Back in L.A. and nothing really changed. It's been three days since we all got back. Andy and Melissa brought home some souvenirs from Berlin and New York. I gave them some Australian gifts too.
Andy met this guy who he thought was kinda' cute and is bisexual. But he says he sucks at long-distamce so he didn't even try to get to know the dude all that well. Damn.
Melissa says New York is busy. Like everyone is always working and working. The streets are always filled wih people going to places. And it was colder there.
The two of them have a lot of stories to tell. I don't have that much. I just told them about Lei and Charlie and some of the things I did in Australia. It's not like there are a lot of things I could do there. I mean, I have spent 17 years of my existence there.
However, the two of them heard stories about me. From who? Michael, of course.
Yesterday, I have been meaning to tell them about the coincidence in the flight. But before I had the chance to be alone with them, they took me straight home after school and texted Nick to not come over because it's a girl's night out.
"So, what's this things we heard about you and Luke being seatmates on the flight?" Melissa said, raising an eyebrow.
I was like, "Oh, shit."
Well, of course, Michael told her. He tells her everything...
I tried to explain how it happened. Starting from when Charlie told me that they were also in Sydney, until the part where we said goodbye. I excluded the part where I became impulsive and I hugged Luke. But Andy still asked about it.
"Why do I see photos of you and Luke hugging on twitter?" Andy smirked.
"Oh, that was.. psh. That was nothing." I waved it off.
They raised an eyebrow, obviously not believing me.
I groaned. "Okay, fine. I hugged him before leaving."
"You? You did?" Andy laughed. I nodded, looking down on my hands.
"Why?" Melissa giggled.
My eyebrows furrowed. What am I supposed to say? "Well, I.. I don't know! It just felt like the right thing to do!" I said. "It's too awkward just watching him walk away without doing anything."
"Oh?" Andy laughed again. "Goddamn. You should really be thankful Nick isn't here."
I scrunched my nose. "Not really. If he was here, we won't be talking about this."
"But he isn't." Melissa smirked. "So you aren't safe. Besides, whatever you're hiding, we'll find out about it soon. As usual."
I rolled my eyes at them. "Of course you would."
"So spill." Andy said.
"What? That's all that happened." I said.
Melissa frowned. Of course they won't believe me just as Calum did. "It's been a whole 13 fucking hours. You didn't even talk?"
I rolled my eyes. "We talked, of course. But like.. just about life. We didn't talk about anything interesting."
"Like what???"
"Just about how we are now. My studies. Their tour. We spent more than half of it sleeping, I swear. It was supposed to be nighttime at Sydney during the whole of the flight so, all we did was sleep." I shrugged.
Both of them groaned.
"What is it about you and Luke?" Andy asked.
"Guys. Move on!" I said. "We're honestly just friends now. Nothing more."
"Oh really? Cause missing him means you're just friends?" Melissa said, crossing her arms across her chest.
I raised an eyebrow. "Are you not allowed to miss a friend?"
"Do friends mean you still feel like you should have given him another chance?" Andy countered.
I frowned. "What even gave you the idea that I think about him that way?"
"Tell us you didn't." Andy challenged.
"I.. I did. But that was months ago." I groaned. "Honestly, guys, why can't you see us like two ordinary people who are friends?"
"Because clearly, you aren't." Melissa said.
"There's a lot more to it than that, Sydny. It's just something about the way you are when you are with each other."
I just groaned. There's no use in arguing, because I know that I can't their minds.
Anyway, we were all here in Melissa's flat right now. Nick included. She invited us over for lunch, because she cooked some chicken alfredo. It looked edible enough... And it tasted good. Wow. So Melissa can cook now.
After lunch, we decided to hang out and just chill for a while. Nick and Andy were having a conversation about food. It interests Nick how Andy took summer cooking classes.
I was just on my phone. I was scrolling through twitter. Andy was right. There were photos of Luke and I. Of course there would be. We were basically PDA-ing there in the airport without even meaning to. Before I start to overthink again, I locked my phone and hid it in my backpocket.
Melissa was on the phone with.. probably Michael. She keeps giggling.
"Like right now?" She said to her phone. "Oh okay. Goodluck baby... I love you too. Bye."
She removed the phone from her ear with a bright smile on her face.
