"She had been given a wonderful gift: life. Sometimes it was cruelly taken away too soon, but it's what you did with it that counted, not how long it lasted." ~ Cecelia Ahern
The Daughter
For an entire month Spencer and I continued to sneak around behind our family and friends' backs.
Despite the obvious wrongness of that, it felt right.
In so many different ways, it felt so right to be together again and I was happy everywhere I went in every thing that I done.
"Okay, Jackson, you, Wilson and Michaels take the residence and the rest of us will take the workshop."
"But boss," Jackson interrupted as we all filed out of the conference room in the police station.
"Are you sure that's equal playing field?" He asked; all of us strapping into our bullet-proof vests.
"What d'you mean, Jackson?" I asked and he gestured to himself, Michaels and Wilson and then the rest of the team and I.
"We have to cover both areas but I'm almost certain he'll be at the workshop," I said.
"He kidnapped Jolene four hours ago now. That will have given him time to secure her in the workshop, head back home to look after his mother and put her to bed before returning to the workshop. And besides, you'll have local PD there too."
"But boss-"
"Jackson," I sighed, rounding on him as we all got into the cars.
"Just, trust me on this, okay?" He sighed and reluctantly nodding his head and I smiled, nodding my head too before climbing into the driver's seat.
"It's a man, isn't it?" Carter said from shotgun and I frowned in confusion.
"Sorry?"
"Yeah, I bet you are," She chuckled, turning to look at Peters and Black in the back seat.
"You've been distracted and all happy for a while now. You finally got yourself a man, huh?"
"What d'you mean by finally?" I asked defensively, my cheeks heating and she laughed, clapping her hands as the others laughed too.
"That's the first time you haven't instantly denied it! You got yourself a man!" She sung and began singing "love is in the air" while she and the other two laughed and sang along too.
I shook my head, continuing to drive, trying to suppress my laughter.
"Alright, Carter and I will take the front, you two take the back." We silently closed our car doors and edged forwards towards the tall metal gate.
Black cut the padlock with the steel-cutters from the car and threw them down onto the grass, the gate creaking as Peters slowly pulled it open.
She and Black hurried around the back of the workshop-come-barn; climbing over debris and rubble to do so while Carter and I edged closer to the barn doors, my heart thudding in my chest.
She threw her arm out for the wood holding the door closed and looked at me for the count.
After three I nodded my head and she slid the wood out of the way, pushing on the barn doors as we shone our flashlights and shouted,
"FBI! Carl Daniels put your hands where I can see them!"
We shone the lights and Carter groaned, turning away from the sight we were then faced with.
There were no sounds of any movement at all from inside the barn and the stench and sight of death told us there was nobody alive here apart from us.
"FBI!" Black and Peters yelled as they threw open the back doors to the barn.
"He ain't here." Carter said bluntly as I entered the barn, shining my torch in every crevice as Peters gasped and immediately ran out of the barn; puking everywhere while Black groaned and pinched his nose.
"He must be at the house." Black said, the five missing victims swinging from butchers hooks attached to the beams holding the ceiling of the barn.
"Evidently." I said, displeased.
"Jackson was right." Carter said; her face screwed up in disgust as she watched Black and I survey the crime-scene.
"D'you think we should head over there?" Black asked.
"Peters, you a'ight?" Carter called and a feint reply told us Peters was okay. Just weak stomached.
"I think we should wait until called. We don't know what they'll find there, Daniels could be on the move."
"D'you think we should hide the cars and wait for him to come?" Black asked, halting by one of the dead bodies.
"If he isn't here already, I don't think he's coming back."
"Is Jolene here?" Peters' quiet voice came from the doorway before she lunged away, retching again.
Rolling my eyes while the other two smirked at each other in amusement I hurried over to Peters outside of the barn.
"She's not here which means he's either taking her somewhere else or-"
"He has her at the house." Black finished; he and Carter leaving the barn behind me.
"Alright, Black, get onto the coroner and tell him we need a squad here ASAP. Carter call Detective Malkowhitz and see what's going down over at the house and Peters,"
I looked down at the agent hunched over, vomiting into the calf-high grass. I sighed and continued rubbing her back.
