You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
- Dr. Seuss
***
Phil wakes up the next day feeling uncomfortably damp yet well rested. His eyes open and he giggles when looking up at a sleeping Dan. Drool is hanging from the side of his mouth and a double chin is most certainly showing, but it's cute non the less.
The church boy blushes when remembering yesterday's events at the lake, the happiness he felt and how incredible that experience was.
He can see why so many people make a big deal out of sexual contact. Although, he's going to wait a while until they do something like that again. Maybe.
Phil rubs his eyes and sits up carefully so he doesn't wake Dan, smiling when seeing he's in Dan's house and in his room.
He decides that he'll maybe pick up the last few things from his fathers house today and also visit PJ, Chris and Emma- hopefully Louise too if possible.
They still haven't properly thanked them for all the helped and some of his stuff is still at PJ's anyway. Phil doesn't quite know how he's going to thank PJ for letting him stay at his house, he needs to do more than just a 'thank you'. He'll figure it out later.
"Do you know what fucking time it is?" Dan mutters beside the church boy, his face then squished into the pillow to block out the small beams of sun hitting his face.
Phil grins and bounces excitedly around to face his boyfriend. "It's twelve, Danny."
"That's too early, dude!"
Phil rolls his eyes and flicks the back of Dan's neck before getting up properly and walking over to Dan's drawers. He searches through and takes out a plaid shirt with jeans, accompanied with borrowed boxers.
A wolf whistle makes Phil turn back around, shaking his head at seeing Dan watching him and laying in a model pose, Dan licking his lips and winking in what's supposed to be suggestively. It only makes the church boy laugh before turning back around and pulling his boxers off, swapping them for Dan's.
"Wow okay, didn't need that full show." Dan exclaims playfully.
"As if you'd complain about seeing me naked."
"Who would?"
Both boys laugh and that's when Dan actually gets up, stretching out his limbs and humming when his arms click.
"Pass me my jeans and a t-shirt." Dan requests sleepily, yawning.
Phil's amazed at how tired Dan is, considering he wasn't the one to actually pass out yesterday. But then again, he's probably used to pleasing people and doing stuff like that.
Phil swallows thickly at the thought and tried to ignore the aching pain of Dan with someone else. He doesn't ever want to lose his little sinner.
After Phil throws some clothes at Dan, he finishes buttoning up his own shirt and grabbing a hair brush, sorting out his mop of hair that needs cutting really.
He hears Dan groan and glances over to see him fussing with the waves in his hair. Phil's breath hitches at the wondrous sight. His hair looks adorable.
Dan spots Phil staring at him and frowns, throwing a pillow at the boy. "Stop looking at it, it's hideous!" He whines.
"What?! You genuinely think that?" Phil questions in shock.
"Duh! Look at it, I'm like a fucking hobbit."
"A cute hobbit."
Dan rolls his eyes and turns his straighteners on, pulling his shirt over his head before licking his chapped lips and leaning back against the wall.
Phil walks out the room and into the bathroom, he gets a spare toothbrush from the cupboard, since Dan has quite the supply. Another thing hat Phil can't help but frown over.
The church boy brushes his teeth and looks over his neck, happy to see there's no love bites. But when he pulls the shirt down he groans at the site of one on his collar bone.
"Dan, stop giving me these disgusting hickies!" He yells.
"It's not my fault you're Edward Cullen and they show up on your pale skin!" Dan exclaims from the other room, a laughter following after and making the church boy laugh to himself too. "Besides, it's fun watching you squirm when I give them to you." Dan adds.
Phil walks back into his bedroom and crosses his arms, raising an eyebrow at the brown haired boy who's currently straightening his hair.
Probably cause he can't straighten his sexuality, bless.
"Try not to look so angry. It's hot." Dan smirks, turning back to the mirror.
The church boy simple huffs and walks over, his eyes inspecting Dan's neck and quickly checking that Dan is occupied before he bends down and places his lips on his boyfriends neck, sucking as hard as he can.