"Baby?" I asked, grinning at her.
"What?" She shrugged.
I laughed at her. "You don't strike me as the 'baby' type of girlfriend. You're more like 'asshole' or 'idiot,' especially considering Michael..."
Melissa rolled her eyes but I could tell she was blushing. "Just.. turn on the TV. There's an interview with the band."
I reached for the remote and handed it to Melissa. She flipped over the channels until she found the right one.
The boys were all huddled in a sofa. They were all wearing black, as usual. And it seems like the interview has just started because the interviewer was congratulating them about their success and their achievements and everything else.
5SOS had gotten really far. And to think that they just started as a small band from Australia playing in a garage with most of the band members are school drop outs... this is all so huge. I feel so proud of everything they have accomplished. They really deserve everything.
Everyone was watching. Even Nick and Andy. It is now the part where they're answering fan questions. You know, it sucks that they pick the basic questions that have been asked millions of times already. They won't get the unique ones. I saw one tweet one time asking "Does michael's pubes match his hair color?" But I guess that's kinda inappropriate on live TV.
It went on like that for minutes. They also tried playing games. The band is just really dorky and weird. Nothing new about that.
After several commercials and weirdness and games and questions, the interview started going on about how 5SOS's life on the road was, and more personal questions.
"So does the life on the road tire you out? Like always travelling and switching places and all that?" Asks the interviewer.
"Um, no." Ashton answered. "I mean yeah we get tired after a show. But it's always nice to travel and see our fans from all over the world, supporting us. They're the reason we are here, so... we're just thankful."
I smiled to myself. Ashton sounds so professional, but he still has that Australian accent that sounds like he's about to drop some real yodeling shit.
The interviewer managed to turn things around. "Would you date a fan?" He asked. "Are you guys dating anyone right now?"
"I would definitely date a fan." Calum said, a bit loudly. "We have the hottest and cutest fans. Every single one of them."
"That's good to hear." The interviewer laughed. "But they are all dying to know... is everyone in the band single?"
The audience behind the camera were yelling 'No's. The boys just laughed.
"I'm not." Michael said, smiling.
"Oh, and who is the lucky girl?" The interviewer asked.
Michael dramatically turns her head to the side and said, "Calum." He batted his eyelashes before laughing. "Just kidding. But yeah, I'm not single. And I wouldn't wanna be single now. I'm having a real great time."
Quickly, he winks at the camera. Melissa was making unhuman noises beside me. God, she was definitely blushing.
"How about you, Luke?" The interviewer said. This dude knows everything. He just wants them to say it.
I tensed up slightly in my seat. No one seems to notice though. Thank God.
Luke just shrugged. "Nah. I mean, I had. And it was nice, like, you know, always having someone to look forward to seeing. But it's hard always being on the road. You have all these obstacles to go through. I mean, she was definitely worth it. But things don't always work out the way you want them to."
"I'm sorry. She was definitely worth it?"
"Oh I mean it would definitely be worth it." Luke smiled uncomfortably and stared at his hands.
Fuck. I thought to myself. I shouldn't let this bother me.
Ashton said something that steered the interview towards a new topic.
I couldn't think properly. I miss Luke a lot. But God. I'm not supposed to. I'm not even supposed to think about him like anything. I'm not supposed to be thinking about him! Why can't I just forget about what happened? Why can't my memories just leave me alone?
There are a lot of things that feels so right and so wrong right now. I'm so confused. I don't even know where I should be. I don't know if I should listen to my heart or to my head. I don't know which one is right. Both of them are leading me in different directions, but how am I supposed to know which is the right one?
The interview ended before I knew it. The three people beside me doesn't seem to notice my sudden change of mood. Well, to my credit, I'm trying my best to hide it.
"Guys, let's go watch a movie at the mall." Melissa invited.
"Yes. Yes. Yes. I've been wanting to see Paper Towns ever since I got home." Andy said.
Melissa giggled excitedly. "Yes. OMG. You guys coming?" She asked me and Nick.
"Yeah, sure." Nick said.
"I think I'll pass." I said, almost at the same time.
The three of them looked at me weirdly. "Why?" They asked.
I let out a fake yawn. "I'm tired. Jetlag hit me twice as bad. I literally came from the other side of the globe."