"Take deep breaths."
"Yo boss, Malkowhitz ain't answerin'." Carter said, walking back over to Wilson and I hurriedly.
"What d'you mean he isn't answering?" I asked, reaching for my comms on my vest.
"Malkowhitz?" I asked, hearing nothing in return. "Keep trying." I told Carter, dread rising in my stomach.
"Michaels' down! Michaels' down!" Malkowhitz voice suddenly shrieked over comms and we all looked at each other; Black's cell-phone dropping out of his hand in surprise.
"Let's go!" I yelled, running through the barn for the car.
We got to the house in under five minutes; but five minutes is all it takes to lose an Agent, a suspect and a Sergeant.
The house had been rigged to Daniels' bedroom and he'd been alerted when Michaels had entered alongside Jackson and the PD.
He'd waited in his panic room with live CCTV, alongside the corpse of Jolene Donoghue.
And when Michaels had entered the adjoining bedroom with his gun holstered and his gloves on; ready to document any piece of evidence he could find; Daniels had leapt out from behind the panel; Michaels only having enough time to draw his gun from his holster before five bullets were peppered over his body; one shattering his carotid while the others punctured his arms and one shot straight into his vest above his heart.
When the Sergeant had run to help; he'd been the next in line for a shooting but Jackson had been directly behind him and shot Daniels down before he himself could be shot.
The Sergeant had received a bullet directly in his forehead.
"I don't give a shit about your instincts, Chief, you cost be my goddamn Sergeant!" The Detective was currently yelling at me.
"And I cost me one of my best Agents!" I yelled back even louder; raising my voice for the first time.
The front yard fell silent if for the rain pattering down on us.
"I am sorry, Detective!" I shouted.
"But the profile and timeline suggested he'd be at the barn and we had no record of a panic room or CCTV! None of us were to know that Daniels would be in that hidden room! So do not lecture me on how to do my job or on my instincts because not every one is goddamn perfect!"
He looked at me in disgust for a moment longer before nodding and turning his back on me to go join the rest of his team who were distraught as they stood by their PD cars.
Sighing and rubbing my face I turned to the SUVs behind me where my own team were standing in shocked silence.
"How are we all?" I asked sombrely on approach to the team, resting a comforting hand on Peters' shoulder as she tried to come to terms with everything that was happening.
"Alive." Jackson snapped angrily, tossing his bulletproof vest into the boot of the SUV he was leaning against before drawing his eyes off of mine and storming for one of three SUVs.
Black looked at me with annoyance and apology before following suit.
"They're blaming you," Wilson snapped bluntly. "And I can't say I'm against that." She then followed after Black, and Carter kissed her teeth as she followed after the other agents.
"You're happy," Peters spoke up quietly, moving out from under my hand and looking up at me.
"And we like that," She nodded. "But it's distracting you, and we don't like that,"
She glanced over as Carter looked at her questioningly from the back door of the SUV as if to say are you coming or not?
"What happened wasn't your fault, but they're going to need time to heal," I nodded my head, she didn't have to tell me that.
"Do you need someone to come with you to the Michaels family?" She looked back at me curiously and I shook my head.
"I'll be alright, Peters," I said softly. "I'm really sorry." She nodded her head as she began to move off.
"Maybe say that to William's wife."
*
In the car on the way to the Michaels residence I called Spencer on repeat, to no avail.
I tried and I tried but he wouldn't pick up and eventually I gave up with a groan; tossing my phone onto the backseats as I yelled and slammed on the steering wheel in frustration.
Breathing deeply and gathering myself I pulled up outside the suburban home and prayed his kids wouldn't be awake.
I pushed myself out of the car and forced myself to walk up the path, knocking on the front door with a bad taste in my mouth.
"Ah Melanie!" Hilda answered the door with a massive grin.
"It's so good to see you, c'mon in!" She stepped back into the house and pulled me inside with my hand as I stood like a fish, gaping silently.
"Would you like some coffee? Or tea?" I shook my head no. "Water?"