"Ah get the fuck off me, ew!" Dan thrashes about until Phil let's go, marvelling at the not so bad job he did, a large purple bruise right under Dan's jaw starts to form. "What the hell did you do that for?!"
"It's fun watching you squirm." Phil resorts before giggling.
Dan scowls and then jumps at the church boy, Phil squealing and rushing out the room.
However, he's fast but Dan catches up to him and grabs him when they run into the living room, making them fall on to the sofa in a laughing mess. Phil somehow ended up on top of Dan, leaning his ear against Dan's chest and sighing peacefully at his heartbeat.
The brown eyed boy wonders his fingers through the black haired boys locks, closing his eyes in a moment of bliss.
Phil then ruins the moment and jumps up, reaching out his hands for Dan to take. "I wanna visit our friends and pick up the last few things from my fathers." Dan groans but nods anyway, getting up and heading to the door.
Phil bends down to put on his shoes as Dan does the same, Dan humming an unknown tune. "What's that called?" Phil questions, standing up after tying his laces.
Dan smiles and also stands up. "Interrupted by fireworks. It's a tune from a video game but it just reminds me of you."
"Cute." Phil chirps before opening the door, sighing when Dan locks hands with him. He's getting used to it now, the gestures and actions of being in a relationship.
They decide to walk as it isn't that bad of a day and everyone lives fairly close to each other.
The streets are quiet with only a few people walking around. It's Sunday so barely any shops are open, it's a day for staying inside. Well, to Dan every day is for staying inside, Phil is yet to discover how Dan actually prefers staying inside.
Phil suddenly feels something drop into his back pocket. He furrows his brow at Dan who smiles, reaching in and taking out his house key.
He gawks as Dan chuckles. "Forgot I had that." He comments, making the church boy shake his head.
They walk past a bus stop and Phil tries to ignore the blatant glares he's receiving from the people waiting there. They're from the church. He walks closer to Dan and grips harder at his hand, hoping that they won't speak.
Luckily they seem to keep their mouths shut, until the two boys walk past an old lady who grabs Phil's shoulder harshly.
"The vicar informed me of your corruption you fag. The church is against you now, boy." She hisses, her finger sharply poking at his chest.
Dan scowls at the woman and pulls his boyfriend to the other side of him and away from her.
"That's very nice. We'll be going now, thanks." The brown eyed boy smiles sarcastically before tugging Phil along with him. The woman widens her eyes and scoffs at the two.
"Fucking bitch." Dan huffs.
Phil glances back and frowns. "She was so nice to me before. Doris always made cookies and let me have an extra one." He whimpers. This makes Dan realise that even though they may be treating Phil badly now, they were part of his community before. It isn't like they've always been nobody important to Phil. He grew up in the church and have known these people his whole life.
It's strange how Dan's only just realised this.
They walk up to the vicars house, Phil's throat becoming tight as they approach the door.
Dan leans down and presses a kiss to the church boys cheek, then knocking on the door and placing his hand on the small of Phil's back.
The door opens and Phil's father stumbles out with a bottle of vodka in hand. Phil swallows thickly, remembering all the nights when his father was drunk and how he'd shout and smash things. When his mum was alive they would argue about his alcohol problem. He was tipsy the night he killed her.
Phil was only young and was standing at his bedroom door, gripping the only teddy he had, his pyjamas hanging from his body as they were slightly too large. He whimpered out a cry when he saw what his father did. The shouting stopped after that one moment.
There was never shouting between his mum and father again.
The vicar groans and mumbles something under his breath. "What the fuck do you want?" He grumbles.
Phil sighs. "I just came to pick some stuff up. I'm living with Dan now so--"
"Just hurry up and don't touch anything that's mine. I don't need your gay hands on my furniture."
"Might need to burn your house then cause he's been gay for all the years he's lived here." Dan scoffs, shoving past and following Phil up the stairs, the church boy keeping his head down until they reach his room.
"You said a lot of your stuff was at PJ's right?" The brown haired boy questions, his hands shoved into his pockets as he looks around.
Phil nods, licking his lips and searching through his drawers. His movements become rapid and worried.