Andy groaned. "But girl, this is Cara were talking about!"
"Well, I can't enjoy the damn movie if I'll be dosing off halfway through, can I?" I sighed.
"It's okay, Sydny. Maybe next time." Melissa said.
She and Andy went to her room to get ready. Nick stayed beside me.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"I'm good." I said. "Just... really tired."
"You sure?"
"Yeah." I smiled.
He nodded hesitantly. Nick looked at me as if he's studying my expression. I hope he can't see right through me.
"What?" I asked, suppressing a smile.
He shook his head. "Nothing." He put his arms around my shoulder and put me closer to him. "I miss you." He said, planting a kiss on my temple.
I closed my eyes and just tried to smile. I bit my lip as I realized that some things just doesn't give you the same satisfaction when it was done by other people. It's about the person and not the action. Someone could hand you your favorite chocolate, and you'd feel grateful. But if your love hands you a cheap piece of candy, you'd feel something totally different. You'd feel like your whole world is suddenly filled with fireworks...
.
.
Okay, so maybe I wasn't lying about the jetlag. I really do feel tired and sleepy. My bed had never felt this comfortable before.
It took all my will to standup and change into comfy sweats and a tank top before throwing myself back to bed. God it feels so good.
My phone rang at my bedside table. It was Calum. I hesitated before answering. This could take long and I'm really tired right now. But phonecalls with Calum aren't usually that long. So I decided to pick up.
"Yow." I said.
"Hey Sydny." Calum's cheery voice said. "We're having a sort of small party this weekend. It's more like a get together actually. With just a few close friends and the crew and all that."
"And?"
"Well, I'm inviting you. Duh?" Calum said.
Party slash get together. 5SOS. Friends. Crew. "I don't think I can go, Cal."
"Why not?" He groaned. "Melissa's going for sure. And so is Andy."
"And so? It's not like I go wherever they go." I sighed.
"Come on, Syd. It's just a PARTY. Not even a college party with like.. people getting thrown into pools or something." He said. "It's a fucking lame ass 5SOS party."
"Wow. How inviting." I said sarcastically. "Cal, you know it's not a good idea."
"Why? Because Luke is gonna be here? For fuck's sake who cares? Like you said, you're over. So why don't you start having fun wtihout caring about what he thinks?"
I groaned. "Not everything is about your friend okay? I just don't want to go."
"Killjoy." He muttered.
"Oh shut up." I shot back.
"Fine. But you're gonna miss a lot." He said.
"I don't care." I singsonged.
"But if you change your mind, you're always welcome." He said. I just rolled my eyes and hung up.
Party? No. I'm not a party kind of girl. I'm more like a stay-at-home-dressed-like-a-gorilla kind of girl. So no.
I returned my phone to my bedside table and finally drifted off to a wonderful sleep.
.
.
.
"Rise and Shine." I feel light at the back of my eyelids, making me open my eyes and squint.
Nick was standing there, opening my curtains.
"What are you doing here so early?" I asked, looking at my clock. It was just 8:00.
"Well, I figured I'd take you out for breakfast since you weren't feeling well last night." He said.
I frowned. "I was just tired."
"Still..." He grinned. "So are you coming or are you gonna' lay in your bed all day?"
I scrunched my nose. "I'd like to pick the latter, but I'd hate to disappoint you. So yeah. I'm coming."
Nick laughed. He went out to the living room while I changed into a sweatshirt and shorts and a pair of Vans, as usual. I put my hair up in a ponytail, because if I don't, people might think I'm wearing a bird's nest for a hat.
We walked to the cafe two blocks from my building. Nick was telling me about how one of his surfer friends got injured. He broke an arm, I think.
I was only half-listening to Nick's story, though. I was looking around L.A. I missed these streets. But I miss Sydney too. It's like having two different planets. Two different worlds. It's like you're one person here, and another person on the other.
There were a group of girls on a salon who giggled and waved at me as I passed by. I just smiled, because I wasn't sure if it was me they're waving to or not. They're probably fans of the band. Everyone I don't know who knows me are either a fan of the band or someone from my industry. Like 9/10 is from the 5SOSFam and the rest are people who knew me because of my career. I'm telling you there aren't that much.
"Hey, did you even listen to what I said?" Nick laughed lightly.
