"'Cause this is the real thing/Love changes everything/This is night when every heart's exploding/The real thing/Slow down; it's happening/'Cause you got time to burn/In the heat of the moment/That summer radio/Fireworks off the patio/A 3 AM string of green lights in a row/And the real thing/Love can change anything/If you can just let go" - Boys Like Girls - Real Thing
“No.” I groaned collapsing on the lounge, “I don’t know what to do!” it was the next day near lunch time. I was in my black skinny jeans and a deep purple singlet, my checkered black and white converse sat on my feet hanging over the arm rest and I was just…bored. I was still debating on what to do for the day. “I don’t know.” I whined like a five year old my arm lying over my eyes as I sulked.
Mum laughed at my behavior and walked to the front door, answering it. She talked happily for quite a while as I laid there in my own world humming softly to myself happily my mind stuck on these gorgeous blue eyes and a gorgeous smile.
I jumped squealing when something grabbed my foot causing me to fling up on the lounge. Someone chuckled a low and sexy familiar chuckle. I looked up at him or more blinked as he smiled with a smug smirk. “You!” I pointed at him clutching my chest breathlessly. “Are mean.” I said my heart soothing slightly.Mum laughed at my reaction as she stood over by the dining table as she scanned papers and began skimming over them her face turning serious. Odd I decided.
“What are you doing?” he asked before I could ask him the same thing.
“She doesn’t know nor can she choose.” Mum answered still with a furrowed brow and eyes on the forms.
I bit my bottom lip and shrugged “Any suggestions?”
“Wanna spend the day with me? You can come and meet some of our crew, hopefully.” He offered.
I instantly wanted to but mum… I looked over at her. “Nah, go. I’ve got to handle this stuff since Hayden’s mum dropped these around.” She said holding up the pile of paperwork she had been concentrating one. Hayden’s mum? Interesting….
“If you’re sure…” I said unsure, I didn’t want be an awful daughter. This was just as new to me as it was to her.
She rolled her eyes “Get!” she shooed with mocking sternness.
I smiled wide “Hold two seconds?” I asked turning towards Hayden.
He nodded smiling happily “Yeah, I'll meet ya out front.” He said gesturing to the driveway.
I practically raced to my room where I grabbed my phone off the charger sliding it into my pocket. I patted my neck; necklace still there. I than patted my wrist; bracelet still there. Walking back into the white room with a black clutch of mine mum gestured me over and handed me a fifty “Just in case.” She explained, I slipped it into my clutch.
“Thanks! I'll call you when I'm on my way back or anything like that.” I said heading for the door.
She nodded smiling “Sure, have fun!” she called out as I headed out the front door.
♫
“Okay.” I said taking off the helmet as we came to a stop in the driveway of a house. I slid off and stumbled; instantly Hayden reached out and caught my wrist to stable me. I laughed weakly as currents ran up my arm. He was always there to catch me. “Thanks.” I said weakly.
He let go and sadly I reached up and pulled off my helmet handing it over to him. Once he was ready he got off and grabbing me by the wrist he tugged me up to the house.
I had no idea what he meant when he said “crew” so I just had to wait and see, my nerves destroying me. Hopefully I found out before they killed me.
The house was a cute little house that was a bit in from the beach on a nice quiet street. If you listened closely you could hear waves crashing, it was a small cute little house and yet the ferns and palms outside made it look beautiful and almost like a beach house too, the garden gave the house a lot of privacy and shade.
Sliding in through the front door we came into a lounge room that was themed with soft blues and creams making it feel light and fresh. Not even taking two steps when someone rounded the corner. She was flipping through the mail, I presumed it was mail, she had her hair up in a high ponytail, it was also blonde like Hayden’s but a couple shades darker and she’d obviously got some hair coloring put in, just a couple foils. She was framed like Hayden yet in a feminine way and she wore a top and some blue jeans. I was pretty sure they were Levis. She looked up her gaze falling on us; she instantly smiled a warm and welcoming smile.
“Lilly this is my mum.” Hayden introduced.
