"I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay."
―Madonna
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Songs of this chapter- What Did She Say- Jason Derulo
Everything At Once- Lenka
What The Hell- Avril
( Song suggestions are welcome)
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Picture on the side- Armel (Proulx)
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"Move your hand", his words were slow, menacing like he chose them to threaten me. Being threatened however isn't something I permit myself to, so instead of moving my hand, I pushed it further and this time I looked him straight in the eye. It's funny how anger, your worst enemy in the opinion of world renowned yogic gurus, makes you overcome your deepest fears. My fear wasn't huge, but big or small fear is fear and his arrogance, his apathy helped him look up and tell him through my silence, my demeanor that I wasn't the one he could order around.
His expression made it clear that I took him by surprise, which I believe is a good thing. He gave me an odd look which I couldn't quite place.
"I said move yo-", he began to say but I beat him to it.
"I heard what you said", I flat out stated. "And I said we need to talk."
I could feel many eyes on us. Fabulous, now we have started to attract a crowd. This isn't how I pictured this conversation in my head. All because of this stubborn scorn-face.
He seemed irritated. I couldn't care less, when I say we talk. We talk. Period
"Listen you", he suddenly grabbed my hand by which I was holding him back, "do I look like the talking types to you?" His voice was barely a whisper, though it was still enough to send a chill sliding down my spine.
I gulped slowly and lowered my head. "You don't look like the saving types either", I looked up with as much confidence as I could muster, which to be honest wasn't much. "But looks can be deceiving" I added.
His grip on my hand softened. "Mine are not", his statement was crystal clear but his words seemed hollow.
Liar.
"That night sure as hell wasn't a product of my imagination. I wasn't dreaming. I saw you, heard you. If your looks aren't deceiving then I suppose this", I eyed him from head to toe, "this is what kindness and secrets look like. Some arrogance and some fear looks like."
He smirked at me.
Malice.
"You can't be more wrong", he said in a monotone.
"Some lies and some cowardice looks like." I emphasized each and every word with precision.
He tightened his grip on my hand all of a sudden, cutting my blood circulation.
"I'm not a coward." His voice cut through the air, loud and clear.
"Let go of my hand", I pushed him using my free hand in an attempt to dis-balance him. It was a futile effort of course as he didn't even budge.
Damn it.
"Why?", he asked, tightening his grip further. "Am I hurting you?"
His face was morphed into an expression of anger, his eyes were filled with fire.
And hurt. An unexplained amount of hurt.
Coward? Had I said too much? Had I unknowingly bought to life some hidden fear of his? It was scary, because I knew his anger had taken over, he wasn't in control of his mind anymore, his thoughts had run wild. Anger can make us do terrible things, and I didn't want to be a victim.
I desperately hoped that this guy wasn't BPD or something.
I shut my eyes as tightly as I could. "Yes.....yes", I sputtered and bit my lip.
He released my hand hand immediately. He was still standing close to me, I could feel his breath fanning my cheeks.
"I...I.." he uttered. "I'm sorry. I don't know, I didn't....", he was struggling to find words.
I opened my eyes to see that his expression had considerably softened, now he just appeared like a confused three year old whose mother had lost him in a grocery store. He ran a hand through his hair a few times and kept muttering series of apologies. It appeared to me that he had suddenly found a particular interest in his shoes as he continued to look down at them. Obviously, he was avoiding eye contact.
Oh, the irony of this situation.
"It's okay", I told him soothingly.
He immediately raised his head and stared at me for a solid one minute. His face was incorrigible, but his eyes held an element of disbelief. I stood there awkwardly waiting for the 'stare phase' to end.
"You should stay away from me", he finally spoke. His tone was deep and sincere, like for once he was actually thinking of me and not of himself.
"You should stop telling me what to do like you believe I'm actually going to listen to you", I said with determination.
"This stubbornness isn't going to get you anywhere", he stated.
"I don't want to be anywhere, I want to be right where I am and guess what smarty-pants, my stubbornness got me exactly where I want to be", I hit back.
"You're stupid."
"I'm still better than most people you know."
"What do you mean by that?", he questioned.
"I don't know, you tell me", I spewed.
"Because you've made yourself so clear, I absolutely don't have any problem with answering you." the sarcasm in his words stung to my ears.
I took a deep breath before uttering my next words. "Well",I'm talking about Marco. I saw you guys hanging out like old buddies in the multiplex. "
"I mean", I continued to say, "Why is that bastard not in jail?" I repeated Lexi's words.
Jason was silent for a while as if lost in deep contemplation.
"Are you going to say something or just stand here like a castrated old statue?" I blubbered and then immediately slapped a hand on my mouth. Damn! I really need to learn how to control my tongue while I'm angry.
"What did you say?", He asked in a tone full of surprise.
"That's off the point. I simply meant to say answer me", I hoped that he would not stick to his question and gorge the words out of me again.
"Marco is not in jail because no one filed a complaint against him", he said as a matter of fact.
"Oh", that is one valid point. Can't believe I missed it.
He is right, I'm stupid.
"Yes", he said.
"Urm, what?" I asked.
"I'm right you're stupid." Crap, I didn't say it out loud, did I?
Looks like I did.