"W-what?"
"I said, I'd have to go somewhere for a week. It's about a surfing tournament." He said.
"That's great! But are you allowed to get off your work?" I asked. "And where will it be held?"
"My work's all covered. We'd be going to the three best surfing spots in California." Nick said excitedly. "Maybe it will extend for more than a week, but I'm still not sure."
"Ohmygod. That's awesome! You get to travel and surf. That's so cool." I laughed.
"I know!!!" Nick said. "It would be better if you'll be there."
I stopped walking abruptly. Is he serious? "Nick, you know I can't. As much as I want to, I can't."
"I know." He sighed.
"I mean, my classes aren't something that I could just cancel for a day. Much more, a week. Especially now, everything is so busy."
He nodded. "I know. I understand. It was just a thought."
"Maybe next time." I smiled.
"Yeah." He just said.
We continued walking, mostly in silence. The cafe shop is located along the line of clotheslines and other girly stuffs. I didn't want to stop at any of them. I don't want to seem rude. But there was this dress that was displayed on a window that caught my eye.
I slowed my pace. Nick was casually walking ahead of me. The dress wasn't even that special. It was just a simple white dress with blue laces that lines the edges. There's something about white and blue that captures my attention really well.
It took me a moment before remembering that I have to catch up to Nick. He was looking back at me, and held out his hand which I took.
"I thought you were going inside that store." He said.
"Nah. I'm good." I shrugged.
He just smiled.
The cafè shop was just a few steps away. A few steps before we could eat our breakfast in peace. But a lot could happen within a few steps.
As if fate had been slapping me across the face, Luke walked out of a store. I was so shocked that I didn't even think of hiding my face until he was literally in front of us.
"Luke," I said, my voice sounded a bit different.
"Hi." He said. I could tell he was forcing a smile by the way his lips are sealed to tight. "Hey, man." He said to Nick.
"Hey." Nick said casually.
"W-what are you doing to here?" I asked. My hand that was holding Nick's flew to remove the hair out of my face.
"Just bought some new shirt. Michael is still inside, though." He said. "You?"
I opened my mouth to answer, but Nick beat me to it. "We were just out for breakfast." He said.
Luke frowned. "Isn't this a little too far from your flat?"
"Well, I took her out since she wasn't feeling so well last night." Nick answered again.
Before anyone could say anything, I spoke up. "Um, I guess we'd better hurry. I have classes this noon." I said, biting my lip.
Luke just nodded, looking at Nick weirdly. "Okay. I'm gonna check on Michael. Nice seeing you."
"You too." I smiled.
Nick and I started walking away. Goddamn the awkward tension between all of us is suffocating. I turned my head to look at Luke. He was still looking this way. He just smiled when he saw me. I smiled back. Goddamn. Fuck this. Fuck this.
Nick slowly slipped his hand in mine as we walked into the cafè.
.
.
.
Calum: still not going?
Me: What? Where?
Calum: Lame 5sos party. It's tonight.
Me: Oh. I dont think so. Im not feeling good...
Calum: Why?? *smirking emoji*
Me: I just dont.
Calum: lemme guess.
Me: you cant. :p
Calum: is it because you ran across luke while walking AND holding hands with your new-found-boyfriend?
Me: What? Who told you that?
Calum: no one.
Me: i dont have a boyfriend.
Calum: then who was that guy?
Me: Nick. He's just a friend.
Calum: yeah cause you were holding hands
Me: no. Go away cal.
Calum: wahtever.
Calum: you really have to go to the party tho.
Calum: soooo see you
.
.
Andy walked in to my flat like it was his. Well, it's not new. He's been doing that ever since we got close.
When he saw me lying lazily on my bed, he looked me up and down.
"What are you?" He asked. "Why are you in your PJs?"
"Why are you not in your PJs? " I retorted.
"I thought we were supposed to be going to the 5SOS party!" Andy groaned, slumping at the edge of my bed.
I groaned as well. "I don't want to. Look at me. I'm dressed up in rags."
Andy rolled his eyes. "You lazy ass bitch. You're coming with me, whether you like it or not."
He went to my closet and started rummaging through it. Andy picked out a cute casual outfit and threw it on my bed.
"There. Get dressed." He said.
"I'm not going!" I said.
