Sorry is one big word. It's hard to say. Hurts your ego and proves your wrong. And for arrogance that's your biggest enemy isn't it?
But then again. Having screaming matches louder than a concert or the fact you could've had a war with your loved ones hurt.
Especially if they're gone after that.
Present day
"I WANT THAT TOY!" screamed Dylan to his sister camelia.
The sister refused. But declan had the ego of a train. No meant death to him. So that night he attempted to scare his sister. When that didn't work he started a fight in the kitchen.
"I hate you so much sis!" Screamed Dylan.
Camelia nodded "i know. But then again I'm your free babysitter."
Dylan pov
I fought sis in the morning I think. Tried hardest. Ghosted her in the afternoon. Ignored her in the evening.
I don't remember much a after what I said. Maybe I'd touched a closing wound. Or maybe I'd triggered something like a landmine.
All I remember is sister walking out of the kitchen in her favourite pink nasa hoodie. She wore her pj pants. It was saturday night. Didn't notice the red suv speeding her way. I rember seeing a swerve as I ran out to my sister who was bleeding. As mother and father tried to keep her alive. She held each of our hands.
In the ambulance they fought so hard to keep her alive. One pulse. Two. Three. Deadline. Try again and again. They kept her afloat as sis tried to keep up. They wheeled her weak body to the room. But halfway through her heart gave way. Flatlined they said. They tried. And tried. But she didn't have a pulse. I wasn't there. I truly believed she was fighting. But she couldn't.
I remember seeing relatives different friends and families I hadn't seen in years in our living room. And I chose the wrong moment to ask.
"Is she coming home? I haven't said sorry."
My mom broke. Sobbing. I tilted my 8 year old head. Family hugged on to me like I may dissapear. That's when sweet get grandma, a 100 say "sweetie, she'll forever be yiyr guardian angel" it hit like a freak train.
She was gone.
I looked over her casket. Her favourite pink dress she wore on special occasions and her favourite toy next to her. Our dog whined at the front row. Begging to see her treat lover. But how would she know?
Camelia's boyfriend carlos walked on stage. Sis was 14 when her life was gone. As he went through the best moments and worst sticking through thick and thin he broke.
"I remember when my money got tight" carlos explained."when i was drooling over horrible cafeteria food. She gave me her pizza with a warm smile. I was the-" voice cracked on pressure to recall their first meeting. "When i was the nerdy kid who had a stutter. She was the popular cheerleader. Head of cheers. The council leader. Scholar girl. Beauty model. And all that-" carlos. Broke. He was sobbing like a baby. To lose someone whom meant so much to you hurt. Hurt like a bee sting. He was hiccuping and breaking down. He was brought back to his seat, his parents and my cousin benji just patting his back.
Now my turn
"So many things I want to say. But it's too late."
"I fought my sis for something I'd been wanting forever that morning. Maybe I'm the reason she's dead i said"
Whispers emerged "so young yet so mature."
Can't rember much after. Just my dog pulling to see my sisters casket being buried.
I came home. Walked to my room. And bawled my eyes out. Carlos walked in. Hugged me. His warm jacket which smelt of sis favourite cologne radiating off him. I sobbed harder. Maybe I fell asleep. Maybe I kept crying. Maybe I bashed my head on my book. Or threw my phone. Anger radiates. Then regret. Guilt. Sadness. Pain.
I rember we went through sis room. It smelt like sweet flowers. Everything like it was before. I found a key under her picture of her and her gang. And under was a key taped to it. I used it to open her drawer. Her diary and a note with her code. A bunch of private nonsense. And there it was
A note and documents?...
In the note it read.
Papa, mama, cam (short for cameron), and dy (my nickname) and mi amor.
If your reading this, I am gone. I have chosen to end myself. I want you to know pap I loved you. Never said it but it you were the funniest kindest sweetest dad ever.
Mama your cooking was amazing and you cared and helped us.
Cam you were always my secret support when I was at the low.
Dy I will love your sweet heart and kind mind forever.
Carlos I love you forever and more mi amor
I had the biggest breakdown ever. Screaming for the loss of my sister. Taken to soon. Full ride to Cambridge.
God. It. Hurt.
All the things I wanna say can't be said now.
The documents. Mama schemed through them. It said,
Depression diagnosis. Please get therapy on November 2021.
Anxiety diagnosis August 2020
Anxiety recovery. No longer has anxiety nor depression.
I never knew sis was suffering.
Or maybe I didn't care.
Maybe.
Maybe...
Moral? Never say it too late. Don't think forever is real. It's not. And don't be late or the reaper takes what you have. Love. And not only you suffer. All those who love them suffer. Not like 50 people at least a 100. Maybe more. But it's not worth saying kill yourself. Trust me. It's not. And you don't wanna find out yourself. At all. The pain hurt all of it. It's gonna hurt worst than the fight. The aftermath. Falling out. The spiraling. No it's not
A/n: don't say too late hope u liked me bk :D