Hayden’s mum walked over and grabbed my hand softly in her cool hands “Anita.” She corrected. I smiled. “Kate was right, you are all your father.” My father?
I blinked than looked up at Hayden “So I don’t have to pretend I'm part of the team?” I asked confused.
“Oh shit, sorry.” He apologized shooting his mum an apology also for his words as she sent him a disapproving look. “I forgot to tell you, my family knows so you don’t have to worry about acting. Even though you act awfully.” He taunted.
“Hey!” I cried slapping his shoulder causing him to chuckle. He grabbed my hand in reflexes as I went to hit him again and pulled me in slightly so I was basically leaning into his side, I could feel his warmth, his clothes touching my bare flesh and I could inhale his intoxicating musk scent. I blushed slightly looking anywhere but at either of these two. I suddenly felt like I was on a date and meeting the parents, hence my next words. “You have a really lovely house Anita.” I said smiling at her before looking around some more catching glimpses at photos that hung on the wall.
She smiled “It’s…a lived in house.” She chortled as her eyes looked over at the bunch of papers and coffee cups on her coffee table. I smiled. She shrugged coming out of her thoughts “Did you enjoy tea last night hon?” she asked with an almost knowing smile.
I nodded “Different, but nice.” I said smiling.
She looked up smiling “That’s good.” She said warmly. “Well,” she said breathlessly “It’s not there so I have to head out and figure this out.” She said sighing. She crossed to the table and picked up more papers, a mug of coffee, her handbag and a folder. “I will see you guys later, nice meeting you Lilly and Hayden? Don’t forget to lock up on your way out, yeah?” she said smiling with a wave over her shoulder as she made her way to the door.
Once the door clicked closed Hayden dragged me off to the back of the room and into the kitchen with more creams but also coupled with a timbre theme. “So this is your mum’s house?” I asked looking around.
“Yeah, were we grew up.” He answered as I kept looking around. “Want anything?” he asked walking to the fridge and opening it.
“Uh, surprise me.” I said smiling.
“Oh that’s right, today is a surprise isn’t it?” he asked thoughtfully. I nodded smiling almost smugly at the thought. He smiled “Close your eyes.” I frowned at him. “It’s just part one of the surprises.” He grinned. Cautiously I closed my eyes. “Good, now hold out your hand.” He coached. I opened one eye “Hey no peaking!” he cried. I giggled before doing as he instructed. I could hear him shuffle around and the sound of the fridge closing before his hands hovered above mine, slowly he lowered something into my hands; it was cold and slimy causing me to shiver with a grimace. “Now, open.”
I did. And the first thing I did was squeal before hitting Hayden right in the face with it. My squeal turned into full out laughter as I clutched I ribs. He grimaced and cursed before flinging it in the sink. I laughed harder. “That’s not very gentleman like!” I scolded in mockery acting stern.
He rolled his eyes “I am so sorry my fair lady that I put a dead squid in your hand and cursed, words of sin.” He said giving a little bow “Can all be forgiven?”
I smiled “Can that be taped?”
He sighed dramatically “You’re supposed to be praising my charismatic quality.” He said shining his nails on his imaginary coat with mock offence.
I gasped “Oh I am quite sorry kind sir, as I should have said; you’d make any fine lady glow with pride being able to link hands with though.”
He smiled raising a brow “Though?”
I shrugged smiling “They always seem to say the word though on the end of every sentence…-”
“…Though.” We both said at the same time making us crack up into further laughter.
He sighed composing himself “Now come on my fairy lady this surprise is far from over yet my dear.”
I curtsied “Lead the way.”
He held out his arm “Shall we?” We linked arms and walked out the front door.
Reaching the driveway he stopped and patted the seat on his motorbike watching me smile, I frowned in confusement. “I'll teach.”
I backed back “No I'm not- Hayden!” I squealed as he picked me up and sa me down on the bike my heart racing with panic.
“Any reason not to?” he asked giving me the chance so the same thing didn’t happen like with the snakes at the zoo.
I shook my head “Only that I may kill myself.” I said weakly.