"Yes, you are!" He argued. "What am I supposed to do there if you're not coming? Melissa's probably gonna hang out with Michael. And since you're single as fuck right now, and Nick is nowhere to be found, you are going to hang out with the one and only..."
I rolled my eyes. "Even if I don't go, I know that you will be able to get some new friends."
"No." Andy said. "You're coming. Because if you won't be coming, I'd shove you in a zoo."
"I don't care."
Andy groaned. "SYDNY ELIZABETH GREEN."
I was shocked by the sudden tone of command in his voice that made me finally agree.
"Fine. Fine." I said.
I grabbed the clothes Andy chose for me as I head towards the bathroom to change, silently cursing him and myself. I don't wanna go to this stupid party.
When I got out of the bathroom, I just applied some quick nude makeup that doesn't look too much nor too little. I took my hair out of the messy bun it was in, and now it's a little bit wavy. But it looks damn nice.
"Are you happy now?" I said, spreading my arms to show Andy my look.
He grinned. "You look gorgeous."
I rolled my eyes.
"Now, come on. We're late."
.
The 5SOS house looked like it has been taken over by party animals. Definitely not a lame-ass 5SOS party.
I recognized a lot of people from the crew. They all waved hi or smiled as I walk by. There are also some who I have never seen in my life. There are some whom I've recognized in photos.
I saw Calum at the living room, laughing out to something. Andy somehow managed to disappear beside me. I told him he could easily gain new friends. I, on the other hand, am hopeless.
I approached Calum hesitantly. He didn't notice me until I was beside him.
"Sydny!!! I thought you said you weren't coming!" He said, still laughing.
"I wasn't supposed to be coming." I sighed. "But Andy kinda forced me to. It sucks. What the hell am I supposed to do here?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. Enjoy? You know-- HEY, GET A ROOM-- I think you should talk to Liz."
"Liz?!" No one informed me about Liz. "She's here? With all these noise and shit?"
Calum nodded. "She's over there. Talking to some of the crew."
"What is she doing here?" I asked.
"Paid us a visit." Calum said.
I was about to ask him another question, but he was too preoccupied to mind. Well, I guess I have to go to Liz now. There's nowhere else I could go.
I walked to the direction Calum pointed. I saw Liz and a bunch of other adults there having their own conversations and drinking red wine. Unlike Calum, Liz spotted me immediately.
Hurriedly, she walked over towards me and gave me a hug. It took me a lot by surprise.
"Sydny, darling." She said, patting me on the back.
"Hey." I smiled as we parted. "I just wanted to say hi. I didn't know you were here until I arrived."
"Oh, we didn't really let anyone know." Liz said. "But forget about that. How are you?"
"Good. I'm fine." I smiled.
Liz expression turned grim for a moment. Suddenly, I feel nervous. "I heard what happened between you and Luke."
"Oh."
"Sydny, I hope you understand that Luke is just a boy. He's still learning from his mistakes. But you should know that he was sorry for what he did to you." Liz said.
"I know." I replied quietly.
"And I was really disappointed when I found out that you two were... no more. I really liked you for him." She smiled. "You were possibly one of the greatest things that ever happened to Luke. I know because I saw how much you made him happy."
I tried to smile as well, but instead I felt like crying.
"I.. I don't know what to say." I said, biting my lip.
"I can't force you to get back together with my son. But you should know he was broken when you broke it up. It was hard for him."
"It was hard for me as well." I sighed. "I have forgiven Luke for everything. But now, I don't know. Maybe it's for the best that we weren't together anymore. But only time will tell."
Liz nodded understandingly. "Yes. Thank you, though. For everything you have done for him."
"Believe me, Liz. I did nothing to Luke. He was the one who helped me through everything." I said.
Liz just shook her head and laughed. "You just don't know. Anyway, have you seen him already?"
"No. I just saw Calum there inside." I answered.
Liz sighed. "He's probably still in his room. He wasn't feeling well today."
"Oh. Okay. I'll say hi if I see him." I smiled.
"Alright. Thank you, Sydny."
"Thank you, too."
I walked back inside the house, not knowing where to go. Everything was everywhere. People laughing and talking and eating and doing endless things. The music was too loud. The energy was becoming too high. I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't know where Melissa and Michael and Ashton are. I haven't seen them yet. It's like a whirlpool of people and sounds and events. And it's making me realy dizzy.
