Matthews left for the club around 6 PM. He was reluctant to leave, and I practically had to shove him out through the front door. I wasn't happy about him leaving, either, but I knew he had important business to attend—most of them pertaining to me.
Tilia and I cuddled down in the sofa to watch Frozen—again, I should say. This time she wanted me to sing along to the songs, which I did to her delight. She was too young to mock me for my lack of singing skills, but she did laugh, quite loudly I should add.
"Ethan, again!" she demanded after her favorite song. She was bouncing in the sofa, ready to leap up and reach for the stars. She was adorable.
"You want to make me sing again?" I ruffled her hair.
Her small hands flew up to protect her curls. "Yes, I wanna sing more."
I chuckled as she took the remote and pressed rewind. It was hard to say no to her, and I wasn't all that bothered. As long as she was having fun, it was fine by me. I wanted her to keep laughing—I even needed it.
I never got the chance to do this with my younger sister; I never sang with her. I pressed the thought away as fast as it emerged. I had no intention of reliving more memories today.
Tilia started singing, belting out the words with the enthusiasm worthy of a puppy. Her pure joy was contagious, and I soon followed, trying y best to remember the lyrics.
We ended up singing the same song two more times before she was satisfied.
As soon as the movie ended, Tilia's stomach let out a soft murmur. I winced. I should have made something to eat before watching. It was one thing to disregard my own hunger, but not hers.
"Want to help me fix dinner?" I asked, pulling down the blanket she was hiding beneath. She was faking a sulk because the movie ended.
When her button nose peeked over the edge, she nodded.
"Are you hungry?"
"No."
"You are. No need to lie."
She blushed I wondered if she lied to make me feel better about my mistake, or if it was something else For some reason, I thought of Evelyn The woman clearly wasn't fit to take care of a child. Perhaps she hadn't liked Tilia to voice her needs. It was a strange conclusion to make, but something told me that I wasn't far from the truth.
"Let's go down and see what Daddy has in his fridge," I said, getting to my feet. This sofa is far too comfortable, I mused. It was difficult to tear oneself away from it.
Tilia got up beside me and smiled, bringing one of her fluffy toys with her. It was a bear I hadn't seen before.
"What's this fella called?" I pointed at the bear.
She hugged the bear to her chest before handing it to me like it was a precious gift. "He's called Mr. Bear."
"Oh, Mr. Bear. He must be a very important bear then." I held the toy carefully, stroking his brown fluff of a coat.
"He's the best bear. He can jump really high."
"Is that so?" I handed her the bear, thinking that she might show me. She took him and threw him up in the air, catching him just before he would land on the hardwood floor.
"That's what I call I high jump," I conceded.
The grin on Tilia's face was unstoppable. "Can we have pizza?"
"Let's find out," I replied, not sure what we would find in the kitchen. It was Matthews' kitchen after all, and he didn't seem like the guy who stocked frozen pizza. I very much doubted it, in fact.
———
Half an hour later, I swore under my breath. Making pizza from scratch wasn't the best way to start my cooking career. There had to be other dishes around that didn't require the same effort, right? Even Tilia had to focus. Her tongue poked out between her lips as she carefully sliced a tomato. I wasn't sure that Matthews would approve of her handling a knife, but her motor skills proved that she was up for the task.
I checked the recipe again, glad that I had found a quick-fix one that used baking soda instead of yeast. I rolled out the dough on the counter, shaking my head when it ended up in an oval shape rather than a circular one.
Tilia didn't seem concerned as she switched from cutting tomatoes to slabbing on tomato sauce onto the dough. "What's next?" she asked when she was done.
"We just pile the rest of our stuff on top, then cheese, and we're ready to go!"
"Okay," she quipped, waiting for me to start.
When we pulled it out of the oven half an hour later, I was rather pleased with the result. It certainly resembled a pizza, but it remained to be seen if it tasted like one.
As we sat down at the table, ready to eat, the phone let out a shrill sound. Tilia looked at me just as I looked at her.
"Should I answer?" I asked, knowing it was a redundant question: of course she wanted me to pick it up. Even so, I waited for her to nod to gain some confidence.
"Matthews' house, this is Ethan," I said, feeling nervous and excited at the same time.
"Hi." It was Matthews, and that produced a strangely warm buzz in my chest.
"Hi." Was that the best I could do? Hi. Ridiculous. Especially because I sounded like a shy school girl when I said it. Where the hell did that come from?