He leant in his hand on handle the other on the back of the bike, his body close and towering over me like a shield, his body warmth and warm breath caressing me, taunting me. “Hey I'll be here, it’ll be fine.” He soothed his breath sending more sparks and tingles through my body. He smelt great; imagine what he tasted like… No! Don’t even go there! But I did, all I wanted to do was grab his face and kiss him senseless.
Dazed and only thinking of how his lips would feel against mine I nodded “Sure, okay.”
♫
“Okay, give it a shot.” Hayden said his hands still on the bike.
We’d been going through a “personal” teaching class for over an hour or so now. Hayden reassured me with every question and answered them all honestly but when my questions became so obvious that I was stalling like “What do I do if it explodes?” and such, well… He just told me to get on. We’d been over every detail possible.
“Okaaaay, but if I die I’ll come back and haunt you.” I warned him.
He chuckled softly his face parallel to mine and basically sitting on my shoulder as he held it also up, who knew they’d be so heavy? I was learning that balance was essential, a great centre of gravity, if you didn’t? Well you were kind of screwed. “I'm here.” He basically cooed.
I think if I did have an accident it would be because of his proximity, I mean did he know what he did to me? Did I even know what he did to me? These were dangerous and new waters to me. I’d never experienced something like this…something so real and unavoidable.
“Okay now put it into gear.” He instructed.
Exhaling deeply I went through the steps and smiled slightly at the revving feeling like an utter and complete bad ass.
“Okay now let go of the choke but gently.” He coached.
I did so and laughed as it came to an abrupt halt as it stalled. He smiled at me “It’s okay, let’s try it again.”
The second go I got it down pat by going step by step and concentrating. I laughed as I came to a stop a bit further up the drive way and turned it off.
Hayden jogged up to where I was “Well done Lilly, you did it!”
I smiled up at him as I pulled my leg over to one side with the other facing him “And I didn’t die!” I said brightly he laughed.
Standing up straighter he pointed back to the bike “Next step of the day.” He gestured to it smiling.
♫
“Okay.” He sighed pulling me off the bike by the hand as we sat parked along the beach.
He let go of my hand to only reach up and slide off the helmet, all while my heart was in my throat and every nerve was ten times more sensitive. My eyes had a clear shot of his throat; his skin smooth, tanned and masculine. My lips and body filled with this desire to place my lips just there; on his smooth neck where I’d find his pulse. I swallowed roughly and looked up further. Big mistake. His lips were ten times more desirable, they looked moist and oh so tender and firm. All I could was blink as I held my breath, holding in my embarrassingly shaky breath. I bit my bottom lip; restraining my bodies desires. Curse hormones, curse gorgeous guys, no, just curse Hayden; he was the only guy that had ever put me on edge. All I wanted to do was to lean forward and inhale his scent, to curl into his warm chest and snuggle deep and even curl my fingers in his hair. What was happening to me?
“There we go.” He said softly as he slid it up and over his head and sat it on the bike’s seat. He met my gaze and instantly I reddened; did he know I was basically drooling?
My gaze left his and fell on his chest. All of a sudden the button on his flanlet shirt became highly interesting. And then I realized what I really wanted to do involved unbuttoning that shirt. I blushed deeper. I just kept repeating over and over in my head, my voice stern; do not and I mean do not look down any further. I nearly laughed at myself until the thought kicked my skin up a gear in shade.
“There we go again.” He whispered again, his voice somehow softer. I froze when his hand came out and pulled a loose curl behind my ear; I blinked back up at him dazed.
Reality came back as to what I was doing and how I was acting. Instantly I pulled back putting distance between us like I should have been doing before now. My body instantly exhaled a held breath whereas it also felt cold by the distance. It stupidly longed to be close to him, to feel that intensity where you loss all breath and composure. Some sane part of me actually craved that.
♫
“Here’s yours.” He said pulling me away from the lecture I was drilling into myself; Barrier! I’d instantly agreed and understood that it would go back up but as soon as our eyes met from across the table my agreement came crashing back down, laying forgotten.