I got a cup of.. I don't know what it is... from the small table filled with drinks and tried to find some place where I could calm myself down.
The whole first floor was preoccupied. So were the front and backyard. I can't enter the rooms on the second floor. This isn't a place where I could be at home anymore. I can't even enter Luke's. I don't know what I will say to him. I still can't stop thinking of what happened yesterday morning.
Slowly, I walked up the stairs to the rooftop. The music was slightly fading and so were the noises of all the people. And so I slowly calmed down.
I emerged on the top of he stairs. The rooftop was mostly empty, except for one guy. Apparently, the guy who I least wanted to see. He was leaning against the railing, looking down below probably. I tried to slowly backdown before he can see me.
But of course, before I could fully turn back, my heel clicked on the ground.
"Fuck." I swore silently.
"Sydny?" Luke called out.
Slowly and hesitantly, I turned around. I put on a fake smile and said, "Hi."
Luke nodded, signaling me towards him, before he leaned back against the railing. I walked towards where he was standing, millions of thoughts dancing in my head.
"How did you find me?" He asked.
I leaned on the railing beside him. The view was spectacular. The city lights are wonderful, plus the stars above. This is the first time I've been here at night.
"I didn't." I answered. "I mean, I wasn't really looking for you."
"Oh. Right."
I bit my lip. "I thought you were in your room. Your mum said you were in your room, so I went up here to get away from the crowd. I didn't want to disturb you because Liz said you weren't feeling well or something.."
Luke made a "pfft" sound.
I didn't know what else to say. I was afraid I might just make this worse. I wanted to keep talking but I also want to disappear right now. The silence was too loud, it was deafening.
The two of us just stared into the open space for a while, both waiting for the other one to talk. We look stupid here.
Finally, Luke decided to speak up. I wish he didn't though, because he said, "So are you and Nick together now?"
I sighed, the scenes from yesterday flashing back in my head again. "No. He was just a friend."
"A friend with whom your holding hands with?" Luke said in a joking tone, but he was looking at his hands.
"No. It's not like that." I said.
"Well, what's it like? Because I can't think if any other reason besides that..." Luke said calmly.
I racked my brain for an answer. But then I thought, why do I need to give him an answer? It's not like he has to know everything going on with my life.
I just sighed and said, "Nick isn't my boyfriend, only because I declined when he asked me."
Luke looked at me, confused. "Why?"
I looked back at him. Because of you, I thought. "Because.. I wasn't ready at that time."
He just nodded. "So are you ready now?"
Am I? I haven't thought of it, though. If Nick asked me again, what would I say? Should I say yes? Should I say no? Because he knows how I feel for him. But I don't want to put myself in a relationship that I couldn't fully commit myself to. Because I know, for some reason, that I can't.
"I.. I don't know." I said quietly, looking away.
Luke bit his lip. I don't know what he's thinking right now. I'm not sure I even want to know.
It's funny how things change. Like before, someone could make you feel safe and comfortable, even in silence, but time passes and things happen, and suddenly, you wish you could run away.
I said, mainly to just break the awkward silence. "I didn't know Liz was coming."
"Yeah. She decided to check on us, since we will be staying here for quite a while." Luke shrugged.
I nodded, not knowing what to say. And so we are back to that awkward void of silence.
But then, Luke spoke up. "Did she talk to you?"
"Yeah."
"About what?" He asked.
"Are you sure you wanna know?" I smirked. I know that he doesn't want his mum talking about him behind his back. It makes him feel like she's showing him off to everybody. Well, I think she should. Because his son is definitely one of a kind.
Luke laughed. "I guess I don't."
"But really, she was just telling me how you've been." I said.
"Which is...?"
I shrugged. "I'm not sure, really."
He just sighed. I think he knows what his mum might have told me. Nevertheless, he didn't say anything about it.
"So, what are you doing here?" I asked.
"It was getting hot downstairs. And it's better being alone here." Luke answered. "Except I'm not alone anymore."
"Oh. I could leave if you want to. I didn't mean to invade your private moment." I said.
"No, no. It's fine." He said quickly. "It's kinda better, actually."