"Oh no thank you."
"Please, c'mon in, sit down, take a seat," She said, pulling homework books off the sofa and tossing them onto the dining table in the conjoined room, laughing bashfully as she sat on the opposite sofa as I.
"Ashleigh, come and say hello to Chief Agent Hotchner." Hilda called and I opened my mouth, trying to tell her no as I heard the kids playing in the TV room in the conservatory.
A moment later, William Michaels' eldest daughter Ashley came skidding to a stop on the laminate flooring in the living-room doorway.
"Hey Melanie," She waved with a smile; I'd always insisted that she call me Melanie. She was seventeen and it felt wrong asking her to call me Chief Agent Hotchner.
"How are things?" She asked, leaning on the doorframe.
"Actually Ashleigh, that's why I'm here," I looked from William's daughter to his wife who was looking at me curiously, her expression happy until she finally registered the look on my face.
"Maybe it's best you go back to your brother and sister." I said as I looked back at Ashleigh who was frowning now as Hilda finally caught on to the situation and the atmosphere plummeted.
"No," Ashleigh said in a monotone, stepping inside the room and closing the door before lowering herself onto the arm of the sofa next to her mum.
"If something's going on, I want to know too, my mom's just going to tell me as soon as you leave, so." She shrugged and folded her arms and Hilda tutted and swiped at her arm.
"Ashleigh, it's best if you're not around to hear what I have to say."
"You've finally done it, haven't you?" Hilda said suddenly and i frowned in confusion.
"So where is he then, huh? Too ashamed to admit that you've finally given him the boot so you've come to do his dirty work for him, eh? That man! Where is he?!" A lump immediately rose in my throat and I lowered my head, shaking it sadly.
"I haven't fired him, Mrs Michaels," I said slowly before looking back up. Her bottom lip began to wobble and I glanced at Ashleigh before taking a deep breath.
"I am so sorry," The pair shared a frantically worried look.
"Your husband was badly shot a couple of hours ago... Paramedics were called to help but, it was too late. There was nothing that could be done," Sobs errupted from her chest and I felt tears well in my eyes.
"I am so very, very sorry, Hilda," I said in a soft voice.
"William is dead."
The pair broke down in uncontrollable sobs and I rose to my feet, approaching them to place hands on their backs in comfort as they held each other. I bit down on my tongue, tasting blood as tears ran down my cheeks.
This was my fault.
The Lover
I came out of the shower, shivering and wrapped a towel around my waist, padding out into the darkened bedroom and seeing my phone lit up on the nightstand.
It had finally come back to life!
Smiling I hurried over to see I'd missed seven phone-calls from Melanie.
"Seven?!" I gushed aloud. "What the hell...?" I pressed her name to re-call but didn't get a chance to hit the green button before I heard the front door open and then close again before sobbing broke the following silence.
"Melanie?!" I gushed; panic spreading throughout me as I ran out of the bedroom and into the living room, rushing to the short hallway.
I peered down to see her sat on the floor, leaning against the door sobbing into her arms on her propped up legs.
"Melly!" I panicked, running along the corridor to her, crouching down beside her and wrapping her in my still-wet arms.
"Melanie what's happened?" I begged, realising that she was wet too and that she must have been out in the rain.
"He's dead!" She gushed. "And... it's... all my... fault!" She burst in-between sobs.
"Who's dead, Melly baby, who's dead?" I asked, running my hands over her head and kissing her forehead.
"William,"
William?
"Michaels," She hiccuped and I nodded my head in understanding.
"It's my fault he's dead, Spence, it's all my fault." I shook my head and sat back on the floor, pulling her into my lap and wrapping her properly in my arms.
"It's not your fault, Melanie, it isn't," I told her despite not knowing what had happened.
"Ssh baby." I kissed her face and held her tightly until her sobs finally ceased.
"I... didn't know you'd be here." She said slowly and quietly, moving her head on my chest to look up at me.
"Well I wanted it to be a surprise," I admitted.
"But I was in the shower and my phone was dead and I never heard your calls." She shook her head and pushed the loose strands of hair stuck to her face with tears back behind her ear and inhaled deeply.