"What's wrong?"
"I can't find the picture of me and my mum. It was right here last time I came round." Phil explains, pulling everything from the drawers. Dan scowls and walks out the room, only to come face to face with Phil's father.
They both share a glare and Dan tenses his jaw in confrontation. "Where's the picture?" He demands lowly.
The vicar just shrugs with a cocky smile, going to walk into his room but being pulled back when Dan grabs his shirt and forcefully holds him against the wall.
"I said, where is the picture?"
Fury and aggression swims in Dan's eyes. He's so close to snapping the vicars neck right on the spot, his hands shake from the restraint and how much he hates this person in front of him.
The vicar doesn't seem to realise the extent of how dangerous Dan can be and continues smiling. That smirk soon disappears when Dan's fist connects with his face.
"Shit!" The vicar growls and goes to hit back, Dan dodging it and punching him in the stomach.
Phil rushes out of his room from hearing the fuss and quickly grabs Dan's shoulders, the boy swings around out of instinct and hits the side of Phil's face. The church boy yelps in pain and cups his cheek at the impact.
"Phil, oh my god shit, shit I'm so sorry!" Dan exclaims in shock and pulls the boy into his arms, hugging him tightly and chewing his lip. "Jesus, I'm sorry. I love you I'm sorry."
A few cries leave Phil's lips, more from the shock of the action but he soon complies and wraps his arms around Dan's shaking figure.
"It's okay."
The vicar looks on in disgust before wiping his bleeding lip and shoving the boys back. "Get out." He instructs, shoving them again and Phil widening his eyes as Dan nearly slips down the stairs, the church boy managing to keep hold of him tightly. Not again. Not in the same place.
Phil just nods his teary, cut face. He leads Dan downstairs and outside, taking the key out of his pocket and throwing it at the doorstep.
The vicar says nothing else and slams the front door.
"Fuck, does it hurt?" Dan quickly questions and cups Phil's face gently, inspecting the damage he done.
All the blue eyed boy does is tiredly shake his head, weakly smiling. "You hit really hard when you need to." He comments.
That only makes Dan frown even more and have more guilt show up on his face. He didn't mean to hit Phil, he'd never intentionally harm Phil and he feels sick from causing his prince any pain.
His hand is throbbing from how hard he hit the church boy and it's constantly reminding him every second of what he just did.
Tears start to fall from Dan's eyes as they walk up to PJ's house, he lets go of Phil and runs his hands through his hair, trying to control his breathing.
"Dan, what's wrong? Calm down." Phil exclaims in concern.
"I shouldn't of hit you. Please know I didn't mean it, I'm so sorry I'll never hurt you again!"
The church boy looks on at the breakdown his boyfriend is having, breathing out when PJ shows up from his garden gate and runs up to the two boys.
All it takes is for PJ to look at Phil's face, then Dan's hand and his behaviour and it clicks. He sighs and brings Dan into a hold, the brown eyed boy sobbing into PJ's shirt.
Phil follows them into the house, watching how PJ holds Dan with such care. The subtle touches like his thumb skimming over the exposed part of Dan's neck, his hand always caressing a part of Dan to soothe him.
It seems to work and Dan does eventually calm down once they enter the front room.
Phil chews on his lip as he continues watching PJ sit Dan down on the sofa. He turns when hearing footsteps behind him, widening his eyes at Chris in just his boxers.
"Alright mate-- oh shit what happened to you face?" Chris gasps, acknowledging the cut on Phil's cheek.
His attention then turns to a shaking Dan. "What happened to him?"
"He hit Phil by accident. It triggered him." PJ explains softly and uses the sleeve of his shirt to wipe the tears from Dan's cheeks. Dan smiles warmly and sniffles like a small kitten.
Phil sharply breathes in and shakes his head. "Wait... Triggered? Triggered by what? Why don't I know any of this?" He questions in frustration that causes PJ to turn to him in almost confrontation.
