know you were here if you want to go. As long as everything goes well they're going to release her in the morning." I said. "I really appreciate you guys coming though."
"Of course buddy." Greg said, pulling me in for a bro hug. "I think Jackie wants to hang out for a little bit longer but if you need anything just let me know."
I wrapped my arms around Emma for another hug, giving her a kiss. "Really don't feel like you have to stay okay? I'm fine. I'll keep you posted." I said.
"I just don't want to leave incase you need anything." She said, looking up at me with her green eyes.
"If I need anything you'll be the first person I call." I kissed her again, before pulling her into my chest for one last hug.
I looked over her shoulder at Jackie, she had sat back down but she was watching me and she had heard me. If I wasn't mistaken I could have sworn she looked hurt. Hurt that I wasn't going to be crawling to her any time I needed comfort. I raised my eyebrow trying to question her look but she just redirected her attention to Greg. I let go of Emma and said one more thanks and goodbye before walking back toward the hallway.
"Hey Levi." Jared called following me through the double doors. I stopped, allowing him to catch up. "I want to see her."
"I know but it's just not a good time." I said.
"I don't even care if she's awake, I just need to see her." He pressed, "And I think Skylar does too."
I waited a few seconds. It wasn't that they couldn't see her according to the hospital staff. But she was exhausted and I didn't really think she was up for entertaining anyone. "Is he okay?"
Jared shifted his weight, "He's having some memories resurface. I just think it would help him realize this isn't what happened before."
"What happened before?" I asked. I didn't know the details of the infamous accident.
"Will you just ask her? I'm not leaving until I can see her."
I watched him turn and walk away until he disappeared through the doors, not bothering to stay for my answer. Maybe he already knew that if I actually asked Maci she'd say she wanted to see him, them, both of them. It wasn't that I was trying to keep her away but I just didn't want them to see her like this. It sucked seeing someone you loved in a hospital, hooked up to crazy machines, doctors and nurses standing over them like they're some science experiment. It's not really a picture you want, if you can help it.