He sat a chocolate milkshake in front of me. We were across the street from the beach sitting outside a cute little café with umbrellas and chairs outside. I smiled over at him and then took a sip my eyes on the waves still.
I watched the surfers as they’d topple over and face plant into the water’s surface, I’d recoil each time. I laughed shortly as a surfer surfaced and did it all over again. I shook my head in amusement.
“What?” Hayden asked watching me seriously than following my gaze.
“You surfers are idiots.” I said tearing my gaze away from the suicidal surfers and to Hayden, my lips pulled up into a smile.
He shrugged “It’s the adrenaline.” I nodded it reminded me of singing you could screw up badly and risk everything but you’d get up and do it over and over again. It was the rush, the surge of power I suppose you could call it. It was unbelievable and unexplainable.
“Still.” I teased anyways smiling a little too friendly as my conscience sighed deeply, exasperated. He chuckled and I looked down stirring the straw around to hide my beaming eyes and blush.
The silence wasn’t awkward, it was soothing. My thoughts could actually clear and wander freely. I looked up after a while to ask Hayden about our next destination but his gaze was looking behind me, I cautiously turned. There a little way away stood a girl with the blondest hair possible, she was tall and god did she have legs. Her legs more noticeable by the denim shorts she wore. She stood beside some guy, laughing and smiling beautifully obviously there was a strong relationship just by their close proximity and her leg that may slightly rise off the ground as she giggled and chatted happily. She didn’t look slutty but god could you tell she held knowledge in the male department, it was obvious. She held so much confidence and self value about herself.
Not knowing what to do nor to think I turned back around and kept my eyes on the straw as my pinky finger circled the cup. So maybe Ags wasn’t competition (a dog – I was rolling my eyes at myself just at thought), but was she? Even though the thought pierced me I was more anxious over Hayden’s feelings over this, though I couldn’t lift my gaze to gauge his expression, I just couldn’t.
The seconds felt like hours and the minutes felt like days until I heard her voice; a friendly and instantly likeable tone. Curse perfection. “Hayden!” she sang happily.My gaze came up as she practically skipped over to our table, her boyfriend or whatever gone. Hayden smiled up at her, her gaze not on him though, it was on me. “Oh my, it’s her.” I nearly rolled my eyes; I wish.
Instead I met Hayden’s gaze across the table showing him my confused and slightly amused expression. He laughed silently “Lilly this is Nat, my sister.” I smiled probably wider than usual or what was deemed sane. “Nat this is her, Lilly.” He introduced.
She beamed a beautiful and perfect smile and instantly grabbed a chair pulling it over, her eyes huge and bright. “So you’re the one everyone’s talking about.” She said pleasantly.
I looked over at Hayden than back at Nat “I am?” I asked.
She laughed lightly “Course, if it’s not Hayden its Kate, if not Kate its Bree or Eric or just someone.”
I bit my bottom lip “Gee didn’t think I was that popular.” Nor spectacular I thought glumly. I was feeling a bit…embarrassed as I sat in the spotlight.
She shrugged “So what have you guys been up to?”
I looked up at her from my milkshake “We’ve been here, at yours.” I said shrugging.
She brushed her dead straight hair out of her eyes “You where at out flat?”
I shook my head “At your mums.” I corrected.
She nodded smiling “I was gonna say I didn’t see you there when me and Cory where there.” I just smiled. So Cory was Nat’s boyfriend? The one I’d just seen? “So what’s the plan now?” Nat asked.
I looked at Hayden whose gaze was already on me making me blush. He looked at his sister “It’s a surprise.” Was all he said smiling. My heart fluttered at all the possibilities; though I knew those possibilities were nowhere on his list. Nat just smiled sharing a look with her brother, it didn’t faze me; probably just some sibling thing.
“What have you been doing today Nat?” I asked, I was slightly stunned at how easily I could break into chatter with the Ferns family. It was becoming too natural.
“Oh I went shopping and dragged Cory along.” She said smiling wide pulling me back to reality. “My boyfriend.” She added explaining although I’d already glued the pieces together. I just nodded smiling. She nodded enthused “You’ll have to meet him.” She said eagerly.