"It's okay, I was just worried," She said simply and I frowned in confusion.
"I had to tell his wife and children about what had happened... Jackson's going in the morning to take her to see him..." She shook her head and pushed her fingers against her lips to prevent from crying again.
"C'mon," I said, rubbing her arms. "Let's get you in and warmed up, Melly, you're freezing.
"At least I'm not dead," She said bluntly as we rose to our feet and I froze; was she angry at me?
"I'm sorry," She shook her head, holding my hand tightly as she leaned against me for support.
"I'm not angry at you I'm just..." Tears rolled down her cheeks again. "It's just my fault."
"Why do you keep saying that? How could any of this be your fault?" I demanded, getting a little angry at her obvious absurdity.
"I've been distracted!" She insisted as we headed into her bedroom for clean clothes. She began undressing as I fetched her some pyjamas.
"Distracted?" I echoed, confused, handing her the t-shirt and sweats.
"With us," She said, gesturing between me as she unhooked her bra and pulled the t-shirt over her head.
"I've been happy and distracted and they've noticed I've been different and they're blaming me and they're right, Spence!"
She gushed, pushing the hair out of her face and dropping down onto the edge of her bed, now fully in her pyjamas but completely distraught again.
"I shouldn't have sent the three of them in there, they were outnumbered and uneven, it wasn't fair."
She shook her head and I sighed, sitting down beside her and wrapping an arm around her shoulder, pulling her head against my - now clothed - chest.
"Tell me what happened, Melly." I asked, laying back on the bed with her and pulling her into my arms.
The Daughter
I told him everything.
From what happened in the case to the discovery of his workshop and home address to the splitting-up and the singing in the car and then the discovery at the two places.
I told him about what happened in the house and what happened once we got there.
The entire time he held me in his arms against his chest, running his fingers through my damp hair and listening patiently without saying a word.
Occasionally he'd grunt in distaste at the horrible case or chuckle at the humorous song.
But he never interrupted me, not even when I told him about what the team had said to me before we'd all left the scene, not even when I agreed that it was my fault what had happened.
I hadn't expected Spencer to be at home when I got there, but I was so thankful that he was.
It was as though he was psychic and knew that I'd need him.
"Baby this isn't your fault," He said quietly once I was finished.
"You weren't to know what was going to happen in that house," He explained and I opened my mouth to protest but he placed a finger gently over my lips and continued,
"From the sounds of things, the only team that was unbalanced was yours. You didn't have the back-up of PD and you only had four Agents, two of which have lower than most at field-skills,"
I frowned in confusion as to how he would know that before remembering that this was a man who read the FBI's Cadet Training and Graduation Newsletter for a bit of light reading at the weekends.
Of course he'd know about my team's field-skills scores.
"Whereas your other team had three strong members, all of whom have fronted the team when you have been out of the field on different occasions.
"As well as the strong members they had the backup of local PD, despite the fact you were convinced Daniels would be at the workshop where you had taken your team.
"If there were to be an inquest, which there is no reason as to why there would be, it would conclude that you done everything correctly and that what happened was nobody's fault, but Carl Daniels'."
I turned my face up to look at him and moved slightly so I could hug him tightly, making him chuckle.
"I can't believe he's gone." I said quietly and he nodded his head, rubbing his hands up and down my back.
"I know, Melly," He said softly.
"But we lose agents all the time. I'm just thankful it wasn't you." He said sincerely, turning his face against mine and pressing a kiss to my cheek.
I nodded my head but I couldn't turn my face to his and kiss him properly, I felt too guilty and too hurt for anything other than to be held.
But, I was surprised because Spencer immediately turned his face back and held me even tighter to him, his hands rubbing my back in a comforting and relaxing way, soothing me in the darkness of the bedroom.
It was strange; being together, in bed, but without the nakedness or the desperation or the need like what we were so used to now.
It was just us, together, in bed.
No excitement, no lust, no sex.
Just, being a couple.
Just, holding each other.
And somehow that made me feel better.