"Because Phil, I didn't think he was ever going to hit you." He replies as if it's obvious. Chris just flips PJ off for being so rude and leads Phil to the other sofa. "Christ Chris, put some clothes on for fuck sake." PJ requests.
Chris rolls his eyes and stands up to head upstairs. "Weren't complaining last night." He mutters.
It goes quiet aside from Dan's small sniffing and for the first time since his panic attack he looks to Phil. His lips tremble and he hides his face into PJ's shoulder again.
Phil doesn't know what to make of this behaviour. It's so unlike Dan to seem to vulnerable and small.
He also won't ignore the obvious feeling of jealousy he has for the fact that PJ seems to be the one making Dan better. He knows they're close and that PJ has always been there for Dan at hard times, but to act so loving in front of of Phil is a bit too much.
"Please tell me why he broke down?" The church boy whispers, his eyes not leaving his sinner.
PJ licks his lips and also doesn't look away from Dan. "You remember that I told you Charlie was abusive?" He starts. Phil nods. "That's all that started it. One day, Charlie accidentally hit Dan because he was angry and that got Dan to cower into submission. Charlie found he could control Dan by threatening him verbally and physically. It just took one hit." After PJ finishes talking, Phil sighs and whimpers at imaging what Dan had to go through. He was so broken.
"So, him hitting me reminded Dan of when Charlie hit him?"
"No." PJ corrects and finally turns to face Phil. "He's scared of becoming like Charlie."
The air in Phil's lungs don't seem compatible with those words. The information that PJ just told Phil of sends shivers down his spine.
His blue eyes shift to Dan who's curled in PJ's lap. He's terrified of what he's done.
If all it took for Charlie to become abusive was one hit; Dan has it in his mind that all it would take is one hit from him and then he'd become like his ex boyfriend.
Phil swallows thickly and gets up from his seat. He walks over and kneels down to where Dan is, the brown eyes of the boy coming into contact with Phil's. Dan reaches out and softly traces the cut he made, shutting his eyes in disbelief and horror.
"Dan, look at me." Phil instructs.
"Phil, don't make him--"
"Shut up. He's my boyfriend so back off." The church boy snaps towards PJ who jumps at the sudden voice raise. He shuffles away and over to the other sofa.
Phil sighs and allows his hand to caress Dan's face. "You're not like him, Dan. You'll never be like that monster. Trust me, you're stronger and so much more amazing. I love you Dan and nothing will change that cause lord knows I've tried to get rid of you." Dan chuckles softly at Phil's words, nodding and having opened his eyes, they hold admiration for the church boy.
"I'll look after you."
"We'll look after us." Dan whispers in response, his tears fully stopping. He's calmed down and smiles sweetly at his boyfriend who smiles back before hugging him tightly.
"Why don't you ever give me speeches like that?" Chris sounds from the doorway, glancing to PJ who groans.
"Because you're a dick."
"Must be why you like me so much."
PJ throws a pillow at the raggedy haired boy, unable to hold back laughter as Chris chuckles, throwing the pillow at Dan and Phil who depart soon after.
"Guess we're stuck with you losers. Might as well invite Emma and what's her face? Pinky dinky doo with the hair?" Chris questions and walks into the kitchen.
Phil giggles and speaks up. "Louise."
"That's the chick. Nice set of tits."
"She's like a sister to me, that's gross." The church boy resorts with humour before sitting beside Dan on the sofa who wipes his eyes and kisses Phil's cheek. "You okay now?"
"Yeah. Thank you." Dan mumbles lovingly.
PJ clears his throat and stands up, heading out to where Chris is and ringing Emma and Louise.
"Another gay meet up I guess. Hurray." Chris bellows before smashing a glass cup. "Someone's using the kids cup I guess."
Phil smiles and closes his eyes for a few seconds, letting Dan rest his head on his lap. His beautiful little sinner. So precious and vulnerable. He's not as big as he makes out to be, and that's okay, because Phil can protect him now.
***
(Okokok information time people!
The story is nearing the end buT it won't end until I say it ends alright? So calm yourselves and your ducklings ^_^)
(*cough* also crap chapter soz)