“What about you?”She asked.
“What about me what?” I asked confused.
She laughed lightly “Dating status.” She said simply, bluntly. I liked how this girl wasn’t fake; she didn’t beat around, blunt and honest. It made me smile.
I could feel my heart rate slow down with disappointment just by the question; I smiled trying to look unfazed, never before now had I cared about my dating status, until I met Hayden. “Natta.” I said
She looked at me cautiously “Really?” she asked her gaze flowing from my toes right to the last strand of hair and back down again her eyes judging, calculating.
“Mmhmmm.” Was all I said as I drank the last of my milkshake.
“Do you mean now or in general?” I looked back up at her; her expression was of something I couldn’t read.
“Uh….both.” I said, I was afraid, very afraid, their possible reactions made me anxious. I usually didn’t care about other’s thoughts of me. Why did everything have to change?
“But how? I mean you’ve got a damn sexy and mysterious look down pat.” She said voicing her disbelief. I couldn’t help but grin amused; what was with Americans and thinking I was sexy, dark and mysterious? Was it an ‘in’ appearance? “Don’t you think Hayden?” she asked.
I admit at first I was tentative but giving in I glanced over at Hayden, his eyes were on me. I couldn’t help but smile, it was a small smile but it was warm and it wasn’t distant. He looked at Nat, I however kept my eyes on Hayden, I was starting to realize what I wanted most of all right now was him. I wanted to fold into his arms and to be held and most shockingly I didn’t want to hold back. I never wanted a dating status change, but now however I did, badly. And that scared. I looked down biting my bottom lip; the only voice in agreement was my guard, the little guard that stood by my heart shielding me from disappointment and the possibility of being abandoned by someone. Like always I was reminded of the danger I was putting myself in.
“Lill?” I looked up startled by the quick change and disappointed of what Hayden’s response was. I’d missed it! Was it nice? Did he think I was sexy? Beautiful? Stunning? Ugly? Sickening? “Do you wanna get going?” Hayden asked softly.
I didn’t answer at first feeling queasy at the thought of all the possible answers he could have given. Once I pulled myself together I replied “Sure.”
He stood up and I followed. We made our way over the road to the bike.
“Well,” Nat said breathlessly “I'm off. I'll see you guys around. Come around and visit me okay? Girl company is good.” She said grinning happily. I nodded without hesitation. She smiled “Bye sexy.” She said winking at me as she headed off making me laugh.
I turned to face Hayden was startled to find his chest right in front, my nose brushing it although my lips were just as close. I stepped back with a aching and trembling form. “What now?” I asked breathlessly.
He pulled his hands through his hair lost in thought “Want to swim?”
I smiled “We can swim at mine.” The word “mine” startling and yet fitting.
He nodded “Okay, I'll drop you off and then I'll get back to mine and get my gear.”
I took a step away from the bike and towards home saying “I can walk.” I offered taking another step.
He grabbed my hand “No I can take you.”
I gestured again “You sure?” I asked.
He shook his head “On the bike Lilly.”
I frowned at his persistence and his dedication of looking after me. I hadn’t experienced it that much let along from a guy.
He tugged me forward, tugging my heart. “Or you can drive.” He teased raising his eyebrows tauntingly.
I blinked at him “I'll just hold on.” I said breathlessly making him smile.
♫
Sliding the front door closed I noticed the emptiness of the house. I walked into my room pausing at the sight of my guitar. I picked him up; it felt like forever since I’d played him. I’d gotten my guitar when I was young; just a basic acoustic guitar but it meant the world to me. It was like the shoulder I cried on.
Nestling onto my bed I struck the chords, the notes filling the silent house with beauty. I smiled and exhaled deeply, I adjusted the chords and tuning a bit before I started to play. It wasn’t anything in particular, but I did like it. Repeating the notes over and over I reached for the notepad in the back of my guitar case and noted the chords in my pad.
It continued like that for quite some time, I kept playing and making up new songs and rhythms.