"Shut up", I huffed. "I didn't mean it."
"Yeah right." He shrugged his shoulders.
"Right." I rolled my eyes at him." But I want to know what were you doing with him? Are you friends with him? Are you friends with him even after that?"
"That is none of your business", the words rolled down from his tongue with such emphasis, it seemed like the end of the conversation to me.
"What!" I exclaimed. "No, it is my business. After all that happened, I think I deserve to know what's going on." I raised my voice.
"Stay out of it", Jason warned me.
"No, I won't stay out of it. How do you expect me to stay out of it. I'm not going to degrade myself to that level of ignorance. You know what? I'll file a complaint against him. I'll send him to prison." Saying that I was furious would be underestimating the level of my anger.
"You won't do any such thing." He stated firmly.
"I won't?", I said in challenge. "And why exactly wouldn't I?"
He looked down at me with such intensity that would've drilled a whole through the wall and yet I found myself fixated by those eyes. Without any warning or even the slightest indication of any kind, he smashed his lips in mine.
The kiss wasn't neat or subtle, if anything it was intensified and urgent and in a corridor full of students and despite being aware of all those eyes on us, I found myself responding to every sensation my lips were feeling. It lacked fireworks and magical stars around my head, and still in the middle of the chaos, I realized that this was the reality I longed for.
He was the one who initiated it and the one who broke it, and when he did he was looking at me, directly with those unreadable, indecipherable eyes.
"Because you won't", he said without breaking the eye contact.
At that moment though, I couldn't comprehend a word he was saying and I couldn't say anything to him either. Everything was wrong, so wrong and yet it seemed right to me.
"Jason", a shrill voice cut through the air bringing me back from my temporary trance. I turned my head to see to whom it belonged.
Behold, strippy girl from the other day. Once again dressed in barely there clothes and sending daggers in my direction.
Wow.
Just exactly the person I wanted to see. *Yes sarcasm.*
"Kylie", spoke Jason.
"Yes, Who did you expect? I was waiting for you!", she stomped towards us.
"I was coming", his sounded jaded.
"Yes, I can see that? ", she threw me a condescending look and then turned to him. "Her? Seriously? Gosh, I thought you had a better taste than that."
"Excuse me", I interrupted.
"Oh, you're excused. I am talking with Jason anyway." She didn't bother to spare me another glance.
"Who is she anyway?" she continued in her unappealing voice. "Another one of your weekend whores? AM I NOT GIVING YOU ENOUGH?"
"I'm still standing here you know?" I said.
"YES!", this time she turned to me. "Why are you still standing here? When I said 'you're excused', that was your cue to leave. Seriously how clingy are you? Yesterday, and today and God knows for how many days you're going to stalk J. Look if you think he has any interest in you, then you should really reconsider. No matter where he goes he is always going to come back to me. I mean have you even looked at yourself in a mirror? And kissing him? You desperate little slut. Go to hell."
"That's enough", I blurted. "Yes, I have looked at myself in the mirror but from the sound of it, it seems as if you haven't because then you'd be able to tell who is the slut here." I pointed between her and myself. "And just do for your information, he kissed me. Don't you take me for a damsel in distress who you can walk all over, because sweetheart if I were you, I won't mess with me."I kept my voice low but the astonished look on her face told me that my words had the intended effect.
"How.......how dare you?! You bitch", she said in disbelief.
I smirked at her. "Damn right." I stated.
"Kylie", said Jason. "I'm going. You coming or not?" He couldn't have sounded more disinterested.
"NO!" She shouted. "First you tell her that I mean the most to you, you tell her that she is just another bitch and tomorrow you won't remember her name. Tell her right now Jason, otherwise I'm not coming with you." In her words I could sense hatred towards myself, but I could also sense a vast amount of desperation. Desperation not to put me down, but to hear those words out of Jason's mouth and I realized that this strange girl, no matter how slutty, how bitchy was hopelessly in love with a guy who couldn't care less. Deep down, I pitied her.Her facade wasn't working.
"Then stay here", Jason started to walk away.
Kylie turned to him. "No wait! J." It was useless though, I knew he wasn't going to turn back.
Kylie gave me one last threatening look and rushed after Jason. "I'm coming", she yelled after him, but he was already descending the flight of stairs.
"Nice to meet you too", I whispered. I looked around at the crowd of unknown faces. Why is everyone so interested in gossip?
"Show is over", I yelled at them and turned to leave.
"Lucia?" I heard my name and turned back to see Armel.
"Armel... um hi. You got your doubts cleared?" I decided to strike up a less personal conversation.
"What was that all about?" He chose to ignore my question altogether.
"That, um....nothing, that was absolutely no-"
"Save it", he said adjusting his spectacles and hurriedly walked past me.
Uh-oh.
"Wait Armel, Armel I can explain" I ran after him.
"Don't Lucia"
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Hello Lovelies!
Yes I know, I'm late but here's an update.
I did give you something special in this chapter right? :O
But why did Jason do that?
Why doesn't he wants Marco to go to prison? What's happening?
What's up with this Kylie girl?
Oooh the suspense is killing me.
So what will L do? And will A and L still be friends?
Only time will tell.
-XOXO
Shay girl. <3