Over the next few years I take at least 30 minutes of each day to read the newspaper. To find my name. Peeta is mad at Haymitch for telling me about this. He hates to see me annoyed, and reading rumors about us is just about the most annoying thing there is. Occasionally, I find stupid articles about Peeta and I. About Marriage. About children.
That word still gives me shivers. I'm never having kids. I don't care how safe District 12 is now. It's not even a possibility. I've been fake pregnant before, and it wasn't fun. So much pity. So many lies. I know Peeta wants children. Lots of them. He and Prim are the only reasons I've even considered.
I've talked to Annie on the phone, and she told me all about her boy, Flynn. About him growing up. I've learned all there is to know about baby food, diapers, naps, books, games, toys, and songs. I've decided I don't need that in my life. I already have to take care of Haymitch, and he's practically like a child anyway.
Anyway, if Peeta even wants a chance at having kids, he's going to have to propose to me first. And I don't see that coming anytime soon. I always thought he'd be the one to prematurely ask for my hand in marriage, and I'd be the one to turn him down the first couple of times. Now I'm the one ready for a change.
That's a first.
I walk upstairs and go into my room. I walk passed the bed and head over to my nightstand, where I keep anything and everything that's important to me. I rummage through the drawer and feel for the locket that Peeta gave me in the arena. I take it out of the drawer and the memories of being with Peeta on the beach come flooding back. When we discussed leaving Finnick, Johanna, and Beetee. Little did we know they were the ones that would save us, I open it and see the small pictures of Gale, Prim, and my mother. The beautiful frames around each image are so detailed. I never really had time to examine how gorgeous this gift really was. I slip the necklace over my head, and hide it under my shirt, close to my heart.
I think about Peeta, and realize how sweet he really is. I'm so glad to have him be a big part of my life. I mean, he practically lives with me now. We've arranged for him to keep some of his clothes in my closet, since all of my wardrobe can fit in a small dresser. Peeta sleeps with me most nights, too. It's just natural, now, for him to curl up beside me and keep me safe and warm.
I look for the pearl that Peeta gave me. On the beach, in the arena. But I can't seam to find it. I know I kept it. I would have never let myself throw it away. I take everything out of the drawer, but to no avail. What I do find is a huge diamond ring, with smaller rubies and emeralds surrounding the main gem. What is this? I'm not very fond of jewelry, and everyone knows it. Who would have given me a ring?
And then I remember. This is the ring that Peeta gave me when he proposed. When we had to convince people that we were deeply in love. When he bent down on one knee, live with Caesar Flickerman, I started crying. Haymitch told me that it was a "nice touch," but it defiantly wasn't planned.I don't know why it happened, it just did. They were not tears of joy. If anything, I was just sad that none of our love was for real. That we would only be married in front of the cameras.
I take a close look at the ring, and I'm not impressed. I'm sure any girl in the country would be dying to even be near a diamond this big, but me, I have better things to think about. Peeta knows that I'm not attracted to huge, expensive gems. But, of course, this ring was supplied by the Capitol, where everything is big and expensive.
Suddenly, Peeta walks in the room, and I slam the drawer shut. He sees me kneeling down by my bed, and I just tell him I was cleaning. Maybe he buys it, but probably not. He comes over to me to sit on my green quilt. He pats the fabric next to him, motioning for me to come and sit. I don't argue. There are no conversations, like usual. We just sit and look out of the window.
After a while, Peeta turns to me.
"Katniss, you're so beautiful." He says. He's smiling, but not completely. It's like he's too focused on me to worry about that right now.
I'm about to say something, but then Peeta reaches over my head and takes off my locked. My eyes grow wide. He must have noticed the strap going around my neck.
"Your sister is beautiful too," he says calmly, after he opens the locket. "You look a lot like her."
I raise an eyebrow at him. I've never heard that before. I always thought we were polar opposites. I look like my father and Prim looked like my mother. We used to spend hours staring into our small, cracked mirror and try to find similarities between us, but could never find any.
I obviously look confused and he explains. "It's your eyes. Not the color. No, not the color at all... It's the... You have the same... sparkle. At first glance." He says, and he's right. Whenever I'd look at Prim, for a quick second, her eyes would display a magical glint of light. I guess mine do that too.
"No one's ever said that before." I explain looking at the picture.
"Then no one's spent enough time focusing on your eyes. Or Prim's. As much as I have," Peeta talks like she's still here. Like she's in the room with us right now.
"I'm glad someone has finally found something that we have in common," I laugh, He doesn't respond, he just keeps looking at the locket.
There is a long silence before Peeta says, "Would you ever... Leave me for Gale?" He says, dodging my eyes. I'm not expecting this. Does he really think I'd abandon him? For someone else? I think he knew the answer to his question before he asked it.
"What?" I exclaim, taking the locket from him and putting it back in the night stand. "I would never leave you. And I NEVER will." I try to make this as clear as possible.
"It's just..." He pauses. "It's like you two were made for each other. You both love to hunt. You've known each other forever. You even look like a couple! I'm not saying that you would ever drop everything and go-" I cut him off. He's being stupid.
"No, Peeta. You are the only one for me. And I love you. Way more than I could ever love Gale." He looks at the floor. I don't think he believes me.
"May I remind you that he might of been the one to kill my sister? I wouldn't even consider being with someone who laid a finger on Prim." Peeta still isn't convinced. I turn towards him. And our lips meet. For a long time. This is the first time in over a year that I've felt the hunger. The hunger that I felt in the cave. The hunger that I felt on the beach. There are no worries. Only us.
"Alright," Peeta says eventually. "I'm sorry."
"You better be," I say. And I smile. I remember thinking that the only place I was truly happy was in the woods. That nothing could bring me joy like Gale could. I didn't know the definition of joy before I met Peeta. Now, I am constantly smiling.
"Oh, and Peeta." I say, taking his hand. "I'm ready."
To get married, I mean. I think. I have decided now, in this moment, that Peeta is the one I love. That I will never love Gale. I'm not sure if I ever did. If anything, I loved Gale like a brother. My cousin, perhaps. But now, this is an extreme overstatement. Peeta is so very different than Gale. He will always be there for me, adding happiness and fun to my life. Never bringing me down. Anything that the boy with the bread says is and will be positive. And that's a fact. I hate to say it, but I think I might be starting to like "The star crossed lovers of District 12." Finally, we both agree with the Capitol on at least one thing. I never thought I'd say this, but I am in love with Peeta Mellark.
"I know," Peeta replies. He knows what I mean.
~•~
Before bed, I open the night stand drawer once again, and reach for the locket. I open it and look at the picture of Gale. He's gone now. And Peeta's here. And nothing will change that.
I slowly take the picture out of the tiny frame and replace it with a picture of Peeta. I seam to like the look of the locket much more, now. Gale is in the past, and me being with Peeta is real. The locket no longer reminds me of what could have been. It now confirms what will happen. What is happening.
I know it's real when Peeta comes into the bed and whispers, "I love you."
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-Melanie 🦁