Time grew on and one rhythm as much as I experimented didn’t sound right, there was just something not right about the last verse, it wasn’t perfect. I played the verse over and over and still it didn’t fit, I bit my bottom lip in frustration and determination as I continued experimenting.
“Try the last bar again.” My head snapped up quickly, too quickly. I rubbed the back of my neck massaging out the strain. “Sorry, let myself in.” Hayden said as he leant against the doorframe, looking rather sexy may I add.
I just nodded incapable of speech. He walked in and collapsed on my bed, lying down on his back. I still sat crossed legged on my bed. I didn’t speak.He turned his head to the side to look at me; I just blinked at him my fingers drumming along the guitar.
His eyes soon caught onto the movement and just watched my fingers danced randomly along the chords softly not playing just running them up and down. “Taught yourself to play eh?” he asked looking down at my fingers still.
“Yeah.” I said unsure of what to say. He smiled. “What?” I asked even more unsure as my body filled with anxiety. I decided instead I didn’t want to know. “What about you?” I asked quickly before he could speak.
Absentmindedly my fingers continued plucking and strumming the chords his eyes following every movement still. Finally he exhaled deeply and ran his hands through his hair. “My dad.” He murmured.
I just nodded not pressing, I knew not to go there, I knew not to ask and I knew just by his tone that it was a sensitive topic. Just like me he just put up his barrier. I could respect that. Filling the silence I ran my fingers along the chords playing no particular tune, my eye stayed on the chords giving him any form of privacy possible.
“Yeah, he was one of those parents that was all “One day you’ll thank me for this.” And he was right.” Hayden said finally his eyes on the ceiling. I bit my bottom lip; still not pressing. He laughed with no ounce of humor, just misery. “Except I didn’t actually get to thank him.”
I blinked stunned by how…expressive he was and how…he also carried burdens. It made me feel so conceited as I realized I wasn’t the only one exactly dealing with traumatic experiences, deep down I knew I wasn’t the only one but hearing Hayden say it, happy Hayden, well it shook my awake.
“Do you enjoy it though? Playing the guitar?” I asked. I began to lecture myself; no pressuring or getting involved into other’s personal stuff!
He looked at my guitar, at the inscription of ‘Vida’ on it. “Yeah, it’s everything I’ve ever wanted, playing and making music as a career.”
I looked down at him than smiling faintly “Well than you have thanked him, you’re happy, it’s the best thank you gift possible you could give him.” I whispered.
He looked up at me after a pause to think and held my gaze a small smile of thanks in his eyes and on his lips towards me. “I guess so.”
I stretched over the edge of my bed and sliding my guitar and notepad back intot eh case. Clicking the final latch shut I propped myself up onto my elbows my gaze ahead of me as I thought. Hayden rolled back over onto his stomach propping himself up on his elbows next to me. My legs kicked back and forth in a pleasant silence, I knew Hayden was in thought, he wasn’t actually here and I was fine with that.
I just smiled softly and kicked back and forth with my legs, my chin in my hands. I looked over to see Hayden smiling at me. “Pool time.”
♫
Hayden sat on the edge of the pool with his back turned. Racing down the steps I had a surge of excitement, he twisted around to look at me as I took the steps two or more at a time smiling and laughing easily as I kept my gaze on my feet. Landing on the ground I looked up, my hands on my hips, a smile spread wide on my lips. Hayden met my gaze and laughed softly. So softly I couldn’t hear it, I only knew because of his chest moving and his smile.
Walking over to the edge in my black simple bikini with a silver square buckle in my cleavage I dipped my toes into the water testing it. Just right. Hayden slid in slowly, too slow, like in the movies. It instantly reminded me of Pamela Andersons and other’s slow motion footage from Bay Watch which instantly destroyed all erotic fantasies. I smiled at that thought. His body seemed to be calling me. I looked down at my toes blushing I wished his body was calling me I corrected myself. I looked up; his hair was wet but it was ruffled and all over the place, though it still made my fingers twitch with longing to run and knot my hands in those strands. I met his gaze and he smiled his whole body basically bare except for those beautifully frustrating shorts.