"I got your stuff back from Olsen, and I've talked to Vidar." Straight to the point, like always. Matthews was too efficient sometimes. Couldn't he give me some time to prepare?
"Okay." I hesitated. "How did it go?" I wasn't sure I wanted to know, or well, of course I wanted to know, but I wasn't sure I could deal with bad news.
"It went well, but we'll talk more later. Just wanted to call and make sure you're doing alright?"
Breathing out a soft sigh in relief, my mind started spinning. I was anxious to hear more, but at the same time, we were about to eat, and Tilia was beyond hungry even if I'd given her some snacks to nibble on while we made the pizza.
"Ethan?"
I had to stop this spaced-out business.
"Yes, sorry. We're good. We watched Frozen and now we're about to eat pizza."
Matthews chuckled. "I bet Tilia is pleased then. She loves pizza."
"Well, she might not like the one we made." I could see how Tilia furrowed her little eyebrows, clearly picking up that I was talking about her.
"She helped you out? That's great."
"She did. She's definitely more skilled than I in the kitchen."
"I doubt that, but I'll leave you to it. Don't wait up tonight. I'll be home way too late."
"Okay, bye." I was almost about to say 'have fun', but fortunately I stopped myself in time. It wasn't that I didn't want him to have fun, but the raw bruises still aching in my heart wasn't ready to let it all go just yet, at least not the part about Vidar and Matthews. He would have to tell me more before that could happen.
The line died, and I realized that I must have missed when he said goodbye.
Tilia held her fork and knife, ready to dig into the food.
"Let's eat this little experiment. I hope I've not ruined it when you did such a great job to help me."
Tilia giggled and began to poke the pizza, trying her best to cut it in pieces without much success. She pouted and looked up at me with hope shining in her clear blue eyes.
"Small pieces or slices that you can eat with your hands?" I asked.
The reaction I received was priceless. She looked like the happiest little girl in the Universe. "Slices!"
Of course, she burned her tongue seconds after I helped her, but her grin didn't fade one bit. Well, it did for a moment or two when she smacked her aching tongue, but then it was back in full force.
"This is yummy!" she exclaimed, and I felt rolling waves of satisfaction tumbling through my chest. It was a great feeling, almost better than drug-induced bliss. Almost. Just the knowledge that I had crafted something that made her happy made me happy in return. She had me wrapped around her finger, and I didn't mind. Not one bit.
———
Later, when Tilia lay tucked in her bed, sleeping without worry the way children should sleep, I sat down in the off-white sofa downstairs. The house felt oddly empty even if I knew Tilia slept upstairs. It wasn't an oppressive emptiness, rather, the house appeared to be waiting for its owner—or maybe I was waiting for its owner, I wasn't sure.
I leaned back and studied the ceiling. It was free from cracks even if the house was old. Flawless. A bit boring. I liked signs of imperfections, especially when it came to Matthews. When I first met him, he appeared too calm and collected, but over the short time we'd known each other, that perfect polish gave way to a far more comfortable reality. Everyone had flaws—mine were just way larger than what could be considered normal. They were more than flaws.
Closing my eyes, I tried to recall the emotions stirred by Tilia's presence throughout the day. Her happiness was the soothing balm for aching limbs, it was the magical potion that actually worked. She was the unexpected cure for a broken soul. With every giggle, she put me back together, somehow.
It was almost funny to think that I looked for that cure at a BDSM club but found it in a child instead. Although, if I'd never visited that club, I wouldn't have met Marc Matthews, and I wouldn't have met his daughter.
Marc Matthews. Sometimes it felt like he was the one who could save me, if I could be saved at all, that is. Other times, he made my life worse. It wasn't his fault, it was mine for letting him inside, but still. Where Tilia was innocent enough to sooth my damaged nerves, Matthews made everything flare alight.
Lisa's words of caution mumbled in the background. She was right—so very right. If he left me, I would fall apart.
My eyes flew open. Shit. It was too late—too late to back out. That meant one thing, and one thing alone. I would have to make sure that he fell for me just as I had fallen for him.
A/N I haven't decided on a title yet, but thank you all for voting. It's great to hear your thoughts. Hope you enjoyed this chapter btw :)
On another note, today was my first day back at work. Gosh, I felt so lost having to remember what the heck I did 2,5 months ago. >.<