I bit my lip, trying to hide the smile that crept on my face. Fuck. He still has that effect on me.
"And I also bought champagne." He grinned, getting the bottle of champagne from the floor. I didn't notice it before. "But I only have one glass."
"It's alright. I'm not really in the mood to drink." I said.
"Suit yourself." Luke just shrugged. As he was pouring champagne on his glass, he said, "Hey, the girls at the airport have been asking me about you."
"Really? What did they say?" I feel like I know what the answer is. But I still asked, just for the sake of a decent conversation.
We both decided to sit down, with our backs against the railings. The stars look really wonderful tonight.
"They were wondering if we were still together." Luke said quietly, sipping from his glass.
"And what did you say?"
He shrugged again. "What was I supposed to answer? Yes, when it's no? But I just smiled and pretended like I didn't hear them."
I don't know why but I laughed. I took the glass of champagne from his hands and took a shot, ending up with a sour face. Luke laughed.
It amuses me how we are talking about this in a sort of playful manner.
"You know, you look beautiful tonight." Luke said on a more serious tone.
I looked down to hide the blush forming on my cheeks.
"And you should also know that I know you well enough to know that you're blushing." Luke laughed lightly.
"How dare you," I joked, punching him lightly on the arm.
Luke laughed harder. "Okay, I'm sorry! I'm sorry."
"But you look nice tonight too." I smiled. "Maybe it's the stubble. Since when did you have a stubble?"
"I forgot to shave during vacation, and it grew out and I thought it was nice." He grinned.
"It does look nice," I said, examining his face now. His eyes, who are looking at me, were beautiful, as usual. It has become my favorite shade of blue. His lip ring was still there. And it looks even nicer with his stubble. "And your hair looks different too."
He ran his fingers through his hair, suddenly self-conscious.
"A good different, though." I smiled.
"I'd say new look for new me, but I'm the same lazy ass weirdo as I was before." Luke said.
"It's okay." I laughed. "That's my favorite kind of Luke."
He smiled, looking down at his hands.
I feel the atmosphere grow more serious. Wow. Way to go me for ruining the playful moment.
Since we are on this state, better open up a more serious topic. I've been meaning to talk about this to someone, but I don't know to whom. It doesn't feel right to tell anyone. But somehow, I feel like I should tell Luke.
"I saw your interview." I said, before I lose the guts.
"Oh." He bit his lip. "I--uh.. that was nothing."
"Oh. Okay. Of course." I said, feeling a bit disappointed. It was probably just for show.
"I mean..." Luke took a deep breath. "Look, I meant everything I said in that interview. I don't know why I even said that on live TV. I just felt the need to. I'm sorry, though, if it made you feel uncomfortable or anything."
"It's fine." I said. My hands subconsciously went up to his. "Luke, I wanna' say sorry."
"For what?" He frowned.
I took a deep breath. Now may not be the right time. But then again, now may be the only time. I thought of what Liz said, and I just realized how much I've caused Luke.
"For everything." I said. "Like.. ever since we... we broke up. I just wanna say sorry for everything that I have ever caused you."
Luke closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Is this what my mum told you about? Did she told you how I was after everything that happened?"
I bit my lip. "Sort of."
Luke groaned. "Dammit." Then he looked at me. "Look, Syd. You don't have to say sorry. You didn't do anything. It's all me. It's my choice. Mum is probably just worried about me, that's why she told you."
"Yeah, but still. I'm sorry." I said.
"I won't accept your sorry because you don't have to be!" Luke said. "Now, just shut up and drink with me."
I laughed lightly. "Fine."
I don't care what's happening downstairs. I don't care what's happening with the rest of my life. Maybe I need some time to live at the moment again. I need to enjoy life as it is right now. Because I have been very stressful lately. And I've let out too many tears and sleepless nights for the past months. So maybe, I deserve a good night.
Moments later, I found my head on Luke's shoulder. I'm kinda' sleepy. But we were still talking about everything and nothing, and just laughing, and not caring about anything else, all while looking at the stars.
Somehow, it feels like before. But then again, it isn't.
Now, we're just two friends who had a past that we cannot truly put in the background. Because of everything, the past will always come screaming at our faces. And maybe, someday we'll learn to not mind.
.
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Omg omg
xxxxx