I didn’t smile, instead I dove in, and gracefully I hoped. I resurfaced away from him. Then I smiled finding his gaze his still on me with a smile on his face. Grabbing my hair tie I slid out and shook my hair out. Diving under again I surfaced up again poking Hayden on the back screaming “RA!” making him only chuckle.
♫
“Okay.” I said breathlessly collapsing on one of the sunbathing chairs. “You’re better at Marco Polo than I.” I said rolling onto my back and stretching me legs out. He laughed weakly collapsing on the seat beside me. We were both exhausted from laughter and our game. “Though it’s not really a fair deduction when we are playing Marco Polo with only two people.” I pointed out. “Besides didn’t you hear at gentleman school that you always let the ladies win?” I queried raising a brow and smiling.
He dropped his mouth dramatically “Oh to make the ladies feel like they are at least good at something.” He taunted.
I gasped “You my friend just failed your schooling.”
He chuckled “Admit it; I'm better than you in the water.”
I smiled turning on my side to look at him, Hayden doing the same “You’re one with the water.” I joked, he chuckled low, and it was a sexy chuckle and that made me instantly burn with desire. The desire that prickled my form suddenly bought to my attention just how exposed I was, I felt suddenly naked.
“And you are one with music.”
I rolled my eyes saying nothing. After a pause I asked “What is it with you guys linking me and music together with awe?” I asked it finally getting to me and bursting off my tongue.
He pulled his hand through his drying hair “Well,” he began pausing to smile “you’ve got talent, tremendous talent. For your first performance to be that….well that’s amazing. Then, well although you don’t really look like it you’re so much like your mother. You may not see it Lill but you and music go together with awe for a reason.” I bit my bottom lip fighting a blush at this huge compliment “Especially seeing you with that guitar before, you’ve got the talent, just like your mum.” It warmed me instantly, he was the first to call Kate mum, except for me the other night.
“I never played nor sang though cause of talent or even really aspiration…” I admitted. “It’s my counselor.” I said thoughtfully, honestly. He watched me as if I was the most captivating thing on the planet. “Not because my mother miraculously turned out to be a famous celebrity. It’s just what I love…it’s the one true thing where I can really just be…me.” I said softly my lips moving before my thoughts. “It’s pulled me through some tough times.” I said more softly my gaze far away.
Hayden sighed deeply “Me too.” He sighed rolling onto his back. I looked over at him, he was looking up at the sky, and the sun was low casting a beautiful color over his bare defined chest. I lifted my wandering gaze back to his deep eyes. His eyes were a blue, a blue like the sky and just like the sky it held depth and the closer you look the more beauty and detail you found.
His eyes held mine softly; it was like we were on a even level of understanding and comfort. I felt closer to him just by admitting to those words I’d spoken and although I’d always coached myself that opening up was suicidal it felt nice, really nice. It was all I needed for the rest of my life. All I needed.
Reaching up I pulled a strand of hair behind my ears forcing myself to look away.
“Yeah, I don’t play guitar because of my famous mum.” I looked back up at him and realized he was teasing, lightening the mood to make me feel comfortable again, his lips held amusement and I laughed, he laughed himself at my reaction.
“So,” I began amused and still laughing lightly “tell me about your family.” I said. “If you wanna…” I added realizing what I had just asked of hm.
He smiled faintly at me in appreciation of my understanding and offering of a nice escape gate, yet he nodded in agreement. “Well there’s mum she’s a lawyer.” I nodded with understanding but still unsure of mum’s link with her; I’d ask her tonight I decided.
“That must be hard, work wise and all. Like when you guys were young and all, time management I mean.” I said stuttering over my words as I spoke before I thought.
He nodded “Yeah, I guess. Mum’s never really worked full hours though when we were at school and all. Family is a high thing for us, definitely to mum.” I nodded. I wondered what Anita thought of my history, the history of mum and I.“Then you’ve met Nat.”
I nodded smiling just at the thought “What does she do?” I asked curious.
He tugged at his shorts “Well she’s totally unsure. She loves you know, all that girl stuff, makeup, hair clothes.” He said smiling as he looked up and caught my raised eyebrows, he laughed.
“I'm not usual? Normal?” I asked teasingly.
He shook his head chuckling “No you’re a Martian.” I punched him playfully laughing lightly.
“To be honest I imagine her job as a receptionist or some friendly type job.” I said thinking of Kylie. “She’s just a totally happy and friendly person.” I added thoughtfully.
He nodded “Yeah, she’s studying now at university nursing.” He said “And working when she can at some coffee shop.”
I nodded smiling faintly in thought “I can imagine that.” I admitted. “So is Cory studying too?” I asked.
He shook his head “Nah, Cory’s one of my mates, he’s been dating Nat though since we were in school. He’s working his way into the lifeguard career area.” He said. I nodded trying to soak it all up in the silent night.
“It must suck for your mum to have an empty house.” I said thoughtfully.
He smiled “Nah, she was happy to get rid of us.”
My stomach instantly tense and I retracted bringing my knees up to my chest and sitting my chin on my knees trying to pressure the feeling out. I kept my gaze on my toes. It was amazing as something so trivial and small could make me repel. A warm sensation ran up me destroying the tight feeling in my chest and spreading its warmth.
Hayden’s hand sat softly on my shoulder, I slowly met his gaze, he looked upset and I could see his regret. “Sorry.” He said softly, I shrugged weakly my gaze dropping. “Lilly.” He said softly, so softly it sent shivers down my spine. I looked back up “I'm sorry, truly. I didn’t think, I was stupid.” He took a breath to continue hastily.
“It’s okay.” I whispered my tiny voice breaking the still atmosphere. He smiled weakly, sadly. “Really, that’s something I’ve gotten used to having to push aside.” Yet since my walls have been crashing down I wasn’t ready for that I silently finished. I tense slightly stunned again by my ease and my babbling mouth.
He squeezed my shoulder comfortingly “Must be hard.” He whispered looking at his hands.
I shrugged “It’s life it’s supposed to be.” I said simply shrugging it off. “Everybody has to go through their own hurdles.”
He nodded as I waited for the feeling of total distance to creep up, it wasn’t there. There was skepticism to talk or spill and the need and want to express myself, to uncover my secrets. It bought me up short, I’d never experienced that, nothing I’d ever experienced with Hayden had I experienced before and it scared the hell out of me.
“But yeah,” I said finally “hard.” I said looking up he met my eyes and smiled at me. His eyes told me how…honored he felt for me to open up and even say that.
He took his hand off my shoulder and clasped them together leaning over the chair his legs hanging off the chair, his eyes down. “Dad, my dad.” He began. “Was killed in a car accident, when I, me and Nat where nine.” He said softly.
I didn’t speak; I was still stunned that he’d bought it up. We’d both touched one another’s soft spots and it was if it was scheduled to at least explain, or Hayden at least felt the need to. I wanted to with every fiber of my body to make it a true confession, with the both of us sharing our demons but I just….couldn’t.
I bit my bottom lip; his pain felt like it had jumped into my heart and was draining me. I closed my eyes resisting the urge to cry. It was silent and I didn’t know what to say nor think, instead I did. I reached out and found his hand and held it, he looked down at our hands than back up at me and even though his thoughts were still in the past and his eyes held some pain his lips and eyes also held the slightest warmth and strength.
He was okay, unlike me he was okay, and he’d dealt with it. I on the other hand was only now dealing. Maybe that’s why tonight would only be Hayden’s demons told, because he was ready, because he’d let go. I wasn’t on that pathway yet. I was still at the beginning trying to find how to start, trying to avoid reality.
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I hope this is long! It took me forever to type all up and edit around. Hope it gives some length, that above was over 6000 words! Next chapter is really important so keep tuned!
Okay I said Hayden's last family name was/is Fern in this chapter...but I am starting to worry! Had I already given him a last name? I searched throughout them all but I can't find anything. Can you guys?
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